The Power of Trusting Your Instinct … Again

I thought about naming this blog, “when the student is ready but not listening, the teacher (ala the Universe) will keep beating the student over the head until the student gets it” but alas, the title seemed a little wordy.

As a long time strategy guy, numbers and logic play a very significant role in my Life.  I routinely advise people about the importance of measurable outcomes, facts, data and knowledge in order to convert their dreams into realities.

While my instincts in business are strong, data-centric people like me often struggle when instincts and the need for or lack of data collide.

And within that struggle, an invitation to learn was created for me this morning.

At about 11am this morning, in the midst of a bazillion phone calls, emails, deliverables and everything else, I suddenly felt compelled to go to my local church.

“Hmmm”, I thought, “I wonder where that came from” and I returned to my tasks at-hand.

No sooner had I returned to my work when the message came to me even stronger and I shrugged it off again.

It wasn’t until the third time that the message popped into my head that I paused, looked at the list of things that had to be done today, closed my laptop and proceeded to the church.

I was sitting in the front pew reflecting on a few things for about ten minutes when I suddenly sensed someone behind me.  Again, I ignored my instinct to turn around, albeit briefly, but then curiosity got the better of me and I looked behind me.

A woman, I would guess in her 30’s, was standing there and as I looked at her, she apologized for disturbing me.  I replied that she wasn’t disturbing me at all and I resumed my reflection.  She walked up the aisle and sat in the front pew on the opposite side of the aisle.

A few minutes later she got up, walked over to the baptismal font, touched the water with her hands, wiped her face and then went back and sat down.  Shortly after that, she got up, went to the baptismal font again, touched the water and wiped her face with it and then she went to light a candle between the statues of Joseph and Mary.

Shortly afterward, she return to the front pew and burst into tears.

I gave her privacy for what felt like a minute or so and then went over to ask if there was anything I could help her with.

She shook her head and I asked her if she wanted to talk about it.  She shook her head again.

Uncertain as to how to proceed, I asked her if I could find someone to help her, would she be ok with that and she nodded.

I could have done many things at that moment, including looking for a priest, but something compelled me to look for help elsewhere (no offense to priests). However, having made the offer to help, I had no idea what to do next.

That was when I started to look up therapists online and began calling ones that resonated with me.  I don’t know why – I just started doing it automatically.

I made seven calls.

I got two voicemail systems and four people who, after hearing my story, told me they were booked for the day and that I could make an appointment if I wished.

The seventh one listened to me and then asked me where I was.

I told her what church I was in and she indicated that she would be right over.

Fifteen minutes later, the therapist and the young lady were having a quiet conversation in a corner of the church while I hung out on the opposite side, feeling a little awkward about whether I should leave or stay.

Soon it appeared that they were finished talking and were preparing to leave.  The therapist came over to me and thanked me, indicating that I had done something very special and important today.

The young lady approached me, hesitated for a moment and then hugged me while whispering “thank you”.  It was the only words she had spoken to me during our entire interaction.

The therapist put her arm around the young lady, told me that they were going to her office and that everything would be ok.

And then they left.

Upon reflection ….

In the solitary quiet that had returned to the church, I sat and reflected on what had just happened.  I could have ignored my instinct and remained focused on my day and perhaps created a different type of day for all three people; the young lady, the therapist and myself.   

After all, many times that is indeed what we focus on in this busy world – my day, my problems, my needs, my victories. We live in a world that, despite the promise of social media and technology connecting us, becomes more narcissistic every day.

But then I remembered two other days when my instinct called to me strongly and despite the enormous pressures of those days, I answered the call.  I wrote about the two days here - The Importance of Conversation and The Power of Trusting Your Instinct.

And then it occurred to me that the when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. 

And when the student hasn’t really absorbed the lesson, then the teacher will reappear.

I guess the teacher will keep reappearing as many times as is necessary until the student really gets it.

Hopefully I got it this time.

When your instinct calls you, do you listen to it or do you shrug it off as silliness or irrelevant as compared to the importance of your day?

How will you know how silly or irrelevant it really is unless you listen to it and allow it to guide your actions?

How indeed?

In service and servanthood,

Harry

Team Buy Team Fail–Promoting Anti-Collaboration

I was startled to read in David Freedman’s excellent book Wrong – Why Experts Keep Failing Us that of the top ten airline crashes in the world (killing a total of 2,400 people), six of the ten occurred when one or more of the crew members realized that they were doing something wrong but were afraid to speak up.

Then I got to thinking about an early “collaboration” process adopted by a consulting organization in the early 90’s that we learned to nickname “Team Buy Team Fail”.

In this process, the notion of countering someone’s assertions was deemed to be too negative and could potentially prevent a great idea from blossoming.  For this reason, ideas that were put forward could not be refuted with a “but” but could only be built upon and added to by using “and”.

The idea was brilliant.

Unfortunately, the process assumed that the initial idea put forward was right or appropriate in the first place, otherwise the subsequent builds on the wrong idea took it further in the wrong direction.

It’s like saying “When a snowstorm is present, I like to drive over the speed limit”, someone else adds “and on bald tires”, a third person adds “and while texting friends” and a final contributor adds “and while blindfolded”.

Everyone likes to feel that they contributed to the solution.  Unfortunately, being afraid to call it like it is, to loudly proclaim that “the emperor is naked (or an idiot)”, can prove to be fatal.  Also unfortunately, it seems that the person with the initially bad idea is often less likely to be punished than the people who went along with it.

Collaboration - the solution to everything – maybe

We teach people, young and experienced alike, that one should always seek consensus or collaboration-focused approaches when solving difficulties on a personal, professional or global level.

And it’s true that many times, such a belief will produce a better result than had we chosen to go it alone or against the tide for the heck of it.

However, the same belief can run aground when one of the people present on the team / project is extremely persuasive (or manipulative), intimidating …. and wrong.

That’s why, as a long time strategy guy, I love the use of data and the ability to answer the questions “why” and “how do we know”.   It’s an objective, confrontation-less process (unless people don’t like data or being challenged, in which case it may become very confrontation-filled).  I also prefer to not assume someone is right just because they “sound right” or the majority follows them blindly (ala Jim Jones syndrome).

Unfortunately, there are many people who fear data and difficult questions but find convenience in excuses when their intentions collide with predictable reality.

Saying the right thing (respectfully but forcefully), especially when not welcome, takes courage, audacity and an inner strength that we may be surprised we had.

However, the world won’t become a better place merely because we agree with people who are persuasive, intimidating or believe they have been nominated to represent the opinion of the majority.

I’m not saying that we should needlessly take up a counter position on everything just for the sake of argument as John Cleese does so well in Monty Python’s “Argument Clinic”.

 

 

However, as history teaches us, being in the majority is not always the same as being in the right.

Do you stand up for what is right?

If you don’t, then why not?

What do you think the impact of what you stand for (or not) will be now and in the future?

What do you think the impact of not knowing the answer to the previous question will be?

In service and servanthood,

Harry

A long distance dedication to A. – you know who you are.

If you need encouragement to stand up for what’s right or you don’t believe you are as good as the alleged, often-quoted gurus and experts, I highly recommend David Freedman’s excellent book Wrong – Why Experts Keep Failing Us.  It is an eye opener to say the least.

This description from the publisher:

Our investments are devastated, obesity is epidemic, test scores are in decline, blue-chip companies circle the drain, and popular medications turn out to be ineffective and even dangerous. What happened? Didn't we listen to the scientists, economists and other experts who promised us that if we followed their advice all would be well?

Actually, those experts are a big reason we're in this mess. And, according to acclaimed business and science writer David H. Freedman, such expert counsel usually turns out to be wrong--often wildly so. Wrong reveals the dangerously distorted ways experts come up with their advice, and why the most heavily flawed conclusions end up getting the most attention-all the more so in the online era. But there's hope: Wrong spells out the means by which every individual and organization can do a better job of unearthing the crucial bits of right within a vast avalanche of misleading pronouncements.

The Courage of Your Convictions

Being the asker of audacious questions that disrupt people (especially the questions “why” and “how do you know”), my intentions are often questioned by people who wonder “what’s in it for me” when I challenge people who act without a sense of authenticity, collaboration, direction, intention, strategy, values, morals, ethics and the like.

The singer Meatloaf, in his song “Everything Louder Than Everything Else”, expresses my intentions perfectly when he says:

And I ain't in it for the power,
And I ain't in it for my health
I ain't in it for the glory of anything at all
And I sure ain't in it for the wealth

But I'm in it till it's over and I just can't stop
If you wanna get it done,
You gotta do it yourself

The truth of it is that I am just wired this way.  While many people admire what they perceive to be courage on my part and think that it’s awesome to be audacious, it doesn’t come easy.

And while we have many examples of courage in the world, the reason courageous people stand out is because we have too few people willing to let their courage shine.

Unfortunately, there are also many people who know this and take advantage of it.

Contrasting Examples – Winning

Early in my career in NYC, I was given the task of taking care of a client who ate consultants for breakfast.  He was physically intimidating (height-wise and girth-wise), was verbally abusive to everyone and was subject to no HR oversight, the latter even fearing him and dropping complaints against him if they saw his name referenced in the complaint.

His project was failing, he had fired quite a number of consultants and employees and after my first week of absorbing the project that I had been parachuted into, I sat before him as he gave me his list of demands.

This was an extraordinary list.  Curing cancer, creating world peace, putting a manned colony on Mars and convincing Lindsay Lohan that not all press is good press would have been easier.

When he was finished, he leaned towards me and said “I need it by date x”.

“I can’t do that”, I replied, “It’s physically impossible”.

“No one says “no” to me”, he bellowed, his 6’4”, 400+ pound frame filling my field of vision as his sweaty face turned purple with anger.  He stared at me with the gaze that had convinced many people to change their “no” to a “yes” at their own peril.

“Well it looks like I just did”, I replied. “I can either say “yes” and fail to deliver as the ones before me have done or I can say “no” and negotiate with you what can be done by when.  After all, I’m here to make you look like a star, not to set you up for failure.”.

Was this an example of courage?

Not really - I was shaking in my boots as I listened to the words that came out of my mouth.

Did I just say that?

He seemed taken aback, paused and sat back in his chair, staring at me.

What ensued that day and in the coming months resulted in a product that won many awards internally and externally and was the only project in this organization’s history, then and since, that came in under budget and ahead of schedule.

When the day came for us to part company, my client put his arm around my shoulder and said “Do you know what I always liked about you, Harry?  You were the only guy who wasn’t afraid to say “no” to me.  Everyone else said “yes” and then failed me.  But you helped me by challenging me.”.

Was this courage?

Not really – I just thought it was the right thing to do, even when doing so was difficult, painful and yes …. even professionally lonely.

Contrasting Examples – Losing

Some years ago, I was a member of the board for a children’s charity and there were allegations that the Executive Director was siphoning money and consulting from the organization in preparation to launch his own business.

Everyone on the board knew it and were coming to me privately saying “you should say or do this or that”.  When I asked why they didn’t do it themselves, they all had a variety of answers that amounted to a pile of excuses about pleasing others, not wanting to make waves  or not wanting to offend others, both inside and outside the organization.

The truth was that they were hoping someone else had the courage to fix what they knew to be wrong but they wanted someone else to take all the risks in living out their convictions.  As powerful people, they did not want to be perceived as derailing the charity even though their actions would in fact have strengthened it.

When problems arose with the taxation authorities that the ED played down, I decided enough was enough and presented a case before the board.  While the board members were full of piss and vinegar privately, no one supported my motions publicly and I eventually resigned from the organization, notifying appropriate authorities regarding my thoughts on various matters.  I realized that such a dysfunctional organization could not be saved unless the board had the collective courage to save it.

A couple of months later, the board realized I was right and screwed up the courage to confront the ED with intent to fire him.  He reminded them that since they knew all along that he was breaking rules (and laws), he was going to rat them out as conspirators unless they rewarded him with a golden parachute.

Courage should have challenged the board to think “fool us once, shame on you, fool us twice, shame on us”.  But alas, their courage was fleeting.

Under pain of a threat that he was in no position to make, they paid the cash he was demanding.

He used the money, donated for children, to start his own company for his own gain.

Courage is not easy

We associate courage with overcoming fear, difficult circumstance et al - to do something uncommon that others might not do or to persevere through difficulty, not backing down just because someone else says we should.

While there are many “good” courageous people out there, there are unfortunately, many “not-so-good” courageous people out there, who use brazenness, threats, power and other things to drive their agenda – pushing it down the throats of people who won’t stand up for what matters to them.

And while the coffee shops of the world are filled with courageous intentions and passionate cries to “fix the world”, those intentions fade rapidly under the wilting punishment of those who are more courageous in driving their own agenda than those being steamrolled by the same agenda.  As F. Scott Fitzgerald once mused:

At eighteen our convictions are hills from which we look; at forty-five they are caves in which we hide.

Unfortunately, courage is not limited to those who are well-intentioned and dedicated to the betterment of mankind.

While my Life has been a blessing of passionate, smart, service-oriented people, I have also had to stare down politicians, business leaders, church leaders, military figures and other interesting people who think that anyone who challenges their inappropriate intentions are individuals who must be silenced by any and all means (literally) before the masses discover what they are up to.

And when I run into one of those folks, I think of a line in Desiderata that says:

Even the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story.

That may be so.

But when “the dull and the ignorant” are driving an agenda that either serves their needs at the expense of others or actually threatens to harm us in some way, then we need to decide if we have the courage to put up a hand and say “Before you / we proceed, I need to ask a question” or the more audacious “Stop – I don’t accept this”.

Otherwise, the story of the dull and ignorant may become our story.

And depending on their intentions, it may not be a story that we appreciate being included in …. or playing a starring role in.

Dag Hammarskjold once said:

Never for the sake of peace and quiet deny your convictions.

When we deny our convictions, the peace and quiet that we think we have earned will be of short duration.

I think that true, sustainable peace and quiet comes later - after we have exercised our courage.

What do you think?

In service and servanthood,

Harry

You are the light of the world.  A town built on a hill cannot be hidden.  Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl.  Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.  In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds. - Matthew 5:14-16 (NIV)

Addendum

While my examples suggest that courage is all about action, sometimes great courage is needed to take no action when others demand it.  Acts such as patience, surrender or trusting someone else, when warranted, may take immense courage to carry out.  The potential to demonstrate courage is unique to the situation and the individuals involved.

Meanwhile, we now have people in Canada developing apps like You’re So Rude.  The app is for people who don’t have the courage to stand up to rude people directly but instead, allows the affronted to send an anonymous email to the offender.  It doesn’t take much courage to do things in anonymity and as a result, the actions produced will have little if any real effect. 

As a Canadian who has often remarked on the passive-aggressive nature of some Canadians, apps like this don’t help negate the argument for the existence of such passive-aggressiveness. :-)  However, I wonder if such apps will do nothing more than enable cyber bullying, an act that takes NO courage to perform but can often take significant courage to endure.

Waiting for Permission

I was honored and privileged to speak at the 2012 Calgary City Teacher’s Convention last week on the subject of leadership and education and as is often the case, a number of post-presentation exchanges between myself and convention attendees took place.

One thing that really strikes me with such spontaneous conversations is the number of fantastic ideas brewing in people’s heads that never reach the light of day.

What is intriguing is that many of these ideas are not “how I can get rich” ideas but instead, are often “here is how I can positively impact the world or give back to the world” ideas, all the more reason why these ideas need to be allowed to develop and flourish.  These ideas are not only worthy of encouragement, they are in fact ideas that I believe the world is hungry for.

Sadly, another theme often stands out when I speak to people about their great ideas.

It is the theme of fear.  They worry that people may think their idea is stupid, that their spouse or partner may not support their idea, that the idea will collapse anyway so why even bother or they have some other self-limiting, unjustifiable belief.

Of course, when you speak to them, they don’t describe their fear in this way.  They will rationalize their failure to execute in any number of ways and when one analyzes and nullifies the rationalizations, then the real origin of their fear manifests.

Can you blame them for being afraid to follow their passion?

Think of the following tactics often used in raising kids.

1. Don’t speak to strangers – they are out to kidnap you and hurt you.

2. Fit in and conform – standing out is not worth the effort and you will probably be punished for it anyway (the “tall grass catches the lawnmower blade” syndrome).

3. Don’t play in the street or close to water – a car may run over you and kill you or you may fall in and drown.

4. Don’t tattle on others – it is not good to be a tattler; one should strive not to do bad things to others or to make waves and the one you are tattling on may beat you up when they find out you tattled on them.

5. Don’t question those in authority – they are always right and have your best intentions at heart.

6. Always put others first (even if it means sacrificing one’s self) because that’s what good, “unselfish” people do.

Think of how this programming impacts us later in Life.

1. All strangers are evil and out to destroy us and for this reason we should be suspicious and distrustful of new connections.  Unfortunately for many people, this also results in them not pursuing the connections that would enable their dreams.

2. Good ideas are something that will only get us in trouble, and we all want to avoid trouble, right?  So the next time a cool idea pops in our head, we should prepare for a lifetime of angst as the need to bring it to fruition competes with our belief it will fail anyway.

3. Don’t try anything fun or new because it is inherently risky and has a significant opportunity to end painfully and potentially catastrophically.  See the previous point.

4. When you see something that is wrong, don’t bother reporting it.  It will probably create more trouble than it’s worth anyway.  Meanwhile, we criticize others (especially public figures) when they don’t do “the right thing” quickly enough for our liking.

5. We don’t question people in authority or with a long list of accreditations because this would be considered disrespectful.  Meanwhile, in many situations, people who should be held accountable for less than desired behavior are allowed to continue their behavior (and sometimes are actually rewarded for it) because we choose not to do something about it.

6. Too many people live with the belief that serving others first is ALWAYS more important than honoring themselves, producing a martyrdom in many people that creates frustration, burnout and a stifling of personal passion and purpose.  After all, many have grown up believing that to think of one’s self first is selfish when in actuality, investing in one’s self actually empowers one to serve others much more effectively.

After years of burdening our youth with the baggage of “this won’t work / it can’t be done this way / it must be done that way”, we expect them to transform themselves overnight and to live a life of passionately following their dreams.  Meanwhile they pass on the same baggage to their kids.  It’s not their fault – it’s the only thing that they know.

Those who weren’t raised with these crippling rules or who find ways to overcome this baggage are the ones who make a big impact on the world.

Good and bad.

They don’t wait for permission, support or an endorsement of any kind.  They embrace their passion and they go for it, taking no prisoners and asking for forgiveness later … if at all.

We need to raise the next generation to think this way, to balance respect and knowledge of risk with the importance of following their passion unabashedly, with the right amount of fear that propels them and keeps them honest while not crippling them.

We need more people to move beyond thinking and talking about things and to actually making them happen.

Yes, we have many people who inspire … but we need many more.

Then and only then will we see the human race reach its true potential.

I believe for every great idea that we see come to fruition and for every person who inspires us, there are 100 (or 10,000) more ideas and people who would inspire us equally.

Maybe one of those people is you.

Howard Thurman, minister, educator and civil rights leader, once said:

Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.

People who commit evil in the world don’t wait for permission to do what they do.

People who are able to do good in the world shouldn’t wait either.

People like you.

Now if you will excuse me, I’m off to do some good in the world.

Well … that is if it’s ok with you.

Well … if it’s not, I don’t really care. :-)

Create a great day for yourself and others.

In service and servanthood,

Harry

Obligations and Responsibilities

I came upon an interesting prayer today by Richard Woike Sr. that really struck me.

I share it with you here.

“A Prayer to Avoid” - Richard Woike, Sr.

O thou pleasant, comfortable, kindly, good-natured God: How glad I am that I can look forward, with a reasonable degree of certainty, to another ordinary day. Keep me today from anything that taxes my faith, from discomfort, from unnecessary strain, from unusual problems, especially those involving sickness or death, or the necessity of extending financial aid to relatives and friends.

Dear Lord, grant that nothing may occur which will disturb my satisfaction with the way I am, and the things I say, and the thoughts I think, the acts I do, or the many deeds I leave undone. Give me this day, in addition to my daily bread, the butter, meats, and sweetmeats that are my necessary diet, and let me not be troubled by qualms of conscience concerning the amount of time and money I spend on food and clothing, pastimes, good and bad, and those pursuits which, while not of spiritual value, are the accepted hallmark of the normal citizen of this enlightened community in this enlightened age.

About the future and the darkening trend of things, keep me from thoughtfulness. Events rush on, the world travails. Can screaming headlines prove thy hand’s at work this very moment, bringing near that fateful cry, ‘Behold! He comes!’? O, Lord, such disconcerting thoughts! Keep me from worrying about such things, and guide me safely to and from my office, and my home.

Amen.

As a strategy guy and an eternal-analyst, I usually have an observation about practically everything.

However, in this case, I think those who “get it” will “get it”.

As for the rest, eventually they will get it ….. hopefully.

In service and servanthood.

Harry

Ethics and the Courage To Do What’s Right

On Friday night, I happened to watch Courageous, a powerful movie from the makers of Fireproof about the idea that “honor begins at home”.  I highly recommend the movie although I will warn viewers, even big tough men like myself, that a box of Kleenex will come in handy in a couple of places.

After the movie was finished, I reflected on the importance of honor and ethics in my professional career.  Many times over the years, I had to choose between doing the right thing (potentially impacting myself and my family in a significant, negative way) versus turning a blind eye to a situation in order to “play it safe”.

At one client on Wall St, a household-name in the banking industry, a number of “star players” inside the Bank had been running a significant pornography operation on Bank servers (unbeknownst to senior Bank officers).  So the same infrastructure that ran online banking for customers also provided pornography services to other clients.

When I stumbled upon this, it seemed to me that the obvious thing to do was to point this out and have it shut down.  However, I was immediately cautioned against this by Bank staff, suggesting that since these guys were “the stars” of the organization, the Bank would punish whistleblowers in an effort to cover up the situation while allowing the whistleblowers to go about their business.

So the message was:

It doesn’t matter what you believe is right. Shut up and suck it up like everyone else and everything will be ok for everyone.  If you speak up, the only person who will be punished is you.

It was a time when I couldn’t really afford to be without work and so for a moment, I was stymied as to what to do.  If I did what I knew was right, I risked losing it all and putting my family in financial trouble.

If I chose to do nothing, income would continue to flow but I knew that I would carry an ever-growing burden that I was doing something against my own beliefs.

In the end, my belief in doing the right thing overpowered my fear that I would fall into catastrophic financial disaster and I blew the whistle on these guys.  I stepped out in faith, believing that ultimately good things happen to good people.

The right people heard the message, did the right thing, the pornography sites were shut down, the “stars” were dismissed and I was thanked profusely for having done the right thing.

It also produced many years of abundance, when oftentimes the tie breaker between myself and other candidates competing for the same business was my high level of personal ethics and my courage to do the right thing in difficult times.

As I reflected on this event and other experiences over the years, both my own and those of my colleagues, I realize that the structural tension of “doing the right thing” today is more difficult than ever.

We have many competing pressures in today’s world, not the least of which is taking care of ourselves and our families in challenging times. 

Meanwhile, the professional world is filled with people who use various of intimidation, including reminding people of potential financial or reputational impact if they insist on following their ethics to do “the right thing”.

But as I think back to many situations where I was called to make difficult decisions based on my own ethics and suffered through endless sleepless nights agonizing about “should I do this or should I not”, I realize a few important things.

While the transition through such times was difficult, the long-term rewards were far greater than the short-term “carrot” of keeping the pay check coming in or avoiding a bully who threatened to slam my reputation in an effort to force my compliance to his / her agenda.

Equally important, doing the right thing allows me to stand proud, knowing I did the right thing when many people admitted that they would have “sucked it up” just to keep a pay check coming in, even if they felt guilty about doing it.  I was true to myself, a principle that brings great personal peace to one’s Life.

Thirdly, there were many people who supported my decisions – I was never alone.  Neither are you.

Finally, there are many who look to us for guidance and inspiration.  Our actions not only impact our Life but the lives of many who see us as a model to be emulated …. so we should choose wisely.

Maybe doing the right thing here and there doesn’t mean much to some people.

However, over a lifetime, little things here and there add up to a lot.

It forms the basis for how we will be remembered long after we are gone.

And clients who engage with me know what the rules are before we engage.  I am flexible in every aspect of negotiation and execution except when it comes to my ethics, morals and values.

I’m not perfect by a long shot and have made my share of mistakes.

However, when my end-of-days has arrived, I will have done my best to say that I lived a life with no regrets and I will face my judgement knowing that I did the best I could with what I had.

Are you willing to stand up for what you believe in or are you one of those people who constantly brings the tension home to your family or to your friends at the coffee shop, constantly expressing frustration over a situation while doing nothing about it …..

…. as the structural tension between knowing the right thing and doing the right thing slowly tears you (and potentially others) apart.

In difficult times, it is important to remember that you are never alone nor are you the first person to experience what you are experiencing.  Many people have lived through what you are experiencing and are thriving as a result of the experience.

And knowing this, remember also that the world is waiting for more people to do the right thing, based on a higher level of ethics, morals and values.

The question is …. what are you waiting for?

In service and servanthood,

Harry

PS  I wouldn’t be half the person I am had it not been for great mentors in my Life.  I was thinking about a great mentor of mine, Richard Giordanella, whom I last saw 5 years ago just before he died of cancer.  He was a huge proponent of living by a strong code of ethics.  I share a blog entry here that I wrote about him a few years ago.

Accountability and Authenticity

For my Musings-in-a-Minute version, please click here.

As I dressed this morning, I donned a pair of jeans and a yellow polo shirt and prepared to meet the day - nothing significant to report there.

However, to a small band of entrepreneurs in New York in the late 90’s to early 2000’s, Tuesday was Yellow Shirt Day.

I had forgotten about it until this morning.

The origins of Yellow Shirt Day were innocent enough.  One Tuesday, a member of my team, Narender and I wore a yellow shirt on the same day.  We laughed about it and said every Tuesday should be Yellow Shirt Day and dismissed the joke.

To my surprise on the next Tuesday, the entire team wore a yellow shirt.  Guys who didn’t own a yellow shirt went out and bought one just for the day.

The tradition being born, we embraced it every Tuesday.  On Tuesday, we would go for a walk during our lunch break and compliment other people who wore yellow shirts.  The reaction from strangers on the streets of New York covered a broad spectrum, ranging from humorous to angry.

The co-founder of Yellow Shirt Day, Narender Nath, was killed in the World Trade Center less than a year later during the horror of 9/11.

Narender came to mind this morning as I realized I was wearing a yellow shirt on Tuesday.

Narender was as close to a perfect human being as I have been able to find on this planet. 

He preferred humor over anger.

He chose directness instead of misdirection. 

He selected honesty over dishonesty.

He embraced transparency instead of being opaque. 

He wished people to be accountable for their actions and was quite direct about it.

He preferred to be proactive and to embrace his passion instead of being apathetic and indifferent.

He avoided being a one-man-band – he was a collaborator by nature.

He didn’t reinvent what someone else had already created.  He recognized the value of leveraging what someone else had worked hard to create.

He asked nothing of anyone.  He led by example.

As I thought about Narender this morning, I was wondering if we have learned anything as a society since he died.

Greed, apathy, indifference and corruption appear to be around us more than ever.

Deception seems to be the way the game is played in many levels of society.  The model of “say one thing and do another” seems to be commonly practiced by leaders and those who are led.

Senseless wars against “this and that” appear to be the preferred model of solving anything.  We have a war against terror, a war against global warming and a war against extinction.  We appear to always be fighting what we don’t like instead of embracing the solution we should be striving for.

Headlines of failure in the housing market, the financial market and the employment market hammer us daily.

The starving, impoverished, diseased and destitute continue to cry out for help.

The media encourages us to focus on the disaster all around us under the guise of informing us.

Many of us who are hammered by the media do the best we can, all the while struggling with our need to be more authentic to ourselves and to others.

If only we could get some breathing room, we reason, then we could be more true to ourselves.

We could then shake off the negative messaging from the media and truly discover the world for its beauty and potential.

Narender looked at this challenge differently.

He didn’t wait for the breathing space in order to create authenticity within himself.

He knew that if he waited for the opportunity to be authentic with himself and with others, he would wait forever and would be incredibly frustrated as he waited.

If you were to ask Narender what he saw in the world, you would swear he lived on a different planet.  In a world allegedly filled with collapse, Narender saw growth.

In a world of war and hate, Narender saw love and nurturing.

In a world of indifference and apathy, Narender saw the opportunities that lay before those who followed their passion to make a positive impact.

Our world is what we believe it to be.

The media wants us to believe it is all coming apart.

Narender believed it to be one of unlimited opportunity for living, loving, learning and leaving a legacy.

I know you believe this also.

However, when you find yourself in the structural tension between what you believe and what you manifest, remember this:

Each of us owns the responsibility for changing our own world and subsequently the world around us.

If we wait for the world to give us the opportunity to become self-enabled to the point where we can finally start living an impactful life we will never get there.

And that makes for a pretty depressing journey of wasted, unrealized potential

Don’t let this happen to you.

As many experts say and as Narender practiced:

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

Yes, it is an overused statement.

But perhaps it is overused because we still haven’t learned the truth within it and so we need to keep hearing it.

How do you see the world today?  How badly would you like to see it in a different light?

Look around you – there are many people who are ready to collaborate with you to create that world.

Yours in service and servanthood.

Harry

PS – A guy by the name of Mike walked into the coffee shop as I was writing this.  He was wearing a yellow shirt also and so I couldn’t resist introducing myself and telling him the story of Narender and Yellow Shirt Day.  As he left, he laughed and said “maybe we can start Yellow Shirt Day where I work”.  That would be cool, Mike!

It sometimes doesn’t take much to influence someone else in a positive way.

Simple actions touch hearts and in turn influence minds.  Whose heart are you touching today?

For my Musings-in-a-Minute version, please click here.

Appreciating What We Create – A Lesson from Michael Jackson

For my “Musings-in-a-Minute” version of this blog entry, please click here.

The world was saddened yesterday by the death of Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson.

Michael Jackson’s death was seen as particularly tragic, given the gifts and talents that he had contrasted with the many seemingly bizarre events and actions in his life.  He lived a life in deep physical and mental anguish.  As one person noted this morning on the radio – he died beloved by millions but loved by few.

One of the sad elements of Michael Jackson’s passing is how some people are focusing on the unusual elements of his life – the charges against him in the early 2000’s (of which he was acquitted on all counts), his child-like way of being, his unusual behavior with his children (who can forget him dangling his child from the balcony) and other actions and behaviors that we cite as strange, bizarre or unusual.

Many choose to be critical of many of these actions.

While it is true that we shouldn’t condone them or dismiss them, there is, however, something that we need to understand about his actions and the actions of other people like him.

We own responsibility for who Michael Jackson was – the good and the bad.

I’m referring to the “royal we” – society itself.

We created a society that craves for the talents of people like Michael Jackson.

In doing so, we enable the actions of many people around him, starting from his parents and moving right up through the ranks and the years to his handlers, agents and such.  There are many people who will use someone like Michael Jackson to achieve their own selfish need or to satisfy the need of the populace at large at the expense of others.

We do this with a lot of celebrities.

We do this with a lot of corporations – demanding that their products be sleeker, sexier, smaller, lighter, more colorful, more feature filled, provide an unreasonable rate of return, etc. and we want it now.  Later on, we punish the company when we discover that they took a lot of moral, ethical and perhaps legal shortcuts to get there.

I’m not saying the shortcuts are right nor should they be dismissed.  However, I am suggesting that many of us who criticize may have taken the same shortcut if the opportunity to please the populace existed and the reward was as great.

We may deny it but the fact remains that most of us have our price.

If we examine the financial turmoil that we are in today, we are constantly looking for scapegoats to hang high.  “How dare they do this to us”, we cry, “We have been robbed.”.

And yet, the warnings have been coming for years.  We chose to ignore them because life was too good for most of us – why worry about tomorrow when the life of today is great?

If we look at the incarcerated individual, many look down on them as disgusting, immoral, perverted, twisted, deranged, insane or some other word.

A word that allows us to differentiate ourselves from them – to establish a magical line that separates good from evil.

It is however, a word that also hides the fact that these people for the most part are created, not born, that way.

If we had the same genetics and identical life experiences, there is a high probability that those people would be looking down on us using the same words, as we would be inside the walls and they would be outside.

I’m not suggesting that people not be held accountable. 

There are also incredible examples of people who have overcome staggering odds to become phenomenal role models in society.

We should spend more time trying to figure out what brings out that positive element of their life, to help others discover this magic elixir of converting a lost life into one of profound, positive impact.

Until such a magic pill is discovered, we should be more cautious about looking to blame the other person or criticizing them for everything that affronts us and ask ourselves “What role did I play in this?  If nothing else, maybe I could have held more people accountable and exerted more positive influence.”

Because in the end, a few variations in our Life path are sometimes all it takes to send us in a direction that we criticize when we see it in others.

We need to change our behavior, otherwise greater corrections are in our future.

Let’s create positively and proactively.

Let’s do the absolute best we can with everything within our influence.

Let’s be consistent with our expectations – let’s be cognizant of the downstream impact of our needs, wants and desires – on ourselves, on others and on our environment.

Let’s cherish what we create – the good, the bad and everything in between.

Let’s try harder to cherish more, criticize less, understand more, help more and love more.

When we see something that affronts us, let’s put more energy into solving it or healing it then criticizing it.

After all – whether we like the results or not, we created them as a society.

All of them.

So let’s make a choice to own and create better results – as leaders, as family members, as contributors to community and as residents on this planet.

Michael Jackson did some things wrong in his life.  He did a lot of things right.  He overcame a lot.  Despite some of the things that he did that were wrong, he left a legacy to millions.

John Ruskin had a stone on his desk with one word carved in it. 

The word was “Today”.

What are you doing with the gift of today to leave a positive legacy to others?

Look within before looking outside.

Yours in service and servanthood.

Harry

For my “Musings-in-a-Minute” version of this blog entry, please click here.

Creating an “Oprah Moment”

I receive hundreds of emails every day, many from people who are soliciting me for money, ideas or something else that they are in need of.

Many of the solicitation emails are from complete strangers and most of those get deleted pretty quickly.  We can’t help everyone.

Some time ago, I received a message from a complete stranger and as I read the message, I did not experience the desire to automatically hit delete.  In fact, as I read it, something in the back of my mind told me to sit up and pay attention to this.

It wasn’t the way it was written.  It had nothing to do with the subject.  However, something in the message resonated with me and I decided to dig deeper.

The author of this email tells an incredible story.  It is a story of a woman living in Germany in the 1960’s who was in a situation of relationship battery.  She was rescued by a knight in shining armor whom she fell in love with.  Her knight, who was stationed in Germany with the US military, was transferred out of Germany and went to serve in Vietnam.  She never heard from him again.

However, she discovered that she was pregnant and gave birth to a son. 

It was her son who reached out to me.  He is now a strong family man himself who runs his own company in the US. 

He is hoping to find his father, to say thank you for being there for his mother during her time of need.  He seeks nothing other than to express gratitude for giving him life, a life that he expresses gratitude for on a regular basis.

Why did he reach out to me?

The man he seeks is Harry Tucker.  He has been reaching out to all the Harry Tuckers he can find with the hopes that he can find “the one” to whom he can express his gratitude to.

Something told me not to delete this email.  I did my own check of this person and found that his story appeared to be legitimate.

I felt a strong calling to help this man and a friendship ensued.

I think he was just as surprised to find a complete stranger who wanted to help him as I was that I felt so strongly to help him.  :-)

In the course of using my network to find the other Harry Tucker, I have become reconnected with people I haven’t spoken to in over 30 years.  I have also been connected with other incredibly passionate people who are adding to my life in so many ways as we all become gripped with the desire to find the other Harry Tucker. 

As we make progress towards finding this guy, I am witnessing something else.

I am watching love and kindness develop between a bunch of complete strangers over a story and a group of people who could just as easily mean nothing to us.

We are creating what I like to call an “Oprah moment”, the type of thing we often see on shows like Oprah where a bunch of people find their heart seized by a purpose-filled calling and they go for it for reasons they can’t explain.

Sometimes the story is the classic reunion of long-separated people that causes the viewers to cry and laugh as they watch and listen to the story of seemingly impossible odds that were overcome in order to create the Oprah moment.

Are we heading for an Oprah moment with this story?  I sure hope so.  Nothing would make me happier than to see these two men embrace and to tell their story.  All I can say for now is that the sequence of events that have transpired since this gentleman and I have connected are beyond simple coincidence.

I believe we are being guided by a Higher Authority who seems to be guiding us in an interesting direction.

The way this manifested makes me realize that there are many Oprah moments developing all around us.  In some, we are being invited to answer someone else’s call.  In others, we are hoping someone will answer ours.

In either case, there is an unlimited pool of connected, intelligent, kind, loving people waiting to help manifest these Oprah moments.

In a world where the media wants us to believe that everything is falling apart, including human values and virtues, I believe that the reverse is true.  I believe that human values and virtues are alive and well.

What stands out is what we choose to focus on.

If we believe the world is filled with hate, violence, disrespect, distrust, lack of faith and people focused on destroying everything of value, then we are right.

However, if we think that the world is filled with love, kindness, faith, respect, trust and people committed to offering a helping hand to those in need, then we are right also.

We attract and create that which we believe in and embrace.

The Universe is constantly sending us signals of potential Oprah moments.  Whether they manifest or not depends in large part to how receptive we are to these signals and whether we take action once we have received the signal.

Remember how those Oprah moments always make us feel good when we see them or read about them?

Imagine how they’ll make us feel when we are participating in one.

C’mon …. make the rest of us cry and laugh and feel good about humanity by embracing or creating one.  Let’s open ourselves to feeling the love that envelops us when our heart is seized by an Oprah moment.

Right now.

Our beautiful world has an infinite supply of potential Oprah moments.

There is at least one within each of our spheres of influence right now …..… waiting.

We need to be alert and receptive to them.

Once we are there, we just need to step up and participate in them.

Yours in service and servanthood.

Harry

Check Your Passion at the Door

I was thinking the other day of a sign I saw on a developed beach many years ago.  I don’t recall the exact verbiage on the sign but it went something like this:

Beach Rules

No ball playing

No Frisbee playing

No swimming

No picnics or food consumption

No bicycles on boardwalk

No animals permitted

Enjoy the beach – it is here for your enjoyment

I remember reading this and laughing at the irony.  However, after I laughed, I noticed that the beach was also pretty much empty.  The intention by the owner had stifled any opportunity for most people to find fulfillment and therefore they stayed away regardless of what the owners thought the beach could provide for people.  People went elsewhere where their passions around beach usage could be explored and enjoyed.

The other day I was re-reading Donald R. Keough’s “The 10 Commandments for Business Failure” and I wasn’t laughing.   As I was reading this, I was thinking about a number of groups, business units and volunteer groups, that were unable to gain traction and momentum and they were on my mind as I read the book.

For those who haven’t read this great book, the 11 commandments (yes, there are 11) that Keough believes are embraced by people intent on snatching failure from the jaws of victory are as follows:

1. Quit taking risks

2. Be inflexible

3. Isolate yourself

4. Assume infallibility

5. Play the game close to the foul line – blur moral/ethical lines

6. Don’t take time to think

7. Put all your faith in experts and outside consultants

8. Love your bureaucracy

9. Send mixed messages

10. Be afraid of the future

11. Lose your passion for work, for life

For the sake of my thoughts today, I’m going to rename number 11 to read:

11. Lose your passion - or allow someone to take it from you

After re-reading this book and digesting its wisdom yet again, I stumbled upon a short half-page article on the web by Dr. Tom Cocklereece where he focused on the 11th commandment and discussed ways that churches are choking the passion out of people to make a difference to their church.  His brief article really resonated with me.

Dr. Cocklereece posits that if you really want to fail, then lose your passion – lose your optimism that the impossible is not only possible but is probable if your passion is strong enough.

He goes on to discuss the great idea killers of our society today, including the perennial favorites “that’s good enough.”, “that’s not my job.”, “I don’t care.”, “I’m retiring soon anyway.” or the classic “we have never done it that way before.”.

Here is my favorite lately.

“Don’t rock the boat”.

It comes in many flavors but it translates into the same thing:

You represent change and change is something I fear, so I will do whatever it takes to prevent you from changing my world even if my world needs change.

OR

I would rather not change and continue to demonstrate minimal results than change and produce results.

OR

The suggestion of change represents a threat to my authority since people will discover that I am not the only source of ideas and therefore I will block your initiatives to enhance our results in order to protect my authority.

People resisting such change will discover reserves of energy that they (and you) never thought they had.  If only they had that much passion for creating more measurable, impactful results in the first place.

I think there are many times when one shouldn’t rock the boat.  For example, if a group is producing great results or results that are already meeting the expectations of the upstream or downstream people of that group, then the group should be left alone.

If the group doesn’t actually want to achieve anything, the fact that you see potential is irrelevant – they are happy and should be left alone.

If the group is outside your forte, area of influence or responsibility, then you should probably leave them alone.

If you couldn’t do any better yourself, then you should leave them alone.

However, if the group is not meeting the expectations of the mandate established for them or are violating ethical, moral or legal guidelines then they deserve to be rocked.

If you are a member of the group or a group upstream or downstream from that group and are impacted as a result of their apathy, indifference or incompetence, then the group deserves to be rocked.

If they are promoting a message or mission of “x” and are intentionally misrepresenting traction towards that mission, then they deserve to be rocked.

If they are in a mode of constantly blaming everyone and everything else for their inability to execute and some of the previous criteria apply, then they deserve to be rocked.

That’s not to say that we should be on a personal mission to be looking for people and groups who need to be shaken up.  Not only would that be be exhausting, in many situations we don’t have the right to interfere.

However, I am witnessing more and more people who are directly involved with groups plagued with apathy, indifference or incompetence, have an awareness of unethical, immoral or illegal activities within those groups or have a knowledge of significantly better ways of delivering results and yet are choosing to look the other way, even if they know that people upstream or downstream from that group are being adversely impacted.

Looking the other way would be bad enough if they looked away and forgot about it.

However, they are consumed by what they are witnessing and tell people privately about how such actions violate their psyche based on some personal standard.  Publically, they claim to have no issues or concerns. 

However, their passion for correcting things is just talk.  For some reason, their passion will not carry them towards taking action.

They do this to protect personal or business interests, appearances, reputation (fearing the “why did you allow this to go on so long” question), friendships, etc.

“I don’t want to rock the boat”, they say, all the while suggesting it is clearly important to them because they can’t stop talking about it or better – they are constantly imploring you to carry their fight for them.

My thought to them in return:

“Isn’t it better to rock the boat then watch it sink?”

Maybe rocking the boat will slosh the stagnant water out of the boat, enabling it to ride higher in the water.  Maybe some excess cargo that is weighing the boat down will get sloshed out as well.

It was expressed to me recently that I should tone down my passion for excellence and results so that I don’t offend others in a particular group.

What’s wrong with asking those people to pick up their passion for excellence and results so that I am not offended or so that the people directly affected by their actions are not disappointed or offended?

If they are offended that their track record for producing no result is being challenged, perhaps they deserve to be offended.

Don’t the users of their product or service deserve the best result possible?

Why do we accept a lackluster result as acceptable under the guise of not offending someone?

In a world of political correctness, we are often cautioned not to offend the person not producing or contributing because “everyone is doing the best they can”. 

However, sometimes we need to gently point those people in a different direction, where they can produce a better result than where they are.  They will probably be happier anyway once they are in a place where their contribution is more in line with their abilities.

As Donald Trump once said, we need to be careful that we don’t get caught up in a world where “we reward people just for showing up”.

In a world where our ethical, moral and legal guidelines are constantly being evaluated and many times being relaxed, we need to start demanding a higher standard, not accepting a lower one.

What’s wrong with asking the frequently avoided questions, to use a term I first heard my friend Steve Bannister use?

Let’s start asking more questions.

Questions about passion.

Questions about purpose.

Questions about measurable outcomes.

Questions about ethics, morals and legalities.

Questions about achieving results.

Questions about consistency between our stated intentions and our actual execution.

Let’s not ask the questions as in “you have the wrong answers and I have the right ones”.

Let’s ask them from the standpoint of “if we ask the questions together and challenge each other towards a higher standard then we will produce a better result and we will all learn from the process”.

Let’s not be afraid to ask questions.  When asked from the standpoint of maximizing results in a respectful, collaborative and knowledge-sharing way, there is nothing wrong with asking them and in fact, we should ask them.

We are not trying to figure out who is right or wrong or who is smarter.

We are trying to figure out how to produce the best result possible.

Let’s not lower our expectations to the lowest common denominator.

Let’s raise them to the highest common denominator.

Let’s raise them to the best result possible based on our collective talents and not limit them based on the talents of the weakest link.

The consumers of our products and services deserve and demand it.

The members of these groups and organizations deserve it.

The people who invest their time, talent and treasure deserve it.

We deserve it.

The Earth deserves it.

Our children deserve it.

This is not a license to bully others as some people who resist change or protect apathy like to do.  It’s a license to collaborate and seek the best result possible.

It’s a license to live to your greatest potential, love yourself and others, learn (and share knowledge) and to leave a legacy.

If you are not making progress, move on – there is someone else out there desperate for your passion.  The folks you leave behind perhaps need to learn additional lessons before your respective passions can be in congruence.

Remember the law of the 4 SWs:

• some will
• some won’t
• so what
• someone’s waiting.

As Dr. Cocklereece closed his article:

If we truly value something we will do it—not just teach or talk about it.

Be passionate!

Your passion is simmering – what do you want to do with it and how badly do you want to achieve it?

Do you know the answer?

Good – what are you waiting for – get on with it.

The emperor is not wearing any clothes.  Someone is waiting for you to cry out.  Don’t worry – once you step up and call it, you will be surrounded by many people happy to step up and support you.

If your passion already has a home and is producing results, I thank you.  You are a role model from which we can all learn.

Whether your passion flows unrestrained or is still evolving, I thank you for it - we all benefit from it when the time is right for it to manifest.

In service and servanthood.

Harry

PS A day after I posted this, I came across a quote by Zig Ziglar that I thought embodied this post perfectly.

“Don’t be a wandering generality – become a meaningful specific”.

Live passionately and on purpose.

May your purpose be seized by your passion – don’t let anyone put your fire out.

Creating A Different Kind of Noise

What a cacophony we are bombarded with these days:

• increasing issues regarding global warming
• terrorism
• the Iraq war
• the war in Afghanistan
• coming soon according to some – the war against Pakistan or some other nation that displeases us
• an energy crisis
• a health crisis
• a financial crisis
• a public wave of murder / suicides related to the financial crisis
• swine flu (just when you thought you had reached your saturation point of bad news)
• a level of political correctness so powerful that we can’s say anything that might offend anybody (which means we can say very little)
• a level of political bullying, such that if you voice specific opinions on certain subjects, you are immediately publically vilified (meanwhile we say – it’s a good thing we aren’t as ignorant to the opinions of others as they were in the 15th century).
• an increased sense of paranoia that something or someone is ready to kill us at any moment unless we relinquish our freedom in exchange for security.  Interestingly enough, the people we are relinquishing our freedom to are the people who tell us we are in trouble.
• a litany of misinformation, including the soldiers of Abu Ghraib  prison who were punished as rogues that violated the human rights of Iraqis when we now discover they were acting under orders from the top of the US administration.

Is it any wonder that our minds don’t melt from an overload of such negative information?

I think they have melted somewhat – we just haven’t figured it out yet.  Some people suggest that our minds have melted so badly that we have lost the ability to self diagnose or that we have correctly diagnosed the issues but we are too tired or afraid to do anything.

I don’t believe this to be true – I believe that our passion burns hot and deep.  Many of us just need a little help bringing this burning desire to the surface.

When I write blogs or articles that reference the need to assert our passion more, to love others more, to follow our faith more (however we define it) and to make a greater difference in the world, hundreds of people privately applaud me but most are afraid to do so in public. 

They fear repercussions from family, friends and co-workers.  Some are politicians more focused on being re-elected than doing what they know is the right thing.  As one friend noted – '”Do you realize that your thoughts are needed but not welcome in the circles of authority?”.

How unfortunate.

In a part of the world founded on encouraging an exchange of thoughts (without necessarily having to agree with them), incubating a belief in the “American Dream” (or the Canadian equivalent), being passionate about the things important to us, holding civil and corporate leaders to specific standards of morals and values, and championing rights and freedoms important to our ancestors, it seems to me that we are losing the strength or interest to assert our beliefs, our passions and most importantly, our voice. 

Some of us have become intimidated to the point where many of us (not all, thankfully) fear for our reputation if we publically follow our heart.  Meanwhile, our spirits may feel crushed by the constant bombardment of bad news and we are caught in an internal tug of war, knowing what needs to be done but being afraid to do it.

Sometimes it is difficult to see that in this onslaught of bad news there are passionate people out there making a difference in the areas where we need it most – empowering us to effect positive change for our environment, promoting the health and wellness of people around the planet, building peace within humanity and strengthening the ecological / economical future of our planet.

We should be grateful for these people.

We should find a group that aligns with what we hold to be important for ourselves and our families and join that group.

Groups like Canada’s World, World Vision, Samaritan’s Purse, Oxfam, the Clinton Foundation and others are leading the way to making a difference.

If you don’t know who to speak to, reach out to someone like me – people like me love to connect passionate people with other passionate people.

If you don’t like these organizations, don’t complain about them.  Use your energy to help them improve their offering and execution.  If you feel that you caught in a trap of excessive complaining without action, reach out to this group, A Complaint Free World.  They’ll help you get back on track.

If existing groups still don’t work for you, create a new group that makes a difference.

Whatever you do, find a way to help contribute to the needs of the world.  Don’t wait – many of the challenges on this planet are accelerating and need to be addressed sooner rather than later.

Let’s create a different kind of noise – one built around making a difference instead of focusing on how things are allegedly falling apart.  It would be great if our actions spoke so loudly, that we would not be able to hear each other speak.

Many famous writers and philosophers over the years, going back to biblical times, note that we create what we focus on.

So let’s stop focusing on the end of times and instead, focus on a world filled with people aspiring to make a difference for others.

As the great Louis B. Armstrong sang in “What a Wonderful World”:

The colors of a rainbow.....so pretty ..in the sky
Are also on the faces.....of people ..going by
I see friends shaking hands.....sayin’.. how do you do
They’re really sayin’......i love you.

I hear babies cry...... I watch them grow
They’ll learn much more.....than Ill never know
And I think to myself .....what a wonderful world

It is indeed a wonderful world.

If we really love our children and our children’s children, we’ll keep it that way.

For those who follow sports, it’s like being up three games to nothing in a best of seven series.

It’s ours to win or lose.

What side do you prefer to be on?

Yours in service and servanthood.

Harry

Long Distance Dedication

Some of us old-timers probably remember when Kasey Kasem would send out his long distance dedications on American Top-40.  I think he still does them on his current show – I’m not sure.

They would go something like this (with Kasey reading the letter).

“So and so writes.  Dear Kasey, blah blah blah.  So Kasey, could you please play xyz for so and so?  So and so – here’s your long distance dedication”.

Here is how the letter would go if sent on behalf of some of the people on my mind this morning.

“Dear Kasey.

I would like to tell you about my friend, John.  John and I have known each other for a while.  In a hectic, pressure-filled world where the media would have us doubt our own sanity and shake our beliefs that anything good remains on this planet, John stands out.

John is not a typical person.  He speaks his mind openly but always does so with respect.  He invites the opinions of others.

John doesn’t swim with the current because he knows the river is pretty cluttered with junk downstream.  He swims upstream where the waters are crystal clear, inviting and where he can be himself.

John doesn’t wait for friends to ask for help.  John looks for proactive ways to be there for them.  He anticipates your need and just when you think you are falling , you realize he is holding your hand.

John is not consumed with himself.  John puts family and friends first.

John is not perfect.  No one is.  However, John exemplifies a great human being – one built upon and around values, faith, standing up for his beliefs and most importantly, sharing love for everyone and everything.

John sometimes struggles with embracing his values in a world that sometimes suggests that embracing values is a sign of weakness.

So Kasey, could you please play “Thank You For Being A Friend” by Andrew Gold.  I’d like John to know that his unselfishness is greatly appreciated in a world that needs more people committed to the betterment of those around them.

Ok, Harry, here is your long distance dedication”.

When I say John, I am writing to:

Jim G – a long time friend committed to family, friends, personal excellence and recognition of the contributions of everyone (and one of the quickest senses of humor I have ever seen)

Jonathan S – a driven family guy and businessman (and I mean DRIVEN) with one of the largest,most humble hearts I have ever seen (and maybe the only guy who could match Jim G.’s humor)

Roberto L – a friend closer than a brother to me, who constantly seeks ways to maximize his contribution to others before himself and was always there for me

Ray J – a phenomenally talented musician who’s heart embraces his family, his heritage and his culture and whose music kept me company when I was down

Leonard S – a  phenomenal, insightful man, passionate about encouraging those around him to participate in and share a powerful journey towards self realization and growth

I love you guys.  You arrived in my life just when I needed you and I continue to learn from you every day.

I am honored and privileged to know you as my friends.  I grow every day because of you, you bring light to my life and you bring sanity in a world that would love to convince us that sanity is a passing fad.

To the readers of my blog, thank you for your incredible support regarding my musings.

If you were to send out a long distance dedication, who would it be to?

Maybe somebody would really appreciate receiving one.

Maybe that somebody is you.

In service, servanthood, deepest appreciation and love.

Harry

 

If you’ve never heard the Andrew Gold song before, here are the lyrics.

Thank You For Being A Friend – Andrew Gold

Thank you for being a friend
Traveled down the road and back again
your heart is true you're a pal and a confidant

I'm not ashamed to say
I hope it always will stay this way
My hat is off, won't you stand up and take a bow

And if you threw a party
Invited everyone you knew
You would see, the biggest gift would be for me
and the card attached would say,
Thank you for being a friend

Thank you for being a friend
Thank you for being a friend
Thank you for being a friend

If it's a car you lack
I'd surely buy you a Cadillac
Whatever you need, anytime of the day or night

I'm not ashamed to say
I hope it always will stay this way
My hat is off, won't you stand up and take a bow

And when we both get older
With walking canes and hair of gray
Have no fear, even though it's hardly here
I will stand real close and say,
Thank you for being a friend

(I want to thank you)
Thank you for being a friend
(I want to thank you)
Thank you for being a friend
(I want to thank you)
Thank you for being a friend
(I want to thank you)
Let me tell you bout a friend
(I want to thank you)
Thank you for being a friend
(I want to thank you)
Thank you for being a friend
(I want to thank you)
Thank you for being a friend

And when we die, and float away
I'll see you there, and once again
Thank you for being a friend
Thank you for being a friend

(I want to thank you)
Thank you for being a friend
(I want to thank you)
Thank you for being a friend
(I want to thank you)
Thank you for being a friend
Whoa, tell you about a friend
(Thank you right now, for being a friend)
Thank you for being a friend
(I wanna tell you right now, and tell you again)
Thank you for being a friend
(I wanna thank you, thank you, for being a friend)
Thank you for being a friend

Taking a Break – Recharging to Take Charge

I was recently reading about US military tests in the fifties where they would subject pilots to extreme g-forces to see what humans could endure and to determine what training could improve their endurance.

The tests went like this:

The pilot was strapped into a seat that was mounted on what was essentially a rocket on rails.  When the rockets were ignited, the whole contraption flew down the rails at breakneck speed (it had no brakes) with no guidance necessary as it simply followed the rails it was mounted upon.  At some point, the passenger passed out and was simply along for the ride.

After the motors burned out, the device then coasted for some distance before it came to a halt, the device and its passenger both completely spent.

The rocket motors were reloaded, the passenger rested and the process was repeated the next day.

I wonder if many people today feel like that person sitting upon this rocket on rails – flying pell mell down the rails at the start of the day, with no means to change the speed or direction and being exhausted by the end of the day.

Think of some of the challenges we are experiencing that create pressure in our lives today:

• We have a booming economy one minute (supposedly) and then it collapses the next minute (with some exaggeration, of course).   The people who either architected it or didn’t see it coming now tell us to trust their ability to fix it. 
• Ben Bernanke, top man at the Federal Reserve, tells us a couple of weeks ago that all the numbers look great and he sees the end of the recession in sight.  Two hours later, statistics regarding consumer spending, unemployment and such are released and suggest the complete opposite and that the end is nowhere in sight.
• Governments such as Canada have changed their strategy from economy stimulation to making sure that the employment insurance system can hold up under the strain.  This suggests that they have given up trying to fix it and perhaps want to hold on and hope everything works out. 
• Billions are spent on airline safety annually while some insiders suggest that this is a facade to make you feel comfortable about travel since weapons still routinely get onto commercial aircraft.  How about the armed hijacker who stormed onto a Canjet aircraft with 170+ people on it yesterday and held them all hostage before local authorities took the plane back?
• Billions are spent on the drug problem in the US while the flow of guns south and drugs north continues largely unabated.
• Unemployment and foreclosures are running neck and neck to establish new records of despair.
• War, pestilence and disease continues in the world.  We have it within our power to fix a lot of this but we don’t make as much progress as we could or should.
• Global warming is coming with a vengeance despite our meetings and conferences.  Here’s a thought – maybe just talking about something doesn’t fix it.  Action must begin with dialog. Dialog must result in action or it is just that - dialog.

Tough stuff.  Positive thinking experts say that we shouldn’t think about it because it will bring us down.  I think we’re already pretty low.

I wonder if sometimes we need to be brought down, to be grabbed by the throat, so that we can look some of this stuff in the eye, know it and understand it and then take responsibility for wrestling it to the ground.

Not thinking about it doesn’t necessarily make it go away.

Maybe we need to absorb all of this stuff and let it touch our holy discontent as Bill Hybels notes in his powerful book by the same name.  After it has percolated internally for a bit and really gotten us stirred up, maybe we can shake off the apathy we feel as we expect someone else to fix it.  Bodie Thoene noted “Apathy is the glove into which evil slips its hand”.

Maybe we can all work together to fix things instead of waiting for someone else or believing that we have the solution that no one else has, thus preferring to be a one-man-band rather than a collaborator.

I wonder if many of us would take more responsibility if we could only catch our breath from the wild ride that we call Life.

I think we would.  I believe that the average person would love to make a greater contribution to the greater good.

With that in mind ……

We need to recharge to take charge

Many of us say we can’t take any time off because we are needed for this, that and the other thing.  People who believe this who are forced for one reason or another to take some time off discover when they return that the Earth is still here and it is still running as well as it was before.

Perhaps our belief that the world won’t carry on without us is more ego-based – the hope or belief that being essential for the great machine of Life helps us to feel better about ourselves.

The truth is that each of us has an important role to play – none of us have the ONE role that keeps everything moving.

Maybe we need to take more breaks during the turmoil of the day to stop and ask, “How am I doing”?

How about asking this question.

What legacy am I contributing towards for the children of tomorrow and for their children?

I like to take a break several times a day and record observations in my journal about how I am doing in the following areas:

Faith – how am I doing in regards to my faith in God and my faith in the goodness and intelligence of people to create positive, long-lasting, sustainable impact on Earth?

Virtue – how well am I doing today in regards to adhering towards moral excellence (however I define it)?

Knowledge – have I learned something new today that I can apply towards improving my life and the life of others?

Self Control – how much self control am I exercising towards not being distracted by things that don’t bring myself and others closer to our purpose and passion?

Perseverance – am I still driving towards that which is important for my purpose and passion or am I just coasting along, wasting time that can never be recovered?

Godliness – do my thoughts reflect what I think God would think about?  In other words, if one thinks of the Great Compassion as those things that would make God cry or be angry, what am I doing to address them?

Kindness – what am I doing to grow my understanding of others and their actions and do my actions exemplify my belief in compassion and sharing?

Love – what have I done to share love today?  What have I done to welcome love today?  What have I done to encourage this in others today?

In other words, if I don’t stop a few times a day and perform this checkpoint, how do I know if I am on track or if I need to make a few corrections or improvements?

It is easy to allow the day to slip away in activity instead of productivity.

When I make a conscious step to assess how I am tracking and make corrections along the way, I feel like I have made a better difference to myself and others.

This brings a greater sense of fulfillment towards my purpose and with this, a reduction in stress – I feel like I am controlling my Life instead of my Life controlling me.

It helps me feel like I am making a difference for the children.

People criticized President Bush towards the end of his second term, claiming that his actions were digging a hole that President Obama couldn’t get out of.  Whether this is true or not is not the point.

Let’s make sure we don’t do this to our children.

In service and servanthood.

Harry

Embracing Each Other

I was sitting in a doctor’s office waiting room a couple of days ago and was observing some children playing.  The children were of mixed gender, race, language and potentially religious background.  Here is how their interaction went:

My name is yyy – what’s yours?

My name is zzz – let’s play.

It was as simple as that – authenticity in its purest form.  Once they had some context by which they could name each other, that was all that was important to having an authentic relationship.

As I have been consumed by authenticity lately, I have started a detailed review of my social network, the hundreds of emails I receive daily from this network, the hundreds of invites I receive to participate in events, etc.  While I am grateful for all of this, my recent focus on authenticity has caused me to examine much of this traffic in a closer manner.

Here are some exaggerated snippets:

I am an 18-year old student and life coach.  I believe my 18 years of life have been invaluable and I would like to share this supreme knowledge with you at a discounted monthly rate of $xxxx.  <<yes – some 18-year olds have lived a full live – however ……>>

I am an enlightened life guru with no job or life experience but I would like to show you how the Law of Attraction can earn tons of money for you.  <<meanwhile a background check on the person shows they are bankrupt and the only thing the Law of Attraction is helping them with is making money promoting the Law of Attraction>>

I am an expert on collaboration and believe that we all need to work together to make this world a better place for all.  By the way,  let me tell  you that so and so has a chance to steal some of our market so if we can find any way to discredit or sue him, there’s more money in it for us.  <<I’m sorry, tell me again how this is collaboration>>

I need your help promoting product xyz.  It’s not MLM of any type but you’re at the bottom, I’m at the top and if you put in 80 hours a week, I will get rich.  <<now there’s an incentive>>

How about gems like these?

I serve on the board for corporation xyz and I know the CEO is stealing money, but if I rat on her, people will not hire me for other boards because I will not be perceived as a team player.  <<meanwhile, that person gets paid to make public presentations about the need for transparency, honesty and accountability>>

“We provide a high quality product to the consumer”, quotes a senior executive of a major frozen food manufacturer to me on a plane one afternoon two years ago.  “That being said, I don’t let my kids eat it”. “Why not?”, I ask.  “Because I know what is in that stuff”, is the reply, the speaker oblivious to the disconnect of that statement from his assertion of the high quality of their product.

Authenticity.

I wonder:

• if the fear of being perceived as not being as in control as the next person causes some people to be less than authentic, since we don’t want to be perceived as weak amongst our peers.
• if the fear of expressing our real selves causes us to repackage our knowledge, beliefs and passions into something the masses will agree with (even if this is not in congruence with what is important to us).
• if the fear of appearing to be too normal causes people to elevate their status so as to be far beyond normal (ah, so you’re just an accountant; well, I am Master of the Galaxy – Well, I’m not just an accountant, I am really the Accountant Guru of the Universe – Oh yeah?  Well I am ……).
• if the fear of appearing to not be able to stay caught up (whether it be in knowledge, money, gadgets or other toys) causes us to overspend our resources while lack of authenticity with ourselves prevents us from putting the brakes on this self-destructive behavior.  Don’t forget – whoever dies with the most toys …… is dead.
• if the notion of exposing our heart, mind and spirit to others may also allow others to see our pain and our weaknesses, allowing them to see that we are in fact human.  Since this demonstrates that we are less than perfect, we present a false persona where we never fret, get angry or cry.
• if the fear of exposing others to our personal belief structure, including our belief in God (or other deity important to us), is so strong that we are ashamed to live by the values of our belief structure, fearing ridicule or fearing being ostracized from our peers, clients and others.
• if the fear of failure paralyzes us and prevents us from trying anything, forcing us to rely on someone else to solve our problems (which then creates frustration because they are not doing it fast enough for us).
• if our desire to climb to the top of whatever mountain we are climbing is so strong (probably to beat someone else climbing the same mountain), that we are willing to portray ourselves as something we are not just so that we can accomplish the journey as fast as we can.

I do notice one thing with these fears.  The more inauthentic someone is with themselves and others, the more they resist even discussing stuff like this.  They will even get quite angry!

I wonder why.

All of these fears seem to be creating a lot of baggage in our lives and puts us on an ever-increasingly slippery slope that leaves us exhausted financially, spiritually, physically and emotionally.  Analyze the events that have led up to any significant negative event in world history and somewhere along the way, you will find one or more events that perhaps have been tied to lack of authenticity.

I’m not suggesting that life is so simple that we can easily strip a lot of these layers away and expect to be as authentic as children.  If it were only that simple.

However, I am suggesting that the number of layers of obfuscation and complexity that we have added are not commensurate with the beauty and simplicity of life.

I wonder if we have made life too complicated and then, being inauthentic with ourselves and others, refuse to take any credit for this complexity.

How about a return to some base levels of authenticity?

Hi – my name is Harry.  I don’t want you to know me as a Wall Streeter, a business strategy guy, a networker, a writer, a speaker (or however else you know me).

I am a human being who believes in God, who is awash in gratitude for his family, friends and life experiences, who marvels at the things we do right in the world, weeps at the things we do poorly, marvels at the complexity and simplicity of nature, is amazed by the power of love, aspires to be more patient and wonders when we will finally realize our true gifts and purpose.

That’s all that is important.  That is the real me – the rest are man-made constructs that are not important.

That being said, perhaps that is not important either.  What is important is that I am a human being with unlimited capacity for loving and sharing.

So are you.

My name is Harry. 

What’s your name? 

Let’s play.

Yours in service and servanthood.

Harry

The Bread Recipe Rule

Imagine making enough bread dough for ten loaves of bread.  The first nine loaves come out perfectly.  As you go to remove the last loaf from the oven, you exclaim “Wait a minute – these aren’t bran muffins” and then proceed to defend your assumption that it’s quite normal to have expected something different for the tenth result.

You would be violating the Bread Recipe Rule, a rule I first read about in a Gerald Weinberg book more than 25 years ago.

Simply stated, the bread recipe rule is this:

If I use the same baker, ingredients and recipe I will always get the same bread.

Others know it as Einstein’s definition of insanity:

I will expect different results from doing the same thing over and over and when I do the same thing over and over, I will be surprised or angered that the results aren’t different.

While this appears to be common sense, perhaps common sense itself has abandoned us.

Look at the financial dilemma we have manufactured in the world. Yes, we manufactured it – it didn’t sneak up on us during the night and spring upon us.  If someone tries to convince you of that, fire them – competence is as much proactive observation and avoidance as it is not contributing to the creation of a problem in the first place.

Despite this, we take the same people who either helped create the challenges or in the very least, didn’t see them coming and we give them lots more cash to fix it.  When they make mistakes, we get angry very quickly.

However, the bread recipe rule dictates that the loaf they produce will probably not look very different than previously baked loaves.  They did the best they could with their life experiences and genetics.  Cold comfort to many but that is life.  We have disappointed people in our lifetimes also.

If I look at my home province of Newfoundland, Canada where they recently had a commission of inquiry into a number of botched cancer screenings within the Eastern Health Care Corporate, it appears that they continue to have struggles of authenticity, honesty and competence (and possibly have condemned some people to die in the process).

The people there were told to “act better and smarter and with greater transparency”.  We don’t act smarter or better because we are told to – we either have it in us or we don’t.  It’s not our fault – again it’s the way we are wired based on our life experiences and genetics.

Yet we act surprised and angered when they continue to bake the same loaf of whatever it is they are baking.

How many of the things in our own lives do we expect to be different, even though we keep using the same recipe, ingredients and baker?

If we are authentic with ourselves and with others, we should realize that if we want to bake something different, we need to mix things up a little.

We can’t always choose the ingredients – sometimes Life calls upon us to use what is at hand and adjust our expectations accordingly.  If I have eggs, lemons, flour and a few other things, maybe I need to adjust my expectation and realize that I have a better chance at success with a lemon meringue pie than a roast chicken.

We can’t always choose the recipe either.  Sometimes Life calls upon us to be flexible with the processes we use to create the intended result.  Maybe the result will be different but at least we know this in advance.

However, we often have a choice of the baker.  If the baker consistently produces an undesired result despite quality ingredients and a great recipe, then perhaps we should find another baker.

Do we really know what we are baking?  Is our expectation of intended result in alignment with what we are putting into the process?

If not, maybe we should take a closer a look at the bread recipe rule.  What should we do differently if we sincerely expect a different result? 

If we don’t change anything in the bread recipe rule, let’s not embarrass ourselves or others by acting surprised anyway.

What loaf are you baking today?

Yours in service and servanthood.

Harry