The Pitfalls of Poor Choice Selection

Destiny is not a matter of chance; it is a matter of choice. - William Jennings Bryan

We are the creative force of our life, and through our own decisions rather than our conditions, if we carefully learn to do certain things, we can accomplish those goals. - Stephen Covey

Choices are the hinges of destiny. - Edwin Markham

The #1206 “fiction” series continues …

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Abigail sighed as she climbed into bed and slid under the inviting bed comforter.  She had been straining for years to make some choices about her future and never quite seemed to make them.  Her Life was sliding away and she knew it and yet she still didn’t make the choices that she knew her Life depended on.

She reached over to her nightstand, turned the light off and buried her head under the sheets.

“What’s wrong with me?”, she thought, anticipating another long, sleepless night and yet, despite the restlessness of her mind, sleep came quickly.

Or so she thought, waking with a start.

“Trouble sleeping?”, a voice to her left asked her.

She turned towards the voice and a man was smiling at her, his eyes twinkling.

“My apologies”, he said, offering a hand, “That was rude.  My name is Gabriel.”

She shook his hand and replied, “My name is …..”

“Abigail”, Gabriel said with a smile, “Yes.  I know.”

Abigail frowned and started to ask him how he knew who she was when she was interrupted by the sound of children.

She turned to her right and realized she and the stranger were standing in a parking lot in front of a candy store.

A group of kids were running out of the store, chatting back and forth as the store owner locked the door, turned off the “open” sign and disappeared inside the store.

“Ahhhhhh, kids”, Gabriel said, chuckling.

“They are always a great source of wisdom, don’t you think?”, he asked.

She turned towards him and noticed that he was staring at her, still with a big smile on his face.

“I don’t know”, she replied, “I’ve never really thought about it before.”

Gabriel pointed to the kids.

“Take a look at these kids”, he continued, “What do you think you can learn from them?”

Abigail shrugged as she looked at the children in front of her.

Gabriel pointed at the first one.  “Take Tommy, for example”, he said, “He went into the candy store and not realizing he could choose anything he wanted, limited himself to something he didn’t like because he thought it was the only choice available to him.  He suffers from choice by limitation.”

“Or”, he said, pointing to the little girl beside Tommy, “Jenny, who got so caught up in the process of evaluating her choices became a victim of choice by indirectness and ended up being left with choosing something from what little was left after all the other kids had already made their choices.”

“Then there’s young Gerald over there”, Gabriel continued as he pointed, “who was so focused on choice by elimination, weeding out each choice by criteria that only he understands, was left with something he doesn’t like because he had accidentally rejected the better options with his excessive and unnecessary criteria.”

“I don’t understand”, Abigail said quietly as she watched the children.

“Sure you do”, replied Gabriel, “You’re choosing not to understand.  Observe.”

“Young Joel over there”, Gabriel continued, pointing to the smallest child, “didn’t make a choice at all and ended up with the last candy in the store even though he doesn’t like it, something I call the choice by default.”

“Little Vicky standing beside him had so many preconditions on what her choice should look like, something we call excessive conditional choice, that she ended up with a candy that she would gladly trade away for almost anything.  The only problem is that she has too many conditions on any trade and so she won’t find anyone who would want to trade with her.”

“Meanwhile”, continued Gabriel, “Bobby embraces choice by reaction, where he worked so hard not to choose something that someone else wanted or that would upset someone, that he chose a candy that he hated but at least he took comfort in the fact that he didn’t upset anyone.  Susan, on the other hand, using choice by consensus, asked everyone else which candy was best and ended up with a recommendation that she hated, fearing to act on her own needs and interests.”

“All of this from candy?”, Abigail, asked, “I don’t understand ….”

Gabriel silenced her by raising his hand.

“Patience”, he said, “I’m almost done.”

“Let’s see”, he said, scanning the crowd, “Who is left?”

“Ah yes”, he said with satisfaction, “Young William over there believes that orange gumdrops have magic powers and so he chose a large orange one using a process we call choice by adverse possession.  Data, while important, is ignored and thus he consistently produces poor results based on choices that don’t even make sense.”

He paused for a moment before continuing.

“And then we have one child left”, Gabriel observed quietly.

Abigail looked over the crowd of children and saw a young girl sitting on the step, sobbing with her head in her hands.

“Why is she crying?”, Abigail asked.

“She suffers from choice by excessive permutation”, Gabriel said quietly, “Otherwise known as choice by over-processing.  She is learning that when we spend too much time looking over every option incessantly or because we fear making the wrong choice, we often end up having all of our options removed from us for different reasons. In her case, she waited so long to make a choice that the store closed before she could make one and all of her options were suddenly removed.  Many times in these situations, we end up having choices made for us or as in Abigail’s case, we end up with nothing at all.”

Abigail gasped, startled by the mention of her name and as she looked more closely at the child, she gasped again.

She was looking at herself as a child.

She started to speak when she suddenly realized that Gabriel was walking towards the little girl.

He knelt down beside her, hugged her and then opened his hand to reveal a bright red gumball.

The little girl looked at him hesitatingly and he smiled back at her, nodding his head approvingly.

She took the gumball from his palm quickly, expressed a quick “thank you, mister” and ran off to join her friends.

Gabriel stood up and watched the kids run off with their candy.

Abigail walked over to Gabriel and as she reached his side, he looked at her, the smile never leaving his face.

“Not everyone gets a second chance when they make the wrong choices or in this case, no choice at all”, he said, his dark glittering eyes staring into hers.

“Do you understand what I’m telling you?”, Gabriel asked her.

“I think so”, began Abigail but she was interrupted by Gabriel’s raised hand.

“You’re thinking too much”, he said, “I can tell by the look in your eye that you’re about to embark on a deep analysis when the answer offered here is closer to the surface than you realize.  Act on it.”

Gabriel paused for a moment.

“Act on it”, he repeated, “No choice is a choice.  Delayed choices often end up becoming no choice.  No choice or an improper way of making choices will not produce the results you seek or deserve.”

Abigail said nothing for a moment, started to speak and then was interrupted by an unusual sound from behind her.

She turned towards the sound ….

…. and awoke with a start when she realized it was her alarm, beckoning her to return from the world of dreams.

She rubbed her eyes blearily, confused by her dream, and she reached over to turn off the alarm.

And then she saw it.

A shiny, bright, red gumball lay on the night table beside her cell phone.

To be continued.

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© 2017 – Harry Tucker – All Rights Reserved

Background

This post came to mind after a series of meetings this morning and listening to explanations from different team members as to why they were doing what they were doing.

It is also a long-distance dedication to V. and others who hesitate to make the choices they are called to make to maximize their potential.

Many of us avoid making the choices that really matter through one or more of the following processes (borrowed from The Path of Least Resistance and expanded upon):

1. Choice by limitation - choosing only what seems possible or reasonable
2. Choice by indirectness – focusing on the process instead of the result
3. Choice by elimination - eliminating possibilities until only one one exists
4. Choice by default - choosing to not make a choice, forcing a choice to occur by default
5. Conditional choice - imposing preconditions on choices
6. Choice by reaction – making choices designed to overcome / prevent conflict
7. Choice by consensus - following the result of an informal poll that determines what everyone else wants or recommends
8. Choice by adverse possession – choices based on a hazy metaphysical notion about the nature of the Universe
9. No choice by excessive permutation – choices limited by sensory overload, causing no choice or a choice by default
10. No choice by over-processing - taking too long to choose, devolving into choice by default (or none) – similar to no choice by excessive permutation.

Few people are direct and purposeful with their choices, whether it be in selection, execution and follow-through.

Are you one of them?

Are you sure?

How do you know?

Series Origin

This series, a departure from my usual musings, is inspired as a result of conversations with former senior advisors to multiple Presidents of the United States, senior officers in the US Military and other interesting folks as well as my own professional background as a Wall St. / Fortune 25 strategy advisor and large-scale technology architect.

While this musing is just “fiction” (note the quotes) and a departure from my musings on technology, strategy, politics and society, as a strategy guy, I do everything for a reason and with a measurable outcome in mind. :-)

This “fictional” musing is a continuation of the #1206 series noted here and is part of the Abigail / Gabriel series noted here.

Last Chances Don’t Come With Warnings

We never really learn from the first mistake, second or third.  It only hits us when we're given the last chance.- Wiz Khalifa

Last night, I was reminded about the importance of finishing what you’ve started with a sense of urgency while you still have the time to do so.

Late last night as a small group of us stepped outside to wind down our evening, we noticed a lightning storm off in the distance.  The lightning was beautiful and approximately 4-5 miles away according to the old “one-one thousand, two-one thousand” quasi-accurate calculation of distance.

Assuming it was safe to proceed with the storm safely off to the south, we began walking when suddenly lightning struck the ground all around us with blinding light, phenomenally loud thunder and a strange, loud sizzling sound in the air.

It wasn’t just one flash but several.  I had fallen to the ground, saw it striking the ground all around us and I remember yelling “Get down, get down, get down”.

After the terrifying moment had passed, I noticed my colleague was still standing and shouting incoherently.  When I asked “Why didn’t you get down on the ground?”, their response was, “I couldn’t – I was frozen and too afraid to move.”

“You always hit the ground when this happens”, I replied, shaken and frustrated at the same time while feeling grateful having survived my third near-strike of lightning.

I later morbidly tweeted that the shareholders would have been ticked off had we been killed so close to the conclusion of a significant deal.

This morning, my colleague still wasn’t feeling 100% as we discussed how close we came to an untimely end.

It got me to thinking about close encounters in my Life.

Bear with me for a moment – there is a method to my madness:

I have survived:

• 5 aviation incidents - two RPM governance failures on takeoff, a near-miss on final approach, a structural integrity compromise during a violent storm (requiring an emergency landing) and a depressurization.  The lightning strike I encountered on a flight once is considered normal.  I mused about one of the incidents in the post The Last Hour of My Life.
• A bicycle crash that split my helmet in two when my temple hit the pavement at 25+ mph and left me with a serious concussion, a lot of cuts and abrasions and a destroyed bicycle.  I am an official member of the “Saved by the Bell” club, a designation where a Bell bike helmet was proven to have saved your Life.
• Another bicycle crash that occurred when I was clipped on the left by an SUV whose driver wasn’t paying attention to how close they were to me.
• Two near misses by tornadoes, including one that touched down half a block from where I had gone out for a walk and one that formed over me in Vulcan, Alberta and touched down a short distance later.  In the latter incident, I was so busy filming it over me that I didn't realize I was in significant danger.
• A strike by a vehicle from behind where the vehicle was carrying a piece of lumber sticking out the passenger side of the vehicle.  It was a rainy night and I was walking on the sidewalk when a voice to my left (right by my ear) yelled “look out”.  I jumped to the right, startled by the voice and at the moment, the lumber struck me across the shoulder blades, knocking me out.  A witness in a car behind the car that struck me told me later that he saw a flash of light right beside my head just before I jumped and thought I was jumping because of that.  I was informed by police that had I not jumped at that moment, the lumber would have struck me in the neck and likely killed me.  Who warned me?
• Two mini strokes, one in my teens and one in my early 20s.
• Non-Hodgkin's lymphoma (stage 4) at the age of 30.
• A near head-on collision with a large snowplow.  I had come upon a single lane cut in a 20-foot deep snow drift, stopped, saw no one coming towards me and proceeded through it.  Unbeknownst to me, a snow plow had decided to take a second run at clearing the snow and had backed up around a turn in the road in front of me in order to get some acceleration for the second run.  As I was halfway through the tunnel, he came around the turn driving straight towards me.  In a flash, I knew I could beat him to the end of the snow tunnel and so I accelerated towards him.  I cleared the tunnel just as he entered it.  I escaped but the van driving behind me took the full brunt of the head-on collision as the plow entered the snow tunnel and the driver of the van was seriously injured.  People who witnessed the accident thought I was either lucky or crazy for accelerating towards the plow.  Maybe I was both.
• I’ve been attacked 5 times in New York City, 4 times by individuals and once by a group of 4 or 5 guys.  Of the first 4 incidents, 2 of the 4 guys were unconscious before they hit the ground.  Regarding the group, myself and another colleague were held up by a gang of miscreants who demanded our wallets as we headed home from Brooklyn late one night.  When I refused, the leader (I assume it was the leader) told me that I couldn’t take all of them.  I acknowledged the truth of this but said I would at least kill the first one.  They looked uncertainly at each other and left the scene.  Steve, my colleague, asked me if I would have done that and I said “Yes – we were going to die anyway.  I gambled that I had to look crazier than they were and it worked.”
• I was stabbed by a man with a mental health issue on a subway stop in Toronto who found a new use for the metal tip of his umbrella.
• I hit a patch of black ice on a turn one night while driving 65 mph and went into a full spin (I still remember each rotation in slow motion).  I missed all the oncoming traffic, bounced off an ice wall on the opposite side of the road, crossed the road again, missed traffic in both directions, hit the wall on the original side of the highway and then came back across the traffic.  I stopped in the middle of the road, facing the wrong direction.  My car didn’t appreciate the experience but I was completely unhurt.
• I was almost struck by a vehicle while crossing a street in Calgary during a rain storm but was saved when someone else saw it developing and blew their horn to warn me.  I mused about that in my post Angels Amongst Us.
• I was the passenger in 5 different high speed accidents in my second semester of college.
• I have narrowly missed many accidents as a driver, with the vehicle in front of me or behind me being taken out by various incidents.
• I was rushed to hospital last summer with a blood pressure of 190 / 130.  Doctors were impressed that I hadn't had a stroke or heart attack.  My blood pressure is now a normal 90 / 55.
• 15 minutes before the World Trade Center bomb exploded, I was standing on the very spot that was vaporized when the blast went off.

All of these came to mind as I reflected on last night’s moment, my third near-lightning strike.  The first one came as I stood on my lawn in New Jersey and watched a distant storm coming in.  I suddenly felt “strange” as if something was inside me and at that moment, lightning struck a playground set about 50 feet from me, with the intense light and blast of thunder knocking me over.  I was later told that a “streamer” was likely coming up through me, making me a candidate for the strike had it connected with a leader coming down from the storm cloud.  Another time, I was riding on a bike trail that cut through a car wreck yard, trying to beat a storm home, when suddenly lighting began hitting the junkyard.  I lay on the ground as lightning blasted all around me like artillery fire.

The funny thing is that I live a relatively low-risk life.  I don’t sky dive, smoke, drink or intentionally put myself at risk in any way.  I eat well, exercise and take care of myself emotionally, physically, intellectually and spiritually.  I drive the speed limit and minimize my risk in business.  I’m so uptight about obeying the rules that even jay walking is something not on my “can do” list.

And despite a low-risk Life, I have dodged a lot of things that many people succumb to on their first encounter.

As I discussed this with my colleague this morning, I made several observations:

1. We’re still here so let’s not spend too much time navel gazing about it
2. Either “Someone” thinks we are not finished with our Purpose or we are very lucky – either way, we have to do something with this second chance (or whatever number I was up to, I’d lost count until I sat down to reflect on the moment).
3. The shareholders are still happy.
4. Let’s finish what we started.

The reality is that once again, we’ve been given a reminder that our time here is borrowed time – we don’t know how much we are given to start with, we don’t know how much is left and once time is burned for good or for bad, it can never be reclaimed.

How much of your time are you taking for granted?

The Bottom Line

We exist for a variety of reasons, to love, to share, to learn, to teach, to grow, to lift / serve others, to create and for some, to be a lesson to others.

Whatever our Purpose, we may not have as much time as we think to accomplish it.

In fact, today may be our last day, with our final moments coming without warning (the blog post title is a quote from Rob Hill).

Are you willing to allow your legacy, your gifts, your talents, your family, your colleagues or your sense of Purpose to be allowed to languish or remain unfulfilled because you took your time for granted?

Do you need a warning shot for motivational purposes?

Don’t wait for such a warning because it may signify your departure, with anything in-progress remaining unfinished.

I end my emails (and many meetings) with “Create a great day” or “Create a great day because merely having one is too passive an experience”.  Careful observers notice that I also always capitalize the L in Life.

I do it because I recognize that Life is a holy gift, without guarantees, and that we should create a great day because today may be our last.

Are you creating a great day right now?

In service and servanthood.

Harry

PS I am not a Nickleback fan at all but I was amused to discover that as I finished this post, their song, “If Today Was Your Last Day” is playing on the radio.

It’s just a coincidence, of course.

Isn’t it?

Waiting For Someone Else to Change the World

It's always inspiring to me to meet people who feel that they can make a difference in the world. That's their motive, that's their passion... I think that's what makes your life meaningful, that's what fills your own heart and that's what gives you purpose. - Maria Shriver

It is better to have a meaningful life and make a difference than to merely have a long life. - Bryant H. McGill

Anyone who thinks that they are too small to make a difference has never tried to fall asleep with a mosquito in the room. - Christine Todd Whitman

I always liked this story.

Two boys entered the dentist's office. One boy said, “I want a tooth taken out, I don't want any gas, and I don't want it deadened.  We're in a hurry!” The dentist said, “You're a brave young man. Which tooth is it?” The boy turned to his smaller friend and said, “Show him your tooth, Albert.”

The world is full of “volunteers” like that.

The former are anxious to have something happen to someone else or to volunteer (demand) someone else do something on their terms.

People like Albert in the story allow themselves to be volunteered even when it doesn’t serve their own purpose or opportunity for contribution.

Many are disappointed when others don’t step up and do things as they would like to see them done, all the while doing little or nothing themselves.

Others are disappointed that others are always telling them where to go and what to do.

The world would be a better place if we took greater responsibility for our contribution to it instead of demanding that others get things done on our behalf and on our terms and timelines or letting others tell us what we should be doing.

What do you think?

Be the change you want to see in the world (Gandhi) or stop complaining how others are not stepping up to your liking or always telling you what to do.

The choice is yours ….

…. and there is great power in choice.

Make the choice before it is too late to do so.

The deadline may be closer than you realize.

In service and servanthood,

Harry

The Power of the Magical Geranium

Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another. - Napoleon Hill

The #1206 “fiction” series continues …

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Abigail sat in the deserted coffee shop and idly played with her coffee cup.  She had had a full week and despite the feeling of being very busy, she somehow felt that she had accomplished very little if anything useful.

“Rough week, huh?”, asked a voice beside her.

Abigail jumped, unaware that anyone had entered the empty coffee shop.

She glanced up to see a casually dressed, clean cut man of indeterminate age smiling down at her.

“May I?”, he asked, gesturing towards the chair across the table from her.

“Oh great”, Abigail thought, “I just want to be left alone.”

Before she could turn him down, he smiled and as if reading her mind, said, “You probably prefer to be left alone” and then sat down anyway.

Abigail was too tired to protest and shrugged her shoulders in silent acquiescence.

“Rough week?”, the stranger asked again, staring at her intently but gently.

“I guess so”, replied Abigail, “It just didn’t go the way I had planned and the many things I meant to accomplish remain unfinished.”

“I see”, replied the stranger, “Were these things that you meant to accomplish or that you were meant to accomplish?”

Abigail frowned in confusion, too tired to untangle the question that the stranger asked her.

“I’m not sure what you mean”, she replied, lost in confusion and fatigue.

The stranger smiled.  “Before I answer the question, I would like to tell you a story if I may”, he said.

Without waiting for permission from Abigail, he began to tell the story.

“There was once a family who lived in poverty, with every part of their Life being a struggle.  One day, a neighbor brought a flower over to Mrs. Smith, the lady of the house, and as she gave it to her, she said, ‘This is a magical geranium.  It will change your Life.’  ‘How will it do that?’, asked Mrs. Smith to which the neighbor smiled and replied, ‘You will see.’ and she left.”

“Mrs. Smith shrugged, placed the geranium on the dining room table and went about her chores.  A little while later, she was staring at the table and realized how cluttered it looked with the beautiful red flower sitting in the center.  ‘This won’t do’, she muttered as she proceeded to clean the table.  After the table was properly cleaned, she thought it made the dining room look pretty shabby and so she cleaned the entire room.”

The stranger paused, intently watching Abigail’s reaction but she said nothing as she listened.

The stranger continued.

“After Mrs. Smith had cleaned the dining room, she felt that the kitchen was too dirty in relation to the wonderfully clean dining room and so she cleaned the kitchen until it was spotless.  Seeing that the hour was late and that dinner preparation should be under way, she thought ‘I must create a meal that is worthy of this kitchen’ and though the cupboards were very lean, she put more effort into creating the meal than she had done in her living memory.  She placed the meal on the table with her best dishes and called the family to dinner.”

“When the meal was ready, she called the family to dinner and was appalled at their state of dress.  ‘There is no way you are sitting at this table dressed like that’, she said sternly and sent them upstairs to clean up, insisting that they wear the best clothing they had.”

“A short while later, her family came back downstairs and were seated around the table.  Her husband gazed at the splendor before him and looked at his wife, seeing her beauty in a way he had never seen before.  ‘What is happening here?’, he asked as he marvelled at the clean house, the incredible meal, his beautiful wife and his wonderful children.”

“’I don’t know’, she said, ‘It all started with this magical geranium’ and she gestured towards the flower in the middle of the table.

“The family ate in wonder and the evening passed with the family engaged in more conversation than any of them could remember.  The next morning, Mr. Smith got up earlier than normal, shaved and put on his best clothing.  ‘What are you doing?’, Mrs. Smith asked.  Mr. Smith shrugged, smiled and then said, ‘Our meal last night reminded me that you and our kids are worthy of better than I have provided so I am on my way to look for a better job that honors all of you.’  He gave her a kiss on the cheek, went downstairs and left the house.  She could hear him whistling as he walked down the street towards the bus stop.  Walking downstairs into the dining room, she saw the geranium …. and she wondered.”

The stranger stopped telling his story, leaned back and waited for Abigail to comment.

“I don’t get it”, Abigail mumbled, “What does my busy week have to do with flowers?”

“Ahhhhh”, the stranger said as he smiled, “You missed the key point.  It’s more than just about flowers.  In fact, Abigail, I am suggesting that you have been the magic geranium in the lives of others.”

Abigail frowned in confusion but before she could comment, the stranger continued his thought.  He recounted different things she had done for others this week, some insignificant and some more impactful.

“How does he know this?”, she thought but before she could ask him, he looked at her and said, “That is why I asked you if your to-do list for the week was made up of things that you meant to accomplish or that you were meant to accomplish.  Sometimes it is the former but sometimes, possibly more than you realize, it is the latter.  Unfortunately, we measure the success and productivity of our week by the former while the latter is often more impactful.”

Abigail stared into the eyes of the stranger.  His gaze was deep and piercing but gentle and she felt her eyes well up as what he had said dawned on her.

She started to speak but he gently held up a hand and interrupted her.  “Don’t speak, Abigail”, he said gently, “Reflect on this for a while and then decide what it means to you.”

Abigail swallowed the lump in her throat and then, feeling a little awkward about crying in front of a stranger, stood up and told him that she needed to compose herself. 

She walked into the bathroom, splashed some water on her face and stared at herself in the mirror.  He was right – her priorities had been wrong all along.

Straightening up her clothing, she walked back out into the coffee shop.  Her brow furrowed in puzzlement when she realized that the stranger was gone.

She turned to the person behind the counter and asked, “Did the gentleman leave?”

“What gentleman?”, replied the young man, “Miss, we’ve been closed for over an hour.  I locked the door but I didn’t want to disturb you so I just left you alone.  No one has come or gone in the last hour.”

Abigail was confused and stared at the table, her head spinning as she wondered what had happened.

“How did he know what I did for others this week?”, she pondered.

As she wondered about this, something else dawned on her.

“How did he know my name?”

To be continued.

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© 2015 – Harry Tucker – All Rights Reserved

Background

The story of the magical geranium, of which I presented a very abridged version of, was a story I remember as a child.  The story was one of many in a book entitled Read Aloud Funny Stories, published in 1958.  The book can be found in used condition here.

Many people I encounter often express the results of their week in terms of how busy they were, how productive they were, etc.  As a long time Wall St’er, I do the same.

As someone who is measured by results (and who measures himself by results), I am often very self-critical in regards to what I believe I have accomplished in a day or a week.  It is a sad by-product of a modern society that believes every thing we set out to accomplish is important and urgent (referencing Stephen Covey’s works) – the notion that our sense of discernment is unable to distinguish between activity and productivity and the impact, usefulness or usefulness of either of them.

Many things we set out to do are important and some are urgent.  Our sense of discernment regarding how our to-do list is categorized is often flawed, however, and so it becomes easy to become self-critical when the result is evaluated or a result is unknown.

As this story came to mind today, I thought, “I wonder how many times we change someone’s Life and are not aware of it, thus creating a greater, more impactful result than anything we could have planned.”

Productivity and results matter in my world and likely matter in yours.

But in your day-to-day execution, especially at times when you wonder if you are getting done “what you are supposed to get done”, be gentle with yourself and ask what other things you may have accomplished – ask yourself, “Were the things that I accomplished things that I meant to accomplish or things I was meant to accomplish?”

The subtle difference makes all the difference and an honest answer may surprise you.

Many of us have had events and people come into our lives that were similar to the magical geranium that Mrs. Smith received.

Have you been someone else’s magical geranium?

Are you sure?

How do you know?

What do you need to do about it?

Series Origin

This series, a departure from my usual musings, is inspired as a result of conversations with former senior advisors to multiple Presidents of the United States, senior officers in the US Military and other interesting folks as well as my own professional background as a Wall St. / Fortune 25 strategy and large-scale technology architect.

While this musing is just “fiction” (note the quotes) and a departure from my musings on technology, strategy, politics and society, as a strategy guy, I do everything for a reason and with a measurable outcome in mind. :-)

This “fictional” musing is a continuation of the #1206 series noted here.

When Your Purpose Is Closer Than You Realize

I truly believe that everything that we do and everyone that we meet is put in our path for a purpose. There are no accidents; we're all teachers - if we're willing to pay attention to the lessons we learn, trust our positive instincts and not be afraid to take risks or wait for some miracle to come knocking at our door. - Marla Gibbs

The #1206 “fiction” series continues …

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Abigail awoke with a start, momentarily confused as she looked around.  Her cancer treatment had weakened her significantly and so she was always grateful for an opportunity to lay down and rest.  She looked around in confusion, wondering why she was no longer sleeping in her own bed.

“Do not be afraid, Abigail”, a voice spoke to her gently. 

She looked around apprehensively to determine where the voice came from but could find no obvious source.

“Do not be afraid”, the voice repeated.

“Where am I?”, stammered Abigail, slowly awakening from her slumber.

“That is difficult to answer in a way that you would understand’, replied the voice, “But you are safe and that is what matters.”

“Who are you?”, she asked, still looking around furtively.

“That is probably more difficult to answer”, replied the voice, “And is not important right now.  I am here to help you with your transition.”

“Transition to or from what?”, asked Abigail.

The voice ignored her question.

“Before you move on”, it said quietly, “I need to know what you have learned in your Lifetime.  If you could offer one observation or ask one question about your Life, what would it be?”

Abigail’s brow furrowed as she reflected on the question.

“Anything?”, she asked.

“Anything”, the voice replied.

“Well”, began Abigail, “I’ve always lived a boring Life and could never figure out what my Purpose was.  I read every book I could find, listened to all the experts, tried all the ‘magical cures’ for happiness and I still never figured out what my Purpose is.”

“What your purpose was”, corrected the voice.

“Was?”, asked Abigail quizzically.

The voice paused for a moment before replying.

“Did you ever feel that the advice of all the ‘experts’ made you feel worse?”, asked the voice.

“Why, yes”, replied Abigail, “They always made finding Purpose appear so easy and effortless that when I couldn’t accomplish it, I thought I was stupid, inferior or lacking in something that everyone else had.  When I had those thoughts, I always felt worse when I couldn’t seem to find my Purpose while everyone else claimed to have found theirs.  Even in places like social media, it seemed like everyone was living their dreams and I wasn’t”.

“Did it ever occur to you that they weren’t living a Life of Purpose either but they portrayed a story to the contrary in order to convince you or themselves that they were?”

“Why would they do that?”, asked Abigail.

“The human ego does unusual things to compensate for its insecurity”, replied the voice.

It paused for a moment before continuing.

“May I show you something?”, asked the voice.

“Yes”, said Abigail uncertainly.

An image appeared in front of her and she was transported back to when she was a young girl.  She saw herself cheering up a friend of hers who was feeling down.  She remembered Margaret well and had often wondered what happened to her elementary school friend.

“Your friend, Margaret”, said the voice, as if reading her mind, “Went on to become a doctor before going overseas to serve with Doctors Without Borders.  She once confided in a friend in medical school that it was the encouragement of a friend in elementary school who gave her the inspiration to become a doctor.”

The image was replaced by another from about 15 year ago.  Abigail observed the image with a mix of sadness and embarrassment as she remembered the scene well.  She had fallen on hard times and was begging a friend for financial assistance.  Her friend had hesitated significantly before begrudgingly helping her out.

“The lady you were asking for help from had stored up quite a nest egg in her lifetime”, observed the voice.  “Her intent was to die with it intact.  When you asked her for help, she didn’t want to help you but in helping you, something changed in her and she spent the rest of her years serving others in need.  So your moment of need became an opening to a greater Purpose for both of you.”

The image changed again to an event that had happened only last week.  She was sitting in a coffee shop, weak from her recent chemo treatment and fighting the waves of pain and nausea that had become part of her daily regimen.  She saw herself stand up slowly to leave and as she did, she turned and smiled to a sad looking young man seated at the table beside her.  He responded with a faint smile in return and she left.

“The young man you smiled to was struggling”, said the voice, “Your smile sent him a message that he mattered just when he needed it.  Where he goes from here remains to be determined but your smile saved him from an end that I don’t care to discuss at the moment.”

“I don’t understand”, replied Abigail.

“You don’t?”, asked the voice, “Perhaps you would like to see more memories.  I can replay thousands of them for you.  I have as much time as you need.”

“But I don’t understand what these things have to do with my Purpose”, she protested, “I did all of these things but so what?  I still never found my Purpose.”

“You never found your purpose, Abigail?”, asked the voice, “I am trying to tell you that you have been living it all along.  That which you sought was something you lived every day. You were just so busy looking for it outside of you that you didn’t realize that it was living in and through you every day.  The truth is that you served and lived your Purpose perfectly.”

The voice paused before continuing.

“Your call to Purpose is not based on some book you read or some inspirational speech that you hear.  Your call to Purpose swirls around you every day.  Whether or not you answer the call depends on whether you are sensitive to what is swirling around you and if you observe such things, whether you say ‘yes’ to what they call you to do.”

“You said ‘yes’ many times, Abigail”, the voice concluded.

Abigail said nothing as she reflected on what was being said to her.

“But why doesn’t someone tell us this?”, she asked.

“If we did”, replied the voice, “Then you might try to cherry pick your Life experiences, seeking to find only those things that are good, useful or comfortable.  You would definitely seek to avoid the most important experiences in Life, those which are often uncomfortable, painful or frightening.”

Abigail nodded as the truth of that statement settled inside.

A light came on in her mind and she suddenly realized that she had spent years seeking something that she was already living.

“I get it”, she said excitedly, “I think I really get it.”

She paused for a moment and then stated with emphasis, “My Life will be different from now on.”

“Well”, said the voice, “That is more true and more complex than you realize.”

“What do you mean?”, replied Abigail.

“Your Life as you know it is transitioning.  That is my purpose here – to help you with that transition.”, the voice said, “The Life you knew is no more.”

Abigail sat in silence, afraid to ask what that meant.

“Don’t worry”, the voice said, appearing to read her mind again, “This is a natural step in the journey of your soul.  The lesson you have learned here today is important and here’s why.”

Abigail listened in silence, occasionally nodding as the voice explained what was to come.

To be continued.

---

© 2015 – Harry Tucker – All Rights Reserved

Background

With this musing, I am not suggesting that we should never strive for greater things when it comes to the creation and realization of Life Purpose.  I’m also not suggesting that we accept anything but our best effort in living Life to its fullest.

However, it is a suggestion that sometimes that which we strive for is closer at hand than we realize …. including our Purpose.

And when we think that Purpose is a monumental, grandiose thing as defined by the “gurus” of our age, it oftentimes is a collection of the smaller things in Life, creating a greater world than we realize.

Reflect upon these questions today:

1. What should I do?

2. Where should I go?

3. What should I say and to whom?

What do the answers tell you to do?

Create a great day, because merely having one is too passive an experience.

Series Origin

This series, a departure from my usual musings, is inspired as a result of conversations with former senior advisors to multiple Presidents of the United States, senior officers in the US Military and other interesting folks as well as my own professional background as a Wall St. / Fortune 25 strategy and large-scale technology architect.

While this musing is just “fiction” and a departure from my musings on technology, strategy, politics and society, as a strategy guy, I do everything for a reason and with a measurable outcome in mind. :-)

This “fictional” musing is a continuation of the #1206 series noted here.

Are You Out of Time?

"Live life so completely that when death comes to you like a thief in the night, there will be nothing left for him to steal." - Anonymous

"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live." - Norman Cousins

The #1206 “fiction” series continues …

---

“What do you want to do today?”

The question burned in Abigail’s mind as she drove along the highway, her mind occupied by the question she had asked Gabriel before setting off for the day.  It was part of their early morning routine – making love, breakfast, shower and then the inevitable “What do you want to do today?”.  Life had given her the freedom to do whatever she pleased but she found that the city she lived in was starting to disappoint her when it came to offering “things to do” and with that, the question had become difficult for them to answer in recent weeks.

Some days it was frustrating, other days they managed to find something to do and on other days, they just couldn’t see why they were here at all.

Her brow furrowed as she reflected on this and in her moment of total concentration, she also didn’t see the semi to her right that lost control and careened across four lanes before crushing her car.

---

Abigail awoke with a start and realized that she was sitting on a plush chair in a softly lit room.  “Wasn’t I just driving on the highway?”, she thought.

“Disorientation is normal”, a gentle voice on the other side of the room said, “Please relax.”

Abigail jumped slightly on hearing the voice and realized it had come from a person sitting opposite her. Try as she might, she could not make out any features of the person, being obscured by the soft shadows that fell around the source of the voice.  She attempted to stand up and realized that she couldn’t.

“Relax”, said the voice, “You are in no danger.”

“Where am I?”, asked Abigail, “I could have sworn I was just driving my car.”

“You are safe”, replied the voice, “That is all that matters right now.  I have something to show you but first I need to ask you this.  How well do you think you have lived your Life up to this moment?  Do you believe you have lived it to your fullest potential, Abigail?”

“What do you mean?”, Abigail asked, her brow furrowed in confusion.  “How do you know my name?”

“Observe”, the voice replied, ignoring her questions.

Off to her right, an image formed, holographic in form. Abigail stared at the “movie” that played before her.

She watched a woman sobbing, her head in her hands as her children stared at her helplessly.

Then the image changed and was replaced with someone else receiving bad news about their business.  “If only I had had the courage to take action earlier”, the person in the movie said.

The image changed again and Abigail watched in horror as a man savagely beat a woman.

Once more the image changed and she saw a young person sitting in a bedroom, a gun in his hand.  The person lifted the gun towards his head …..

And suddenly the images were gone.

Abigail swallowed hard and turned back to the mystery host.  “Who are they?”, she asked.

“They were people who were waiting for you”, replied the voice, “But you never showed up.”

“What do you mean, ‘I never showed up’?”, asked Abigail.

“Well”, the voice replied, “We spent years creating just the right experiences for your Life so that you would acquire the skills, knowledge and opportunity to help them but you chose not to honor the gifts or the responsibility we provided to you.  In not honoring them, you condemned to failure those whom you had been prepared to help.”

“I have no idea what you are talking about”, Abigail said earnestly, “I don’t even know these people.”

“That is true”, replied the voice calmly, “You don’t.  However, the gifts we had provided to you were intended to be shared with others who would in turn influence others and so on until the right people got to the people you saw at just the right moment.”

Abigail sat in silence, bewildered by what the voice was telling her.

“I suspect”, continued the voice, “That perhaps you may have been waiting for just the right moment to help others or to do more for others.  Would that be a lie?”

“That’s not a lie at all”, replied Abigail, “I’ve been very busy ….”

The voice cut her off.

“So if that’s the case”, it asked, “What would you consider to be the key things you need before doing more for others?  What is the one thing that, if it occurred, would enable you to do more for others?”

Abigail paused, struggling to answer the question.

“You can’t think of anything, can you?”, asked the voice.

Abigail shook her head slowly.

“And so the question becomes ‘If not now, then when?’”, observed the voice.

“If I had known what you are telling me, then I would have done something about it”, Abigail said, resisting the message that the voice was sharing.

“Are you sure?”, asked the voice, “How do you know?  Give me one definitive piece of proof to support what you just said.  We provided the gifts, the resources, the time and the opportunity.  What else did you need?”

Abigail was silent once again.

“We set everything up perfectly”, said the voice, “All you needed to do was your part.  By choosing not to do your part, you prevented others from playing their part for others.  How does this make you feel?”

Abigail felt her eyes tear up but she remained speechless.

“Do you not pray and read your Bible every day?”, asked the voice gently.

Abigail nodded quietly.

“Then either you believe what you practice and know that you have an Advocate in your corner who would not allow you to fail in the actions you take or you don’t believe such an Advocate exists, in which case you are wasting your time with empty words imploring guidance from a non-existent source of help”, asserted the voice.

“I believe”, said Abigail.

“If you believe but don’t take action, I would posit that you are either wasting your time or the time of the Person you are praying to when you ask for support or guidance regarding actions you never take”, challenged the voice.

Abigail said nothing.

“Then what are you waiting for?”, asked the voice insistently.

“I don’t know”, mumbled Abigail.

“All of these things you endure in your Life are for a reason”, the voice said, “If there were no reason for the things you enjoy and endure, then Life would mean nothing.  What would be the point of Life if that were case?”

The voice paused for a moment before continuing.

“Think of this”, it said, “Think of your time like money in the bank.  You can go to your bank and ask for an account balance – how much you have earned, how much you have spent and how much you have left.  You can always add more money any time you want.  Time is nothing like that.  You can’t ask what your initial deposit was, you can’t add more to your time account and once you have spent it, you cannot earn more.  Once the account is empty, it is too late to do anything with it.  Do you understand?”

Abigail nodded, still saying nothing.

“You must leave in a moment”, said the voice, “But first, it is important for you to understand the gifts you have been given, to understand what they are capable of producing and to understand the importance of exercising them vigorously every day.  They will provide a means of creating outcomes you are meant to produce for yourself and others.  Does this make sense?”

“Yes it does”, replied Abigail.

“Good”, said the voice, “Observe.”

Once again, a holographic image appeared next to Abigail and she saw images of herself.  One moment she was talking to a group of people, another time she was writing to someone, another time she was serving food to the homeless and finally, with some shock, she observed herself chatting happily with the President of the US.

“All things are possible to those who believe it to be so”, noted the voice.

She shook her head, not comprehending what she was watching.

“For those to whom much has been given, much is expected”, the voice continued.

Abigail started to speak but she was interrupted.

“Wait”, ordered the voice.

The image was replaced by the image she had seen earlier, of the young person lifting the gun up to his head.  As tears flowed down his face and he mentally said goodbye to the world, his phone chirped and he saw a text message scroll across the top of the screen.  “You are a great person”, it read, “I need to give you a hug today.”  The person dropped the gun beside him and as he wept in gratitude, he picked up his phone and texted back “I would like to get a hug from you today.”

“Now you understand”, said the voice as the image faded, “Our actions, good and bad, touch thousands of people we will never know.  Now I have one question for you before you go.”

Abigail returned her attention to the direction of the voice.

“You asked Gabriel earlier today “What do you want to do today?”.  Now I ask you, Abigail,  “What do you want to do today?”

Abigail opened her mouth to speak ….

---

“Blood pressure is stabilizing, doctor”, came a voice outside of Abigail’s peripheral vision.

Abigail suddenly found herself lying on her back, staring into bright lights and surrounded by masked people.

A masked face leaned in to hers, looked deeply into her eyes, said “Hang in there, Abigail.  You’re going to be ok.  You don’t know how lucky you are today.”

Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew.

To be continued.

---

© 2015 – Harry Tucker – All Rights Reserved

Background

May this serve as an inspiration and not a condemnation.

Do something for someone today ….

While you still have time …

And while they still do.

Series Origin

This series, a departure from my usual musings, is inspired as a result of conversations with former senior advisors to multiple Presidents of the United States, senior officers in the US Military and other interesting folks as well as my own professional background as a Wall St. / Fortune 25 strategy and large-scale technology architect.

While this musing is just “fiction” and a departure from my musings on technology, strategy, politics and society, as a strategy guy, I do everything for a reason and with a measurable outcome in mind. :-)

This “fictional” musing is a continuation of the #1206 series noted here.

Destiny’s Director

Man is supposed to be the maker of his destiny. It is only partly true. He can make his destiny, only in so far as he is allowed by the Great Power. - Mahatma Gandhi

Strange things blow in through my window on the wings of the night wind and I don't worry about my destiny. - Carl Sandburg

The #1206 “fiction” series continues ….

---

In a softly lit room on the Upper East Side of Manhattan, two men sat quietly, each studying the other.

“These dreams have been plaguing me for years and I couldn’t deal with them anymore.  That’s why I came to see you”, concluded the younger man.

“I understand”, replied the doctor.  “You did the right thing by coming to see me.  So let me see if I understand you correctly.  You claim that when you meet people in your dreams, that within a year or two, you actually meet them in person.  Is this an accurate understanding?”

“I know it sounds crazy”, the patient replied, “but I can prove it.  I’ve kept a journal of my dreams with complete descriptions of the people that I eventually meet.  Many of them whom I meet for real tell me that they feel like they have met me before.  But there are two things that are really bothering me about my dreams.”

“And what are they?”, the doctor asked in his monotone voice.

“Well”, replied the patient, beginning hesitantly.  “The first is that there is always a third person in the room who seems to be the one who introduces us.  Well, maybe introduces is the wrong word.  She is always present, she never speaks and she usually just stands there and watches us without saying anything.  She gives me the creeps.”

“Does this woman remind you of anyone you know?”, asked the doctor.  “Does she have any distinguishing features that make her stand out?”

“Her eyes”, replied the patiently nervously.  “She has very large eyes that look right through you.  They are not hostile, friendly, angry or anything else.  They are completely without emotion.  She just stares at us without smiling or anything.”

“That would seem unusual”, agreed the doctor.  “What is the other thing that is really bothering you?”

“Well”, the patient replied nervously, “The last person I met in my dreams where this large-eyed woman is also present was in a dream like no other.  In the dream, I was making love to this woman while the woman with the large eyes just watched.  She didn’t smile or say anything.  She just watched us.”

“Having dreams of making love to strangers is not unusual”, replied the doctor.  “Such dreams contain many messages about things the brain is processing.  Who or what do you think the woman you are making love to represents?”

“Represents?”, asked the patient incredulously.  “I met her for real two years later in a coffee shop and we hit it off as if we had known each other all our lives.  No awkwardness of any kind.  She even told me that she felt as if she had met me before and that she had known me for years.”

He paused before continuing.  “It makes me wonder if these are dreams or if they are really happening”, he said quietly.

“Well”, replied the doctor, “We must be careful that we don’t confuse dreams and coincidences or that we don’t accidentally retrofit the memory of a past dream to match a current event.  Such things are very common.”

“Maybe”, conceded the patient, “But I think there is more to it than that.  I wonder if someone out there is connecting me with others for a reason or purpose.”

“That is an interesting observation”, noted the doctor, “Why don’t we save that for the next session.”

“You’re right”, agreed the patient as he stood up.  Thanking the doctor for the session, he saw himself out of the office.

Two hours later, in the waning hours of the evening, he found himself reflecting on the conversation with his therapist as he drove down the quiet road to his home miles from the city.  Over his left shoulder, he casually observed a plane paralleling him and as he did so, confusion and then drowsiness suddenly overcame him.

He woke up startled and confused in a small room devoid of any furniture except for the small bed he was lying on.  Wondering how he got there, he stood up on shaky legs, walked slowly over to the door and opened it.

In the long hallway that stretched out of sight to his left and right, a flurry of activity attacked his senses, with people walking quickly in both directions.  He noted with curiosity that quite a number of them seemed to be in military uniforms.

As his confused mind struggled to understand what he was observing, he was startled by someone clearing his throat.  “I assume you have many questions”, came a voice to his left. “I will do what I can to answer them.”

As he turned, his eyes focused on two figures in front of him.

A short, nondescript man, clearly the one who had just spoken, stood before him.

But it was the other person that startled him.

The woman who had participated in the introductions in his dream stood before him, tall, unsmiling and with the same penetrating, emotionless eyes.

“Please step back into the room”, the short man said.  “Let’s talk about your destiny.”

To be continued.

---

© 2014 – Harry Tucker – All Rights Reserved

Series Origin:

This series, a departure from my usual musings,  is inspired as a result of conversations with former senior advisors to multiple Presidents of the United States, senior officers in the US Military and other interesting folks.

While this musing is just “fiction” and a departure from my musings on technology, strategy, politics and society, as a strategy guy, I do everything for a reason and with a measurable outcome in mind. :-)

This “fictional” musing is a continuation of the #1206 series noted here.

---

The Puzzle of Purpose

To forget one's purpose is the commonest form of stupidity. - Friedrich Nietzsche

Success demands singleness of purpose. - Vince Lombardi

In an interaction with someone the other day (whom I will identify as “S”) they seemed intrigued with how I explored problems.  At one point, “S” noticed something else and felt prompted to ask “Do you analyze everyone you speak with?”

My answer was “yes”.

Here’s why.

Much can be said about where a person is going and how they are getting there by understanding who they are and where they came from.  Their character and values are revealed when one examines this and the opportunity to create a relationship that matters, personal or professional, can be easily discerned from such an examination.

I see each of our lives as a puzzle with each of those puzzles being a subset of a larger puzzle.

For example, in analyzing myself, my primary puzzle looks like this:

My upbringing, the culture I experienced growing up in Newfoundland, my vocation and where I chose to live out a major piece of that vocation form the primary pillars that molded me.

As a result of those four pillars and of the many attributes that have developed as a result, the four attributes that stand out to others when asked are my sense of passion, empathy, insight and strategy, each being sharpened as a result of the primary pillars.  My apologies to the many who voted for “audacious”, “creative”, “respectful”, “collaborative” or “direct” – it throws the symmetry of my picture off. This is only the primary puzzle, after all. :-)

How I live my Life is pretty easy to discern and my actions are pretty easy to predict as a result of understanding the pieces.  Anyone who takes the time to understand my puzzle knows exactly what an interaction with me will feel and look like.

This is obviously a gross oversimplification of who I am but the point is this.

Too many people don’t take the time to understand what makes up their puzzle or they know what it looks like but they choose to do something else anyway, fighting the natural gifts and strengths that have developed as the pieces of their puzzle fell into place.

They also don’t take the time to understand the puzzle that makes up the people they interact with, either finding connection points or being audacious enough to move on if there are no obvious linkages.

As a result, their Life languishes including their personal and professional relationships.

It is only when people understand and embrace their puzzle and the puzzles of others that they discover that their puzzle looks more like this (using mine as an example):

…. ready to interlock with the puzzles of others with the intention of making the final picture “on the box cover” that much more incredible.

Do you know what your puzzle looks like?

Are there pieces missing or remaining to be shaped?

Do you embrace your puzzle or do you resist it ?

Do you understand the puzzles of others?

Do you strive to make your puzzle fit into the Master Puzzle?

Are you sure?

How do you know?

In service and servanthood,

Harry

Inspired by “S”.  Thank you for asking the question.

Addendum

I was texted a comment on this blog that I felt compelled to share.  Quoting:

But growth comes with one very important element …. love.  That’s the other piece that should appear throughout our Life puzzle.  For without love, there would be no joy and without joy, our lives would be flat.  Just like the cardboard of the puzzle pieces themselves.

Now why didn’t I think of that? ;-)

Thanks to V. for the observation.

Mastering the Art of Coincidence

Coincidence is the word we use when we can't see the levers and pulleys. - Emma Bull

Choice, not chance, determines your destiny. – Aristotle (attributed)

A long time ago at the tender, naïve age of 17 and with my first post secondary education behind me (long story), I found myself working as an IT architect for a medium-sized, family-owned insurance company in Newfoundland.  The President and owner of the company was a man that this impressionable graduate looked up to (I almost wrote worshipped) for his discipline, focus, knowledge and wisdom and many of his personal practices, including Quiet Hour (the first hour of every day being reserved for planning and reflection), are things I still practice to this day. 

Fast forward many years to the early 2000’s ….

I had driven up to Providence, Rhode Island from the NYC area for a stamp collector expo and while there, I had the opportunity to buy a number of Newfoundland covers.  A cover is a common item created by stamp collectors whereby they mail an envelope to themselves with a stamp on it that is mailed on the day (and preferably from the location) that the stamp is issued.  The postal cancellation serves as  official identification of the date the stamp was issued.

When I got home, I held the covers up to the light and noted that each one had an index card inside it, a common practice to prevent the envelope from being bent as it journeys back to its sender.

However, one cover had no return address and seemed to have a letter in it.  I thought, “Hmmm … I only paid a dollar for this – why not?” and I carefully slit the envelope open to remove the letter.

It was a letter with investment advice that had been written in the early 1940’s to a woman in St. John’s, Newfoundland from a man who signed himself as “Art – The Insurance Man” (he signed his full name, I have changed it for privacy reasons).

This envelope wasn’t a cover. It was in fact a letter that had never been delivered.  Curious about the coincidence that the last name of the person who sent the letter and the man who had mentored me early in my career were the same, I contacted my mentor’s son and asked him, “Do you know of a guy by the name of Art in your family?”

“Yes”, he replied, “Art, the insurance man.  He was my grandfather.”

After the goose bumps had settled, he and I explored the letter. It turned out that it had been written by his grandfather, my mentor’s father, and I had stumbled upon it in another country “by coincidence” more than 60 years after it had been mailed.  Subsequent efforts to return it to my mentor resulted in him telling me that he was glad that I had found the letter and that he would appreciate it if I kept it.

Ohhhhh the odds

As a strategy guy who works with data, facts and predictable outcomes, I knew it would be impossible to calculate the odds of this letter making the journey that it did only to end up in the hands of the person who bought it.

And yet I can’t deny the reality as I see it in my collection today.

We are surrounded by coincidences … but ….

When I think of this letter, I am reminded that coincidences are a funny thing, often being dismissed as fate, God’s hand, serendipity, luck or a manifestation of quantum physics.

Even when our Life is filled with coincidences, we often shrug them off in a self-referential way, saying that all those coincidences are merely a coincidence.

The difficulty with this is that as we get older and we are honest with ourselves, we see that the best, the worst and the strangest things in our Life all arrived “by coincidence” even though they fit perfectly in our Life.

Of course they would fit perfectly – without them you would have taken another Path and be analyzing a different set of perfect coincidences. :-)

What I find fascinating about coincidences and unforeseen opportunity is that in my line of work as an objective observer, I often see people surrounded by them – a harvest of abundance waiting for someone to seize them.

However, they are so often so busy focused on creating their future as they define it that these coincidences flow by in a never-ending stream of unharnessed opportunity.

My theory

Based on many years of such observations, I have a theory.

I posit that coincidences are not magical or rare at all.

What is rare and magical are the people who see them, embrace them and run with them.

Coincidences are always perfectly timed.

But their potential is lost forever unless we bring them into reality with good timing and an openness (audacity, maybe?) to dare to embrace them.

And that, I believe, separates many (not all) of those who seem to live Lives of luck and success (however it is measured) and people who do not.

That’s not to say that we must over analyze everything.  Some things may happen for no apparent reason or for a reason that is not meant for us to know (at least for the moment) and so to over analyze everything is to move into a Life of execution paralysis.  However, too many people with the intention of not over analyzing things move to the other extreme and decide to examine nothing for more reasons than I care to get into here, leaving nuggets of gold to remain buried in the dust of Life or for someone else to discover.

I also posit something else.

I think that it is not a coincidence that you are reading this right now.

What do you think?

In service and servanthood,

Harry

The Courage of Your Convictions

Being the asker of audacious questions that disrupt people (especially the questions “why” and “how do you know”), my intentions are often questioned by people who wonder “what’s in it for me” when I challenge people who act without a sense of authenticity, collaboration, direction, intention, strategy, values, morals, ethics and the like.

The singer Meatloaf, in his song “Everything Louder Than Everything Else”, expresses my intentions perfectly when he says:

And I ain't in it for the power,
And I ain't in it for my health
I ain't in it for the glory of anything at all
And I sure ain't in it for the wealth

But I'm in it till it's over and I just can't stop
If you wanna get it done,
You gotta do it yourself

The truth of it is that I am just wired this way.  While many people admire what they perceive to be courage on my part and think that it’s awesome to be audacious, it doesn’t come easy.

And while we have many examples of courage in the world, the reason courageous people stand out is because we have too few people willing to let their courage shine.

Unfortunately, there are also many people who know this and take advantage of it.

Contrasting Examples – Winning

Early in my career in NYC, I was given the task of taking care of a client who ate consultants for breakfast.  He was physically intimidating (height-wise and girth-wise), was verbally abusive to everyone and was subject to no HR oversight, the latter even fearing him and dropping complaints against him if they saw his name referenced in the complaint.

His project was failing, he had fired quite a number of consultants and employees and after my first week of absorbing the project that I had been parachuted into, I sat before him as he gave me his list of demands.

This was an extraordinary list.  Curing cancer, creating world peace, putting a manned colony on Mars and convincing Lindsay Lohan that not all press is good press would have been easier.

When he was finished, he leaned towards me and said “I need it by date x”.

“I can’t do that”, I replied, “It’s physically impossible”.

“No one says “no” to me”, he bellowed, his 6’4”, 400+ pound frame filling my field of vision as his sweaty face turned purple with anger.  He stared at me with the gaze that had convinced many people to change their “no” to a “yes” at their own peril.

“Well it looks like I just did”, I replied. “I can either say “yes” and fail to deliver as the ones before me have done or I can say “no” and negotiate with you what can be done by when.  After all, I’m here to make you look like a star, not to set you up for failure.”.

Was this an example of courage?

Not really - I was shaking in my boots as I listened to the words that came out of my mouth.

Did I just say that?

He seemed taken aback, paused and sat back in his chair, staring at me.

What ensued that day and in the coming months resulted in a product that won many awards internally and externally and was the only project in this organization’s history, then and since, that came in under budget and ahead of schedule.

When the day came for us to part company, my client put his arm around my shoulder and said “Do you know what I always liked about you, Harry?  You were the only guy who wasn’t afraid to say “no” to me.  Everyone else said “yes” and then failed me.  But you helped me by challenging me.”.

Was this courage?

Not really – I just thought it was the right thing to do, even when doing so was difficult, painful and yes …. even professionally lonely.

Contrasting Examples – Losing

Some years ago, I was a member of the board for a children’s charity and there were allegations that the Executive Director was siphoning money and consulting from the organization in preparation to launch his own business.

Everyone on the board knew it and were coming to me privately saying “you should say or do this or that”.  When I asked why they didn’t do it themselves, they all had a variety of answers that amounted to a pile of excuses about pleasing others, not wanting to make waves  or not wanting to offend others, both inside and outside the organization.

The truth was that they were hoping someone else had the courage to fix what they knew to be wrong but they wanted someone else to take all the risks in living out their convictions.  As powerful people, they did not want to be perceived as derailing the charity even though their actions would in fact have strengthened it.

When problems arose with the taxation authorities that the ED played down, I decided enough was enough and presented a case before the board.  While the board members were full of piss and vinegar privately, no one supported my motions publicly and I eventually resigned from the organization, notifying appropriate authorities regarding my thoughts on various matters.  I realized that such a dysfunctional organization could not be saved unless the board had the collective courage to save it.

A couple of months later, the board realized I was right and screwed up the courage to confront the ED with intent to fire him.  He reminded them that since they knew all along that he was breaking rules (and laws), he was going to rat them out as conspirators unless they rewarded him with a golden parachute.

Courage should have challenged the board to think “fool us once, shame on you, fool us twice, shame on us”.  But alas, their courage was fleeting.

Under pain of a threat that he was in no position to make, they paid the cash he was demanding.

He used the money, donated for children, to start his own company for his own gain.

Courage is not easy

We associate courage with overcoming fear, difficult circumstance et al - to do something uncommon that others might not do or to persevere through difficulty, not backing down just because someone else says we should.

While there are many “good” courageous people out there, there are unfortunately, many “not-so-good” courageous people out there, who use brazenness, threats, power and other things to drive their agenda – pushing it down the throats of people who won’t stand up for what matters to them.

And while the coffee shops of the world are filled with courageous intentions and passionate cries to “fix the world”, those intentions fade rapidly under the wilting punishment of those who are more courageous in driving their own agenda than those being steamrolled by the same agenda.  As F. Scott Fitzgerald once mused:

At eighteen our convictions are hills from which we look; at forty-five they are caves in which we hide.

Unfortunately, courage is not limited to those who are well-intentioned and dedicated to the betterment of mankind.

While my Life has been a blessing of passionate, smart, service-oriented people, I have also had to stare down politicians, business leaders, church leaders, military figures and other interesting people who think that anyone who challenges their inappropriate intentions are individuals who must be silenced by any and all means (literally) before the masses discover what they are up to.

And when I run into one of those folks, I think of a line in Desiderata that says:

Even the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story.

That may be so.

But when “the dull and the ignorant” are driving an agenda that either serves their needs at the expense of others or actually threatens to harm us in some way, then we need to decide if we have the courage to put up a hand and say “Before you / we proceed, I need to ask a question” or the more audacious “Stop – I don’t accept this”.

Otherwise, the story of the dull and ignorant may become our story.

And depending on their intentions, it may not be a story that we appreciate being included in …. or playing a starring role in.

Dag Hammarskjold once said:

Never for the sake of peace and quiet deny your convictions.

When we deny our convictions, the peace and quiet that we think we have earned will be of short duration.

I think that true, sustainable peace and quiet comes later - after we have exercised our courage.

What do you think?

In service and servanthood,

Harry

You are the light of the world.  A town built on a hill cannot be hidden.  Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl.  Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.  In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds. - Matthew 5:14-16 (NIV)

Addendum

While my examples suggest that courage is all about action, sometimes great courage is needed to take no action when others demand it.  Acts such as patience, surrender or trusting someone else, when warranted, may take immense courage to carry out.  The potential to demonstrate courage is unique to the situation and the individuals involved.

Meanwhile, we now have people in Canada developing apps like You’re So Rude.  The app is for people who don’t have the courage to stand up to rude people directly but instead, allows the affronted to send an anonymous email to the offender.  It doesn’t take much courage to do things in anonymity and as a result, the actions produced will have little if any real effect. 

As a Canadian who has often remarked on the passive-aggressive nature of some Canadians, apps like this don’t help negate the argument for the existence of such passive-aggressiveness. :-)  However, I wonder if such apps will do nothing more than enable cyber bullying, an act that takes NO courage to perform but can often take significant courage to endure.

Maximizing Potential–Avoiding Ask-Holes

As I reflected upon a request of me recently, it’s not hard to figure out why so many organizations, whether for-profit, not-for-profit, religious or any other type are struggling these days.

The request violated what I believe to be a critical equation in engagement, the equation looking like this:

Actually, I’m just kidding.

The equation looks like this.

In my situation, the person making the ask ignored repeated indications of what mattered to me and had nothing to offer in return.  Unfortunately for them, the interaction did not produce the result they desired and possibly has destroyed the future potential for a positive interaction.  The interaction was all about their success at anyone else’s expense.

In fact, their ask list was so great that they created a relationship deficit that I like to refer to as an ask-hole (yeah yeah, pun partially intended ), where the asks were made in ignorance of what mattered to me and where there was nothing offered in return despite the number of asks.

Such ask-holes create nothing but frustration, ineffective relationships, untapped potential and poor results.  I touch on this in a slightly different way in this mindmap (click on the image for a viewable version).

True success that is sustainable and which produces a real “win-win” can only be manifested when there is a sweet spot alignment.

When you are trying to engage a person or organization, are you aware of the sweet spot of that person or organization, making offers that resonate with it before making asks that should also resonate with the same sweet spot or are you focused on creating an ask-hole?

Are you sure?

How do you know?

In service and servanthood,

Harry

Greetings from Greenwood, South Carolina

When I was younger, I loved to collect postcards from different places that I had traveled to and for some reason, I particularly loved the images of postcards like the “Greetings from …” series.

It’s not the places so much as the people that fascinate me in the many places I have been blessed to travel.

I was reminded of this this morning when I received an errant fax on behalf of a business in Greenwood, South Carolina.  I contacted the business to inform them that their fax had gone to the wrong recipient and I had a brief albeit nice chat with the owner of the establishment before hanging up.

Having not been to Greenwood before, I looked them up and came up with a few tidbits.

They have a beautiful Festival of Flowers.

They have what appears to be a fun weekend of food, music and more at their annual Festival of Discovery.

They have a renowned hospital system.

Their population as of the 2010 census was around 23,000 or so.

They have the unfortunate distinction of being the hardest hit county in the United States according to poverty statistics.

And based on the one person that I spoke to today, they appear to be fine, friendly folk. :-)

Why do these statistics matter to you?

They don’t …. not one bit.

Or maybe they mean everything to you.

Whenever I get an errant email, fax, call or such, I always make sure to reach out to the sender to inform them that their communication intention hasn’t worked, especially if the content is of a privacy or time-sensitive nature.

If the sender is from a place that I have no knowledge of, I always like to take a few minutes to understand a little bit of the world that that person exists in.

When we spend most of our time immersed in our own world, our own journey and our own context, we lose sight of the journeys of the other 6.5 billion people riding around on the rock that we call “home”.

And when we lose sight of the other journeys in progress parallel to our own, I think we lose sight of the “collective coolness” of the human experience.

Media of all forms will try to convince us that the world is coming to an end.  Even people like myself occasionally have to deliver bad news to people to wake them up personally, professionally, politically, societally, financially, spiritually or some other “ly” word.  Whenever you see me tag something with #1206, it is one of those cranial defibrillator notifications.

But let’s not forget to take some time when we have the opportunity to take a peek over the wall into someone else’s world to explore beauty and “coolness” that one may not have been aware of otherwise.

You will both be better for the experience, perhaps in ways unknown to you now but which will at some point make sense to you.

I think everything happens for a reason, even an errant fax from Greenwood, South Carolina.

What do you think?

In service and servanthood,

Harry

My Agenda: Setting the Record Straight

I find it intriguing to observe how people have reacted to my recent blogs about politics in Alberta, particularly “Damaged Teams – A Product of Broken Leaders”.

Many people leveraged my blog to describe governments within their own context, whether at a provincial, state or federal level, which I found fascinating.

A lot of people applauded my audacity.

And a few people were sharply critical (some offensively so) regarding how they thought I described certain politicians (or their heroes, as some people described the subject of my blog).

As I reflect upon the responses that I received, it occurs to me that both my supporters and my naysayers would benefit from some insight into my personal agenda.

Core Principles

First of all, contrary to what some people believe when they read my material, I don’t feel that it is my calling to change the world.  In fact, I don’t even think that I have the right to change people, which in turn would make it difficult to change the world, wouldn’t it?

However, there are some principles that I am wired to embrace, namely the importance of improving the human experience and getting closer to our collective potential.  I see this being built upon the ideas of respect, honesty, compassion, transparency, authenticity, serving others, knowledge sharing, sharing in general, give-and-take dialog and the like – tied together with facts, sharp strategy, measurable outcomes and intelligent, flexible tactics and executed with passion and audacity.  As a long time Wall St. and Fortune 25 strategy advisor, I have seen the best and the worst when it comes to such principles.

Embracing Life in this way produces some very interesting reactions from people.

People who are insecure regarding their own sense of purpose or who drive covert agendas that are not as presented feel very uncomfortable around people like me.  They see people like me as a threat to their agenda and will do anything to shut us down.

Others see my audacity as a “hero thing” and they cheer me on, praising my efforts to make the world better.  Some send their passions to me in an effort to exhort me to drive their life purpose.  They think, incorrectly, that they don’t have what it takes to accomplish their purpose.

My Heroes

Speaking of heroes, here are my heroes, the people who inspire me to be a better person.

1. The brave servicemen and servicewomen who put their life on the line to protect democracy and who for the most part are strangers to all of us yet offer themselves up anyway.

2. First responders, including firefighters, policemen/women and EMS, people who put their life on the line and oftentimes are left to themselves to mentally relive horrors as well as victories.

3. Healthcare workers

4. Educators

5. Most politicians, many of whom make significant personal sacrifices in regards to family, personal health and such to try to make the world a better place.

6. Parents, striving to do the best they can to raise children in a world that is a balance of complex challenges and infinite beauty.

Unsung Heroes

And then there’s many unsung heroes, people like Mark Hundley, bravely leveraging difficult experiences in his own Life to help others overcome grief and mourning, Leonard Szymczak, helping people rediscover a sense of purpose through what he refers to as the Guiding Power of Spirit and Dr. Jack King who dares us to believe that the power of love alone is sufficient to build a better society.

We are in fact surrounded by heroes.

To be open to being inspired by such heroes creates an interesting Life. Sometimes it means being in the right place at the right time to prevent a suicide (The Importance of Conversation).  Other times, being open to the Universe attracts people who seek your help to find a long lost dad just to say thank you (Creating an Oprah Moment).  Sometimes it means sharing some very personal stories in order to encourage others to overcome self-perceived shortcomings (Overcoming Your Demons and Mitt Romney, Bullies and Red Herrings).  Sometimes it’s a long distance dedication to someone who needs a little hand-up (Entrepreneurs – A Long Distance Dedication and  A User’s Guide to Passionate People).  Sometimes it means just saying thank you (Tribute to a Mentor).

And oftentimes, it means standing up to people  and calling things the way they are, whether it is the dishonesty of people, covert agendas, incompetence that endangers others, standing up to bullies and intimidators, people who don’t respect the rights of others and the like.  There are too many blog entries for me to reference in this category. :-)

The latter sure riles up a lot of people, to be sure.  To call things the way you see them invites interesting responses from the insecure or those with less than ideal intentions and includes taunts, threats and a plethora of responses and suggestions that cross the lines of ethics, morals and even legality.

A Man of Faith

I am also a man of faith.  I don’t pray for world peace, that I or anyone else be cured of some condition or anything similar.  To do so would be to suggest that I believe God is a short-order cook, existing to fulfill my needs exactly when and how I need them.

I am not that audacious!

I pray daily for three things:

Wisdom – to help me understand the world and my role in it

Courage – to help me make the right choices as I participate in the world

Strength – to help me persevere when acting on the first two items makes me feel like I am swimming against the tide

I also cheat a little now and then and pray for a fourth thing:

A hint – not the answer to the things that challenge the world but a hint that someone is listening to the prayers and needs of the many wonderful people in the world who need a little help now and then.

And maybe the final item would best summarize what motivates and guides my actions.

It’s to help those who for some reason or another feel that they don’t have a voice or that no one hears their voice.

They cry out for a hint, for a message from the “quiet voice” that someone out there is listening and cares about them, their families, their society and their planet.

And for me, like many others, that produces a compelling calling that simply can’t be ignored.

A calling that says that a beautiful world doesn’t just happen by accident – that it takes wisdom, courage, strength, audacity, service, leadership, passion, compassion, collaboration, intelligence, faith and love to create the world at the potential that we are capable of creating.

Sometimes the calling invites us to gently poke the world to get a response.

And sometimes it calls us to apply a cranial defibrillator to others in order to wake them up.

I like to do both with passion, with respect, with audacity and without apology.

I wonder if answering the calling does not serve the intention to improve or change others but instead, by answering the calling, we are improving ourselves and inviting the world to change as a result.

Have you ever felt such a compelling calling?

How did you respond to it?

Create a great day, because merely having one is too passive an experience.

In service and servanthood,

Harry