Persevering Through the Impossible

If you wish to succeed in life, make perseverance your bosom friend, experience your wise counsellor, caution your elder brother, and hope your guardian genius. - Joseph Addison

Perseverance is a great element of success. If you only knock long enough and loud enough at the gate, you are sure to wake up somebody. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained. - Marie Curie

The #1206 “fiction” series continues …

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Frank sat in his office and stared numbly at his laptop screen.  It was another long night, bringing to a conclusion another day where he had begun his day believing that this would be the day and yet as the day wound down, it was just as disappointing as the last time he believed that this day would be magical.  “I think that was yesterday”, he thought as he shook his head in sadness and frustration.

Sighing heavily, he closed his laptop, placed it in his backpack, turned off the office lights in silence, locked the office door and proceeded towards the elevator.  A minute later, he was walking down the street towards his car when he realized that he was probably too tired to drive home.  “Maybe a coffee first”, he thought as he stepped inside the coffee shop on the corner.

As he settled in with his coffee, he stared up at the TV screen in the corner.  He was so mentally numb that he couldn’t think of anything at all and so he stared at the screen in silence.

“What a world”, said a voice beside him and he looked down from the TV to see someone staring intently at him.

“No kidding”, Frank said, “I wonder when we will get things right in the world and live up to our potential.”

“An excellent observation”, the stranger acknowledged as the two men returned their gaze to the TV screen.

The stranger broke the silence a minute later when he turned to Frank and asked, “Why do you think that humans don’t live up to their potential?”

Frank was startled by the directness of the question and the reference to “humans” but he bit his lip in thought for a moment before replying, “Maybe it’s because they are spending more time running from what they fear rather than running towards what they desire and what they should be able to achieve with their strengths.  Maybe …. I’m not sure.”

“Very interesting answer”, said the stranger, “Do you know what your strengths are?”

“Of course”, replied Frank and he started to speak but then paused in thought.

“It seems you are not sure”, observed the stranger.

“Well”, protested Frank, “I do know what they are.  They are just hard to explain.”

“I believe Einstein once said ‘If you can’t explain it simply, you don’t understand it well enough’”, said the stranger wryly, “Care to try again?  How about a different question?  Do you believe that you are you running from what you fear or towards what you desire?”

“Well”, said Frank hesitatingly, “I want to make money to take care of my employees and my family.”

“And why is that?”, asked the stranger, leaning in towards Frank and staring at him intently.

“Well”, said Frank somewhat testily, “It’s obvious.  It’s so that we don’t end up hungry or on the street, the same reason that everyone else works.”

“Hmmmmm”, said the stranger, “It seems then that you have your cause and effect mixed up.  I would suggest you are working more against your fear of poverty than towards your desire for wealth.”

Frank opened his mouth to protest, caught himself and closed it again.

“Things have been a struggle lately, haven’t they ,Frank?”, asked the stranger bluntly.

Frank frowned at the question but moments later found himself telling this complete stranger about his struggles in his Life, including in his business and in his personal Life.

“I pray every day for an end to this struggle”, he concluded, “But either God is not listening, he doesn’t care, he wants to punish me or he doesn’t exist.”

His eyes welled up as his voice fell silent.

“That is an interesting set of conclusions you are entertaining”, replied the stranger, “But have you ever considered that this struggle is for a reason?”

“How can this be for a reason?”, asked Frank as he wiped his eyes, “What in the name of God could be useful about this struggle?”

“Work with me for a moment”, replied the stranger as he smiled, “Imagine if I told you that this struggle was for a very important reason that is currently beyond your understanding but which someday you would come to know the truth as to why.”

Frank stared at the stranger but said nothing.

“Imagine”, continued the stranger, “That the whole reason for this struggle is to help you prepare for the next big event in your Life and that in order for you to be prepared for that event, it is important for you to learn lessons from your current struggle.”

“What kind of lessons?”, asked Frank quietly.

“Well”, replied the stranger, “Every struggle in Life teaches you many things in the areas of wisdom, understanding, counsel, fortitude, knowledge, piety and respect for a greater authority.  I would suggest to you that the majority of times you have made progress in any of these areas was when you were under pressure or duress as opposed to times when your Life was easy and free of stress.  However, most people, including yourself, learn very little during struggle and therefore you often find yourselves constantly struggling with the same things.  Before you protest, think about it and then tell me if this is true.”

Frank said nothing but bit his lip in thought as he replayed the significant growth points in his Life.  “The stranger is right”, he thought, “The times of greatest leaps in my Life came on the heels of great struggle.”

“Your silence tells me that you agree”, noted the stranger, “Now let’s bend your brain a little bit further.  There are some secrets for how you get through this difficulty and grow in the areas that I just mentioned.  Do you want to know what they are, Frank?”

“I do”, said Frank, “In fact, I really need to know.”

“Good”, smiled the stranger, “Here is what you need to do.  I will write them down on a napkin for you.”

The stranger wrote on a napkin and passed it to Frank.

Frank turned the napkin towards him and read:

As I make my way through my difficulty, I will strive to adhere to the virtues of prudence, justice, fortitude and temperance.

“Ok”, mumbled Frank, “That’s it?”

“There’s more”, replied the stranger as he passed Frank another napkin.

I will avoid the key sins of excessive pride, covetousness, lust, anger, gluttony, envy and sloth.

“And yet a little more”, said the stranger as he passed Frank a third napkin.

As I serve my company, my family and my community, I will honor the attributes of charity, service, joy, peace, patience, compassion, goodness, humility, gentleness, kindness, modesty and honesty.

“And one final one”, said the stranger as he passed a fourth napkin to Frank.

In order to accomplish this, I will ask four questions every hour of every day:

• Where should I go?
• What should I do?
• What should I say?
• To whom should I say it?

Frank stared at the four napkins arranged before him for a moment before turning to the stranger.

“That’s all well and good and seems easy enough if you are not up to your neck in hell”, Frank said sharply, “But when you are in the thick of things, it’s not easy to live by such pithy philosophy.”

The stranger ignored the barb in Frank’s comment as he replied.  “Possibly”, mused the stranger, “But your problem is that you are trying to go it alone too much.  Carrying so much by yourself is, as I think you would put it, not very intelligent strategically or tactically”.

Frank felt the sting of his criticism of others being delivered back to him but he said nothing.

“Good”, said the stranger, “You have finally discovered the importance of listening instead of constantly disagreeing with what you are told.  The way I see it, you need to improve in one or more of three categories – numerical support, capability and timing.”

“What do you mean?”, asked Frank.

“Well”, said the stranger, “Let’s start with the category of numerical support. In your belief that you can do it all yourself, you rarely delegate tasks and you are often unable to effectively partner with others because you don’t see their value or their ability to contribute to your Life results.”

“Secondly”, he continued, “Your ego doesn’t allow you to see areas where you need to improve your capabilities or the capabilities of those around you and so obvious moments of knowledge acquisition and application are lost on all of you.  It is for this reason that your current experience may be taking longer than usual since you are not getting the obvious lesson buried within the current difficult experience, thereby forcing you to remain mired in the lesson that you struggle with.”

“And finally”, the stranger concluded, “You are not using time effectively, taking too long to accomplish some tasks while setting impossible, inappropriately short deadlines for others.  The former can be deadly and result in lost opportunities while the latter can result in stress-filled but poor results which also lead to lost opportunities as well as personal and professional burnout.”

Frank listened intently but said nothing.

“Ahhhhh”, said the stranger as he smiled, “I like a student who listens.  Here’s the challenge with all of these things.  If you find the right duration for a task, setting an appropriate deadline without rushing things while executing intelligently in the process, you often allow the Universe to line up things for you for a greater result.  The catch is that you can’t wait too long as extending the duration beyond that which the task requires can cause others to harvest your opportunities or cause you to diminish your result as you exhaust your resources, whether it be time, energy or money.  Taking too long may also expose vulnerabilities in your execution or capability that someone else may take advantage of, so you need to be careful.”

“In addition”, said the stranger, “"Executing quickly but intelligently and with the element of strategic and tactical surprise may enhance your capability, reduce the risks associated with extended duration and equalize any inferiority of odds when compared to the potential of others.”

“I don’t understand”, said Frank.

“Ah yes, that is a little academic”, the stranger said patiently as if anticipating the question, “Here’s an example.  Let’s say you are confronted one night by three men in a dark alley.  With three to one odds, their numerical superiority places you at great risk.  Your risk is minimized or removed if your numerical support is enhanced by having additional companions with you or, even if you are alone, your capabilities are enhanced with the possession of martial arts experience or a weapon.”

“Now”, said the stranger, “As you can see, lack of numerical support and capability inferiority can be overcome to help you beat impossible odds.  Now let’s think about time.  If you take the time to quickly but intelligently assess the situation without panicking, you might notice an escape route and use it to run to safety.  However, if you rush into an altercation, you will miss this discovery.  Conversely, if you decide after some deliberation but without searching for an intelligent solution to your problem that you will fight these protagonists toe to toe, even if you fight valiantly, eventually their numerical odds will wear you out and you will be defeated.  Intelligence and timing in strategic and tactical execution make all the difference.”

“I guess what I am trying to say”, concluded the stranger, “Is that trouble and difficulty like what you are facing force people like yourself to learn and apply gifts, strengths, talents and knowledge that they wouldn’t have learned if their Life was filled with comfort and in fact, such difficulty possibly helps people to identify strengths that they probably aren’t even aware of.  You are in the process of either discovering new strengths or discovering new ways to apply existing strengths.  Both are essential to your future success.  However, remember this.  There is always someone looking out for you regardless of whether you believe this or not.”

Frank’s mind reeled as he absorbed what the stranger said, noting how the stranger put emphasis on the words “always someone”.

“Don’t try to digest this all at once”, said the stranger, “Sleep on it and see how you feel in the morning.”

The stranger stood up to leave and offered his hand to Frank.  “My name is Gabriel, by the way”, he said, “I hope I have somehow given you something to think about that might be helpful for your current struggle.”

Frank accepted the proffered hand and said “Thank you, Gabriel.  You have given me a lot to think about.  And my name is Frank.”

“I know”, said Gabriel as he smiled.  He gestured to the napkins on the table.  “It is really important that you memorize those”, he said, “so that they become part of your core personal belief structure.”

He turned to walk away, hesitated and turned back towards Frank.  “I mean that – memorize them”, he said seriously, turned again and walked out the door.

Frank watched him walk away and then sat for about an hour reflecting on what the stranger had said before gathering up the napkins and heading out into the night to return home.

An hour later, he found himself excitedly telling his wife about his encounter with the stranger.  “And as proof”, he said to his incredulous wife, “Here are the napkins he wrote on.”

He pulled the napkins from his pocket only to discover in dismay that they were all blank.

“I don’t understand”, he stammered as he stared at the napkins.

And then something struck him and as it did so, he turned towards his wife.

“Do you know what the weird thing is?”, he asked her, “He knew my name before I told him what it was.”

They stared at each other in silence.

To be continued.

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© 2015 – Harry Tucker – All Rights Reserved

Background

This story is loosely based on a true story.  Frank, upon reading this story, will instantly recognize himself.

Gabriel represents anyone who comes into our Lives and says or does something that becomes the moment that, upon reflection, we recognize as the person and event that turned our Life around.

I’ve been musing about this content in a mind map series I call the “Dots Project”.  Various iterations of this mind map can be found here.

Truth be told, I know many “Franks”.

I also know many “Gabriels”.

Maybe you are one or both of them.

I know that I have been both of them at different times in my Life.

It is normal to be like Frank, lost and overwhelmed and unable to see “the forest for the trees”. Offering Frank an attaboy or a pithy platitude will damage the person more than it will help them as I noted in the blog posts Drive-By Platitudes–Life Saving or Life Draining and Miracles–Praying For Them Or Being Them.

That’s why it is important that if you have the ability to play the role of Gabriel, that it is important that you do so.

When the opportunity presents itself, and it will, you will know why.

And to all the Franks (and Frankettes), hold on – Gabriel (or Gabrielle) is on the way, whether you believe it or not.

Series Origin

This series, a departure from my usual musings, is inspired as a result of conversations with former senior advisors to multiple Presidents of the United States, senior officers in the US Military and other interesting folks as well as my own professional background as a Wall St. / Fortune 25 strategy and large-scale technology architect.

While this musing is just “fiction” and a departure from my musings on technology, strategy, politics and society, as a strategy guy, I do everything for a reason and with a measurable outcome in mind. :-)

This “fictional” musing is a continuation of the #1206 series noted here.

Nelson Mandela–Terrorist or Freedom Fighter

"I was made, by the law, a criminal, not because of what I had done, but because of what I stood for, because of what I thought, because of my conscience.” – Nelson Mandela - Statement during trial, 1962.

“Difficulties break some men but make others.” – Nelson Mandela - From a letter to wife, Winnie Mandela, from Robben Island, February 1975)

“When people are determined they can overcome anything.” – Nelson Mandela - Johannesburg, South Africa, Nov. 14, 2006

Accolades and tributes continue to flow as the world honors the life and legacy of Nelson Mandela, a man who spent 27 of his 95 years in prison for crimes against his government before throwing off the shackles of oppression and leading his nation into new directions of racial equality.

In his early years he was, at least in the eyes of his government, a terrorist for daring to stand up for what he believed in – that a better world could be created but which had to be seized and not merely requested.

And yet today he is remembered for his bold actions in demanding racial equality and becoming the epitome of what many believe to be the ideal freedom fighter – a person who dares to overcome all odds including savage physical and mental attacks to change something they believe is wrong.

He wasn’t perfect nor were his results,  crime-wise or economically, and he had many enemies right up to his death.

Anyone who stands up against injustice, indifference or incompetence is guaranteed to make enemies, as noted by Winston Churchill when he said:

You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.

In the poem Desiderata, there is a line that says:

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story

While the dull and ignorant may have their story, Nelson Mandela knew that they didn’t define his story.

He also knew that sometimes the only way to overcome the dull and the ignorant is to speak one’s truth loudly and to demonstrate it with actions that speak louder than words.

And that is perhaps his greatest legacy that we need to learn from.

While we can quote him and other people who fought for freedom, they didn’t live (and die) so that we could merely quote them incessantly.

They did so in the hope that we would continue to follow in their footsteps.

Freedom, equality and a better life for all aren’t things that are won once and then go on forever without additional effort and sacrifice – a perpetually free gift that we should take for granted.

They have to be fought for daily.

And while many of us believe that we must wait for ourselves and our situations to become perfect before we can champion what is important to us, we must remember that many who have gone before us weren’t perfect.

In fact they were far from it.

But as Mandela, Gandhi and others knew, if we don’t follow where our hearts lead us, the story of the dull and ignorant will become our story.

Is that what you want?

I didn’t think so.

The world is waiting for you.

What are you waiting for?

In service and servanthood,

Harry

PS I remember a song that came out in the 1980’s during some challenging times in my Life.  The chorus struck me then and I have never forgotten the song or when I first heard it.

“And when the night is cold and dark
You can see, you can see light
No one can take away your right
To fight and to never surrender
To never surrender” – Corey Hart – Never Surrender

We each have a song, a story, a quote or an event that inspires us.  Inspiration when felt within doesn’t mean much unless that inspiration creates action that touches others.

Perspective and the Scale of “Stuff”

As an avid observer of the human experience, I find it intriguing to think about how we categorize the events, victories and challenges in our Life.

Many things seem larger than they really are and for many people, this is especially true of the challenges they face as they project an aura of insurmountability on solvable problems.

When considering a difficulty one may be facing, think of this.

Imagine the challenge as it compares to the challenges being faced by others in the city one lives in and then expand this consideration outwards to the province / state, country, continent and the planet.

And if so inclined and depending on your beliefs and knowledge, expand your thinking to the solar system, galaxy, universe, multiverse and so on.

Also consider that there is a high likelihood (statistically speaking) that as we stumble around worrying about “the small stuff”, that intelligent Life exists in the Universe that is facing the annihilation of their culture because of war, self-destructive habits or a natural event.  Some day, millions or billions of years down the road and in the unlikely event that we haven’t figured out how to move beyond our own solar system, we will face the same difficulties as our sun finally expires.

When one looks at challenges with the right perspective, while they feel larger than Life for the person experiencing or witnessing them, in the grand scheme of things many of the challenges are so small as to seem to not even exist.  In the annals of human history they will be forgotten, known only to the person who experienced them.

This is true for most (not all) of the difficulties we face in the human experience.

By the same token, solving such “small” problems has the potential to positively impact our lives with the impact expanding outwards to our city, province / state, country, continent, planet, solar system, galaxy, universe, multiverse and so on ….. maybe even impacting an off-world civilization in our distant or not-so-distant future.

And so while many of our challenges are actually so small as to be immeasurable in the grand experience, the potential and impact in overcoming them is immeasurably huge.

We must focus on this impact and potential and not the challenge itself as we move towards creating a better experience at all levels of existence.

Are you aware of your impact on a greater scale or do you choose to focus on the the noise and difficulties at hand?

How do you know?

In service and servanthood,

Harry

Giving Up When Success Is Within Reach

I was in a Starbucks today when a lady walked up to the door, pulled on the left door (which was locked), pushed the same door and then pushed on the right door (which only opened outwards towards her).

Realizing that her efforts had been thwarted at every turn, she turned to walk away, upon which I ran over and pushed open the door, indicating that the coffee shop was indeed open.

We made a joke about it and she went inside and ordered her drink.

Reflecting on this afterward, I wondered ….

How often do people give up in business or in Life when they believe they have tried everything, when in fact the most obvious thing they needed to do was staring them right in the face (or as in the case of this lady, was literally in her hand)?

I suspect that too many people give up when the reward for their efforts is closer than they realize.

I also suspect that all many people need is someone to open a door to help them see the reward … if they would only “stick around” and persevere a little longer.

Maybe someone you know is waiting for you to open such a door. 

And maybe, just maybe, someone may be opening a door for you.

In the case of the latter, it still means you need to stay in the game and be ready to claim your reward whether you are invited inside with the help of someone else, you finally figure out how to open the door and stagger inside or you kick the door down in triumph.

Oftentimes this is easier said than done, but it is necessary all the same.

“Perseverance is a great element of success. If you only knock long enough and loud enough at the gate, you are sure to wake up somebody.” ~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

In service and servanthood,

Harry

Accountability and Authenticity

For my Musings-in-a-Minute version, please click here.

As I dressed this morning, I donned a pair of jeans and a yellow polo shirt and prepared to meet the day - nothing significant to report there.

However, to a small band of entrepreneurs in New York in the late 90’s to early 2000’s, Tuesday was Yellow Shirt Day.

I had forgotten about it until this morning.

The origins of Yellow Shirt Day were innocent enough.  One Tuesday, a member of my team, Narender and I wore a yellow shirt on the same day.  We laughed about it and said every Tuesday should be Yellow Shirt Day and dismissed the joke.

To my surprise on the next Tuesday, the entire team wore a yellow shirt.  Guys who didn’t own a yellow shirt went out and bought one just for the day.

The tradition being born, we embraced it every Tuesday.  On Tuesday, we would go for a walk during our lunch break and compliment other people who wore yellow shirts.  The reaction from strangers on the streets of New York covered a broad spectrum, ranging from humorous to angry.

The co-founder of Yellow Shirt Day, Narender Nath, was killed in the World Trade Center less than a year later during the horror of 9/11.

Narender came to mind this morning as I realized I was wearing a yellow shirt on Tuesday.

Narender was as close to a perfect human being as I have been able to find on this planet. 

He preferred humor over anger.

He chose directness instead of misdirection. 

He selected honesty over dishonesty.

He embraced transparency instead of being opaque. 

He wished people to be accountable for their actions and was quite direct about it.

He preferred to be proactive and to embrace his passion instead of being apathetic and indifferent.

He avoided being a one-man-band – he was a collaborator by nature.

He didn’t reinvent what someone else had already created.  He recognized the value of leveraging what someone else had worked hard to create.

He asked nothing of anyone.  He led by example.

As I thought about Narender this morning, I was wondering if we have learned anything as a society since he died.

Greed, apathy, indifference and corruption appear to be around us more than ever.

Deception seems to be the way the game is played in many levels of society.  The model of “say one thing and do another” seems to be commonly practiced by leaders and those who are led.

Senseless wars against “this and that” appear to be the preferred model of solving anything.  We have a war against terror, a war against global warming and a war against extinction.  We appear to always be fighting what we don’t like instead of embracing the solution we should be striving for.

Headlines of failure in the housing market, the financial market and the employment market hammer us daily.

The starving, impoverished, diseased and destitute continue to cry out for help.

The media encourages us to focus on the disaster all around us under the guise of informing us.

Many of us who are hammered by the media do the best we can, all the while struggling with our need to be more authentic to ourselves and to others.

If only we could get some breathing room, we reason, then we could be more true to ourselves.

We could then shake off the negative messaging from the media and truly discover the world for its beauty and potential.

Narender looked at this challenge differently.

He didn’t wait for the breathing space in order to create authenticity within himself.

He knew that if he waited for the opportunity to be authentic with himself and with others, he would wait forever and would be incredibly frustrated as he waited.

If you were to ask Narender what he saw in the world, you would swear he lived on a different planet.  In a world allegedly filled with collapse, Narender saw growth.

In a world of war and hate, Narender saw love and nurturing.

In a world of indifference and apathy, Narender saw the opportunities that lay before those who followed their passion to make a positive impact.

Our world is what we believe it to be.

The media wants us to believe it is all coming apart.

Narender believed it to be one of unlimited opportunity for living, loving, learning and leaving a legacy.

I know you believe this also.

However, when you find yourself in the structural tension between what you believe and what you manifest, remember this:

Each of us owns the responsibility for changing our own world and subsequently the world around us.

If we wait for the world to give us the opportunity to become self-enabled to the point where we can finally start living an impactful life we will never get there.

And that makes for a pretty depressing journey of wasted, unrealized potential

Don’t let this happen to you.

As many experts say and as Narender practiced:

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

Yes, it is an overused statement.

But perhaps it is overused because we still haven’t learned the truth within it and so we need to keep hearing it.

How do you see the world today?  How badly would you like to see it in a different light?

Look around you – there are many people who are ready to collaborate with you to create that world.

Yours in service and servanthood.

Harry

PS – A guy by the name of Mike walked into the coffee shop as I was writing this.  He was wearing a yellow shirt also and so I couldn’t resist introducing myself and telling him the story of Narender and Yellow Shirt Day.  As he left, he laughed and said “maybe we can start Yellow Shirt Day where I work”.  That would be cool, Mike!

It sometimes doesn’t take much to influence someone else in a positive way.

Simple actions touch hearts and in turn influence minds.  Whose heart are you touching today?

For my Musings-in-a-Minute version, please click here.

Taking a Break – Recharging to Take Charge

I was recently reading about US military tests in the fifties where they would subject pilots to extreme g-forces to see what humans could endure and to determine what training could improve their endurance.

The tests went like this:

The pilot was strapped into a seat that was mounted on what was essentially a rocket on rails.  When the rockets were ignited, the whole contraption flew down the rails at breakneck speed (it had no brakes) with no guidance necessary as it simply followed the rails it was mounted upon.  At some point, the passenger passed out and was simply along for the ride.

After the motors burned out, the device then coasted for some distance before it came to a halt, the device and its passenger both completely spent.

The rocket motors were reloaded, the passenger rested and the process was repeated the next day.

I wonder if many people today feel like that person sitting upon this rocket on rails – flying pell mell down the rails at the start of the day, with no means to change the speed or direction and being exhausted by the end of the day.

Think of some of the challenges we are experiencing that create pressure in our lives today:

• We have a booming economy one minute (supposedly) and then it collapses the next minute (with some exaggeration, of course).   The people who either architected it or didn’t see it coming now tell us to trust their ability to fix it. 
• Ben Bernanke, top man at the Federal Reserve, tells us a couple of weeks ago that all the numbers look great and he sees the end of the recession in sight.  Two hours later, statistics regarding consumer spending, unemployment and such are released and suggest the complete opposite and that the end is nowhere in sight.
• Governments such as Canada have changed their strategy from economy stimulation to making sure that the employment insurance system can hold up under the strain.  This suggests that they have given up trying to fix it and perhaps want to hold on and hope everything works out. 
• Billions are spent on airline safety annually while some insiders suggest that this is a facade to make you feel comfortable about travel since weapons still routinely get onto commercial aircraft.  How about the armed hijacker who stormed onto a Canjet aircraft with 170+ people on it yesterday and held them all hostage before local authorities took the plane back?
• Billions are spent on the drug problem in the US while the flow of guns south and drugs north continues largely unabated.
• Unemployment and foreclosures are running neck and neck to establish new records of despair.
• War, pestilence and disease continues in the world.  We have it within our power to fix a lot of this but we don’t make as much progress as we could or should.
• Global warming is coming with a vengeance despite our meetings and conferences.  Here’s a thought – maybe just talking about something doesn’t fix it.  Action must begin with dialog. Dialog must result in action or it is just that - dialog.

Tough stuff.  Positive thinking experts say that we shouldn’t think about it because it will bring us down.  I think we’re already pretty low.

I wonder if sometimes we need to be brought down, to be grabbed by the throat, so that we can look some of this stuff in the eye, know it and understand it and then take responsibility for wrestling it to the ground.

Not thinking about it doesn’t necessarily make it go away.

Maybe we need to absorb all of this stuff and let it touch our holy discontent as Bill Hybels notes in his powerful book by the same name.  After it has percolated internally for a bit and really gotten us stirred up, maybe we can shake off the apathy we feel as we expect someone else to fix it.  Bodie Thoene noted “Apathy is the glove into which evil slips its hand”.

Maybe we can all work together to fix things instead of waiting for someone else or believing that we have the solution that no one else has, thus preferring to be a one-man-band rather than a collaborator.

I wonder if many of us would take more responsibility if we could only catch our breath from the wild ride that we call Life.

I think we would.  I believe that the average person would love to make a greater contribution to the greater good.

With that in mind ……

We need to recharge to take charge

Many of us say we can’t take any time off because we are needed for this, that and the other thing.  People who believe this who are forced for one reason or another to take some time off discover when they return that the Earth is still here and it is still running as well as it was before.

Perhaps our belief that the world won’t carry on without us is more ego-based – the hope or belief that being essential for the great machine of Life helps us to feel better about ourselves.

The truth is that each of us has an important role to play – none of us have the ONE role that keeps everything moving.

Maybe we need to take more breaks during the turmoil of the day to stop and ask, “How am I doing”?

How about asking this question.

What legacy am I contributing towards for the children of tomorrow and for their children?

I like to take a break several times a day and record observations in my journal about how I am doing in the following areas:

Faith – how am I doing in regards to my faith in God and my faith in the goodness and intelligence of people to create positive, long-lasting, sustainable impact on Earth?

Virtue – how well am I doing today in regards to adhering towards moral excellence (however I define it)?

Knowledge – have I learned something new today that I can apply towards improving my life and the life of others?

Self Control – how much self control am I exercising towards not being distracted by things that don’t bring myself and others closer to our purpose and passion?

Perseverance – am I still driving towards that which is important for my purpose and passion or am I just coasting along, wasting time that can never be recovered?

Godliness – do my thoughts reflect what I think God would think about?  In other words, if one thinks of the Great Compassion as those things that would make God cry or be angry, what am I doing to address them?

Kindness – what am I doing to grow my understanding of others and their actions and do my actions exemplify my belief in compassion and sharing?

Love – what have I done to share love today?  What have I done to welcome love today?  What have I done to encourage this in others today?

In other words, if I don’t stop a few times a day and perform this checkpoint, how do I know if I am on track or if I need to make a few corrections or improvements?

It is easy to allow the day to slip away in activity instead of productivity.

When I make a conscious step to assess how I am tracking and make corrections along the way, I feel like I have made a better difference to myself and others.

This brings a greater sense of fulfillment towards my purpose and with this, a reduction in stress – I feel like I am controlling my Life instead of my Life controlling me.

It helps me feel like I am making a difference for the children.

People criticized President Bush towards the end of his second term, claiming that his actions were digging a hole that President Obama couldn’t get out of.  Whether this is true or not is not the point.

Let’s make sure we don’t do this to our children.

In service and servanthood.

Harry

Proper Human Values Still Exist

Last night, I attended the memorial service for the families and victims of Cougar Helicopter Flight 491 that crashed off the coast of Newfoundland on Thursday, March 12th.  17 souls were lost and one survived, still in the hospital as I write this.  Later today, I will be attending the funeral of one of those souls, someone I went to high school with in the late 70s.

The communal expression of grief and the outpouring of love and support from the community and the nation brought me back to similar outpourings of love and support that I witnessed in September of 2001 when so many innocent people were lost and the nation rallied around the families.

For all the topsy turvy stuff going on in this world and as much as we think human values have been subsumed by greed and narcism, at times like this, I am reminded that the human values of loving, sharing, caring, generosity and helping others are alive and well.

The media is highlighting excessive levels of greed, selfishness, apathy and stupidity as the reasons why we are experiencing the crisis that is allegedly undermining every aspect of our lives.  If we use the media as the source of our definition of whether “good human values” (as each person defines them) still exist, the answer is probably no. 

The media’s constant hammering almost implies that the time has come for us to move into the mode of “every man for himself” since government, business and individuals either don’t care, don’t know how to fix it or are in it for themselves.

However, when I witness communities and a nation come together to support each other during times of stress, it is apparent to me that the media’s implied message is way off base.

Our core values are still there – our ability to reach out to others, to share grief, to share love, to help one another overcome challenge and to help each other make our way towards a better future.

It is true that sometimes it looks like those values have disappeared under the crush of life in the 21st century.

However, when we are forced to shrug off the yoke of today’s life pressure, our core values stand tall.

As we face today’s struggles together, let’s not wait for immense pressure to bring out the best in us.

Let’s work harder to show each other that the core human virtues of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness and faithfulness are alive and well.

Let’s convince the media that these virtues are worth highlighting.

If they run out of bad stories but won’t highlight the “good stuff”, maybe they won’t highlight anything at all.  In that case, we’d still be better off.

Last night, Archbishop Martin Currie closed his Homily at the memorial service with a powerful quote from Robert Frost:

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned in life: It goes on." 

It does indeed – let’s make it the best we can with the gifts we have been given.

I am grateful for all of you and the impact you have on the world.

Tag – you’re it – pass the gratitude along.

In service and servanthood.

Harry

How is Your Legacy Coming Along?

I walked into a client's building today and the security guard said "I saw your name in the obituaries today".

I replied "Really?  Maybe I am not really here today" and laughed.  As I watched, the security guard brought up this obituary.

Harry Tucker, Bell Island
Born in St Phillips, Newfoundland, Canada

In loving memory of a dear husband, father, grandfather and great-grandfather who passed away 20 years ago today.

Silent sorrow remains a constant heartache but loving memories are left to share.

Till we meet again - Evelyn and family.

The obituary that I was looking at was honoring the 20th anniversary of my grandfather's passing.

My grandfather left an amazing legacy - a legacy of a hard worker who put food on the table for 12 kids.  A legacy of a quiet man who went about his business without interfering with anyone.  A legacy of a man who could outwit the craftiest of people and was no one's fool

I ran into someone a couple of weeks ago who looked at me and said "You're "Happy's" son, aren't you?".

I replied in the affirmative (smiling at the nickname that my father had when he was younger).

The person I was speaking to immediately started telling me stories of my grandfather and the fond memories he had of him and the contributions that he made from 30, 40 or more years ago.  That is a legacy.

I'll share one of those stories because it makes me laugh every time someone recounts it to me.

My grandfather was once asked to build a chimney for someone who had a reputation for not paying people for services rendered.  Even though my grandfather was cautioned not to do the work for fear of not being paid, he built the chimney anyway.

Sure enough, the man who had commissioned my grandfather hemmed and hawed over whether he would pay him or not.  When the first fire was lit, it was discovered that the smoke came back into the house instead of going up the chimney.  Peering up into the chimney, no discernible reason for this was evident.

My grandfather indicated that if the man paid him, he would fix the problem immediately.  Accepting his payment, my grandfather carried a large rock up to the top of the chimney and dropped it down the shaft, breaking the pane of glass that he had intentionally placed across the chimney.  He had anticipated this event and played it perfectly.

All these years later, people remember him for events like this.

How will people remember you?

Will you fade into obscurity, remembered by immediate family or close friends only?  Will your legacy extend only a generation or so and then disappear with no visible impact?

Or will your legacy live well beyond your years, going beyond friends and family such that complete strangers can walk up to your children's children and say "Did you ever hear the story of ...." as your grandchildren feel their heart swell up with pride for being descended from someone who had such an impact.

What are you doing today to help ensure a positive, long-lasting, far reaching legacy?

Yours in service and servanthood.

Harry

Everyone is talking - is anyone listening?

Or better yet, is anyone taking real action?

I have just received an invite from an associate who asked me to join him in a particular online social network.  While he is a good friend, I turned him down.

I denied his request for the simple reason that this is the 15th or 20th business network that he has become a member of and which he has asked me to join.

One of the social networks was particularly humorous, suggesting that membership was extremely exclusive.  I found the claim to be interesting, until I turned down invitations from approximately 1,000 people over a two week period from the same exclusive network.  Exclusive indeed!

Online social networks can be incredibly empowering when used appropriately.  However, when one becomes the member of so many social groups that they spend more time maintaining memberships in them (or joining new ones) instead of contributing to their network, harvesting results from the network or living a productive life that makes a difference, then something dysfunctional is in progress.  Many partners of such people have become "social network widows", as their significant other spends more time joining the latest social network or inviting everyone they know to the latest network rather than spending time working towards their purpose and passion with the people who really matter.

I overheard with amusement and sadness recently as two people compared notes on which social networks each belonged to and why the other person simply had to join networks "x, y and z".  As they each suggested the reasons for being part of these networks (friendship, romance, learning, etc), it became clear that maintaining the networks had become so complex that they were not obtaining and value from nor contributing any value to the networks that they belonged to.  The number of networks and the number of connections within the network had become more important than the reason you network in the first place - for collaboration through knowledge and contact sharing.

Occasionally, you see contests where people are striving to get "x" thousand new contacts the fastest.  Once they have reached the number, the network offers little of substance, outside of an ego boost.

Today we can even get software to help us manage all of our social networks.  It reminds me of the experts who come in and optimize your closet space, to help you find better ways to organize your "stuff".  Maybe instead of finding ways to store more stuff, we just need less of it in our lives in the first place.

I think the same thing applies to a number of conversations around leadership that I have listened to lately.

Some have conjectured lately that the reason so many challenges have arisen in our world (whether ecological, social, economic, governmental, etc) is that our leadership inventory is not as strong as it used to be.

People are also talking about the need to get back to classic values - a sense of purpose, vision, trust, respect and collaboration.

I believe that our leadership inventory is as strong as ever and that the "classic" leadership values are as prolific as ever, but we are spending too much time talking about them and for a variety of reasons, we are not taking action.

If you follow groups like Twitter, there is a lot of chatter about leadership principles.  If you are a member of LinkedIn, there are an incredible number of leadership experts.  Surely with 30 million (the number of LinkedIn members) leadership experts sharing their knowledge, the problems of the world must be practically solved by now.  :-)

Conversation around leadership is excellent and necessary.  However, when the conversation becomes a circular, never-ending conversation where the knowledge of 10,20,50,100 or more years ago keeps being released by the "experts" as the "be-all, end-all secret just discovered", one has to wonder if the greatest challenge in leadership is not a lack of leaders and the knowledge of how to lead but just a lack of execution.

So while there is an incredible amount of wonderful dialog taking place about leadership principle, skills, knowledge, etc., I think we need stop hoping things get better by merely talking about it and instead, let's focus on achieving results through action.

Even if the action produces a less than desirable result, it will at least teach you something you need do address differently the next time.

True leadership is difficult.  It takes courage, perseverance, purpose, mission and a willingness to sometimes swim against the tide of commonly accepted thought.  Leadership also requires humility, diplomacy (most times), dictatorial decision making (sometimes) and a knowledge of knowing when to lead and when to relinquish command to a more enabled individual.

However, when the true leaders don't stand up and the void is filled with the leader-wannabes who fill the gap with self-proclaimed "secrets to leadership", we can get overwhelmed with too much informational noise.  Such noise causes us to forget that while knowledge is important, at some point, we have to say "I know enough to at least get started" and take our first tentative steps towards our purpose, vision, mission and goals.  This applies to us personally as well as professionally.

We are all leaders with different levels of capability and leadership maturity.  Many of us would be surprised to realize that we have a lot more knowledge about being leaders than we give ourselves credit for.

Let's apply that knowledge in our environment, whether it be the workplace, the home, the community or the planet and start making a difference. 

If you think you need more leadership knowledge, you will discover you learn a lot more through application and collaboration than you do from just studying the experts.

What will separate people and organizations who are successful in our interesting times will be those who embrace proper leadership values, collaborate with others who are similar and take action. 

Are you ready to be successful (however you measure success)?  Do you have a passion for manifesting your purpose?  Do you have the drive to push forward and the humility to know when to relinquish control?

Do want to accomplish something so badly, you will do whatever it takes to get it done?

Excellent - then please stand up and start executing.  The world is eagerly awaiting "your arrival".

In service and servanthood.

Harry

The Giving Spirit Revisited / Wishes for 2009

I am seated at my desk this morning, awash in gratitude as I think about this Christmas season and what may be one of the most spiritually, mentally and emotionally profound Christmases that I have ever experienced.

Our Christmas this year, as always, has been focused on giving back, especially to people who themselves have little if anything to give to others.  In a time when the media is reporting financial gloom and doom, cutbacks in giving and other symptoms of the economic crisis as they like to call it, we have witnessed more giving this year than ever.

The program that we participated in for battered mothers and their children went way above expectations this year as friends collaborated with us to make a phenomenal difference.  The number we helped this year, either directly or through inspiring others to help on their own, is up 700% from last year.

We were blessed to have an opportunity to help feed the homeless, the lonely and the stranded over the holidays, cooking food on Christmas Eve and helping with the distribution on Christmas Day.

On Saturday, the local blood donor clinic was open and I was able to make a contribution that will save up to three lives.

All great stuff.

However, what took place in my heart was even more profound.

This Christmas, a number of events took place within close proximity that impacted me mentally and spiritually.

This season, I witnessed profound stories of personal giving - giving that was taking place under the radar to help take care of others during the season.  I witnessed last-minute miracles for good people as they struggled to make ends meet or worked diligently to help overcome sudden incidents of misfortune. 

So many people sent me emails expressing personal testimonials of receiving help at the last minute, just when they needed it.  We started referring to them in my house as "Jimmy Stewart endings" in reference to heart-moving, wipe-your-eyes, Hollywood style endings appropriate for the season. 

Get-togethers with family and friends were more powerful than ever this year as I took the time to really savor the feelings of goodwill that filled the air.

As if that wasn't enough, I was overcome with profound gratitude as friends and strangers from all around the world, including Europe, New York and other parts of the US, Canada and Australia reached out to us with open hearts when they read my blog about some of our current adventures (and misadventures) - found here if you would like to read it.

During the midnight Christmas Eve service, I found myself powerfully moved as the congregation sang Christmas carols, as the true meaning of the season seized my heart and overwhelmed me.

As I experienced all these feelings of gratitude, I didn't need to ask what it was all about - I knew all along.

For many years, my family and I have experienced what many know as the abundance of the season - unlimited food, unlimited gifts, etc.  However, for all of those years, I felt something was missing in all of this and I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

This year brought the perfect storm of events, generous, loving people, opportunities to share and opportunities to receive to help me discover what I was missing.

Despite my insistence in years gone by that I knew what the Christmas spirit was about, I think I was merely going through the motions, simply checking off the holiday obligations.  Make annual donations to various organizations - check.  Buy gifts for everyone - check.  Organize opportunities for giving to others - check.  Be happy during the season - check.  Check, check, check.

Looking back, I realized that it had gotten too mechanical.

This year, I savored every single action.  I savored every single project that I was involved in and I was grateful for the opportunity to do so.

I was also grateful for the opportunity to do it with others who really cared.

And so as I sat in church service on Sunday and listened to the Christmas carols being sung, I looked up and said a prayer of thanks to God - a prayer thanking Him for my friends, for complete strangers (met and unmet), for the opportunity to share with others, for the opportunity to be humble enough to receive from others and for the strength and courage to continue to follow our intention to make a difference in this world.

Contrary to what the media would like us to believe, the unselfish, giving spirit of people is alive and well.  We see what we choose to focus on.

A number of people came to mind as I sat there in gratitude.  While many came to mind, I will mention some of them here.  Things they have said or done in the last month or so have had a profound impact on me and my family and the sense of deep gratitude we are experiencing during this season.  There is always a danger of leaving people out but if I listed everyone that I was grateful for, the list would be very long (my LinkedIn network alone is up to 16.5 million people at the time I wrote this).  :-)

The people who come to mind include my family (of course), Andrew B., Roberto L., Jonathan S., John C., Jim L., Estean L., Hilary R., Tim S., Bruce MacN.,  Joseph S., Casey W., Gabriel M., Keith B., Don H., Gary J., Daryn K., Ken B., Mac P., Frances H., Marilyn B., Debra P., Peggy C., Lauren M., Iris P., Peter T., Gerald C., Barry G., Peter D., Doreen C., Peggy M., John G., Bret D., Evan G., Tim M., Lew M., Emily H., Jeremy R., Paul S., Deborah W., John Paul W., Gerry O., Ros O., Gina P., John L. (and the gang),  Marvin C., Alex T., Kevin F., Dave M., Ed N., Heather and Mark U., Bill G., Ray J., Larry F., Jackie H., Sharon C., Tony R., Steve B., Linda G., Cathy F., Paul L.,  Jenifer F., Nick S. and John M.

I am grateful for everyone in my life and grateful for their spirit of giving and sharing, their commitment to others and their passion to make a difference in the lives of people around them - even when it means sacrifice for themselves or a sense of swimming against the tide.

As 2009 draws near, we have a choice to make.  We can succumb to the sense of despair as the media would like us to embrace or we can choose to see phenomenal opportunity in everything and everyone around us.

There are incredible opportunities around us for growth, for sharing, for learning and for receiving with humility and gratitude  - phenomenal opportunities for each one of us to leave a legacy of hope and love to the generations that are coming behind us.

2009 will bring interesting challenge and opportunity for me and my family.  We are contemplating a number of programs in alignment with our purpose and passion, including children's education in North America and service to the needy overseas.

Whatever you decide to do in 2009, do it with passion, purpose and a sense of making a difference.  If you want it bad enough, you will be successful, regardless of the challenges you face.

Remember that you are not alone - you are surrounded by people who want to help you be successful.  Be open to their help just as you expect others to be open to yours.

Above all, keep your faith alive.  Whatever you believe God is, remember that in your darkest moments, faith in God will lead you to victory in your efforts to make a difference.

I wish each one of you, a phenomenal 2009 filled with personal victory, a fulfillment of purpose and a legacy that others will learn from and multiply, for the benefit of all.

Yours in service and servanthood.

Harry

The Giving Spirit

My family and I have experienced a few surprises this week that have given me pause for reflection.

A few clients have been a little tardy in paying me for one reason or another lately; an accounting mix up here, a transfer error there.

Nothing big or earth shattering. Life goes on in the abundant life we live.

A couple of days ago I was notified of a security compromise across my bank accounts, similar to the massive identify theft I experienced about 4 years ago. All of my cards and accounts have been turned off while they sort it out and since all of my accounts are in the US, I temporarily don't have access to much.

This is a major inconvenience, especially at this time of the year. However, the bank will get it all sorted out, we will laugh it off and life will go on.

This morning the heat in our house died. It's below freezing today so things will cool down a little as the day wears on.

Hmmmmm, I thought - how does one fix that problem when all of your plastic is turned off and your nearest bank branch is 2100 miles away?

Then I got a little frustrated and tossed a question out to no one in particular. Maybe I was asking God.

Why does this happen to my family when we have dedicated so much of our lives helping others, especially going really above and beyond this Christmas?

Then I was reminded of something. For as inconvenient and painful as this is for us, it will be of brief duration.

For many families out there this Christmas, this is a way of life for them.

There is no light at the end of their tunnel, at least as they see it. Or maybe there is a light at the end of their tunnel but in fact, it's a train headed toward them.

As that thought sank into my head, I was ashamed of my frustration.

My frustration evolved into an AHA moment as I realized that this sequence of unusually timed incidents is in fact a lesson for me.

What is the lesson? It is to help me REALLY understand the lives of the wonderful people we have helped this year. It is another reminder of how grateful we should be for everything we have. After all, we could lose it all in a moment.

Our inconvenience of a fleeting duration is a challenging way of life for some people. My challenge will pass - theirs will not without help.

So with that thought in mind, my frustration has evolved into gratitude - gratitude that I have much in my life to be thankful for and gratitude that I can overcome whatever I choose. I have my family and our passion and purpose around helping others - what else do we need?

Which brings me to the final lesson I learned out of all this.

There are a lot of people who need our help out there. No matter how much we do and how much we give, there is always room for a little more, especially at this time of year.

So if you will excuse me, I will light the gas fireplace to keep my family warm and I will find someone who REALLY needs help.

Maybe there is someone in your neighborhood who could use a little help as well.

To you and yours for a blessed holiday season, I extend deepest gratitude and thanks to all of you and all the things that you do. I wish you every success for 2009.

Yours in service and servanthood.

Harry

Are We Living Life On Purpose?

I've been thinking today that more people are on purpose about talking about being on purpose then just plain old being on purpose.

We use lots of reasons for why this is the case:

1. We are too busy at work
2. We are too busy at home
3. We have too many commitments dragging our kids around to sporting events (that we enrolled them in for the most part)
4. We are waiting for the definition of our purpose to be handed to us
5. We are waiting for the perfect opportunity, when we have more time, energy, money
6. We are waiting to be at the empowerment level (knowledge, network, money) necessary for the opportunity
7. We are waiting for the economy to get better
8. We are waiting for the right time to tell others so that they won't be angry, embarrassed, disappointed, etc.
9. We are waiting for more peace in the world
10. We are waiting to move to a geographical area that is more open to such opportunities,
11. Fill in your own reason here ______________.

That's a lot of waiting!

Many of the reasons we use to delay living a life on purpose are not because of external events.  They are based on choices we are making or have made in the past.

For many people, when you speak to them 5 or more years ago, now or in 5-10 years, you discover they are always in the same spot - they are just about to start living a life on purpose.   Living a life on purpose is almost within their reach, that magical carrot on a stick that will set them free.  They are reading the current "living on purpose du jour" book.  Interestingly enough, they have read every book of the genre and yet their purpose remains dormant or undiscovered.

They are so close to living their life on purpose that they can taste it and they try to convince you of it.  Maybe they are trying to convince themselves of it.

As we say in New York City - woulda, coulda, shoulda.

I don't have the heart to tell them that 10 or more years ago, they were saying the same thing.  Nor do I have the heart to say that in 10 years, they will be in the same place - waiting.

For many, their purpose will still be awaiting discovery well into the future, dangling enticingly in front of them as their end-of-days looms on the horizon.

Oh, the moments we miss.

Many look to latch on to others, with the hope that others will pick them up and carry them to their sense of purpose.  Those people have missed the point:

Their sense of purpose is THEIR own sense of purpose - not someone else's.

For every day we choose not to live a life on purpose, we miss out on many things, including:

1. Enhanced personal fulfillment
2. An opportunity to make a difference in the lives of others, maybe even saving lives
3. A chance to find financial freedom - you didn't really think you would find it working for someone else, did you?
4. A chance to see the world - if that is where your purpose takes you
5. An opportunity to learn new things, maybe to even be the best in the world at something and be recognized for it
6. The potential to meet phenomenal people who will touch your mind and heart forever
7. A chance to leave a legacy - to be remembered by others as someone who made a difference.

I think many of us need to make a choice, a choice that comes down to one of two things.

1. Do we want to stay where we are, wondering about how "someday we will be something", creating the potential for a lot of dreams that will be replaced by frustration or resentment over time?

2. Do we choose to lay out a plan for living our life on purpose, for seizing that which is important to us at any cost and through any struggle and just going for it?

97% of people who tell me that they are living their life on purpose are at the exact same place in their life that they were 10 years ago.  They will probably still be there in 10 years time.  They are also really good at New Year's Resolutions, pie-in-the-sky dreams and stuff of a similar nature.  They are the ones who start 10,000 be-all-and-end-all projects and finish none of them.

Don't be one of the 97%.

Don't hang out with a lot of them either, otherwise you will become one of them.  Save who you can and move on.

Be one of the 3% who stands up and says "My purpose in life is to do _____________.  I exist to make a difference in my family, community, company, country or world by doing _____________.  Today I find the people, knowledge and other resources to get there regardless of what others think.  I want it so badly that my spirit burns to make this happen.  When my end-of-days has come, I will be remembered for _____________.  If I were not here, the world would miss me because I offer _____________ to the world."

Seize this feeling, let it surround and permeate you and then go for it.

If you don't how, email me - I will give you the cranial defibrillator you need to make it happen.

There is a greater sense of urgency every day to make a difference - today it is your turn.

Do you want to live a life waiting for fulfillment ,  hoping someone else provides it, or do you want to own the process, struggles and all, knowing that on the other side of struggle is phenomenal fulfillment and amazing life experiences?

I know what you think you want.  Do you have the courage and desire to go for it?

Yours in service and servanthood.

Harry

Overcoming your demons

Over the past few years, a number of people have shared with me the notion of the demons that hold them down. The demons vary in attribution - not enough money, not smart enough, not connected enough, etc. No matter how much I tell them that the demons can be overcome, I am told that I don't understand because my life has been so easy.

The demons also vary in intensity and combination but whatever they are, they combine to hold people back from realizing their dreams and their purpose.

I would like to share a story of someone who gave me permission to share his life story with you. I will give this person the name "Sam" for the purposes of this illustration and it is one of many examples of how people can overcome their demons.

Sam's conception was an accident. His parents lived in a small, poor rural community and Sam definitely wasn't planned. His parents made a commitment to stay together and make it work. They moved a couple of times before eventually settling down in another rural town to begin their life together. Money didn't come easily to this family but the family made do.

In the early years, Sam was a thin child, spending time here and there in the local hospital for unexplainable reasons. On more than one occasion in his life (in childhood and adulthood), Sam was believed to be dying for one reason or another. His soft bones broke easily as well and he had more than his share of broken bones. His liver and kidneys have been the impetus of more than one painful / stressful trip to the hospital for unexplainable reasons throughout his life and it has been suggested more than once that they are failing for unknown reasons. A healthy model of a human being was not an attribute of Sam.

His early home years were crowded. He lived in a very small house that was basically one room with a false wall and a couple of dividers to provide the semblance of rooms. The commode was a steel pail and running water was defined as running to the well to draw water from it.

His parents were loving but not always patient. This created a "need to please" within Sam that at times became crippling.

In a house that was smaller than 20ft by 20ft, he lived with then two siblings and his parents for the first seven and a half years of his life.

Throughout his school life in this rural town, he was often the victim of bullies. This bullying continued from grade one all the way to when he finished high school. It was something that he endured and something that took a fair amount of time to overcome when his school years ended. The impact of bullying cannot be underestimated. As he would tell you, if you feel your child is being bullied, do something about it now. He avoided many school activities throughout his school life so that he could avoid being the victim of the people who chose to belittle him because of their own pain. Such avoidance caused him to miss many opportunities for personal growth and fulfillment.

Twice in his young life, including one time on the eve of his first holy communion, pedophiles tried to share their own pain on him. Both times they were unsuccessful. However, in both situations, it caused Sam to wonder - why is this happening to him? Why does God allow this to happen to him? Maybe God doesn't even exist.

When he graduated high school, he was painfully shy, an introvert who was even picked on in college for being a combination of being intelligent and too shy.

Sam has had two mini-strokes, in 1983 and 1990. The diagnosis - unknown cause so don't worry about it. He never told his family - it seemed unnecessary.

Sam is also legally blind in one eye.

The combination of his life events and genetics left him awkward, physically small in stature, an introvert who was afraid to speak to people, a person who generally wasn't happy with himself for many reasons and because of his small stature, introversion, timidity and growing up in a family that was not wealthy, his future didn't look terribly bright.

When we see people like Sam, we may feel pity for him or wonder "Where will he end up, if anywhere at all". After all, he has been damaged beyond repair - why should anyone try to help Sam? He is probably not worth saving anyway - what difference can he make in the world with these circumstances? We are probably better off turning our back on Sam and writing him off as another lost human being.

Maybe we are like Sam, with a collection of demons similar to or different than Sam's and we use these demons to hold us back.

Let me tell you something else about Sam.

Sam's real name is Harry.

I am Sam.

When I look back on the life that I lived as a young person, I feel like I am looking at the life of a different person.

People who know me now see me as an extrovert who is as at ease in front of 15,000 people in an auditorium as he is in an intimate conversation in a coffee shop.

I have created successful companies in New York, one of the most challenging environments in North America to be successful in (especially for a small town boy).

The small, sickly, child now stands 6'3" and weighs in at 220 pounds.

I am blessed with many gifts, many opportunities, many great memories, an incredible business network, a great family, many great friends and a strong faith in God.

If you had looked at me 25+ years ago, you would not have predicted such a life for me. I know I wouldn't have.

There may be someone else that you would not predict such a life for.

Perhaps that person is you.

Perhaps you are Sam.

There is something that you need to tell the person who is like "Sam".

If they dig down deep inside, they can find the spirit that calls them to be something in life.

If they want it bad enough, it is theirs for the taking.

If their faith is strong, what they desire can become their ultimate purpose and destiny.

Their past is their past. What determines the results of the rest of their life rests on how they convert the gifts they have into actions to make a difference.

As Stephen Covey wrote, help "Sam" answer these 4 questions:

• What are you good at? That’s your mind. (Intellectual Quotient)
• What do you love doing? That’s your heart. (Emotional Quotient)
• What need can you serve? That’s the body. (Physical Quotient)
• What is life asking of you? What gives your life meaning and purpose? What do you feel like you should be doing? In short, what is your conscience directing you to do? That is your spirit. (Spiritual Quotient)

We motivate ourselves, according to Dr. Covey, with the law of the 4 L's - to live, to love, to learn and to leave a legacy.

Seek how the answers to the 4 questions overlap the 4 L's and the resulting picture will become the purpose of "Sam's" life - or yours.

No demons in your life will be strong enough to prevent you from achieving your purpose at that point.

Demons hold no power in your life. No matter what demons you have, you can find someone who has overcome the same demon.

What does this tell you? That demons are merely those things which are meant to provide you with an opportunity to gain knowledge and strength and having gained them, provide a means of using them to find your purpose and to leave a legacy.

In service and servanthood.

Harry

PS   By popular request, I am sharing a photo of the house I referred to in the article.  Maybe it was 10x20 and not 20x20.  That's me and my Dad in the photo.

Keep Pushing Forward

The news these days seems pretty rough. The number of layoffs continue to rise. The stock market gains a trillion dollars one day and then loses it the next. People praise President-elect Obama one day as a sign of hope and then disregard him the next as having too much on his plate, therefore assuming he will fail. Hundreds of billions are being spent to save companies that made handsome profits for many years. We keep hearing that global warming is reaching a point of no-return (any minute now, according to some sources - I hope you didn't make plans for Saturday).

Some of the bad news even seems circular in reference. According to one media source I watched last night, large companies are citing lack of consumer confidence as the reason they are laying off large numbers of people. The same media source later said that citizens are citing the large layoffs as one of the main reasons they are losing confidence in the economy. This is a chicken and egg game with profound implications on the earth. The media's amazing talent at magnifying the downside of things is entrenching this even more.

Sounds like we're on our way to hell in a hand basket, as the expression goes.

I guess we might as well lay down, cover our heads and wait for the end to come.

Let's forget about our the future of the next generation - there's nothing worth saving for them anyway.

Our dreams and aspirations are pretty stupid too, aren't they? What a waste of time they are. How could we have been so foolish as to believe we could have accomplished anything at all?

All of those great intentions we had - woulda coulda shoulda as we say in New York. It was just as well that we didn't follow up on them. They were the silly follies of dreamers and infinite optimists.

In fact we've wasted our whole life doing stupid things and now it's too late to change anything. When we ask people around us, they agree with us so it must be true.

Why even bother anymore?

In fact, let's take it a step further.

Let's tell our kids that optimism and hope are a waste of time. Let's tell them to abandon their dreams.

Encourage them to focus on the mass media, to allow the life essence of hope to drain out of them.

If we all work together starting right now, we can finally iron out of everyone, the silly idea of a life of beauty, love and empowerment.

Stop for just a moment - let that sink in. Let's embrace and savor the feeling of despair and hopelessness together. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm - feels good, doesn't it?

Are you angry with me yet? Do you feel the energy rising in you to reject what I am telling you? Do you want to tell me how wrong I am when it comes to your life?

GOOD - now you have some energy flowing - let's talk!

My dear friend, Roberto Luberti, always interjected discussions that were "stuck" with what became know as "the famous but". When he saw people trying to sort things out, he would say "I agree with this, this and this but" and after the "but" would come the reasoning that guided us out of the morass we were in.

So, in honor of my friend, here's the famous but to the negativity I just placed before you.

When we hear these messages as I expressed above, whether from the mass media, associates, family, friends or whomever, take a stand and refute them with all of your energy. Resist them with more energy than they are being pushed upon you in the first place.

If you don't, your mind turns to mush and you actually begin to believe these thoughts of hopelessness for our future. You become one of a growing group of people who are totally lost, blowing in the wind and living a life without purpose. You will manifest these messages in your life because you chose to, not because you had to.

Fight this negative energy with all of your being.

Dare to stand up and say "You are wrong. Where you see despair, I see hope. Where you see failure, I see opportunity. Where you see hopelessness, I see hope."

Don't wait for others to create opportunity for you. Many of the people you are waiting on are the ones whose minds have become laden with despair, sadness, gloom and doom. They are filled with angst and feel most comfortable when they have company to make them feel better as they go down with the ship.

So turn off the mass media that sells the gloom and doom message. Tell people who want to share this with you that you only want to hear news of opportunity - you are now a "no complaint zone". "Bring me opportunity and solutions", you say.

Look at the world for what it is - a smorgasbord of opportunity in unlimited areas. You can be a billionaire basket weaver tomorrow if you take the time to find out what baskets people like and how to make, promote and distribute them as efficiently as possible.

Look at Life for what it is - an incredible miracle which we are all blessed to experience. Struggle strengthens us. It reminds us of our weaknesses and where we need to grow as individuals. It highlights things all around us that need to be improved or enhanced. Struggle and pain are our call to action to make a difference - not a signal to give up. History teaches us that we human beings are at our best when our backs are against the wall.

We are incredible miracles, filled with unlimited potential to have a profound impact on the world. Each of us has a gift that no other has and each of us can do at least one thing better than ANYONE else in the world.

Find that one thing, embrace it, nurture it, be proud of it and then use it to make a difference. Make it your purpose for being and change the world with it.

Others will look at you and say "I want to do what you do - I want to have the fire and passion that you have - how do I do it". Take the time to light the flame of passion in the spirit of that person and then keep moving. They will do the same for others when the opportunity arises.

Momentum, positive and negative, are within your grasp to generate in infinite levels.

What world do you want to live in? It's your choice - not someone else's.

Time is important. Every day you don't do this is another day you missed to manifest miracles.

I salute you and offer this toast to you.

To your purpose in changing the world and manifesting the incredible potential that you have. Don't take "no" for an answer, when you fall, stand up and keep moving forward, keep your eye on your purpose and surround yourself with others who feel the same way with the same level of passion.

What are you waiting for?

Yours in service and servanthood.

Harry

PS Pretty soon, I will be working with a group of people to conduct an experiment around helping people engage in a life of purpose and passion. We will be working through this experiment in the public domain and sharing the process to help others understand how to find their sense of purpose. I will let you know shortly where you can find this and how you can participate.

Lest We Forget

As I stood at a memorial service today for those who have served to protect our freedom, the skies suddenly opened up and near-torrential rains fell.  A cool wind whipped up as well and many people began to leave while the service continued.

As this happened, a thought crossed my mind.  The brave men and women whom we honor today put their life on the line (and many of them paid the ultimate sacrifice) suffering biting cold that went right through their meager clothing, rain that would saturate and ravage their spirit, disease and vermin that drew the life essence from their body, violence the likes that we could never imagine and hunger and thirst.  Somewhere mixed in all this, they witness miracles of bravery, love, humor and camaraderie.  The highs and lows could tear apart the minds of the average human being. 

The people who have served and who serve are not average human beings.

They serve for their family.

They serve because they are proud citizens.

They serve because they feel compelled to.

They serve so that others may enjoy a life of abundance and freedom.

They serve by choice.

They serve for the sake of complete strangers.

They serve for you and I, whether we are of the same generation or subsequent generations.

As people left the service early, I wondered how grateful we really are and how consistent and deep our gratitude runs.

Those who serve endure incredible hardship so that we may partake in the things that somehow we feel we have earned.

The truth is, we haven't really earned it.  They earned it for us, giving us the ultimate gift of love and sacrifice so that we may live a life of opportunity, hope, love and freedom.

As the rain fell upon us today, I couldn't help but think:

Perhaps the rain are the tears of God, lamenting over how we human beings, with all of our unlimited potential, still don't embrace with gratitude, the incredible gifts we have been given.

I once read a story of Rabbi Baal Shem-Tov, the founder of the modern Hasidic movement, who was overlooking his hometown with his students when the town was attacked by a group of Cossacks.  As the rabbi and his students watched, men, women and children in their town were slaughtered.  Looking up to the sky, the rabbi said "If only I were God".

One of his students asked "Master, if you were God, what would you do differently?".

Looking at his student, the rabbi replied "If I were God, I would do nothing differently.  If I were God, I would understand.".

Thank a veteran today for all that you have.  Who knows where our lives would be today without their sacrifice and the sacrifice of their families?

In service and servanthood.

Harry

When Your Mind is Stuck ....

.... and you can't move forward or backward, what do you do?

I was reading a chapter of Devotional Classics the other day that seemed to profoundly capture the essence of the challenge that many people today seem mired in.

That challenge is:

I don't like who / where I am and I know I need to change but I seem unable to change my life.

I'd like to share an excerpt from that chapter in Devotional Classics, with the hope that it will encourage you to get "unstuck" from that which has ensnared you in your life.  The book is also highly recommended for those of you on a spiritual or philosophical journey.

The chapter summarizes St. Augustine's autobiography entitled Confessions.  St. Augustine lived from 354 to 430 AD and often struggled with the reasons why he was prevented from improving his lot in life, despite his acknowledgement that his life was stuck in a place that was totally unacceptable to him and he knew he should be capable of better.

The key points of the summary are worth reviewing from our own perspective of how well our lives are executed and how happy we are with the result.  How many of the following thoughts resonate with you?

1. Why is my mind a house divided?

When the mind commands a body part to move, accepting that the body is healthy, the body part moves.  Why then, is the will not honored when the brain chooses to take a particular action to produce a different result in Life? 

Since they should be one and the same (the mind and the will), one would think that moving a body part or changing an action or habit could be done with equal ease.

However, the fact that they are not equal in execution suggests that the mind's command of the will is not as deeply rooted as the command of the body and thus the will is not totally "bought in".  Why is this the case?

2. My mind is weighed down by habit

We are weighed down by so many bad habits and the "luggage of life" that it is easier to fall back on old, bad habits rather than do what we are trying to will ourselves to do.  If we were truly totally committed, we wouldn't need to be willing ourselves in the first place (since we would already be in a place of power).  Why is it so difficult to change bad habits?

3. I am torn by conflicting wills

We are torn between:

• that which is easy or hard
• that which is fun or challenging
• that which is quick to provide results versus needing time to manifest
• that which satisfies us versus that which pleases others or
• that which produces something that satisfies the senses now versus something that bears fruit later. 

We often choose the easy, fast, more fun or more immediately satisfying choice, thus missing the opportunity for true life transformation.  What is the impact of such inner conflict?

4. The full force of my will never comes to bear

We struggle to make change in our lives because our mind is only "half in it", even though we claim or believe that we are totally committed to success.  While we know that we need to make particular choices in our life, we do not because of the previously noted points.  If the brain is divided because of habits or it is torn between immediate versus long term results, then the brain is not fully available and committed to transformation, providing minimal opportunity for such transformation to take place.  A half-engaged brain can take us very close to success but then what happens?

5. I am teetering on the cusp of success

Many times we hear of people who sabotaged themselves on the cusp of success.  It was because they finally brought themselves to a place of potential success but they could not bear to make the final decisions or take the final actions necessary to seal the transformational process.  Since the will was never fully engaged, the engaged part carried them close to the "goal line of victory" but the disengaged part of the brain eventually caught up and tackled the engaged portion to the ground.  This leaves people in a sense of limbo - they've come too far to go back but previous fears and habits are preventing them from getting up and pushing forward.  How did the old habits catch up and derail us from transformation?

6. I have too much brain chatter resulting in indecision

We've all heard of analysis paralysis, the need to overanalyze something (or everything for some people).  Many times people get into this mode because they fear making a decision (probably because they fear failure, fear what others think, etc).  See my blog entry here regarding why people are afraid to make decisions.

However, failing to choose will almost assuredly result in failure anyway.  The voices in our mind that tell us to dwell on the poor results of the past or the failure that will result in your future need to be stilled.  We need to encourage the voices of success to loudly trumpet the great results we are capable of.  If the voice of success, optimism and transformation are not encouraged, where will this leave you?

7. I am so close I can almost taste it, but ....

Similar to teetering on the cusp of success, victory is almost in your grasp.  However, there are voices inside your head, chastising you for taking so long to reach this point or telling you not to bother because failure is inevitable.  You know you should push through to the end but you cannot for some reason.  The weight of the journey has tired you but the weight of potential failure is crushing you.  Many people who fail, fail at this point.  However, given that you are this close to success, you have only one real question remaining.

8. What am I waiting for?

This led to St. Augustine's great question (great in my opinion):

Why not now?

How often do we keep saying some variation of:

• "next week I will definitely do this"
• "tomorrow is a brand new day, I will do better"
• "I'll start with a clean slate and try again"
• "just one more self improvement book and I am all set to go - things will be difference after book #150".   :-)

All of these excuses add up to the same thing:

Another opportunity for transformation has passed me by.

OR

He / she stole my idea - I could have done that

OR

I should have taken it when I had the chance - now I have regret that I didn't.

The authors of Devotional Classics suggest a great exercise that while simple, has the opportunity to be profound if repeated in frequency and scale.  I have revised the exercise as follows.

Resolve this week to bring one bad habit to an end.  By the end of the week, take steps to overcome one bad habit (no matter how small).

In addition, identify one good habit that would be powerful for you to have in your arsenal and begin executing this good habit when opportunity permits.

I would add to this, recalling something that Rick Warren once said.

It takes approximately 42 days for a habit to become programmed or unprogrammed in the brain so that it becomes second nature.

So once you have started to overcome a bad habit or program a good habit, be aware that for a while, such actions will feel foreign or may take some effort.

Do not become discouraged.  It will take time for bad habits to disappear and good habits to become entrenched in your psyche.  This is an investment in your life.  Given that you have 20, 30, 40, 50 or 60+ years of life remaining, spending this time reprogramming yourself is worth the effort.

Give this a try, starting small and being gentle and forgiving with yourself if you slip and fall into old practices.  With time and diligence, you will start manifesting a life of greater purpose.

Five books I recommend to help you with this process (of the many I could recommend) are:

Success Built to Last by Stewary Emory et al.

Go Put Your Strengths to Work by Marcus Buckingham

Know Can Do by Ken Blanchard

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey

Goals! How to Get Everything .... by Brian Tracy

The truth is that there are a LOT of great books out there.  However, the more time you spend reading "just one more book", the  more you realize you are justifying not making the decisions that can profoundly impact your life in a positive way.

You are a living miracle - live up to the obligation this brings.

Yours in service and servanthood.

Harry