Children: What Memorable Moments Are We Creating For Them?

It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. - Frederick Douglass

Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children. - Charles R. Swindoll

I was sitting with a friend and colleague yesterday when he was suddenly alerted by a text on his phone.  He checked it and proudly shared a photo with me – he was a Grandpa again!

Greg and I grew up in different parts of Eastern Canada at roughly the same time period and his newest addition to the family prompted me to ask him a question:

What memorable moments are we creating for the children of today?

Greg looked at me for a moment before he stated, “That is a VERY good question.  I’m not sure what the answer is.”

The question took us on a trip down memory lane, two guys in their fifties remembering events and actions (mostly funny) that if we ever caught our kids doing when they were younger, we would have had them severely punished for.

Greg shared a story from his youth that I would like to share to make a point.

In grade 3, Greg and his friend Freddy were fishing off a wharf in Nova Scotia.  They had found a bucket of square nails (a nail with a square cross section instead of a round one, common in construction up to the 19th century), which to Greg, didn’t mean anything at the moment.  Greg had been catching perch off the wharf in significant quantities and at one point turned around to see what Freddy was doing.  Freddy had used the nails to affix a hundred or more perch to the side of the fish plant building and it made for quite a mess.  The two hot-footed their way out of the area before they were caught.

We both laughed heartily at the memory, even though we knew inside that if either of us had been the owner of the building at the time, we wouldn’t have been very happy at all.

We exchanged other memories like jumping from ice pan to ice pan in the bay during the winter (known as copying in Newfoundland) and a collection of other things that would be frowned upon now for being too risky, too dangerous or too improper for one reason or another.  Even things like organized sport didn’t exist where I grew up and we were forced to find our own ways to play sports, in the process learning how to be creative, collaborative, resourceful and how to get along (most of the time) without the supervision of adults.  If we went to our parents to complain about someone not playing fairly, we were usually told to go back outside and play and we did, learning how to negotiate, be assertive, be malleable, etc. in solving the problem that we had thought we needed our parents to solve.

We then pondered today’s kids.  What memorable moments do they have?  Are the memorable moments tied up in victories in sports?  Are they tied up in memorable vacations?  Do they have any memories beyond an event in Facebook, getting a new X-Box, watching news media overanalyze a terror event, watching their country tear itself up over gender definitions and the like?

Most (sadly, not all) of my generation didn’t know much about evil in the world (or in our community).  The world contained as much evil then as now but ignorance was bliss for young people then.  We were allowed to be children, without having to be lectured about sex, terrorists or anything else when we were five years old.

And it caused me to wonder:

Are we making our kids grow up and "mature" too early with our noble intention to make them more informed than we were at their age?  Is our effort to make them more aware of the world actually destroying them instead?

Are we making them too aggressive by enrolling them in competitive sports where “winning” is more important than the things I mentioned when we were playing “pick up” games?  Do they really need such structure and discipline so early in Life?

Are we applying too much pressure on them by forcing them to be so deeply aware of the world’s problems at an age where they do not have the tools to understand the problems but they do have the ability to acquire more fears as a result?  Could this be one of many reasons why so many young people today need professional support to cope with Life?

Are we teaching them effective personal finance strategy when we tell (and show) them that buying things on credit (and thus satisfying a need immediately) is just as valid as waiting until one can afford something?

Are we removing too much of their potential to learn creativity by overloading them with forms of entertainment where they acquire some skills but many of the aspects of their imagination are filled in or provided for them?

Are we burdening them with too much hyper-connectivity, where they constantly text, FaceTime, Tweet (or something else) every update to everyone (and receive the same in turn) and where as a result, their brain never gets a chance to be quiet or to contemplate their own Life without being consumed by everyone else’s?

Are we ----- fill in your own question here -----?

The Bottom Line

I know it is easy to relive our memories with a fond sense of nostalgia, with most people preferring to remember good memories while forgetting (intentionally or not) bad memories.

But I wonder what kind of world we are creating for children as we push them to be permanently plugged in and overloaded before their malleable brains have had the opportunity to develop properly.

It is a question that calls for data and not just opinion.

By interesting coincidence, my friend Doug Picirillo posted this tweet today.

What remains of your childish fears and innocent hopes?  Too often, we cling to the former and crush the latter.

Doug’s tweet and the questions that I asked need to be addressed, since the manner in which we prepare our children becomes an investment in the quality of their Life and the type of world we are creating.

Are we, as Doug asked, investing in innocent hopes or do we fall to what some people tell us, that to do so is a sign of weakness or an improper means of preparing our children and so we should crush their innocent hopes as soon as possible to make children “sensible”, “responsible” and “mature”?

Do you know how you are impacting and preparing your children?

Do you know what kind of world your children will create as a result of your choices?

How do you know?

Does it matter?

Why or why not?

In service and servanthood,

Harry

PS A great musical group from my home province of Newfoundland and Labrador, Buddy Wasisname and the Other Fellers, once released a song called Shinny on the Ice, describing what it was like to grow up in Newfoundland “way back when”.

The song describes a life that was intentionally simpler.

Yes, evil happened back then and but most of us were blissfully unaware of it.  However, I don’t think I am the worse for not knowing what was going on in the world when I was younger.

Here is the song I referenced (and the lyrics).

Now if you will excuse me, I think I’m going to ask the guys in the office if they want to go play ball in the field for a while.

I will alert my parents to be on standby in case we can’t agree on the rules.

Wisdom from a child

I was mired in deep thinking the other night, working in my office as I navigated my way through a number of challenging assignments.

My middle child (all of four years old) was scribbling on a piece of paper, pretending to write as children often do in the early stages of their acquisition of writing skills.

As I stared at my notes spread out on my desk, he brought the piece of paper over to me and told me it was his newest book.

As I looked at the scribbles, I asked him what the title of his book was.

He replied "Everything is Love".

How could one disagree?

Yours in service and servanthood.

Harry

How Will You Remember Me .....

.... and how will I remember you?

When our end of days has come, will we remember each other:

• for having given our best for our families, providing for their current and future needs as best as we can?
• for taking care of ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually, knowing that many people rely on us (including many we will never meet)?
• for having gone above and beyond for our employers (or our own companies if we are at the top)?
• for doing our best to empower our employees and professional peers, enabling them to plug their passion, purpose, skills, strengths and talents into their work, to produce the best result possible?
• for accepting that we all make mistakes?

Will we applaud each other:

• for being role models for our greatest investment of all - our children?
• for investing in our community, our state or province and our country, taking responsibility for the good and the bad and working together to fix that which needs fixing while enhancing that which is already great?
• for seeing the positive in everyone?
• for making a difference in this world, for those who are starving, thirsty, sick, impoverished, destitute, homeless or challenged in other ways?
• for taking care of those we don't know and may never meet?
• for random acts of kindness, the kind that inspire others to make a difference?
• for keeping the Earth in mind as we do what we can to take care of the miraculous life raft that carries us through this incredible universe?

Will we think fondly of each other:

• for doing our best to keep our outlook on life (and the outlook of others) on the positive side, especially when times get tough?
• for reaching out to someone, not only when they need it but often times in anticipation that they would appreciate some unrequested support?
• for doing our best to love everyone, even those that anger us, drive us crazy or disappoint us (recognizing that we do the same to others)?
• for filling our days with positive action to make a difference and not just wishful thinking that we will get to it someday?
• for dropping a coin in the cup of a beggar, someone who may be a descendant of yours or mine?
• for going for the brass ring, seizing a life of excitement, challenge, risk and fulfillment and not just a life of indifference and unrealized dreams?

Will we be proud of each other:

• for being who we want to be and not what others want us to be?
• for being brave and courageous in our quest to find and fulfill our purpose and passion on Earth?
• for taking a stand for what we believe to be right?
• for standing firm in our faith and our beliefs, no matter what the odds?
• for being known as someone that could always be counted on?
• for being the person who always brought sunshine into someone's day instead of darkness?
• for living a life of humility and service to others?

Will we support each other:

• for being the cheerleader who always encouraged others to be and do the best that they can?
• for laughing loudly(and often)?
• for crying when we need to and not being embarrassed by it?
• for promoting a sense of urgency around appreciating everything that Life offers?
• For cutting people a little slack when we see they are doing their best?
• For providing guidance when people could use a little direction?
• for loving ourselves and recognizing that we are a product of our genetics, our life experiences, our faith, our calling and God's Purpose for us - we are living miracles who are to love and be loved unconditionally?
• for not being afraid to say "I love you" to anyone and mean it?

Will we be grateful for ourselves, for others and for the incredible experiences of Life (instead of judging Life as a collection of good and bad)?

The game of Life is the one game where no one gets out alive.

At some point, one of us will stand before a memorial to the other.

How are you being remembered?

Harry

"Watch, stand fast in the faith, be brave, be strong. Let all that you do be done with love." - 1 Corinthians 16:13-14 (NKJV)

How We Live

One of my things that I constantly ask myself is "am I living life to my fullest?".  Like all of us, I have my share of doubts as to whether or not I am living life to its fullest and during those times when I know I am not living life to its maximum, I explore what it is that holds me back.

About a year ago, I became familiar with the following song by the fabulous group Point of Grace (http://www.pointofgrace.net/index.html).   The title song has an incredibly powerful video that I want to share with you.  I'm sure you will find it as moving as I did and perhaps may encourage you to live a live of "no limits".

The video can be found here.

By the same token, many of us have experienced excitement and heartbreak in our own youth or while experiencing the youth of our children.

Many of us have also witnessed (and in some cases experienced) the pain of being left out or discarded as we became stereotyped in one form of another.  What many people don't realize is how we cripple people's futures by stereotyping them early or by forcing them to adapt to what we believe their strengths "should be".  Perhaps you are one of those people who was told you didn't fit into the "definition of normal" and thus you were forced to change to fit someone else's definition of ideal.

Many years ago, a short story named "Animal School" was written that compared many of the children that we consider troublemakers to different types of animals.  The story of different animals attempting to learn in "Animal School" is a powerful one that forces us to reconsider why each child is a unique gift and miracle and how they must be cherished and not be forced to change.

The most powerful presentation of this story can be found here.  It is hosted by Raising Small Souls (http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com).    Take a moment to watch this video and check out the web site.  The web site contains a lot of powerful, supporting material to help all of us be better parents (and perhaps help us understand the childhood we experienced).

As you watch the video, I wonder how many of you will find yourself associating certain people in your past (or your present) with different animals in the video. 

To your success as parents.

In service and servanthood.

Harry