New Thinking–No Guarantees For Old Problems

Have you ever wondered why, with the number of experts in the areas of positive thinking, goal setting, life transformation and the like, that the world hasn’t figured out how to heal itself of the many difficulties that it faces?

In fact, with the sky-high sales of self-help books, you would think that we should be walking around in a state of permanent euphoria and success and yet despite the number of experts in the self-help space, many people struggle.

Even within the circles of business, many organizations continue to struggle despite their adoption of the latest tools, best practices, frameworks, methodologies and the like that promise that their results are about to become amazing.

Within my industry, despite the incredible plethora of tools and best practices, many clients struggle with projects that are running later and more over-budget than ever despite assurances that such difficulties will disappear with the adoption of the process du jour.

I’m not saying that the words of advice of experts in these and other areas can’t add value nor am I saying that new processes, best practices or methodologies are inherently flawed.

In fact, the positive results that come from embracing new knowledge, ideas, tools, best practices and the like is critical to success and one should strive to embrace a mindset of constant knowledge acquisition and the application of said knowledge.

However, I am suggesting that the promoters of such things are either deliberately or accidentally not telling the consumers of their products and services two critical things:

1. Every human being and organization has their own unique set of circumstances in addition to the commonalities that bind us and for this reason, there is no one-size-fits-all solution.  Anyone who believes that their offering solves every unique situation is deluded.

2. In order to layer new thought processes, belief structures and behaviors into human or corporate brains, old thought processes, belief structures and behaviors must be removed, nullified or retasked into something positive.

After all, if we didn’t have processes that were incomplete or incorrect, then we wouldn’t need to be learning how to do things better, would we?  If such is the case, how will layering more ideas on top of broken ones magically produce a positive result?

It’s like training someone how to be a competitive runner while ignoring the fact that the runner likes to tow a 100-pound anchor behind them.  All the great techniques in the world in the areas of breathing, energy conservation, eating habits, training, positive visualization and the like will still not power the runner to become a winner in his / her sport.

In fact, I would posit that such training will only frustrate the runner, since they now know what they need to do to win but they don’t know what’s holding them back and because the mystery remains, they move from one trainer to another, hoping to finally stumble on success.

They make the trainers wealthy while the solution to their problem continues to elude and frustrate them.

It would be like seeing your favorite dish inside a glass case – tantalizingly close but permanently out of reach.

So the next time someone promises you amazing success personally or professionally by offering to sell you a new process, methodology, way of thinking or something similar in ignorance of understanding the “anchor” that prompted you to ask for help, ask them this:

If you don’t know what was holding me back or preventing me from making progress, how do you know that implementing your “cure” without effectively diagnosing my “disease” will propel me to new heights of success?

Layering on more stuff doesn’t solve anything.

In fact, it merely hides the problem deeper and deeper under layers of “stuff” until it becomes very difficult, if not impossible, to identify the anchor that is holding you back personally or professionally.

The anchor that prompted you to ask for help in the first place.

That’s why when I see people or organizations loudly trumpeting that they are now on the path to success simply because they have embraced “process x”, I can tell if they will be successful or not, merely by looking to see if they removed or retasked the inhibiting anchor first.

You’ve seen these people also.  They are the ones who tell you that this time they have finally discovered the secret to success, based on book x, technology y, etc. but you don’t have the heart to tell them that this is at least the n’th time they have told you this over the years and you don’t see any reason why this time will be any different than any of the others.

Do you know what your anchors are and their impact on your results personally or professionally?

Have you appropriately addressed or removed them?

Are you sure?

How do you know?

In service and servanthood,

Harry

Addendum – July 15, 2013

For the people who wrote me insisting that brute-forcing a way through the “weight of an anchor” is the best way to earn success and to develop one’s character and persistence, such actions usually take a lot more time, energy, money and pain then removing the anchor in the first place. :-) 

While it is true that this approach may occasionally be necessary, for people who routinely and consistently brute-force their way through everything, we usually label such people as “stubborn” (or something else).

It’s like suggesting that intentionally breaking one’s arm is the best way to learn about the pain that results.  I’d rather avoid breaking my arm in the first place and take someone else’s word that it hurts (learning from their experience). :-)

The Twenty-First Time

I was listening to a powerful song today by the group Monk and Neagle.  The song, "The Twenty-First Time", describes how the singer routinely walks by a number of people in welfare lines, sleeping in alleys, etc. and intentionally looks away.  Over time he starts to see the same people consistently.  It occurs to him one day that perhaps one of these people he is passing on a regular basis is Jesus Christ who is waiting to see if he will stop and help Him and yet he consistently looks away.

It caused me to think about the people we interact with every day on a cursory level.  I'm not talking about people whose lives are tightly entwined with ours - spouses, children, parents, siblings, business associates, etc. although often times we may be guilty of treating even these people in a casual way.

It's the majority of people we come in contact with in life - the ones we never really get to know or never meet but who we are aware of. 

It's the person who gives us a coffee at the drive-thru window every morning.  It's the person at the supermarket checkout who we make idle chatter with a couple of times per week about the weather, vacation plans and the like.  We never take the time to get to know them.  Why should we bother, we think.  They are just doing their job.

It's the politician that we feel so free to judge, waiting for them to solve every problem in our town, country or world because as we see it, the problems are extremely simple.  If the politician won't solve these problems, we conjecture, they should move over and let someone else do it.  However, we can't get involved because we are too busy.

Maybe it is the homeless person who has set up on a particular street corner.  We notice them as we drive past them, wonder for a moment what their story is and then return our thoughts to what is squeezing us today.  It's a shame the western world allows this, you think, and then your mind moves on to another subject.

It is the people who live in socially-assisted complexes, causing some of us to wonder why they can't get jobs like everyone else.  Meanwhile we are oblivious to their story and have little understanding of how they came to be there.

Perhaps it is the prostitute or the incarcerated individual that we feel so free to judge, forgetting that if we had the same genetics and life experiences, there is a good chance we would be in their shoes and being judged by someone else.

Maybe it's the crying child we see on television in an appeal for money to be sent overseas to helped the diseased and the poverty-stricken.  What a shame we think - we should make it a point to contribute more to causes like that.  Five minutes later, the cause is forgotten as we move on to deal with our own pressures.

Why should we get to know any of these people or get involved, we reason?  They are where they are, that is their business and I am in a hurry and have my own difficulties.  If I take the time to get to know every person, I will not have any time to live my Life Purpose.

Perhaps our Life Purpose is to contribute to their story and allow them to contribute to ours.

Everyone has a story.  We are so consumed writing and living our own story that we forget about the myriad of stories around us.  Many of them are far more powerful than our own but we are so consumed by our own story that we don't take time to notice the stories of others.

Many of the stories are missing a few chapters, though.  The chapters are the ones we are being asked to write, completing the story of someone else or that others are being asked to write to complete ours.

All of our stories are interlinked.  As a society, we raise our selves to new levels or diminish ourselves to new lows based on how we recognize the interdependence of our stories and whether we choose to contribute to the compendium that describes our existence on Earth.

If we increased our contribution to the stories of others by half of one percent, the results would be incredible.  A one percent increase in contribution across the board would produce a profound result.

One half of one percent is less than an hour of time per week.  For many of us who say "we don't have an hour to give", as someone who studies human productivity, I can assure you that many of us have many hours of wasted time on our hands - time that could be recovered if we were honest with ourselves and others about our priorities and how we execute towards our Life purpose.

I would like to offer a challenge to the wonderful readers of my blog.  If you have the courage, put some time on your calendar this week to do one of the following (or come up with one of your own).

1. Stop by a children's cancer clinic and ask to speak to staff, parents or children.  Ask them to tell you stories of courage, hope and love.

2. Reach out to a local prison support group or to a prison itself and speak to someone who can share the backgrounds of some of the prisoners.  Really listen to the life experiences of the people who spend time inside the institutions - prisoner and guard alike.

3. Volunteer to spend a little time in a soup kitchen or food bank and as you share nourishment with others, ask them about their story.  Listen closely - the stories are profound.

4. For those in larger urban centers, if you have not done so recently, spend some time in the more decrepit parts of town.  Take note of what is going on around you, especially when it comes to how nurturing the environment is for children.

5. Speak to a doctor or teacher and ask them to share their story with you - why they chose the profession, why they enjoy it and what presents the greatest challenges.

6. Have an honest dialog with your government representative.  Really get to know his or her world and then ask yourself if you could do better.  If you can, prepare to run for election.

7. Stop to give some food or money to a homeless person and ask them to explain their story.  Open your heart as you speak to them and listen to them.

8. OR - Insert your own challenge here.

Let's not talk about it - let's do it.

If you do it, your story will become permanently changed as others write new chapters in your story in indelible ink.  Hopefully, you will have an opportunity to do the same in their story.

If you do it, your Life Purpose may either become more solid, may change slightly or may become rewritten.

Each person in the world, including ourselves, can change the world with unique ideas, passion, skills, talents and knowledge.

Maybe others are waiting for us to finish a chapter or two so that they can become empowered to make a greater difference to themselves, their families and the world.

Maybe we are waiting for them to do the same for us.

What are we really waiting for?

Yours in service and servanthood.

Harry

Staring in the Rear View Mirror

A couple of days ago, I merged into some heavy traffic on a highway and then immediately began to fidget as the truck I was driving behind drove at half the speed limit while the passing lane zoomed by.

Intent on changing my situation, I monitored the traffic in the passing lane with the mirrors of my vehicle, waiting for the right moment to inject myself into the lane that would assuredly take me to where I needed to go in a faster manner.

At some point, I realized as I was driving along that in fact, I was entirely focused on the traffic in my mirror and wasn't paying any attention to what was going on in front of me.  There might have been things of beauty around me or immediate danger in front of me.  I was too busy paying attention to what was behind me while at the same time, not being happy with how fast I was getting to my destination.

As I corrected my driving behavior, I experienced a little A-HA moment as I realized how similar this is to the life that many people live.

For many people, their focus is on what is behind them and includes reminiscing about:

• their successes and great memories - they relive these over and over with delight and perhaps with a touch of nostalgia or sadness when they think "will I ever experience that again",  the more detrimental thought "why can't I ever experience that again" or the completely negative "I will never experience Life as good as that"
• their failures, or rather, what they perceive to be failures - which they use to constantly bash themselves as they think "I wish I had done .....", "I wish I had known ...." or the more caustic "Why wasn't I smart enough to ...."
• their losses and how they would give anything to have their time back again to regain what they have lost
• thoughts of better or easier times, forgetting that with newly acquired knowledge, their potential for their best result ever is in front of them.

We have all met people focused on their rear-view mirror of Life.  There are times when perhaps we were the one focused on the rear-view mirror when it was important to be looking forward.  I know I have done this more than once, especially recently.

When we do this, so many opportunities to manifest positive new results in our future may become harder to achieve.  After all, if we can't see the promise of a new day because we are consumed by yesterday, how do we expect to manifest a greater result?   I know that as I stared in my mirror the other day, I drove past a beautiful lake that I happened to also notice in my mirror.  It was too late to appreciate it once it faded in the distance behind me.

In the same manner, Life presents a plethora of opportunities to witness its beauty when we are looking around us and not just behind us.  Opportunities to witness the miracles of Life and to make a difference to others manifest around us when we are paying attention and open to the opportunities; opportunities that are only visible when we are not trapped in where we have come from.

By the same token, danger may also be lurking in front of us when we are consumed by that which is behind us.  Many of us have experienced a moment where our attention may have faded for a moment while driving, only to be suddenly alerted by a passenger whose quick alarm of "watch out" brought us back to reality.

Looking backwards on occasion is important and has value.  Just as looking in the mirror occasionally for a brief moment helps make our travel safer and more enjoyable, looking in the mirror of Life to revisit good or bad memories has importance for establishing a more enjoyable Life journey moving forward.

Just don't get stuck staring into the mirror and forget that while you are doing this, you are still moving forward towards something!

As we drive through Life, think about this.

You have just entered a tunnel and in the distance, there is a light.  Is it the light that signals the end of the tunnel, with sunshine illuminating a beautiful, majestic scene in the mountains or is the light in fact a train rapidly moving towards you? 

You will never know and never have the opportunity to enjoy or avoid what's in front of you if you are focused on watching the light of the tunnel entrance fade in your rear view mirror.

Let's be cognizant of our "driving" habits as we are blessed to enjoy the abundance, opportunities and love all around us.  It is good to check our mirrors once in a while and observe that which is behind us as we move forward.  However, let's be aware that manifesting our Life purpose is a lot easier to achieve when we are focused on the direction we are traveling rather than being focused on where we were.

Yours in service and servanthood.

Harry

Life: Poetry in Motion

I stopped by a local coffee shop recently to take a short break from the work I was doing for a client.  As I sat in the coffee shop amongst the hum of energy from its patrons, a thought came to mind and I put on my oldest son's IPOD so that I wasn't aware of the conversations and sounds around me.

Prior to doing this, I was aware of the different types of conversations as I had overheard snatches of them before putting on my earphones.

Having isolated myself from my environment, I sat and observed what was going on around me.

As I did so, I became aware of and immersed in the tapestry around me, the poetry in motion that we call life, the beauty and orchestration that we often mistakenly view as chaos or random events.

By stripping out awareness of the dialog and focusing on hand gestures, laughter, frowns, smiles and other body language, I felt like I was witnessing an infinite number of plays being written at once - and what an outstanding collection it was.

Comedies, tragedies, romances and stories of overcoming challenge.  New lives beginning and long life stories being passed on.  Some business 101 classes were sprinkled in there.  At some tables, volumes of information were being shared in silence.   Hope and despair, anger and laughter - they all danced around and touched down in different interactions.

Meanwhile outside, people were going through the drive-thru, creating their own stories which were a mystery to this observer on the inside of the coffee shop.

Their story was influenced by the person at the drive-thru window, who had been influenced by the stories within the coffee shop.

What a complex play was being written, a play we are not aware of unless we slow down and observe its creation.

To expand on the experiment, I altered the music I was listening to.  When I was listening to soft music, I became more aware of the gentle side of the interactions.

If I put on fast paced or loud music, I became more aware of heightened emotions and a sense of urgency or need for speed.

It's an interesting experiment that I highly recommend.  Plant yourself where you can observe but suspend your ability to hear what is being said.  Having done that, allow your other senses to insert yourself into the world around you.

As I noted what was going on around me, it reminded me of the phenomenal potential we have - the power to create, to share, to debate, to discuss, to disagree, to despise and to love - the potential to decide between a life of despair and a life of fulfillment.

What we have been blessed with in the way of gifts and potential is something that we may not be as grateful for as we could be.

Some of us may not be aware of the gifts we have.

Perhaps some of us don't believe that we are gifted at all.

The truth is that each of us possesses a fascinating, unique, powerful collection of gifts.  How we choose to weave these gifts into the fabric of our life determines the legacy that we leave to others, the notion of "what will I be remembered for when I am gone".

Each of us brings this distinct collection to bear and plays a leading role in the story of our life and the lives of others.  At other times, we are a supporting actor or a bit player in someone else's play.  All roles are important!

Many of us are waiting for the perfect moment to bring these wonderful gifts to bear.  Many people are waiting for a means of optimizing their gift potential, to bring the "biggest bang" to the table.

While waiting for the perfect moment, many people are denying themselves the sense of pleasure and fulfillment of making a difference now (even if smaller than they prefer).  Some people, while waiting for the perfect moment, will wait until their end of days has come.  In either case, to wait is to deny others of the opportunity to witness your gifts and to be impacted by them.

In the meantime, there are many people waiting for you.  They want to share with you, to have an opportunity to collaborate with  you, to learn from you, to make a difference in the lives of others and to help bring greater awareness of life purpose - yours, theirs and the lives of others.

I ask everyone I meet one simple question which I will ask of you today:

If I had unlimited time, energy and money, living in a world of no constraints, worries or fears, what would I be doing right now?

Don't answer it flippantly.  Think about it.  Observe the world around you and let that question percolate your mind, spirit and soul. 

Some of you are living your purpose.  For those who are not, allow an answer to come to the fore as you think through this question.

Once an answer floats to the surface, ask yourself - "who can help me incubate this and make it a reality?". 

If something seizes your heart, embrace it as the purpose for which you are created and for which you have spent a lifetime developing gifts for.

Having done so, turn the page of life and begin writing the next act in the play that is your life.

Complete your story of inspiration, of overcoming challenge, of sharing, of giving unselfishly, of inspiring, of learning, of motivating and of loving.

The play has been incredible so far but you will discover it has no end.  To those whom you leave a legacy to, they will open up the script and continue the story when you have moved on to what follows our life on earth.

I can hardly wait to see what the next act brings in your life.

The curtain is rising ...... and I hear applause as you step out onto the stage of life.

In service and servanthood.

Harry

Overcoming your demons

Over the past few years, a number of people have shared with me the notion of the demons that hold them down. The demons vary in attribution - not enough money, not smart enough, not connected enough, etc. No matter how much I tell them that the demons can be overcome, I am told that I don't understand because my life has been so easy.

The demons also vary in intensity and combination but whatever they are, they combine to hold people back from realizing their dreams and their purpose.

I would like to share a story of someone who gave me permission to share his life story with you. I will give this person the name "Sam" for the purposes of this illustration and it is one of many examples of how people can overcome their demons.

Sam's conception was an accident. His parents lived in a small, poor rural community and Sam definitely wasn't planned. His parents made a commitment to stay together and make it work. They moved a couple of times before eventually settling down in another rural town to begin their life together. Money didn't come easily to this family but the family made do.

In the early years, Sam was a thin child, spending time here and there in the local hospital for unexplainable reasons. On more than one occasion in his life (in childhood and adulthood), Sam was believed to be dying for one reason or another. His soft bones broke easily as well and he had more than his share of broken bones. His liver and kidneys have been the impetus of more than one painful / stressful trip to the hospital for unexplainable reasons throughout his life and it has been suggested more than once that they are failing for unknown reasons. A healthy model of a human being was not an attribute of Sam.

His early home years were crowded. He lived in a very small house that was basically one room with a false wall and a couple of dividers to provide the semblance of rooms. The commode was a steel pail and running water was defined as running to the well to draw water from it.

His parents were loving but not always patient. This created a "need to please" within Sam that at times became crippling.

In a house that was smaller than 20ft by 20ft, he lived with then two siblings and his parents for the first seven and a half years of his life.

Throughout his school life in this rural town, he was often the victim of bullies. This bullying continued from grade one all the way to when he finished high school. It was something that he endured and something that took a fair amount of time to overcome when his school years ended. The impact of bullying cannot be underestimated. As he would tell you, if you feel your child is being bullied, do something about it now. He avoided many school activities throughout his school life so that he could avoid being the victim of the people who chose to belittle him because of their own pain. Such avoidance caused him to miss many opportunities for personal growth and fulfillment.

Twice in his young life, including one time on the eve of his first holy communion, pedophiles tried to share their own pain on him. Both times they were unsuccessful. However, in both situations, it caused Sam to wonder - why is this happening to him? Why does God allow this to happen to him? Maybe God doesn't even exist.

When he graduated high school, he was painfully shy, an introvert who was even picked on in college for being a combination of being intelligent and too shy.

Sam has had two mini-strokes, in 1983 and 1990. The diagnosis - unknown cause so don't worry about it. He never told his family - it seemed unnecessary.

Sam is also legally blind in one eye.

The combination of his life events and genetics left him awkward, physically small in stature, an introvert who was afraid to speak to people, a person who generally wasn't happy with himself for many reasons and because of his small stature, introversion, timidity and growing up in a family that was not wealthy, his future didn't look terribly bright.

When we see people like Sam, we may feel pity for him or wonder "Where will he end up, if anywhere at all". After all, he has been damaged beyond repair - why should anyone try to help Sam? He is probably not worth saving anyway - what difference can he make in the world with these circumstances? We are probably better off turning our back on Sam and writing him off as another lost human being.

Maybe we are like Sam, with a collection of demons similar to or different than Sam's and we use these demons to hold us back.

Let me tell you something else about Sam.

Sam's real name is Harry.

I am Sam.

When I look back on the life that I lived as a young person, I feel like I am looking at the life of a different person.

People who know me now see me as an extrovert who is as at ease in front of 15,000 people in an auditorium as he is in an intimate conversation in a coffee shop.

I have created successful companies in New York, one of the most challenging environments in North America to be successful in (especially for a small town boy).

The small, sickly, child now stands 6'3" and weighs in at 220 pounds.

I am blessed with many gifts, many opportunities, many great memories, an incredible business network, a great family, many great friends and a strong faith in God.

If you had looked at me 25+ years ago, you would not have predicted such a life for me. I know I wouldn't have.

There may be someone else that you would not predict such a life for.

Perhaps that person is you.

Perhaps you are Sam.

There is something that you need to tell the person who is like "Sam".

If they dig down deep inside, they can find the spirit that calls them to be something in life.

If they want it bad enough, it is theirs for the taking.

If their faith is strong, what they desire can become their ultimate purpose and destiny.

Their past is their past. What determines the results of the rest of their life rests on how they convert the gifts they have into actions to make a difference.

As Stephen Covey wrote, help "Sam" answer these 4 questions:

• What are you good at? That’s your mind. (Intellectual Quotient)
• What do you love doing? That’s your heart. (Emotional Quotient)
• What need can you serve? That’s the body. (Physical Quotient)
• What is life asking of you? What gives your life meaning and purpose? What do you feel like you should be doing? In short, what is your conscience directing you to do? That is your spirit. (Spiritual Quotient)

We motivate ourselves, according to Dr. Covey, with the law of the 4 L's - to live, to love, to learn and to leave a legacy.

Seek how the answers to the 4 questions overlap the 4 L's and the resulting picture will become the purpose of "Sam's" life - or yours.

No demons in your life will be strong enough to prevent you from achieving your purpose at that point.

Demons hold no power in your life. No matter what demons you have, you can find someone who has overcome the same demon.

What does this tell you? That demons are merely those things which are meant to provide you with an opportunity to gain knowledge and strength and having gained them, provide a means of using them to find your purpose and to leave a legacy.

In service and servanthood.

Harry

PS   By popular request, I am sharing a photo of the house I referred to in the article.  Maybe it was 10x20 and not 20x20.  That's me and my Dad in the photo.

Keep Pushing Forward

The news these days seems pretty rough. The number of layoffs continue to rise. The stock market gains a trillion dollars one day and then loses it the next. People praise President-elect Obama one day as a sign of hope and then disregard him the next as having too much on his plate, therefore assuming he will fail. Hundreds of billions are being spent to save companies that made handsome profits for many years. We keep hearing that global warming is reaching a point of no-return (any minute now, according to some sources - I hope you didn't make plans for Saturday).

Some of the bad news even seems circular in reference. According to one media source I watched last night, large companies are citing lack of consumer confidence as the reason they are laying off large numbers of people. The same media source later said that citizens are citing the large layoffs as one of the main reasons they are losing confidence in the economy. This is a chicken and egg game with profound implications on the earth. The media's amazing talent at magnifying the downside of things is entrenching this even more.

Sounds like we're on our way to hell in a hand basket, as the expression goes.

I guess we might as well lay down, cover our heads and wait for the end to come.

Let's forget about our the future of the next generation - there's nothing worth saving for them anyway.

Our dreams and aspirations are pretty stupid too, aren't they? What a waste of time they are. How could we have been so foolish as to believe we could have accomplished anything at all?

All of those great intentions we had - woulda coulda shoulda as we say in New York. It was just as well that we didn't follow up on them. They were the silly follies of dreamers and infinite optimists.

In fact we've wasted our whole life doing stupid things and now it's too late to change anything. When we ask people around us, they agree with us so it must be true.

Why even bother anymore?

In fact, let's take it a step further.

Let's tell our kids that optimism and hope are a waste of time. Let's tell them to abandon their dreams.

Encourage them to focus on the mass media, to allow the life essence of hope to drain out of them.

If we all work together starting right now, we can finally iron out of everyone, the silly idea of a life of beauty, love and empowerment.

Stop for just a moment - let that sink in. Let's embrace and savor the feeling of despair and hopelessness together. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm - feels good, doesn't it?

Are you angry with me yet? Do you feel the energy rising in you to reject what I am telling you? Do you want to tell me how wrong I am when it comes to your life?

GOOD - now you have some energy flowing - let's talk!

My dear friend, Roberto Luberti, always interjected discussions that were "stuck" with what became know as "the famous but". When he saw people trying to sort things out, he would say "I agree with this, this and this but" and after the "but" would come the reasoning that guided us out of the morass we were in.

So, in honor of my friend, here's the famous but to the negativity I just placed before you.

When we hear these messages as I expressed above, whether from the mass media, associates, family, friends or whomever, take a stand and refute them with all of your energy. Resist them with more energy than they are being pushed upon you in the first place.

If you don't, your mind turns to mush and you actually begin to believe these thoughts of hopelessness for our future. You become one of a growing group of people who are totally lost, blowing in the wind and living a life without purpose. You will manifest these messages in your life because you chose to, not because you had to.

Fight this negative energy with all of your being.

Dare to stand up and say "You are wrong. Where you see despair, I see hope. Where you see failure, I see opportunity. Where you see hopelessness, I see hope."

Don't wait for others to create opportunity for you. Many of the people you are waiting on are the ones whose minds have become laden with despair, sadness, gloom and doom. They are filled with angst and feel most comfortable when they have company to make them feel better as they go down with the ship.

So turn off the mass media that sells the gloom and doom message. Tell people who want to share this with you that you only want to hear news of opportunity - you are now a "no complaint zone". "Bring me opportunity and solutions", you say.

Look at the world for what it is - a smorgasbord of opportunity in unlimited areas. You can be a billionaire basket weaver tomorrow if you take the time to find out what baskets people like and how to make, promote and distribute them as efficiently as possible.

Look at Life for what it is - an incredible miracle which we are all blessed to experience. Struggle strengthens us. It reminds us of our weaknesses and where we need to grow as individuals. It highlights things all around us that need to be improved or enhanced. Struggle and pain are our call to action to make a difference - not a signal to give up. History teaches us that we human beings are at our best when our backs are against the wall.

We are incredible miracles, filled with unlimited potential to have a profound impact on the world. Each of us has a gift that no other has and each of us can do at least one thing better than ANYONE else in the world.

Find that one thing, embrace it, nurture it, be proud of it and then use it to make a difference. Make it your purpose for being and change the world with it.

Others will look at you and say "I want to do what you do - I want to have the fire and passion that you have - how do I do it". Take the time to light the flame of passion in the spirit of that person and then keep moving. They will do the same for others when the opportunity arises.

Momentum, positive and negative, are within your grasp to generate in infinite levels.

What world do you want to live in? It's your choice - not someone else's.

Time is important. Every day you don't do this is another day you missed to manifest miracles.

I salute you and offer this toast to you.

To your purpose in changing the world and manifesting the incredible potential that you have. Don't take "no" for an answer, when you fall, stand up and keep moving forward, keep your eye on your purpose and surround yourself with others who feel the same way with the same level of passion.

What are you waiting for?

Yours in service and servanthood.

Harry

PS Pretty soon, I will be working with a group of people to conduct an experiment around helping people engage in a life of purpose and passion. We will be working through this experiment in the public domain and sharing the process to help others understand how to find their sense of purpose. I will let you know shortly where you can find this and how you can participate.

When Your Mind is Stuck ....

.... and you can't move forward or backward, what do you do?

I was reading a chapter of Devotional Classics the other day that seemed to profoundly capture the essence of the challenge that many people today seem mired in.

That challenge is:

I don't like who / where I am and I know I need to change but I seem unable to change my life.

I'd like to share an excerpt from that chapter in Devotional Classics, with the hope that it will encourage you to get "unstuck" from that which has ensnared you in your life.  The book is also highly recommended for those of you on a spiritual or philosophical journey.

The chapter summarizes St. Augustine's autobiography entitled Confessions.  St. Augustine lived from 354 to 430 AD and often struggled with the reasons why he was prevented from improving his lot in life, despite his acknowledgement that his life was stuck in a place that was totally unacceptable to him and he knew he should be capable of better.

The key points of the summary are worth reviewing from our own perspective of how well our lives are executed and how happy we are with the result.  How many of the following thoughts resonate with you?

1. Why is my mind a house divided?

When the mind commands a body part to move, accepting that the body is healthy, the body part moves.  Why then, is the will not honored when the brain chooses to take a particular action to produce a different result in Life? 

Since they should be one and the same (the mind and the will), one would think that moving a body part or changing an action or habit could be done with equal ease.

However, the fact that they are not equal in execution suggests that the mind's command of the will is not as deeply rooted as the command of the body and thus the will is not totally "bought in".  Why is this the case?

2. My mind is weighed down by habit

We are weighed down by so many bad habits and the "luggage of life" that it is easier to fall back on old, bad habits rather than do what we are trying to will ourselves to do.  If we were truly totally committed, we wouldn't need to be willing ourselves in the first place (since we would already be in a place of power).  Why is it so difficult to change bad habits?

3. I am torn by conflicting wills

We are torn between:

• that which is easy or hard
• that which is fun or challenging
• that which is quick to provide results versus needing time to manifest
• that which satisfies us versus that which pleases others or
• that which produces something that satisfies the senses now versus something that bears fruit later. 

We often choose the easy, fast, more fun or more immediately satisfying choice, thus missing the opportunity for true life transformation.  What is the impact of such inner conflict?

4. The full force of my will never comes to bear

We struggle to make change in our lives because our mind is only "half in it", even though we claim or believe that we are totally committed to success.  While we know that we need to make particular choices in our life, we do not because of the previously noted points.  If the brain is divided because of habits or it is torn between immediate versus long term results, then the brain is not fully available and committed to transformation, providing minimal opportunity for such transformation to take place.  A half-engaged brain can take us very close to success but then what happens?

5. I am teetering on the cusp of success

Many times we hear of people who sabotaged themselves on the cusp of success.  It was because they finally brought themselves to a place of potential success but they could not bear to make the final decisions or take the final actions necessary to seal the transformational process.  Since the will was never fully engaged, the engaged part carried them close to the "goal line of victory" but the disengaged part of the brain eventually caught up and tackled the engaged portion to the ground.  This leaves people in a sense of limbo - they've come too far to go back but previous fears and habits are preventing them from getting up and pushing forward.  How did the old habits catch up and derail us from transformation?

6. I have too much brain chatter resulting in indecision

We've all heard of analysis paralysis, the need to overanalyze something (or everything for some people).  Many times people get into this mode because they fear making a decision (probably because they fear failure, fear what others think, etc).  See my blog entry here regarding why people are afraid to make decisions.

However, failing to choose will almost assuredly result in failure anyway.  The voices in our mind that tell us to dwell on the poor results of the past or the failure that will result in your future need to be stilled.  We need to encourage the voices of success to loudly trumpet the great results we are capable of.  If the voice of success, optimism and transformation are not encouraged, where will this leave you?

7. I am so close I can almost taste it, but ....

Similar to teetering on the cusp of success, victory is almost in your grasp.  However, there are voices inside your head, chastising you for taking so long to reach this point or telling you not to bother because failure is inevitable.  You know you should push through to the end but you cannot for some reason.  The weight of the journey has tired you but the weight of potential failure is crushing you.  Many people who fail, fail at this point.  However, given that you are this close to success, you have only one real question remaining.

8. What am I waiting for?

This led to St. Augustine's great question (great in my opinion):

Why not now?

How often do we keep saying some variation of:

• "next week I will definitely do this"
• "tomorrow is a brand new day, I will do better"
• "I'll start with a clean slate and try again"
• "just one more self improvement book and I am all set to go - things will be difference after book #150".   :-)

All of these excuses add up to the same thing:

Another opportunity for transformation has passed me by.

OR

He / she stole my idea - I could have done that

OR

I should have taken it when I had the chance - now I have regret that I didn't.

The authors of Devotional Classics suggest a great exercise that while simple, has the opportunity to be profound if repeated in frequency and scale.  I have revised the exercise as follows.

Resolve this week to bring one bad habit to an end.  By the end of the week, take steps to overcome one bad habit (no matter how small).

In addition, identify one good habit that would be powerful for you to have in your arsenal and begin executing this good habit when opportunity permits.

I would add to this, recalling something that Rick Warren once said.

It takes approximately 42 days for a habit to become programmed or unprogrammed in the brain so that it becomes second nature.

So once you have started to overcome a bad habit or program a good habit, be aware that for a while, such actions will feel foreign or may take some effort.

Do not become discouraged.  It will take time for bad habits to disappear and good habits to become entrenched in your psyche.  This is an investment in your life.  Given that you have 20, 30, 40, 50 or 60+ years of life remaining, spending this time reprogramming yourself is worth the effort.

Give this a try, starting small and being gentle and forgiving with yourself if you slip and fall into old practices.  With time and diligence, you will start manifesting a life of greater purpose.

Five books I recommend to help you with this process (of the many I could recommend) are:

Success Built to Last by Stewary Emory et al.

Go Put Your Strengths to Work by Marcus Buckingham

Know Can Do by Ken Blanchard

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey

Goals! How to Get Everything .... by Brian Tracy

The truth is that there are a LOT of great books out there.  However, the more time you spend reading "just one more book", the  more you realize you are justifying not making the decisions that can profoundly impact your life in a positive way.

You are a living miracle - live up to the obligation this brings.

Yours in service and servanthood.

Harry

Doing Things Right the First Time

This weekend, I started a new phase in my life as I began formally studying theology at Queen's College. It is an exciting time for me as my life continues to morph, as Bob Buford describes, from success to significance, migrating from being just a Wall Streeter to something else as yet defined.

Two of my new friends that I met in class this week are a senior pastor and his wife from a local evangelical church. They honored my family with an invitation to attend their worship services this week, which we gratefully accepted.

Pastor Milley gave a powerful sermon on encouragement and in the course of doing so, quoted a poem by Louise Fletcher Tarkington entitled "The Land of Beginning Again". His message and the specific quote were so powerful that I had to go find the poem and read it in its entirety.

The poem is a powerful piece that speaks to the importance of doing the best that we can at all times and not relying on opportunity to "make things right" after we nonchalantly choose poorly in our initial interactions with others. This poem also reminds us to be grateful for all that we have and that when we look back upon times of struggle, we will see much to be grateful for, even if we didn't see it then.

I am including the poem in this blog post. As you read it, I ask you to reflect on your own life and ask yourself - "Am I doing the best possible job right now with the gifts I have been given?" If you are like me, no matter how hard you try, there is room for improvement. When one thinks of the classic elements of stewardship: time, talent and treasure, ask yourself if you are using these gifts for maximum impact or are you grumbling that others are not making a difference fast enough for your liking. Why wait for others when you could be making a difference right now?

If we want to expedite making a difference in this great world, perhaps we need to do it ourselves and inspire others to act, rather than just wait for someone to step up (all the while disappointing us with their delayed action when we have no right to be disappointed).

Think about how you might begin this process of improvement right now as you contemplate this beautiful piece.

Yours in service and servanthood.

Harry

---

The Land of Beginning Again

I wish that there were some wonderful place
Called the Land of Beginning Again
Where all our mistakes and all our heartaches
And all of our selfish grief
Could be dropped like a shabby old coat by the door
And never be put on again.

I wish we could come on it all unaware
Like the hunter who finds a lost trail
And I wish that the one whom our blindness has done
The greatest injustice of all
Could be at the gates like an old friend that waits
For the comrade he's gladdest to hail.

We would find all the things we intended to do
But forgot, and remembered too late;
Little praises unspoken, little promises broken
And all of the thousand and one
Little duties neglected that might have perfected
The day for one less fortunate.

It wouldn't be possible not to be kind
In the Land of Beginning Again
And the ones we misjudged and the ones whom we grudged
Their moments of victory then
Would find in the grasp of our loving handclasp
More than penitent lips could explain.

For what had been hardest we'd know had been best
And what had seemed loss would be gain
For there isn't a sting that will not take a wing
When we've faced it and laughed it away,
And I think that the laughter is most what we're after
In the Land of Beginning Again.

So I wish that there were some wondered place
Called the Land of Beginning Again
Where all our mistakes and all our heartaches
And all of our selfish grief
Could be dropped like a shabby old coat at the door

And never be put on again.

Louise Fletcher Tarkington

Life is difficult

So begins the wonderful book, "The Road Less Traveled" by M. Scott Peck.

We have all experienced or are experiencing things that push us to the brink, the one thing that makes us wonder if this thing we call Life is worth living or whether we have what it takes to persevere to better times. Many times as we think these things, we look to those around us, especially those seemingly more successful and say "I wish I had it as easy as they do".

Those who study the lives of successful people discover that most of these people experienced the same or higher level of challenge at some point in their life before one or more defining moments transformed their life into the one of success we see.

These people possessed the same characteristics that we have in unlimited supply if we apply ourselves, including but not limited to courage, intelligence, perseverance, passion, hope and faith.

Faith is an interesting concept, as when we openly discuss faith with people, a few camps quickly become apparent:

• Those who have a strong faith in one or more Supreme Beings and live by their faith
• Those who have some faith
• Those who claim to have faith in something (a higher Being, themselves, etc) but don't practice what they preach
• Those who have no faith and deride others for having it (yet quickly calling upon a Supreme Being in times of need). It's like the atheist trapped in a foxhole who immediately calls out to Mom and God for protection.

Faith is not entirely tied to the religious definition. Faith is also the belief that things will work themselves out in some fashion (perhaps not entirely the way we expect or demand). Hopefully when the challenge has passed, we accept the obligation to harvest what knowledge we can from the experience. Faith is the ability to know that we must persevere because a lesson lies in the experience, a lesson that either applies to us or to others.

We must continue to take action in order to strengthen our faith, whether we believe that we have Divine guidance or not. Faith is not just a case of "if I think really good thoughts, then the answer will be delivered to me in a painless fashion". If that were the case, we would have put the lottery business out of business some time ago.

Our faith in getting through that which tests us calls us to continually take action towards our goals. This continuous action allows us to stay focused on the end goal and therefore any progress towards that goal, no matter how slight, offers us comfort that progress is possible.

With comfort that we will survive our current challenge comes a glimmer of hope that a solution is possible and upon that foundation of hope, we can begin to have courage to take larger steps which in turn reinforces our faith.

As we take these steps, our courage grows and we become emboldened to take larger steps. Eventually we get to the end of the challenge and we discover that we have survived when we originally felt we would never get through it.

Sometimes, however, when we get to the end, loved ones who were struggling are no longer with us and we carry the pain of their loss.

During those times, it is important to focus on what that person gave you in Life, not what they have taken away in their passing. Whatever your belief is in terms of what happens when we move on after this life, we can all take consolation in the fact that our loved ones are not in pain anymore. Isn't that what we ask for when we make our silent pleas during private moments - "please help them to not suffer".

So while Life out there is challenging us and we beat ourselves up over our perceived failures, remember that the only real failure in Life is when we refuse to get up, to look the challenge square in the eye and proclaim "I am stronger than you, I will overcome, I will be better for it and I will use what I have learned to make the world a better place".

A few great quotes come to mind:

"The flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of all" - Chinese Proverb

"In every difficult situation is potential value. Believe this, then begin looking for it" - Norman Vincent Peale

"If you compared your troubles, or challenges, with those of others, you would surely find that there are those whose troubles make yours look like minor inconveniences." - Catherine Pulsifer

"Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars." - Henry Van Dyke

"Just because you know where you want to end up doesn’t mean you will not be faced with obstacles, or challenges along the way. Instant success rarely happens." - Catherine Pulsifer

"What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. " - James 2:14-17 (TNIV)

"Watch, stand fast in the faith, be brave, be strong. Let all that you do be done with love." - 1 Corinthians 16:13-14 (NKJV)

We have all struggled at one point or another. For those who are struggling, reach out for help. When you reach out for help, remember that your faith, hope and courage will only grow when you use the assistance to take action. You will be no better off if, after asking for help, you step back and hope that someone else takes care of all your troubles for you.

For those who have the ability to help others with their struggle, don't wait another moment.

Please make a difference in the life of someone else today. It doesn't matter how big or how small the difference, nor should we look for rewards or recognition. The Universe will reward us when the time is appropriate.

Yours in service and servanthood.

Harry

Check out the link below to explore M. Scott Peck's beautiful book.

The Road Less Traveled, 25th Anniversary Edition : A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth by M. Scott Peck Read more about this book...

Being Ourselves (or Lessons from a Radical Raisin)

This year, I am the assistant coach for an under-five soccer team.  They are delightful to watch, whether it's the look on their face as they grasp a new soccer concept, the laughter as they play tag when the play has moved up the field, the look of wonder as they scrutinize a bug on the field (oblivious to the game going on around them), the intense look of concentration  as they race to catch up to a teammate or opponent or the devious laughter as they break rank during a drill, openly delighted that they are giving the coaching staff everything they can handle.

When they are tired, they say they are tired.  When they don't like something said or done to them by a teammate or an opponent, they express their discontent (verbally or otherwise).  When they need Mommy or Daddy, they walk off the field, even when they are the last defense between an opponent racing towards them and the goal they are defending.

They are, in essence, the human spirit in perfection - self assured (most times), focused on what is important (in their mind), able to do what they need to do and doing it when they want to do it.  Their needs are simple and yet profound in their simplicity.  We as adults naively believe that we have much to teach them but I wonder if the roles of teacher and student are actually reversed.

There is much we adults can learn from their openness and honesty.  We as adults spend a good bit of our time consumed by what someone else will think about what we did or didn't do, said or didn't say, what someone else requires at the sacrifice of our own needs, etc.  In doing so, we create a lot of excess pressure in our own lives and in turn, strain relationships by avoiding conversations with others; conversations that could strengthen relationships by building them upon honesty, trust and openness rather than building them upon compromise, avoidance and excessive sacrifice with no win-win in sight. 

We miss many opportunities to enjoy the moment because we are too focused on worrying about what everyone else needs instead of answering the call for our own needs and interests.  By constantly avoiding that which we feel is our purpose or passion (for the sake of not offending or disappointing someone else) we miss many opportunities to bring phenomenal success, happiness and fulfillment in our lives.

So here we are at the beginning of another soccer season, parents and kids alike excited about having fun, making friends and acquiring new skills.  As an assistant coach, I also look forward to having fun, making new friends and watching the kids learn.  More importantly, I look forward to the lessons I will learn from these kids.  What they teach us is in many ways, far more profound than what we believe we are teaching them.  Let's be mindful of the big lessons from the small things in life.

Let's go Raisins!

Yours in service and servanthood.

Harry

A New Friend

I made a new friend today.

So what, you say, we all make new friends all the time.

Well this friend was special in a couple of ways.

For starters, he is a strong possibility thinker, the kind of person who is making the world a better place.  I know we will be collaborating on a number of projects, personally and professionally moving forward.

Secondly, one of his vocations is at an educational institution whose halls I haven't walked since I first went there over 25 years ago.  After he and I had finished chatting, I thought I would walk through these walls again, from the perspective of a 42-year old but reliving the experiences of a 17-year old.

As I walked through the halls, observing the familiar layout of the building, I couldn't help but think of what has transpired in my life, the gifts that I have been given, the things I have learned and how my purpose has changed in those intervening years.

As I explored the place that was my initial foray into the adult world of career, responsibility, et al., I found that I was observing myself as a 17 year old student, a young person who:

1. was afraid of the future or the unknown aspects of it
2. was preparing to live the world's expectation - get an education, get a job, marry and have kids and work a 9-5 grind until you retire too broken to enjoy anything else
3. didn't realize that I was not equipped to architect a future of purpose - purpose back then was something that a sibling did to you - "You did that on purpose" - "Did not" - "Did too".  There was no such thing as manifesting your purpose.
4. was too shy to assert himself with anything and dreaded speaking to almost anyone
5. lived for the moment, not recognizing the importance of enjoying the moment while still planning for the future.
6. didn't understand the importance of God in his life.

Then I thought of the life that I have lived to date.

I have been blessed with:

1. Three incredible children
2. An amazing life partner
3. Incredibly supportive friends
4. An amazing business network that includes some of today's globally recognized leadership mentors and authors
5. The opportunity to see any part of the world that I choose to see
6. The opportunity to witness the worst and the best of people, including events like 9/11, where I personally experienced sadness through the loss of friends but witnessed the strength of people who rise to the occasion to assert themselves as compassionate human beings
7. Opportunities to speak publicly regarding business strategy, technology and personal purpose
8. The chance to consult with some of the most powerful people in the world as they ask for MY advice on how to do something
9. A sequence of life events that to me seem normal yet seem phenomenal to others
10. Recognition of our inter-connectedness and how everyone on this planet needs everyone else
11. A renewed faith that through perseverance, courage, strength, action and a belief in a Higher Power, that anything can be overcome.

The list is endless.  However, I couldn't help but smile when I thought - If someone had told me when I was 17 that I would experienced all of this and more in my lifetime, I would have shrugged it off as totally impossible - I did not have it in me to accomplish.  Yet I did anyway.

It made me think.  When life gets tough, it is sometimes useful to look back on what each of us has overcome and we realize - "Wow - I've come a long way.  If I can come all this way, then surely I can overcome this too".

Are  you facing some tough challenges?  You have come a LONG way and overcome much.  Given the Path you have traveled to this point, you know you will overcome this challenge also and by doing so, you will renew your faith in your ability (and in God's, if that is your inclination) to overcome anything as you make your way through this glorious experience we call life.

To your success, I remain your servant.

Harry

Life's challenges strengthen you - by Earl Nightingale

Good day,

Here is an old story about how the challenges of Life create stronger people - enjoy!

The Butterfly By Earl Nightingale

There's a story attributed to Henry Miller, the writer, about a little boy in India who went up to a guru who was sitting and looking at something in his hand. The little boy went up and looked at it. He didn't quite understand what it was, so he asked the guru, "What is that?"

"It's a cocoon," answered the guru, "Inside the cocoon is a butterfly. Soon the cocoon is going to split, and the butterfly will come out."

"Could I have it?" asked the little boy.

"Yes," said the guru, "but you must promise me that when the cocoon splits and the butterfly starts to come out and is beating it's wings to get out of the cocoon, you won't help it. It is important not to help the butterfly by breaking the cocoon apart. It must do it on it's own."

The little boy promised, took the cocoon, and went home with it. He then sat and watched it. He saw it begin to vibrate and move and quiver, and finally the cocoon split in half. Inside was a beautiful damp butterfly, frantically beating its wings against the cocoon, trying to get out and not seeming to be able to do it. The little boy desperately wanted to help. Finally, he gave in, and pushed the two halves of the cocoon apart. The butterfly sprang out, but as soon as it got out, it fell to the ground and was dead. The little boy picked up the dead butterfly and in tears went back to the guru and showed it to him.

"Little boy," said the guru, "You pushed open the cocoon, didn't you?"

"Yes," said the little boy, "I did."

The guru spoke to him gravely, "You don't understand. You didn't understand what you were doing. When the butterfly comes out of the cocoon, the only way he can strengthen it's wings is by beating them against the cocoon. It beats against the cocoon so it's muscles will grow strong. When you helped it, you prevented it from developing the muscles it would need to survive."

It's a story every parent and professional should remember. . .

Handing a child the toy he wants instead of letting him crawl across the room for it or try his best to crawl for it; fulfilling his every whim; loading him down with toys and other shiny beautiful things before he really needs or desires them; emphasizing the importance of grades in school instead of the importance of education. . . all of these things tend to weaken the muscles a child should be developing on his own so that when the time comes to function independently, he will have the strength he needs.

So oftern, what seems harsh or cruel in nature is in reality, wisdon and kindness for the time ahead.

Taking time for you

Take Some Time

Take some time to really think about
what you want to do with your life
and be honest with yourself.

Ask yourself if you are happy
the way you are living now or
if you need to make a change.

Happiness comes to those whoare willing to believe in it
and who create it within
their own lives.

You deserve to be happy.

You deserve to be treated with respect.
Your life should be filled with good times,
not troubled ones.

Take some time and think about yourself.

-- Author unknown

My question for you is: What are YOU doing RIGHT NOW to make sure that you are creating a life of Happiness?

Take care and be well.

Harry