The People in Your Neighborhood

How many of you are old enough to remember the song “Who Are the People In Your Neighborhood” that was on Sesame Street years go?

And how many of you remember a movie from 2001 named K-PAX, in which Kevin Spacey plays the role of Prot, a patient at a mental hospital who claims to be from a distant planet by the name of K-PAX?  When the movie ends, the viewer is not sure if Prot is crazy or an actual extraterrestrial.

Both of these ideas coalesced in an unusual way as I rode a bus into downtown Calgary at 6:45 this morning when a man not dissimilar to Kevin Spacey sat down beside me.

After a few minutes and as a commuter deposited her fare into the fare box, this man looked at her, looked at me and said, quite matter-of-factly, “I am surprised that you still use money”.

In the wee hours of a commute into the city, I wasn’t sure how to respond so I took the most logical choice possible and one typical of a commuter. 

I didn’t say anything.

My choice of playing it safe was met with a question: “Why do you think that is?”

Realizing that being the quiet commuter minding my own business wasn’t going to work, I replied, “Why do I think what is?”.  Ooops .. did that sound too snappy?

“Why are you still using money?”

Not knowing if the guy was pulling my leg, looking to start a fight with a businessman representing “the system” or was experiencing a personal malfunction in some way, I responded with a comment along the lines of “What else would we use?”

What ensued in the next 30 minutes or so was an unusual conversation, freely and easily shifting subjects between money and poverty, faith and faithlessness, abundance and scarcity and love and war.

He was disarmingly easy to engage, informed, logical and insightful and I found the conversation to be intriguing and stimulating.  He had a gaze that was a little unusual – there was a fire burning inside his mind that was compelling to engage with and his eyes were the type that bore right through you.

Of all the subjects we covered, there were two things that stood out in our conversation.

At one point in the conversation, I noticed he used the “royal we” and the “royal you”, seeming to differentiate between two societies, his and mine.  There was a suggestion that “we” had figured it out while “you” would figure it out soon enough but not until “you” were forced to.  But, as he pointed out at one point, “we’re always around to help if you need it”.

Before I could ask what he meant by that, he signalled the bus driver that he wanted to get off at the next stop.  As he stood up, he looked at me and thanked me for the conversation.  He then said “You’ll find Calgary very interesting compared to New York”, wished me a good day and exited the bus.

As he left, I thought, “What made him make the connection between me and my many years in New York?”.  I don’t have a New York accent.  I didn’t mention it once in our interaction nor do I use my cellphone on the bus where someone could glean my background by overhearing a conversation or reading something over my shoulder.

“Weird”, I thought and shrugged it off.

I didn’t give it much thought until returning home on the bus this evening and he came to mind.

As I replayed our conversation in my mind, it seemed that he was suggesting that he was from a superior race to mine but at some point we would have an opportunity to catch up or learn something from them.

Uh huh.

The chances are much better that I had entertained a delusional or lonely person, perhaps with a prescription that needed to be refilled or a hunger for companionship.

I mean, if we were to be contacted by “someone” from “somewhere else”, wouldn’t it be with fireworks, brass bands and gift exchanges on the White House lawn (assuming they came in peace)?

Isn’t that the way galactic diplomacy is done?

Then I thought about something else.

Whether or not he was who he was implying to be is not important.

What is important is that in that brief 30 minutes, he challenged my way of thinking and my perception of things that we don’t put enough attention into in the course of our busy day-to-day existence.

Which reminds me that the simple and the mundane all around us can provide triggers to higher levels of thinking, thinking that can produce solutions to many of our societal challenges if we allow our minds to go where they need to go.

Or if we allow our minds to be guided as mine was today.

So was I sharing a seat with Prot who beamed back to K-PAX after leaving the bus or was I sharing time with a sad, lonely person trying to fit into our world?

Does it really matter or is it more important to consider the gift of the exchange itself, an exchange that I found enjoyable, thought-provoking and stimulating?

I think it is better to accept the gift that is offered instead of wondering about the motive of the bearer of that gift.

What do you think?

In service and servanthood,

Harry

Creating an “Oprah Moment”

I receive hundreds of emails every day, many from people who are soliciting me for money, ideas or something else that they are in need of.

Many of the solicitation emails are from complete strangers and most of those get deleted pretty quickly.  We can’t help everyone.

Some time ago, I received a message from a complete stranger and as I read the message, I did not experience the desire to automatically hit delete.  In fact, as I read it, something in the back of my mind told me to sit up and pay attention to this.

It wasn’t the way it was written.  It had nothing to do with the subject.  However, something in the message resonated with me and I decided to dig deeper.

The author of this email tells an incredible story.  It is a story of a woman living in Germany in the 1960’s who was in a situation of relationship battery.  She was rescued by a knight in shining armor whom she fell in love with.  Her knight, who was stationed in Germany with the US military, was transferred out of Germany and went to serve in Vietnam.  She never heard from him again.

However, she discovered that she was pregnant and gave birth to a son. 

It was her son who reached out to me.  He is now a strong family man himself who runs his own company in the US. 

He is hoping to find his father, to say thank you for being there for his mother during her time of need.  He seeks nothing other than to express gratitude for giving him life, a life that he expresses gratitude for on a regular basis.

Why did he reach out to me?

The man he seeks is Harry Tucker.  He has been reaching out to all the Harry Tuckers he can find with the hopes that he can find “the one” to whom he can express his gratitude to.

Something told me not to delete this email.  I did my own check of this person and found that his story appeared to be legitimate.

I felt a strong calling to help this man and a friendship ensued.

I think he was just as surprised to find a complete stranger who wanted to help him as I was that I felt so strongly to help him.  :-)

In the course of using my network to find the other Harry Tucker, I have become reconnected with people I haven’t spoken to in over 30 years.  I have also been connected with other incredibly passionate people who are adding to my life in so many ways as we all become gripped with the desire to find the other Harry Tucker. 

As we make progress towards finding this guy, I am witnessing something else.

I am watching love and kindness develop between a bunch of complete strangers over a story and a group of people who could just as easily mean nothing to us.

We are creating what I like to call an “Oprah moment”, the type of thing we often see on shows like Oprah where a bunch of people find their heart seized by a purpose-filled calling and they go for it for reasons they can’t explain.

Sometimes the story is the classic reunion of long-separated people that causes the viewers to cry and laugh as they watch and listen to the story of seemingly impossible odds that were overcome in order to create the Oprah moment.

Are we heading for an Oprah moment with this story?  I sure hope so.  Nothing would make me happier than to see these two men embrace and to tell their story.  All I can say for now is that the sequence of events that have transpired since this gentleman and I have connected are beyond simple coincidence.

I believe we are being guided by a Higher Authority who seems to be guiding us in an interesting direction.

The way this manifested makes me realize that there are many Oprah moments developing all around us.  In some, we are being invited to answer someone else’s call.  In others, we are hoping someone will answer ours.

In either case, there is an unlimited pool of connected, intelligent, kind, loving people waiting to help manifest these Oprah moments.

In a world where the media wants us to believe that everything is falling apart, including human values and virtues, I believe that the reverse is true.  I believe that human values and virtues are alive and well.

What stands out is what we choose to focus on.

If we believe the world is filled with hate, violence, disrespect, distrust, lack of faith and people focused on destroying everything of value, then we are right.

However, if we think that the world is filled with love, kindness, faith, respect, trust and people committed to offering a helping hand to those in need, then we are right also.

We attract and create that which we believe in and embrace.

The Universe is constantly sending us signals of potential Oprah moments.  Whether they manifest or not depends in large part to how receptive we are to these signals and whether we take action once we have received the signal.

Remember how those Oprah moments always make us feel good when we see them or read about them?

Imagine how they’ll make us feel when we are participating in one.

C’mon …. make the rest of us cry and laugh and feel good about humanity by embracing or creating one.  Let’s open ourselves to feeling the love that envelops us when our heart is seized by an Oprah moment.

Right now.

Our beautiful world has an infinite supply of potential Oprah moments.

There is at least one within each of our spheres of influence right now …..… waiting.

We need to be alert and receptive to them.

Once we are there, we just need to step up and participate in them.

Yours in service and servanthood.

Harry

Long Distance Dedication

Some of us old-timers probably remember when Kasey Kasem would send out his long distance dedications on American Top-40.  I think he still does them on his current show – I’m not sure.

They would go something like this (with Kasey reading the letter).

“So and so writes.  Dear Kasey, blah blah blah.  So Kasey, could you please play xyz for so and so?  So and so – here’s your long distance dedication”.

Here is how the letter would go if sent on behalf of some of the people on my mind this morning.

“Dear Kasey.

I would like to tell you about my friend, John.  John and I have known each other for a while.  In a hectic, pressure-filled world where the media would have us doubt our own sanity and shake our beliefs that anything good remains on this planet, John stands out.

John is not a typical person.  He speaks his mind openly but always does so with respect.  He invites the opinions of others.

John doesn’t swim with the current because he knows the river is pretty cluttered with junk downstream.  He swims upstream where the waters are crystal clear, inviting and where he can be himself.

John doesn’t wait for friends to ask for help.  John looks for proactive ways to be there for them.  He anticipates your need and just when you think you are falling , you realize he is holding your hand.

John is not consumed with himself.  John puts family and friends first.

John is not perfect.  No one is.  However, John exemplifies a great human being – one built upon and around values, faith, standing up for his beliefs and most importantly, sharing love for everyone and everything.

John sometimes struggles with embracing his values in a world that sometimes suggests that embracing values is a sign of weakness.

So Kasey, could you please play “Thank You For Being A Friend” by Andrew Gold.  I’d like John to know that his unselfishness is greatly appreciated in a world that needs more people committed to the betterment of those around them.

Ok, Harry, here is your long distance dedication”.

When I say John, I am writing to:

Jim G – a long time friend committed to family, friends, personal excellence and recognition of the contributions of everyone (and one of the quickest senses of humor I have ever seen)

Jonathan S – a driven family guy and businessman (and I mean DRIVEN) with one of the largest,most humble hearts I have ever seen (and maybe the only guy who could match Jim G.’s humor)

Roberto L – a friend closer than a brother to me, who constantly seeks ways to maximize his contribution to others before himself and was always there for me

Ray J – a phenomenally talented musician who’s heart embraces his family, his heritage and his culture and whose music kept me company when I was down

Leonard S – a  phenomenal, insightful man, passionate about encouraging those around him to participate in and share a powerful journey towards self realization and growth

I love you guys.  You arrived in my life just when I needed you and I continue to learn from you every day.

I am honored and privileged to know you as my friends.  I grow every day because of you, you bring light to my life and you bring sanity in a world that would love to convince us that sanity is a passing fad.

To the readers of my blog, thank you for your incredible support regarding my musings.

If you were to send out a long distance dedication, who would it be to?

Maybe somebody would really appreciate receiving one.

Maybe that somebody is you.

In service, servanthood, deepest appreciation and love.

Harry

 

If you’ve never heard the Andrew Gold song before, here are the lyrics.

Thank You For Being A Friend – Andrew Gold

Thank you for being a friend
Traveled down the road and back again
your heart is true you're a pal and a confidant

I'm not ashamed to say
I hope it always will stay this way
My hat is off, won't you stand up and take a bow

And if you threw a party
Invited everyone you knew
You would see, the biggest gift would be for me
and the card attached would say,
Thank you for being a friend

Thank you for being a friend
Thank you for being a friend
Thank you for being a friend

If it's a car you lack
I'd surely buy you a Cadillac
Whatever you need, anytime of the day or night

I'm not ashamed to say
I hope it always will stay this way
My hat is off, won't you stand up and take a bow

And when we both get older
With walking canes and hair of gray
Have no fear, even though it's hardly here
I will stand real close and say,
Thank you for being a friend

(I want to thank you)
Thank you for being a friend
(I want to thank you)
Thank you for being a friend
(I want to thank you)
Thank you for being a friend
(I want to thank you)
Let me tell you bout a friend
(I want to thank you)
Thank you for being a friend
(I want to thank you)
Thank you for being a friend
(I want to thank you)
Thank you for being a friend

And when we die, and float away
I'll see you there, and once again
Thank you for being a friend
Thank you for being a friend

(I want to thank you)
Thank you for being a friend
(I want to thank you)
Thank you for being a friend
(I want to thank you)
Thank you for being a friend
Whoa, tell you about a friend
(Thank you right now, for being a friend)
Thank you for being a friend
(I wanna tell you right now, and tell you again)
Thank you for being a friend
(I wanna thank you, thank you, for being a friend)
Thank you for being a friend

Embracing Each Other

I was sitting in a doctor’s office waiting room a couple of days ago and was observing some children playing.  The children were of mixed gender, race, language and potentially religious background.  Here is how their interaction went:

My name is yyy – what’s yours?

My name is zzz – let’s play.

It was as simple as that – authenticity in its purest form.  Once they had some context by which they could name each other, that was all that was important to having an authentic relationship.

As I have been consumed by authenticity lately, I have started a detailed review of my social network, the hundreds of emails I receive daily from this network, the hundreds of invites I receive to participate in events, etc.  While I am grateful for all of this, my recent focus on authenticity has caused me to examine much of this traffic in a closer manner.

Here are some exaggerated snippets:

I am an 18-year old student and life coach.  I believe my 18 years of life have been invaluable and I would like to share this supreme knowledge with you at a discounted monthly rate of $xxxx.  <<yes – some 18-year olds have lived a full live – however ……>>

I am an enlightened life guru with no job or life experience but I would like to show you how the Law of Attraction can earn tons of money for you.  <<meanwhile a background check on the person shows they are bankrupt and the only thing the Law of Attraction is helping them with is making money promoting the Law of Attraction>>

I am an expert on collaboration and believe that we all need to work together to make this world a better place for all.  By the way,  let me tell  you that so and so has a chance to steal some of our market so if we can find any way to discredit or sue him, there’s more money in it for us.  <<I’m sorry, tell me again how this is collaboration>>

I need your help promoting product xyz.  It’s not MLM of any type but you’re at the bottom, I’m at the top and if you put in 80 hours a week, I will get rich.  <<now there’s an incentive>>

How about gems like these?

I serve on the board for corporation xyz and I know the CEO is stealing money, but if I rat on her, people will not hire me for other boards because I will not be perceived as a team player.  <<meanwhile, that person gets paid to make public presentations about the need for transparency, honesty and accountability>>

“We provide a high quality product to the consumer”, quotes a senior executive of a major frozen food manufacturer to me on a plane one afternoon two years ago.  “That being said, I don’t let my kids eat it”. “Why not?”, I ask.  “Because I know what is in that stuff”, is the reply, the speaker oblivious to the disconnect of that statement from his assertion of the high quality of their product.

Authenticity.

I wonder:

• if the fear of being perceived as not being as in control as the next person causes some people to be less than authentic, since we don’t want to be perceived as weak amongst our peers.
• if the fear of expressing our real selves causes us to repackage our knowledge, beliefs and passions into something the masses will agree with (even if this is not in congruence with what is important to us).
• if the fear of appearing to be too normal causes people to elevate their status so as to be far beyond normal (ah, so you’re just an accountant; well, I am Master of the Galaxy – Well, I’m not just an accountant, I am really the Accountant Guru of the Universe – Oh yeah?  Well I am ……).
• if the fear of appearing to not be able to stay caught up (whether it be in knowledge, money, gadgets or other toys) causes us to overspend our resources while lack of authenticity with ourselves prevents us from putting the brakes on this self-destructive behavior.  Don’t forget – whoever dies with the most toys …… is dead.
• if the notion of exposing our heart, mind and spirit to others may also allow others to see our pain and our weaknesses, allowing them to see that we are in fact human.  Since this demonstrates that we are less than perfect, we present a false persona where we never fret, get angry or cry.
• if the fear of exposing others to our personal belief structure, including our belief in God (or other deity important to us), is so strong that we are ashamed to live by the values of our belief structure, fearing ridicule or fearing being ostracized from our peers, clients and others.
• if the fear of failure paralyzes us and prevents us from trying anything, forcing us to rely on someone else to solve our problems (which then creates frustration because they are not doing it fast enough for us).
• if our desire to climb to the top of whatever mountain we are climbing is so strong (probably to beat someone else climbing the same mountain), that we are willing to portray ourselves as something we are not just so that we can accomplish the journey as fast as we can.

I do notice one thing with these fears.  The more inauthentic someone is with themselves and others, the more they resist even discussing stuff like this.  They will even get quite angry!

I wonder why.

All of these fears seem to be creating a lot of baggage in our lives and puts us on an ever-increasingly slippery slope that leaves us exhausted financially, spiritually, physically and emotionally.  Analyze the events that have led up to any significant negative event in world history and somewhere along the way, you will find one or more events that perhaps have been tied to lack of authenticity.

I’m not suggesting that life is so simple that we can easily strip a lot of these layers away and expect to be as authentic as children.  If it were only that simple.

However, I am suggesting that the number of layers of obfuscation and complexity that we have added are not commensurate with the beauty and simplicity of life.

I wonder if we have made life too complicated and then, being inauthentic with ourselves and others, refuse to take any credit for this complexity.

How about a return to some base levels of authenticity?

Hi – my name is Harry.  I don’t want you to know me as a Wall Streeter, a business strategy guy, a networker, a writer, a speaker (or however else you know me).

I am a human being who believes in God, who is awash in gratitude for his family, friends and life experiences, who marvels at the things we do right in the world, weeps at the things we do poorly, marvels at the complexity and simplicity of nature, is amazed by the power of love, aspires to be more patient and wonders when we will finally realize our true gifts and purpose.

That’s all that is important.  That is the real me – the rest are man-made constructs that are not important.

That being said, perhaps that is not important either.  What is important is that I am a human being with unlimited capacity for loving and sharing.

So are you.

My name is Harry. 

What’s your name? 

Let’s play.

Yours in service and servanthood.

Harry

Proper Human Values Still Exist

Last night, I attended the memorial service for the families and victims of Cougar Helicopter Flight 491 that crashed off the coast of Newfoundland on Thursday, March 12th.  17 souls were lost and one survived, still in the hospital as I write this.  Later today, I will be attending the funeral of one of those souls, someone I went to high school with in the late 70s.

The communal expression of grief and the outpouring of love and support from the community and the nation brought me back to similar outpourings of love and support that I witnessed in September of 2001 when so many innocent people were lost and the nation rallied around the families.

For all the topsy turvy stuff going on in this world and as much as we think human values have been subsumed by greed and narcism, at times like this, I am reminded that the human values of loving, sharing, caring, generosity and helping others are alive and well.

The media is highlighting excessive levels of greed, selfishness, apathy and stupidity as the reasons why we are experiencing the crisis that is allegedly undermining every aspect of our lives.  If we use the media as the source of our definition of whether “good human values” (as each person defines them) still exist, the answer is probably no. 

The media’s constant hammering almost implies that the time has come for us to move into the mode of “every man for himself” since government, business and individuals either don’t care, don’t know how to fix it or are in it for themselves.

However, when I witness communities and a nation come together to support each other during times of stress, it is apparent to me that the media’s implied message is way off base.

Our core values are still there – our ability to reach out to others, to share grief, to share love, to help one another overcome challenge and to help each other make our way towards a better future.

It is true that sometimes it looks like those values have disappeared under the crush of life in the 21st century.

However, when we are forced to shrug off the yoke of today’s life pressure, our core values stand tall.

As we face today’s struggles together, let’s not wait for immense pressure to bring out the best in us.

Let’s work harder to show each other that the core human virtues of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness and faithfulness are alive and well.

Let’s convince the media that these virtues are worth highlighting.

If they run out of bad stories but won’t highlight the “good stuff”, maybe they won’t highlight anything at all.  In that case, we’d still be better off.

Last night, Archbishop Martin Currie closed his Homily at the memorial service with a powerful quote from Robert Frost:

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned in life: It goes on." 

It does indeed – let’s make it the best we can with the gifts we have been given.

I am grateful for all of you and the impact you have on the world.

Tag – you’re it – pass the gratitude along.

In service and servanthood.

Harry

When the Student is Ready ....

... the teacher will appear.

So they say.

I'm sitting in a coffee shop, listening to people speak about the problems that confront the world - the economic crisis, poverty, disease, the homeless, depression in people, failing healthcare and education systems, crumbling infrastructure, global warming and whatever else they can think of that strains our confidence and faith in a positive future.

As I listen to this litany of concerns that would challenge some of the greatest optimists that have ever walked the face of the earth, I started to think about how well we apply what we have learned from the most impactful teachers and guides that have entered our respective spheres of influence.  I'm wondering what those teachers would say to us now if they were sitting at the tables around us, challenging us to apply our gifts to take on these global concerns.

From my own perspective, I'm not referring to the obvious list of teachers that come to mind:

• our parents, siblings, spouses, children or other members of our family
• God / Goddess / Allah or other supreme deity we worship
• Gandhi or any other brilliant mind that has walked the earth
• good friends who have been significant in our lives in other ways (that's a series of blogs in itself).

I'm thinking of the people we have encountered in our lives who, with no obligation to us as strangers, took the time to teach us by sharing their knowledge, life experiences and insight in a meaningful and impactful way.

We all have those teachers who arrived at pivotal points in our lives, made a long lasting impression and possibly moved on (or passed on to what follows after our time on Earth is complete).

Sometimes the lessons they taught us have had no perceived impact until we acquired enough life experiences to finally understand the lesson.

I'll share some examples from my life.  As I do so, I invite you to think of your own examples.

When I was in grades 1 to 3, Margaret R. introduced me to the love of reading and learning.  She created a joy of acquiring knowledge within me that burns strong to this day.  If a day goes by where I haven't learned something, then I try twice as hard the next day to make up for the opportunity missed.

Margaret also taught me something else.  One day when I would not stop talking, she asked me to come to the front of the class.  I was terrified - these were still the days when a nice "yardstick across the knuckles" was the common punishment for children who misbehaved.  When I quietly walked to the front of the class, she made me face the class and then informed the class that my punishment would be 5 kisses - the class deciding where the 5 kisses would be planted.

So after the enduring the tremendous embarrassment of being kissed on the forehead, the nose, the top of my head and on each cheek, I sat down quietly and was silent, my ears burning bright red with embarrassment.

It was a far worse punishment to a 7-year old than a whack across the hand.  I would have endured the whack across the hand, felt like somewhat of a hero and moved on.  To be kissed in front of my fellow classmates was dreadful.

Looking back on it as a 43-year old, I realize it was the best punishment I could have ever received.  In that simple lesson, she taught all of us that to make a point through violence was far less effective than to do so with love and humor.

The lesson is more enduring as well.  I may not have remembered the yardstick.  I do remember the love.

Some of the primers that we used back in those days had a lot of content written or edited by Emily H.  The flow of her work and the way it touched my mind and heart without being complex in nature sticks with me to this day.  Her work, which I still enjoy reading (both her new material and the material I read when I was 6, 7 or 8 years old) reminds me of the power of words to inspire, to motivate and to leave a life-long impression on the reader.

When I was in high school, I had a math teacher named Newton M.  Newton had a few simple rules - no gum chewing, no looking at your watch ("It's a lazy man who watches the clock", his voice would boom if he saw you) and if you were done with all of your work, you were to sit up straight and twiddle your thumbs.  If your thumbs got tired, you reversed direction and twiddled them in the opposite way.

Newton taught us that your culture and heritage are integral parts of who you are and that you must learn as much about your cultural history as you can.  "If you don't know where you come from", he reasoned, "how do you know where you are going?"

He also embraced the notion that respect is earned and not demanded.  While many of our school teachers at the time demanded that we respect them because of their title, he treated us like the young adults we were and we loved him for it and gave him equal respect back.  The toughest teacher in the school was one of the most loved. 

I found out after he passed away that he spent every spare dime he had on the kids whose families didn't have sufficient money for clothing, shoes or school books.  He did it without the need for recognition (in fact, he avoided it), he did it frequently and did it even when he had little to give.  He was despised by many teachers for doing it but did it for many years anyway.  This lesson of anonymous, unselfish service to those who need it (but don't request it) and against the beliefs of others who condemned him for it lives with me to this day.

Richard G. was a business associate and mentor of mine during part of my career on Wall Street.  I previously wrote about Richard back in November of 2008 - you can find this blog entry here.  Before he passed away, Richard taught me that even in the cutthroat world of business (and New York is as tough a place as any), good guys don't have to finish last.  He and Bruce P., who I had worked for a few years earlier, both lived by the same philosophy - "Take care of your people, take care of your customer and everything else takes care of itself".  Richard and Bruce also reminded me many times that successful people don't need to be callus, ruthless or cold.   To be successful, Richard and Bruce both insisted on:

• being in tune with your team members individual strengths, skills, talents, knowledge, passion and purpose
• knowing where your team members are in their life journey
• understanding how to find the best fit for each team member within the context of who they are and the needs of the organization they work for - failure to find a place where a team member fit properly was oftentimes more a failure of the leader than the team member
• knowing when to delegate and when to step in to guide (not to take control)
• living with transparency, honesty and humor
• not being afraid to ask for help or admit that a leader has made a mistake.

Richard would say that "applying these thoughts without fear can only produce positive results".  Knowing how to apply this correctly is a a gift that harvests the greatest results personally and professionally for an organization, its teams and the people and organizations they serve.  It's still the model I use when I help organizations rebuild their teams.  Jim, a friend of mine, reminded me recently that this model is not welcome in the corporate world.  He is right but I do it anyway. :-)

When I was working on some goal setting programs for inner city youth a few years back, I was extremely gung-ho to get out there and get stuff done.  I was in a hurry to make an impact, the need was great and so I reasoned that there was no time to waste.

I discovered that being in a hurry and seeing an urgent demand does not necessarily guarantee that things will happen quickly.  My belief that urgency of need guaranteed that everyone would climb on board with the same sense of urgency rapidly hit a brick wall.

At that time, Bret D. arrived in my life, bringing his business knowledge in the space, his passion for education and youth, his love for people and his life experience in the same arena I was working in.  With careful coaching, he was able to reset my expectations without quenching the fire that burned within me. 

He challenged every assumption and assertion in a manner that taught me how to refine my promotion and implementation, all the while increasing my passion instead of diminishing it.  It takes a real gift to guide someone without them feeling that they might as well give up because their initial assumptions needed strong refinement.  It also takes an incredible gift to encourage and teach without crushing the ego of the person who feels that they have it all figured out.  I had been successful in everything else, I thought - how tough could this be? :-) 

Today, I am making a transition from the business world that has provided me with incredible friendships, memories and abundance in many aspects of my life.  My Life purpose is drawing me towards a Life of deeper faith and service to humanity.  As I would expect, another teacher has arrived when I need it.

Dr. Carmel D., who is a chaplain and professor at the theology school where I have been studying theology part time for the past 8 months, brings an incredible calming presence and insightful mind to her students.  Her techniques for guiding students through a discernment process for defining a new path in Life are powerful.  Her strong faith in God and her belief that every person is important and brings God-given, God-inspired talent to Life is inspiring.  Her way of providing the student with the tools to discern for themselves how to bring their gifts to bear for the benefit of themselves and others is life-transformational.  Her relationship with her students is built on respect, love and God's purpose for each of us.

So when I think of these teachers and return my thoughts to the challenges I hear people discussing around me, a few things come to mind.

The teachers I described have taught me some significant things that have strong relevance to today's challenges and the role I can play with others in addressing these challenges:

• Know who you are and where you come from and love yourself for it.  If you can't get past this step, everything else can be very challenging and complicated.
• Loving others can help us overcome our apathy or indifference to what's going on around us - if we truly care for someone else, we know that we must help them.
• Love works better and faster than violence, distrust or dishonesty.
• Fear has no place in our life - we must push forward and expect positive results.  We live in a world conspiring to shower us with abundance - we will never partake in it if we are afraid to lift ourselves and others to share this abundance.
• Knowledge is important to solving many of the challenges before us - we must endeavor to be in a position that provides for constant learning.
• Sharing your knowledge unselfishly and in a way that moves the minds and hearts of others to action produces profound results.
• Give respect to earn respect - demanding respect for any reason is setting yourself up for some incredible disappointment.
• Give unselfishly to others and don't expect payment or recognition.
• Build your life around collaboration, honesty and transparency - it produces much more profound results and is much less complicated.
• Don't try to do everything yourself - there's lots of room to share the credit and provide for opportunities for growth in others. Besides - it's a lot more fun and more gets done when we work together with our respective gifts.
• Put your ego away - we are all equal in Life potential. 
• During times of struggle, listen to what your inner Spirit, your instinct or your faith tells you to do.  Move towards your Purpose without fear.
• Build up the confidence of others.  Breaking others down not only sets them back, but doing so brings you down as well.

In class yesterday, my classmates and I were asked what we would identify as the most impactful story or theme from the Bible.

Mine comes from 1 Corinthians 16:13-14

Stand fast in your faith.  Be brave and be strong and all that you do, do it in love.

I think this quote succinctly ties together the themes taught to me by the teachers significant in my life.  If I can live by this creed, I can proudly say that I did my best for myself and others during my time on earth.

Now it's your turn.

Think about the significant teachers in your life.  If they were with you right now, what knowledge or insight would they share with you about your life or the world we live in?

What would they see in you that needs gentle correction or refinement?

What gifts and talents within you would they praise and draw your attention to?

What action would they encourage you to take regarding challenges in your life, in the life of someone else or in the world?

What insight from them can you share with others, to continue the legacy of learning, sharing and loving?

What indeed .............

Yours in service and servanthood.

Harry

What Matters

I ran into a lady in the supermarket the other day who was cursing the food manufacturers for giving us so much to choose from that it added frustration to her life. What a dilemma to have.

Her comment, coupled with a powerful Ash Wednesday homily I heard the other day about giving to others got me to thinking about how we choose life priorities.

Imagine 29,000 children, the number that die daily around the world from preventable disease and starvation, standing in front of your home or place of business. As you watch them, they begin to die one by one. You and the people around you are horrified at the sight and look for ways to run to the children, to help them in any way you can. As you hold them, they die in your arms and your heart is filled with anguish as you seek ways to help them. Your adrenalin is pumping through your veins and you will do anything to make a difference - even if you can save only one child.

Now imagine the same scenario but this time you are blindfolded and restrained. You can hear the cries of the children as they die, their final moments filled with suffering and pain. You are told you can't help them and you hear yourself crying out to the children while cursing the people who refuse to allow you to help them. Your emotions are running high because you feel helpless to comfort the afflicted and you weep at the sound of their suffering.

Now imagine a third scenario. The children are still dying but they are not in front of you, so you can't see them or hear them. Perhaps your heart feels a little pain, sadness or pity at the thought of them suffering. Perhaps it doesn't. If it does, it is nowhere near the intensity of the first two scenarios that I described. You may not feel compelled to rush out to find a way to help them in an impactful way or if you do feel compelled, you probably schedule a contribution for some time in the future.

Where is the sense of urgency?

Is it like the old Zen riddle of a tree falling in the forest, where people ask the question "Does a falling tree make any sound if there is no one to hear it"?

Can you hear the sound of children suffering from poverty, disease and malnutrition crying out for help?

Can you hear the sound of battered women crying out for support and justice?

Can you hear the sound of the homeless, crying out for love and shelter?

Why not? To me, it seems that their voices are so loud I can hardly think.

Maybe if no one is around the tree when it falls, perhaps it truly doesn't make a sound.

But we know it does.

By the time you read this blog (assuming 10 minutes to read it), 200 children under the age of five will have died around the world from preventable disease and starvation (that's about 10.5 million children per year). At the same time, 67 women will have been beaten by abusers in the US alone (an estimated 3.9 million victims per year).

While all these things happen, more money will be spent on a cure for baldness and erectile dysfunction than on seeking solutions for the problems that afflict a great number of people around the world.

While it is true that conditions of the poor have improved over the years, they could improve much faster if more of us focus on what really matters.

Do we really know what matters?

We can be like the lady in the supermarket that I referred to earlier, complaining that we have too much to choose from.

We can agonize over the selections on a restaurant menu, wondering if it will be the lamb or the prime rib. During the 15 minutes you contemplate this important decision, 300 children will die of malnutrition, death bringing escape from the cruelty of one meal a day (or less than one meal for many).

We can spend a week wondering what color our next car will be and be in total angst over it, totally consumed by the unfairness of life that we should have so many options to choose from.  200,000 children will die from malnutrition during the week.

We can spend a month or more planning next year's vacation, making sure that every minute of every day is filled with the most bliss possible with the least amount of worry and downtime.  More than 870,000 children will die from starvation and disease during this timeframe.

We can spend a couple of years planning a wedding, knowing that 50% or more of them will fail anyway, making the money and time spent seem to be wasted.  If we take two years, more than 20 million children will die from starvation as we make plans.

Meanwhile, the pressure of these things bring real worry, sleepless nights, confusion and frustration.

How unfair life is, we think.

Meanwhile, the things in life that really matter will continue to not get our attention as much as they should.

The great irony is that much of what we enjoy in the 21st century has been built on the backs of the poor and destitute, either within their own country or after bringing them from one country to another.

Some of us look upon the rest of the world with a sense of "if they would only be more civilized, perhaps we could help them more or they could help themselves in a better way".

Meanwhile inside our own world, as the financial crisis hammers us, we worry about tough decisions before us:

• having to buy less food for entertainment purposes (as opposed to food for nourishment)
• being forced to make our car last another year - "oh the pain of this recession, I really wanted the car with the new satellite radio feature"
• being forced to wait for the $2 million home until the banks loosen up their credit restrictions so that we can max ourselves out - I guess we'll have to suffer through the home we live in although some of us don't know how we'll make do with such a small Jacuzzi
• maybe some of us will have to suffer through the 40 pairs of shoes we own
• what about this golf bag - I can't be seen on the course with this piece of garbage?

Oh, the injustice of it all, we think - why are we suffering like this?

Meanwhile, good people in the western world lose their homes, wonder where the next meal comes from, lose healthcare benefits and unwillingly take a step closer to the way some cultures have lived their lives for centuries.

The point is that you don't have to go far to find people who are in need while we lament the loss of luxury.

If by some stroke of poor luck, we lost our electricity in the western world, think about what would happen here.

• No fuel refining and therefore few usable vehicles once fuel stockpiles run out.
• No heat or light in our homes for most of us.
• Minimal healthcare.
• Minimal clothing manufacturing.
• Minimal food harvesting and distribution.
• Minimal clean water.

As our society sinks down into the depths of our worst nightmares, we would turn to the rest of the world and say "Please help us - kindness and love for fellow man is what is most important in the world.  You can't allow us to suffer like this - it is inhuman and indecent.".

Oh, the wisdom that comes when the shoe is on the other foot.

Indeed.

We can assume that someone else will help them.  If we all assume this, then there are very few people actually helping those in need.

We can say we don't know how to help them. However, we are extremely creative when it comes to solving any other problem that confronts us.

We are always creative when we need to be for the things that are important to us.

The question is .... do we truly know what is important? 

Yours in service and servanthood.

Harry

The Twenty-First Time

I was listening to a powerful song today by the group Monk and Neagle.  The song, "The Twenty-First Time", describes how the singer routinely walks by a number of people in welfare lines, sleeping in alleys, etc. and intentionally looks away.  Over time he starts to see the same people consistently.  It occurs to him one day that perhaps one of these people he is passing on a regular basis is Jesus Christ who is waiting to see if he will stop and help Him and yet he consistently looks away.

It caused me to think about the people we interact with every day on a cursory level.  I'm not talking about people whose lives are tightly entwined with ours - spouses, children, parents, siblings, business associates, etc. although often times we may be guilty of treating even these people in a casual way.

It's the majority of people we come in contact with in life - the ones we never really get to know or never meet but who we are aware of. 

It's the person who gives us a coffee at the drive-thru window every morning.  It's the person at the supermarket checkout who we make idle chatter with a couple of times per week about the weather, vacation plans and the like.  We never take the time to get to know them.  Why should we bother, we think.  They are just doing their job.

It's the politician that we feel so free to judge, waiting for them to solve every problem in our town, country or world because as we see it, the problems are extremely simple.  If the politician won't solve these problems, we conjecture, they should move over and let someone else do it.  However, we can't get involved because we are too busy.

Maybe it is the homeless person who has set up on a particular street corner.  We notice them as we drive past them, wonder for a moment what their story is and then return our thoughts to what is squeezing us today.  It's a shame the western world allows this, you think, and then your mind moves on to another subject.

It is the people who live in socially-assisted complexes, causing some of us to wonder why they can't get jobs like everyone else.  Meanwhile we are oblivious to their story and have little understanding of how they came to be there.

Perhaps it is the prostitute or the incarcerated individual that we feel so free to judge, forgetting that if we had the same genetics and life experiences, there is a good chance we would be in their shoes and being judged by someone else.

Maybe it's the crying child we see on television in an appeal for money to be sent overseas to helped the diseased and the poverty-stricken.  What a shame we think - we should make it a point to contribute more to causes like that.  Five minutes later, the cause is forgotten as we move on to deal with our own pressures.

Why should we get to know any of these people or get involved, we reason?  They are where they are, that is their business and I am in a hurry and have my own difficulties.  If I take the time to get to know every person, I will not have any time to live my Life Purpose.

Perhaps our Life Purpose is to contribute to their story and allow them to contribute to ours.

Everyone has a story.  We are so consumed writing and living our own story that we forget about the myriad of stories around us.  Many of them are far more powerful than our own but we are so consumed by our own story that we don't take time to notice the stories of others.

Many of the stories are missing a few chapters, though.  The chapters are the ones we are being asked to write, completing the story of someone else or that others are being asked to write to complete ours.

All of our stories are interlinked.  As a society, we raise our selves to new levels or diminish ourselves to new lows based on how we recognize the interdependence of our stories and whether we choose to contribute to the compendium that describes our existence on Earth.

If we increased our contribution to the stories of others by half of one percent, the results would be incredible.  A one percent increase in contribution across the board would produce a profound result.

One half of one percent is less than an hour of time per week.  For many of us who say "we don't have an hour to give", as someone who studies human productivity, I can assure you that many of us have many hours of wasted time on our hands - time that could be recovered if we were honest with ourselves and others about our priorities and how we execute towards our Life purpose.

I would like to offer a challenge to the wonderful readers of my blog.  If you have the courage, put some time on your calendar this week to do one of the following (or come up with one of your own).

1. Stop by a children's cancer clinic and ask to speak to staff, parents or children.  Ask them to tell you stories of courage, hope and love.

2. Reach out to a local prison support group or to a prison itself and speak to someone who can share the backgrounds of some of the prisoners.  Really listen to the life experiences of the people who spend time inside the institutions - prisoner and guard alike.

3. Volunteer to spend a little time in a soup kitchen or food bank and as you share nourishment with others, ask them about their story.  Listen closely - the stories are profound.

4. For those in larger urban centers, if you have not done so recently, spend some time in the more decrepit parts of town.  Take note of what is going on around you, especially when it comes to how nurturing the environment is for children.

5. Speak to a doctor or teacher and ask them to share their story with you - why they chose the profession, why they enjoy it and what presents the greatest challenges.

6. Have an honest dialog with your government representative.  Really get to know his or her world and then ask yourself if you could do better.  If you can, prepare to run for election.

7. Stop to give some food or money to a homeless person and ask them to explain their story.  Open your heart as you speak to them and listen to them.

8. OR - Insert your own challenge here.

Let's not talk about it - let's do it.

If you do it, your story will become permanently changed as others write new chapters in your story in indelible ink.  Hopefully, you will have an opportunity to do the same in their story.

If you do it, your Life Purpose may either become more solid, may change slightly or may become rewritten.

Each person in the world, including ourselves, can change the world with unique ideas, passion, skills, talents and knowledge.

Maybe others are waiting for us to finish a chapter or two so that they can become empowered to make a greater difference to themselves, their families and the world.

Maybe we are waiting for them to do the same for us.

What are we really waiting for?

Yours in service and servanthood.

Harry

How is Your Legacy Coming Along?

I walked into a client's building today and the security guard said "I saw your name in the obituaries today".

I replied "Really?  Maybe I am not really here today" and laughed.  As I watched, the security guard brought up this obituary.

Harry Tucker, Bell Island
Born in St Phillips, Newfoundland, Canada

In loving memory of a dear husband, father, grandfather and great-grandfather who passed away 20 years ago today.

Silent sorrow remains a constant heartache but loving memories are left to share.

Till we meet again - Evelyn and family.

The obituary that I was looking at was honoring the 20th anniversary of my grandfather's passing.

My grandfather left an amazing legacy - a legacy of a hard worker who put food on the table for 12 kids.  A legacy of a quiet man who went about his business without interfering with anyone.  A legacy of a man who could outwit the craftiest of people and was no one's fool

I ran into someone a couple of weeks ago who looked at me and said "You're "Happy's" son, aren't you?".

I replied in the affirmative (smiling at the nickname that my father had when he was younger).

The person I was speaking to immediately started telling me stories of my grandfather and the fond memories he had of him and the contributions that he made from 30, 40 or more years ago.  That is a legacy.

I'll share one of those stories because it makes me laugh every time someone recounts it to me.

My grandfather was once asked to build a chimney for someone who had a reputation for not paying people for services rendered.  Even though my grandfather was cautioned not to do the work for fear of not being paid, he built the chimney anyway.

Sure enough, the man who had commissioned my grandfather hemmed and hawed over whether he would pay him or not.  When the first fire was lit, it was discovered that the smoke came back into the house instead of going up the chimney.  Peering up into the chimney, no discernible reason for this was evident.

My grandfather indicated that if the man paid him, he would fix the problem immediately.  Accepting his payment, my grandfather carried a large rock up to the top of the chimney and dropped it down the shaft, breaking the pane of glass that he had intentionally placed across the chimney.  He had anticipated this event and played it perfectly.

All these years later, people remember him for events like this.

How will people remember you?

Will you fade into obscurity, remembered by immediate family or close friends only?  Will your legacy extend only a generation or so and then disappear with no visible impact?

Or will your legacy live well beyond your years, going beyond friends and family such that complete strangers can walk up to your children's children and say "Did you ever hear the story of ...." as your grandchildren feel their heart swell up with pride for being descended from someone who had such an impact.

What are you doing today to help ensure a positive, long-lasting, far reaching legacy?

Yours in service and servanthood.

Harry

Life: Poetry in Motion

I stopped by a local coffee shop recently to take a short break from the work I was doing for a client.  As I sat in the coffee shop amongst the hum of energy from its patrons, a thought came to mind and I put on my oldest son's IPOD so that I wasn't aware of the conversations and sounds around me.

Prior to doing this, I was aware of the different types of conversations as I had overheard snatches of them before putting on my earphones.

Having isolated myself from my environment, I sat and observed what was going on around me.

As I did so, I became aware of and immersed in the tapestry around me, the poetry in motion that we call life, the beauty and orchestration that we often mistakenly view as chaos or random events.

By stripping out awareness of the dialog and focusing on hand gestures, laughter, frowns, smiles and other body language, I felt like I was witnessing an infinite number of plays being written at once - and what an outstanding collection it was.

Comedies, tragedies, romances and stories of overcoming challenge.  New lives beginning and long life stories being passed on.  Some business 101 classes were sprinkled in there.  At some tables, volumes of information were being shared in silence.   Hope and despair, anger and laughter - they all danced around and touched down in different interactions.

Meanwhile outside, people were going through the drive-thru, creating their own stories which were a mystery to this observer on the inside of the coffee shop.

Their story was influenced by the person at the drive-thru window, who had been influenced by the stories within the coffee shop.

What a complex play was being written, a play we are not aware of unless we slow down and observe its creation.

To expand on the experiment, I altered the music I was listening to.  When I was listening to soft music, I became more aware of the gentle side of the interactions.

If I put on fast paced or loud music, I became more aware of heightened emotions and a sense of urgency or need for speed.

It's an interesting experiment that I highly recommend.  Plant yourself where you can observe but suspend your ability to hear what is being said.  Having done that, allow your other senses to insert yourself into the world around you.

As I noted what was going on around me, it reminded me of the phenomenal potential we have - the power to create, to share, to debate, to discuss, to disagree, to despise and to love - the potential to decide between a life of despair and a life of fulfillment.

What we have been blessed with in the way of gifts and potential is something that we may not be as grateful for as we could be.

Some of us may not be aware of the gifts we have.

Perhaps some of us don't believe that we are gifted at all.

The truth is that each of us possesses a fascinating, unique, powerful collection of gifts.  How we choose to weave these gifts into the fabric of our life determines the legacy that we leave to others, the notion of "what will I be remembered for when I am gone".

Each of us brings this distinct collection to bear and plays a leading role in the story of our life and the lives of others.  At other times, we are a supporting actor or a bit player in someone else's play.  All roles are important!

Many of us are waiting for the perfect moment to bring these wonderful gifts to bear.  Many people are waiting for a means of optimizing their gift potential, to bring the "biggest bang" to the table.

While waiting for the perfect moment, many people are denying themselves the sense of pleasure and fulfillment of making a difference now (even if smaller than they prefer).  Some people, while waiting for the perfect moment, will wait until their end of days has come.  In either case, to wait is to deny others of the opportunity to witness your gifts and to be impacted by them.

In the meantime, there are many people waiting for you.  They want to share with you, to have an opportunity to collaborate with  you, to learn from you, to make a difference in the lives of others and to help bring greater awareness of life purpose - yours, theirs and the lives of others.

I ask everyone I meet one simple question which I will ask of you today:

If I had unlimited time, energy and money, living in a world of no constraints, worries or fears, what would I be doing right now?

Don't answer it flippantly.  Think about it.  Observe the world around you and let that question percolate your mind, spirit and soul. 

Some of you are living your purpose.  For those who are not, allow an answer to come to the fore as you think through this question.

Once an answer floats to the surface, ask yourself - "who can help me incubate this and make it a reality?". 

If something seizes your heart, embrace it as the purpose for which you are created and for which you have spent a lifetime developing gifts for.

Having done so, turn the page of life and begin writing the next act in the play that is your life.

Complete your story of inspiration, of overcoming challenge, of sharing, of giving unselfishly, of inspiring, of learning, of motivating and of loving.

The play has been incredible so far but you will discover it has no end.  To those whom you leave a legacy to, they will open up the script and continue the story when you have moved on to what follows our life on earth.

I can hardly wait to see what the next act brings in your life.

The curtain is rising ...... and I hear applause as you step out onto the stage of life.

In service and servanthood.

Harry

The Hidden Shame

This week, someone in our immediate family decided that the pain of living was far greater than their ability to cope with that pain.  Having come to that conclusion they attempted to take their life and fortunately for them, they failed.  The long term physical and mental impact of their attempt is still being evaluated by professionals.

How does one react to such an event?  Some people feel sadness on behalf of the person who felt no way out other than the final act.  Some experience anger that the victim would leave loved ones behind without answers to their questions.  Others feel pain from the hole in their heart that would have been created had they been successful.  Some people actually feel relief, knowing that their loved one is free from the demons that dogged them.

I learned something else from people who reached out to me in support - that this is a lot more common than I was aware of and at the same time, seems to carry a lot more shame than I thought would have been normal or acceptable.

Shame?  Why is this?

My friend A. shared her story of loss that occurred only a few years ago when she was an associate of mine.  I never knew the struggle she was experiencing at the time as she became buried in a mix of pain, hurt, shame and guilt and the classic question of "why"?

Another friend of mine, D., shared her loss as well, having occurred less than a year ago.  As she explained to me yesterday - "you end up being overwhelmed with so many different and powerful emotions.  The senselessness of the act…the finality….the pain…..the anger….the guilt ….  it goes on and on".

Both A. and D. have been so blessedly helpful to me, helping me to understand the lead up to and the aftermath of such an event.  I am grateful to both of them for the powerful sharing of their thoughts, prayers and love, having experienced it first hand.

It got me to thinking this morning about how many people out there are struggling to see light where all they can see is darkness.  In an earlier blog, I shared the story of saving someone from suicide a few years ago.

Suicide outnumbers homicide deaths 2 to 1 in the US.  It is ranked as the 11th top killer in the US, ahead of liver disease and Parkinson's.  We have a sense of urgency around avoiding a violent crime or helping cure disease while this affliction continues to grow, especially in these times of uncertainty.  When someone dies of liver disease, we are comfortable admitting the cause.  When a loved one dies from suicide, we tell others it was a sudden death or a death after a brief illness.  We are ashamed to admit it was a suicide and I think this shame prevents it from becoming part of a dialog necessary to understand and help prevent it and to offer love and support for those who are struggling with it.

Someone dies from suicide somewhere in the world every 39 seconds.  Every year, there are 1 million successful suicides globally but there are a staggering 10-20 million attempts according to the World Health Organization.

Men are more successful in attempts than women but women attempt it more often. Men are more "successful" as they tend to use more catastrophic means with greater chance of finality.  Males face an additional stigma of allegedly "not being able to be depressed", "not being allowed to cry" and the rest of that silliness that causes them to be trapped within their own mind when they struggle.

With statistics like this, it suggests that we need to be very cognizant of the number of people around us who may not see the same opportunities for unlimited potential that we see.  Perhaps they do not see the opportunity for companionship and love that we experience.  Maybe their internal demons are screaming so loudly that they can't find any other way out.  Some people don't want to be a burden or don't want to admit that there is something beyond their ability to control that has seized their mind.

Whatever the challenge is, greater awareness is needed to help people who are wrestling with this. 

We all know people who for any number of reasons, are struggling to see light when all they can see is darkness.

Perhaps that person is you.  I know of at least one regular reader of my blog that is struggling with this.  You are loved.

Whatever the situation, let's make sure we pay attention to the needs of those around us, friend, family or stranger.  If we see an opportunity to share love, then by all means, share it unconditionally and help them find help (or don't be afraid to ask for help).  Don't worry about the potential embarrassment of their reaction .  The upside to reaching out to someone in love is far more important.

Yours in service and servanthood.

Harry

The Giving Spirit Revisited / Wishes for 2009

I am seated at my desk this morning, awash in gratitude as I think about this Christmas season and what may be one of the most spiritually, mentally and emotionally profound Christmases that I have ever experienced.

Our Christmas this year, as always, has been focused on giving back, especially to people who themselves have little if anything to give to others.  In a time when the media is reporting financial gloom and doom, cutbacks in giving and other symptoms of the economic crisis as they like to call it, we have witnessed more giving this year than ever.

The program that we participated in for battered mothers and their children went way above expectations this year as friends collaborated with us to make a phenomenal difference.  The number we helped this year, either directly or through inspiring others to help on their own, is up 700% from last year.

We were blessed to have an opportunity to help feed the homeless, the lonely and the stranded over the holidays, cooking food on Christmas Eve and helping with the distribution on Christmas Day.

On Saturday, the local blood donor clinic was open and I was able to make a contribution that will save up to three lives.

All great stuff.

However, what took place in my heart was even more profound.

This Christmas, a number of events took place within close proximity that impacted me mentally and spiritually.

This season, I witnessed profound stories of personal giving - giving that was taking place under the radar to help take care of others during the season.  I witnessed last-minute miracles for good people as they struggled to make ends meet or worked diligently to help overcome sudden incidents of misfortune. 

So many people sent me emails expressing personal testimonials of receiving help at the last minute, just when they needed it.  We started referring to them in my house as "Jimmy Stewart endings" in reference to heart-moving, wipe-your-eyes, Hollywood style endings appropriate for the season. 

Get-togethers with family and friends were more powerful than ever this year as I took the time to really savor the feelings of goodwill that filled the air.

As if that wasn't enough, I was overcome with profound gratitude as friends and strangers from all around the world, including Europe, New York and other parts of the US, Canada and Australia reached out to us with open hearts when they read my blog about some of our current adventures (and misadventures) - found here if you would like to read it.

During the midnight Christmas Eve service, I found myself powerfully moved as the congregation sang Christmas carols, as the true meaning of the season seized my heart and overwhelmed me.

As I experienced all these feelings of gratitude, I didn't need to ask what it was all about - I knew all along.

For many years, my family and I have experienced what many know as the abundance of the season - unlimited food, unlimited gifts, etc.  However, for all of those years, I felt something was missing in all of this and I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

This year brought the perfect storm of events, generous, loving people, opportunities to share and opportunities to receive to help me discover what I was missing.

Despite my insistence in years gone by that I knew what the Christmas spirit was about, I think I was merely going through the motions, simply checking off the holiday obligations.  Make annual donations to various organizations - check.  Buy gifts for everyone - check.  Organize opportunities for giving to others - check.  Be happy during the season - check.  Check, check, check.

Looking back, I realized that it had gotten too mechanical.

This year, I savored every single action.  I savored every single project that I was involved in and I was grateful for the opportunity to do so.

I was also grateful for the opportunity to do it with others who really cared.

And so as I sat in church service on Sunday and listened to the Christmas carols being sung, I looked up and said a prayer of thanks to God - a prayer thanking Him for my friends, for complete strangers (met and unmet), for the opportunity to share with others, for the opportunity to be humble enough to receive from others and for the strength and courage to continue to follow our intention to make a difference in this world.

Contrary to what the media would like us to believe, the unselfish, giving spirit of people is alive and well.  We see what we choose to focus on.

A number of people came to mind as I sat there in gratitude.  While many came to mind, I will mention some of them here.  Things they have said or done in the last month or so have had a profound impact on me and my family and the sense of deep gratitude we are experiencing during this season.  There is always a danger of leaving people out but if I listed everyone that I was grateful for, the list would be very long (my LinkedIn network alone is up to 16.5 million people at the time I wrote this).  :-)

The people who come to mind include my family (of course), Andrew B., Roberto L., Jonathan S., John C., Jim L., Estean L., Hilary R., Tim S., Bruce MacN.,  Joseph S., Casey W., Gabriel M., Keith B., Don H., Gary J., Daryn K., Ken B., Mac P., Frances H., Marilyn B., Debra P., Peggy C., Lauren M., Iris P., Peter T., Gerald C., Barry G., Peter D., Doreen C., Peggy M., John G., Bret D., Evan G., Tim M., Lew M., Emily H., Jeremy R., Paul S., Deborah W., John Paul W., Gerry O., Ros O., Gina P., John L. (and the gang),  Marvin C., Alex T., Kevin F., Dave M., Ed N., Heather and Mark U., Bill G., Ray J., Larry F., Jackie H., Sharon C., Tony R., Steve B., Linda G., Cathy F., Paul L.,  Jenifer F., Nick S. and John M.

I am grateful for everyone in my life and grateful for their spirit of giving and sharing, their commitment to others and their passion to make a difference in the lives of people around them - even when it means sacrifice for themselves or a sense of swimming against the tide.

As 2009 draws near, we have a choice to make.  We can succumb to the sense of despair as the media would like us to embrace or we can choose to see phenomenal opportunity in everything and everyone around us.

There are incredible opportunities around us for growth, for sharing, for learning and for receiving with humility and gratitude  - phenomenal opportunities for each one of us to leave a legacy of hope and love to the generations that are coming behind us.

2009 will bring interesting challenge and opportunity for me and my family.  We are contemplating a number of programs in alignment with our purpose and passion, including children's education in North America and service to the needy overseas.

Whatever you decide to do in 2009, do it with passion, purpose and a sense of making a difference.  If you want it bad enough, you will be successful, regardless of the challenges you face.

Remember that you are not alone - you are surrounded by people who want to help you be successful.  Be open to their help just as you expect others to be open to yours.

Above all, keep your faith alive.  Whatever you believe God is, remember that in your darkest moments, faith in God will lead you to victory in your efforts to make a difference.

I wish each one of you, a phenomenal 2009 filled with personal victory, a fulfillment of purpose and a legacy that others will learn from and multiply, for the benefit of all.

Yours in service and servanthood.

Harry

The Giving Spirit

My family and I have experienced a few surprises this week that have given me pause for reflection.

A few clients have been a little tardy in paying me for one reason or another lately; an accounting mix up here, a transfer error there.

Nothing big or earth shattering. Life goes on in the abundant life we live.

A couple of days ago I was notified of a security compromise across my bank accounts, similar to the massive identify theft I experienced about 4 years ago. All of my cards and accounts have been turned off while they sort it out and since all of my accounts are in the US, I temporarily don't have access to much.

This is a major inconvenience, especially at this time of the year. However, the bank will get it all sorted out, we will laugh it off and life will go on.

This morning the heat in our house died. It's below freezing today so things will cool down a little as the day wears on.

Hmmmmm, I thought - how does one fix that problem when all of your plastic is turned off and your nearest bank branch is 2100 miles away?

Then I got a little frustrated and tossed a question out to no one in particular. Maybe I was asking God.

Why does this happen to my family when we have dedicated so much of our lives helping others, especially going really above and beyond this Christmas?

Then I was reminded of something. For as inconvenient and painful as this is for us, it will be of brief duration.

For many families out there this Christmas, this is a way of life for them.

There is no light at the end of their tunnel, at least as they see it. Or maybe there is a light at the end of their tunnel but in fact, it's a train headed toward them.

As that thought sank into my head, I was ashamed of my frustration.

My frustration evolved into an AHA moment as I realized that this sequence of unusually timed incidents is in fact a lesson for me.

What is the lesson? It is to help me REALLY understand the lives of the wonderful people we have helped this year. It is another reminder of how grateful we should be for everything we have. After all, we could lose it all in a moment.

Our inconvenience of a fleeting duration is a challenging way of life for some people. My challenge will pass - theirs will not without help.

So with that thought in mind, my frustration has evolved into gratitude - gratitude that I have much in my life to be thankful for and gratitude that I can overcome whatever I choose. I have my family and our passion and purpose around helping others - what else do we need?

Which brings me to the final lesson I learned out of all this.

There are a lot of people who need our help out there. No matter how much we do and how much we give, there is always room for a little more, especially at this time of year.

So if you will excuse me, I will light the gas fireplace to keep my family warm and I will find someone who REALLY needs help.

Maybe there is someone in your neighborhood who could use a little help as well.

To you and yours for a blessed holiday season, I extend deepest gratitude and thanks to all of you and all the things that you do. I wish you every success for 2009.

Yours in service and servanthood.

Harry

Wanted to give to a good home - love

A group of us are in the process of putting the finishing touches on a Christmas-sharing project whereby we collect gifts for battered mothers and their children and donate them to a local women's center.  This center provides them to the mother who wraps the gifts and presents them to her children on Christmas Day.  We never meet the mothers or their children.  For their security and safety, their identities are obscured from us.

As we work through the logistics of organizing our piece of the drive again this year, I am struck by the phenomenal generosity of people even in these alleged times of "gloom, doom and despair".  The number of families and individuals that we will touch this year is triple that of last year's result.

Maybe this "giving to a good cause" is a simple manifestation of generosity. 

Maybe.

I think it is more than that.

I think it is love - pure, unadulterated, unselfish, no-strings-attached love. 

It is love for a fellow human being who has been through the wringer of life and needs a little help.

It is love for someone who is down on their luck and needs a helping hand to get back on their feet. 

It is love for someone who needs to know that someone out there cares for them. 

It is love for a child that we may never meet, who will grow up and express their love in their generosity to others.

It is love that, once planted, nurtured and growing in someone who needs it, will ultimately be passed on to someone else at some point.

My oldest son said something today that ordinarily would have been shrugged off as a funny comment but today had some poignancy to it.

He said that my ability and strong desire to navigate through humanity and network like crazy creeps him out.  After all, my LinkedIn network alone has 11 million people in it.  I laughed and said that it was my job to network with people, to increase the potential for success in the different projects that I am engaged in.

In thinking about this later and feeling overwhelmed with gratitude to all the wonderful people engaged in our projects (and for all the people engaged in similar projects), I got to thinking.

Maybe I justify being a consummate networker (I am called "the Link" in New York City) by saying I need to network in order to maximize the potential for success in my projects.

Maybe, just maybe, I am a consummate networker because it provides me with the honor and privilege of connecting with wonderful, generous, unselfish people in the world, giving them another outlet to express their gratitude and their love for others.

Maybe.

I do know this.  I have a reputation in New York City as being "the tough guy who gets stuff done with singular, maniacal focus".  So if my real purpose is to network so that we can create more opportunities for sharing and expressing our love for others, then we will have to keep my real purpose a secret. 

Just between you and I.

Yours in service and servanthood.

Harry

Wisdom from a child

I was mired in deep thinking the other night, working in my office as I navigated my way through a number of challenging assignments.

My middle child (all of four years old) was scribbling on a piece of paper, pretending to write as children often do in the early stages of their acquisition of writing skills.

As I stared at my notes spread out on my desk, he brought the piece of paper over to me and told me it was his newest book.

As I looked at the scribbles, I asked him what the title of his book was.

He replied "Everything is Love".

How could one disagree?

Yours in service and servanthood.

Harry

Doing Things Right the First Time

This weekend, I started a new phase in my life as I began formally studying theology at Queen's College. It is an exciting time for me as my life continues to morph, as Bob Buford describes, from success to significance, migrating from being just a Wall Streeter to something else as yet defined.

Two of my new friends that I met in class this week are a senior pastor and his wife from a local evangelical church. They honored my family with an invitation to attend their worship services this week, which we gratefully accepted.

Pastor Milley gave a powerful sermon on encouragement and in the course of doing so, quoted a poem by Louise Fletcher Tarkington entitled "The Land of Beginning Again". His message and the specific quote were so powerful that I had to go find the poem and read it in its entirety.

The poem is a powerful piece that speaks to the importance of doing the best that we can at all times and not relying on opportunity to "make things right" after we nonchalantly choose poorly in our initial interactions with others. This poem also reminds us to be grateful for all that we have and that when we look back upon times of struggle, we will see much to be grateful for, even if we didn't see it then.

I am including the poem in this blog post. As you read it, I ask you to reflect on your own life and ask yourself - "Am I doing the best possible job right now with the gifts I have been given?" If you are like me, no matter how hard you try, there is room for improvement. When one thinks of the classic elements of stewardship: time, talent and treasure, ask yourself if you are using these gifts for maximum impact or are you grumbling that others are not making a difference fast enough for your liking. Why wait for others when you could be making a difference right now?

If we want to expedite making a difference in this great world, perhaps we need to do it ourselves and inspire others to act, rather than just wait for someone to step up (all the while disappointing us with their delayed action when we have no right to be disappointed).

Think about how you might begin this process of improvement right now as you contemplate this beautiful piece.

Yours in service and servanthood.

Harry

---

The Land of Beginning Again

I wish that there were some wonderful place
Called the Land of Beginning Again
Where all our mistakes and all our heartaches
And all of our selfish grief
Could be dropped like a shabby old coat by the door
And never be put on again.

I wish we could come on it all unaware
Like the hunter who finds a lost trail
And I wish that the one whom our blindness has done
The greatest injustice of all
Could be at the gates like an old friend that waits
For the comrade he's gladdest to hail.

We would find all the things we intended to do
But forgot, and remembered too late;
Little praises unspoken, little promises broken
And all of the thousand and one
Little duties neglected that might have perfected
The day for one less fortunate.

It wouldn't be possible not to be kind
In the Land of Beginning Again
And the ones we misjudged and the ones whom we grudged
Their moments of victory then
Would find in the grasp of our loving handclasp
More than penitent lips could explain.

For what had been hardest we'd know had been best
And what had seemed loss would be gain
For there isn't a sting that will not take a wing
When we've faced it and laughed it away,
And I think that the laughter is most what we're after
In the Land of Beginning Again.

So I wish that there were some wondered place
Called the Land of Beginning Again
Where all our mistakes and all our heartaches
And all of our selfish grief
Could be dropped like a shabby old coat at the door

And never be put on again.

Louise Fletcher Tarkington

How Will You Remember Me .....

.... and how will I remember you?

When our end of days has come, will we remember each other:

• for having given our best for our families, providing for their current and future needs as best as we can?
• for taking care of ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually, knowing that many people rely on us (including many we will never meet)?
• for having gone above and beyond for our employers (or our own companies if we are at the top)?
• for doing our best to empower our employees and professional peers, enabling them to plug their passion, purpose, skills, strengths and talents into their work, to produce the best result possible?
• for accepting that we all make mistakes?

Will we applaud each other:

• for being role models for our greatest investment of all - our children?
• for investing in our community, our state or province and our country, taking responsibility for the good and the bad and working together to fix that which needs fixing while enhancing that which is already great?
• for seeing the positive in everyone?
• for making a difference in this world, for those who are starving, thirsty, sick, impoverished, destitute, homeless or challenged in other ways?
• for taking care of those we don't know and may never meet?
• for random acts of kindness, the kind that inspire others to make a difference?
• for keeping the Earth in mind as we do what we can to take care of the miraculous life raft that carries us through this incredible universe?

Will we think fondly of each other:

• for doing our best to keep our outlook on life (and the outlook of others) on the positive side, especially when times get tough?
• for reaching out to someone, not only when they need it but often times in anticipation that they would appreciate some unrequested support?
• for doing our best to love everyone, even those that anger us, drive us crazy or disappoint us (recognizing that we do the same to others)?
• for filling our days with positive action to make a difference and not just wishful thinking that we will get to it someday?
• for dropping a coin in the cup of a beggar, someone who may be a descendant of yours or mine?
• for going for the brass ring, seizing a life of excitement, challenge, risk and fulfillment and not just a life of indifference and unrealized dreams?

Will we be proud of each other:

• for being who we want to be and not what others want us to be?
• for being brave and courageous in our quest to find and fulfill our purpose and passion on Earth?
• for taking a stand for what we believe to be right?
• for standing firm in our faith and our beliefs, no matter what the odds?
• for being known as someone that could always be counted on?
• for being the person who always brought sunshine into someone's day instead of darkness?
• for living a life of humility and service to others?

Will we support each other:

• for being the cheerleader who always encouraged others to be and do the best that they can?
• for laughing loudly(and often)?
• for crying when we need to and not being embarrassed by it?
• for promoting a sense of urgency around appreciating everything that Life offers?
• For cutting people a little slack when we see they are doing their best?
• For providing guidance when people could use a little direction?
• for loving ourselves and recognizing that we are a product of our genetics, our life experiences, our faith, our calling and God's Purpose for us - we are living miracles who are to love and be loved unconditionally?
• for not being afraid to say "I love you" to anyone and mean it?

Will we be grateful for ourselves, for others and for the incredible experiences of Life (instead of judging Life as a collection of good and bad)?

The game of Life is the one game where no one gets out alive.

At some point, one of us will stand before a memorial to the other.

How are you being remembered?

Harry

"Watch, stand fast in the faith, be brave, be strong. Let all that you do be done with love." - 1 Corinthians 16:13-14 (NKJV)

Being Grateful

As most of you know, I am driven by the need for all of us to be grateful for everything we have.

I received an email this morning about gratitude that had such poignant images, I felt the need to share it here.  There is probably far worse out there than anything shown in these images.

After you view these images, ask yourself this question:

"What can I do to make a difference in this world?"

Take care, be well, be grateful and create a great day!

In service and servanthood.

Harry

-----------------------------------------------------

VOTED THE BEST EMAIL OF THIS YEAR

If you think you are unhappy, look at them

If you think your salary is low, how about her?

If you think you don't have many friends...

When you feel like giving up, think of this man

If you think you suffer in life, do you suffer as much as he does?

If you complain about your transport system, how about them?

If your society is unfair to you, how about her?

Enjoy life how it is and as it comes
Things are worse for others and is a lot better for us.

There are many things in your life that will catch your eye
but only a few will catch your heart....pursue those...