Calgary Airport–The Power of a Smile

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. - Leo Buscaglia

A gentle word, a kind look, a good-natured smile can work wonders and accomplish miracles. - William Hazlitt

My insane personal and professional schedule brought me to Calgary Airport today and at one point, reflecting on things that I had read, written and spoken about, I found myself sitting in a nice comfy chair in Banff Hall between Starbucks and the Era kiosk.

On the other side of the security glass in front of me, electric cars whizzed back and forth, carrying a lot of people from one end of the airport to the other.  Most of the occupants were unsmiling, looking tense, exhausted, confused, distracted, angry or heavily focused on “something”.

When we are in an airport, we often forget the incredible combination of Life circumstances that have come together within one building – people on their way to or from job interviews, funerals, family reunions, vacations, meetings, successes, failures and the like.

Travel can be …. well …. exhausting, frustrating and even frightening for some.  Most of us just need to get where we’re going as fast as we can get there.

And so as I watched the electric cars zoom back and forth, I turned towards my colleague and said “someone needs to wave and smile at these people and break them out of whatever trance they’re in.”

My colleague said “sure” and as the next car went by, we waved.

The people looked at us awkwardly and one person did a half-wave.

Undeterred, when the next car went by, we waved again and some of the people waved back.

By the time we were a dozen cars into our little wave-fest, even the drivers were waving back with gusto and large smiles.

Somewhere in the love-fest that ensued, the drivers must have told the passengers to anticipate this because as the cars approached our location, the drivers and passengers began to smile and wave at us before we had a chance to wave at them first.

We had fun for quite a while before Life responsibilities drew us away.

As my colleague and I walked away, I looked over my shoulder and I could see the drivers looking for us as they drove by the now empty chairs.

My colleague and I joked that a lot of people were wondering who “the two goofs” were in the chairs, waving and smiling at people.  No doubt, in some corner of the world later tonight, someone may reflect on the difference a smile made, offered or returned and someone may share a laugh with friends or family when they arrive at their destination.

And as I thought about this, something occurred to me.

For every wave and smile I sent, I received 5-10 in return.

So maybe (and here’s a confession here – don’t tell anyone), just maybe, I suggested the wave-fest somehow knowing that I would get a lot of love in return.  After all, in the middle of my own cross-country move and large business deals, a little love never goes astray, right?

But don’t tell anyone I told you that.

After all, we tough guys have a reputation to uphold.

In service and servanthood,

Harry

PS Here’s a suggestion for Calgary Airport Authority.  Place a sign there telling people if they sit in those chairs, that it is a mandatory “wave and smile zone” for people on the other size of the glass.  You never know the impact it will have on both the giver and the recipient …. and the people who are observing both. 

It’s also a great promotion for the Calgary Airport (which has an amazing new international terminal if I may toss in a free plug for them).

I also hope that the Calgary Airport Authority reaches out to the drivers of those cars to thank them – they made a lot of people very happy today.

They may have even changed a Life.

We’ve got enough examples of hate being spread around the world these days.

Let’s find ways to spread a little love while we still can.

It matters.

Expressions of Gratitude From Unexpected Sources

As I write this post, both of my feet are relaxing in an Epsom salt bath and I am feeling grateful that my journey of healing from a variety of injuries is nearing an end.

This has been a summer of “one thing after another”, resulting in a series of injuries that has severely impacted my mobility and reduced my personal travel to essential destinations only.

One of the places that I like to visit that has not been on my essential destination list (try as I might to prove otherwise) is the local Starbucks where I am a regular customer.

When it was noticed that I hadn’t been there for a while, I was surprised and grateful to receive emails, tweets, Facebook messages and the like from the staff of Starbucks, expressing concern over my absence and upon learning of my injuries, sending me get-well greetings and promises of “home delivery”.

How many Starbucks do you know that can provide home delivery?

I was also humbled when friends who see me at the same Starbucks noticed that I hadn’t been around for awhile and sent notes of inquiry, concern and subsequent get-well wishes.

However, what surprised me were the number of strangers who sent me similar queries, wondering where I was and expressing wishes that I would be back soon.

Many of these emails opened with lines similar to “You may not know me but … “ or “This may seem weird to you but ….”.

Now they weren’t complete strangers although I didn’t know their names until they wrote me.

They were from people I saw at Starbucks on a regular basis.

They were curious where the guy went who always had a nice word to say to their kids when standing in line, who answered occasional business advice questions they dared to ask, who always had an inspiring quotation or a word of advice when people struggled, who always sat there with his laptop and stack of books on the table and who always concluded an exchange with “create a great day”.

When the guy disappeared, they asked others in the coffee shop what the guy’s name was, looked him up on the web, found his email address and emailed him.

They wanted to reach out to say hi, to see how he was doing (or even if he was still in the area) and to express thanks in case the opportunity to meet again had passed.

And I was grateful, humbled and honored to receive their gratitude and to finally put some names with the faces.

Many of you have similar relationships with people that you don’t really know.  Maybe it’s the person you sit next to on the bus or subway for years on your way to work, the person who hands you breakfast in a drive thru window every day or the parent you see dropping off a child at a bus stop every morning.

They are the people you see, speak to and share a common experience with every day without REALLY getting to know them.

We don’t bother building deep relationships with all of them because we assume that if we were to do so, our lives would be overwhelmed with so many relationships.  Our lives are busy enough, we reason.

And besides, why bother building these relationships?  We aren’t really influencing each other anyway so why bother spending time to really get to know each other.

Not influencing each other at all … can we be so sure of that?

As I read emails from strangers expressing gratitude, I am reminded of how the little things we say or do have a larger impact on others than we realize.

Gratitude is an interesting thing.

Many of us claim to feel grateful for all the things we own, all the events we have experienced, our families,or friends, etc.

But too many of us keep our gratitude within, expressing it silently to ourselves in our thoughts, prayers or journals.  Sometimes we express it to others and then feel a little silly and make a joke about “a mushy moment”.  We may wait until an event like a birthday or other event where we can express our gratitude under the guise of the “I had to give them a gift because it was ____day”.

Gratitude kept within is all well and good.

But it has its greatest potential to make a difference in the world when it is freely shared, whether it be a kind word, a small act or some other token of appreciation.

It could be something as simple as an email from a stranger that says “thank you for your influence”.

It is not the size of the gift that is important.

It is the expression itself that matters.

William Arthur Ward once wrote:

“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.”

Take a moment and reach out to someone, even a complete stranger you see on a regular basis, and thank them for their influence on your Life.

At that moment, you will both be changed for the better.

In service and servanthood,

Harry

PS For my many friends and family in Canada, may you create a Blessed Thanksgiving this weekend, surrounded by the people who matter to you.  For my many friends and family in the US whose Thanksgiving is more than a month away, you still have much to be thankful for in a world filled with uncertainty.  Embrace it – gratitude expressed can form the foundation upon which better things can be built.

Answering the Call of Your Holy Discontent

I receive hundreds of emails a day with questions covering a broad spectrum of subjects, ranging from corporate strategy, technology architecture, leadership and everything in between.

However, one email this morning made me stop and think.

While it was quite lengthy, the person I will only identify as John in New York City asked me this:

Why do you do what you do and why do you do it with such passion and conviction?

John was referring to my passion for tackling things that needed to be addressed in the world instead of taking the safe, quiet road that many prefer to travel.  After all, he notes:

… with your strong belief in the unlimited good in the world, isn’t it more rewarding and easier to simply write about the good stuff than to be always be contemplating the stuff that needs to be fixed.

I agree with John that it is VERY important that we embrace the great things we see in the world and to promote the great people, results and events we see all around us.  By doing so, we take comfort in knowing that the world is a much more positive, inspiring place than the media would have us believe.

However, I see all of the great stuff as a teaser, as something to multiply in both effort and results.

So when I see 10 strong leaders who inspire organizations and people, I want to see 1,000 more just like them.

When I see us feed 10 hungry people, I’d like to fill the bellies of 10,000 more.

When I see technology used to enhance society, I want to see it amplified to enhance society all that much more.

While promoting great people and results is VERY important, oftentimes the only people who hear the message are the ones already achieving great results or the ones who would like to accomplish something similar but they believe they cannot.

In such instances, the ones who need to hear the message or need to be shown how to share their gift, whether it be one of hope, inspiration, knowledge, love or making a difference in the world will not receive what they need; that which allows them to share their gift in the greatest way possible.

When this happens, many of the hungry remain hungry.

Many of the corporations in need of stronger leadership continue to produce less than optimal results.

Society continues to not embrace technology as effectively as it should for the betterment of all.

Governments continue to lose sight of the fact that they exist for the people and not the other way around.

We all pay the price for this, which is why we need to own the solutions.

We need to shine a bright light on those who inspire us, who teach us and who encourage us to stretch ourselves constantly to make a difference in the world.

We need to thank them and honor them.  But we need to remember as we honor them at various functions that it’s like preaching to the converted.  Those present are already making a difference. We need to reach out to the unconverted, to help them see a better way also.

And so I wonder if the best way we can honor those who inspire us is to improve upon their execution and results - to make an even greater difference in the world with the gifts that we have.

If we rest on our laurels (or someone else’s), we can take comfort in the fact that someone has made a difference.  We can and should always be proud of what has been accomplished.

But we should remember that there are still many great things remaining to be accomplished, despite the message from many people that everything is “under control” and “your help is not needed”.

Passionate people executing with conviction often make people feel uncomfortable.  However, if we choose the comfortable route and don’t strive to stretch ourselves for the betterment of others, our greatest accomplishments will remain undiscovered.

And so, John in NYC, this is my Holy Discontent (as noted in the great book by Bill Hybels).

For all the things I have managed to accomplish with the help, inspiration and support of so many wonderful people, there are still so many people who need help. 

With this in mind, I believe that we need to:

• passionately ask intelligent questions
• challenge ideas that have room for improvement and growth
• collaborate aggressively
• share unconditionally.

We need to move forward with passion and conviction to make the greatest difference we can with the time we have remaining.

And remember this:

EVERYTHING WE DO MATTERS

The results of everything we do become our ultimate legacy.

There is a quote incorrectly attributed to Charles H. Duell, Commissioner of the U.S. patent office in the 19th century where he is alleged to have said "Everything that can be invented has been invented."

If we believe that everything that can be done to improve the world has been done, then we should stop trying to make a difference now.

However, I don't believe this is the case.

Do you?

In service and servanthood, passionately.

Harry

To see my Musings-in-a-Minute version of “Answering Your Holy Discontent”, please click here.

Making a Difference or Just Pleasing Yourself

I've been disrupted this evening by two quotes. The first, by Leo Rosten, is:

"The purpose of life is not to be happy - but to matter, to be productive, to be useful, to have it make some difference that you have lived at all."

I'll get to the second one a little later in this post.

As with many pearls of wisdom, we read them, absorb them and then move on with our busy lives.

But this time, I happened across these two quotes while looking into the eyes of a young child in an online campaign designed to raise funds for children in developing nations. The child was sickly and starving - someone who lived in a world without hope, without dreams... wondering if anyone out there cared at all.

Wondering if this is all there is.

And when this sequence of events coalesced at the same moment this evening, it made me stop and think "How much do we REALLY do for others"?

Yes, we talk a lot about doing the right things and many of us do the token, obligatory acts of giving that don’t require a lot of effort and then we clap ourselves on the shoulder, congratulate ourselves regarding our benevolence and we move on with our lives.

How much do we REALLY think of people like this child?

I recently went through a pretty serious house-cleaning where I got rid of hundreds of promotional t-shirts, pens, pins and other stuff designed to help me think of the companies that gave them to me.

The promotional industry calls this stuff swag. As I got rid of it, to me it wasn't swag - it was junk.

Junk that occupied valuable space in my home, costs me money to move if I keep it, is negatively impactful on the environment to create, is wasteful to distribute and will be a detriment to the environment if not disposed of properly. Meanwhile, I am not using any of it for the purpose it was designed.

So from my perspective, it IS junk. It is of no benefit to me at all.

A lot of time goes into selecting the right items, deciding who gets them and when it is appropriate to deliver them.

More thought and money goes into the swag (junk) industry than is going into helping others.

Thankfully, not all companies and individuals think this way.

Some companies actually prefer a different approach. One such company, Henge Production and Consulting, buys goats on behalf of its clients instead of providing the clients with the usual t-shirts, pens, mouse pads and other useless paraphernalia. These goats allegedly make their way to destitute families in developing nations, helping to lift these families out of the dire situations that they are in.

However, this raises a question.

When such a gift is made, do the goats actually make it to these families or is this just another scam to help us feel good about helping others while not accomplishing anything measurable or useful for those in need?

Clients of Henge challenged Henge with this very question and the owners of Henge paused and realized:

"We actually don't know the answer - do our ethical gifts actually make a difference?"

So Henge set out to discover if their act of ethical gifting actually delivers goats to families in developing nations and if so, do these goats make a difference to the recipients?

Their incredible journey has been documented in a soon-to-be-released documentary entitled "Where's My Goat?". In the film, Christopher Richardson, a producer at Henge, sets out on a journey that takes him halfway around the world in his quest to find his goats and to understand what, if any, impact they have.

Do his goats exist? Does anyone benefit from such a gift or is it truly a feel-good Western ideal (or worse, is it a scam that produces nothing of value except to the scammer)?

You'll have to watch the film to find out. You can find out more on their Facebook page - http://tinyurl.com/3xunzs4.

As you watch the film, you will be moved by the passion of a man as he seeks the answer to the question

"Are my intentions of making a difference in the world REALLY making a difference"?

If you have an opportunity to watch the film, be prepared to be disrupted and then ask yourself this question:

"Am I REALLY doing enough for others?"

Your heart will know the answer.

Follow your heart - it will take you places that will surprise you and will impact others for a lifetime.

As for the second of the two quotes I mentioned earlier, it was written by Daniel Berrigan and goes like this:

"Sometime in your life, hope that you might see one starved man, the look on his face when the bread finally arrives. Hope that you might have baked it or bought or even kneaded it yourself. For that look on his face, for your meeting his eyes across a piece of bread, you might be willing to lose a lot, or suffer a lot, or die a little, even."

Mr. Richardson's film is, I believe, a call to look into the eyes of someone who needs help.

When you do so, I'll bet you won't be able to resist helping them to the best of your ability.

And what's wrong with that?

In service and servanthood.

Harry

Accountability and Authenticity

For my Musings-in-a-Minute version, please click here.

As I dressed this morning, I donned a pair of jeans and a yellow polo shirt and prepared to meet the day - nothing significant to report there.

However, to a small band of entrepreneurs in New York in the late 90’s to early 2000’s, Tuesday was Yellow Shirt Day.

I had forgotten about it until this morning.

The origins of Yellow Shirt Day were innocent enough.  One Tuesday, a member of my team, Narender and I wore a yellow shirt on the same day.  We laughed about it and said every Tuesday should be Yellow Shirt Day and dismissed the joke.

To my surprise on the next Tuesday, the entire team wore a yellow shirt.  Guys who didn’t own a yellow shirt went out and bought one just for the day.

The tradition being born, we embraced it every Tuesday.  On Tuesday, we would go for a walk during our lunch break and compliment other people who wore yellow shirts.  The reaction from strangers on the streets of New York covered a broad spectrum, ranging from humorous to angry.

The co-founder of Yellow Shirt Day, Narender Nath, was killed in the World Trade Center less than a year later during the horror of 9/11.

Narender came to mind this morning as I realized I was wearing a yellow shirt on Tuesday.

Narender was as close to a perfect human being as I have been able to find on this planet. 

He preferred humor over anger.

He chose directness instead of misdirection. 

He selected honesty over dishonesty.

He embraced transparency instead of being opaque. 

He wished people to be accountable for their actions and was quite direct about it.

He preferred to be proactive and to embrace his passion instead of being apathetic and indifferent.

He avoided being a one-man-band – he was a collaborator by nature.

He didn’t reinvent what someone else had already created.  He recognized the value of leveraging what someone else had worked hard to create.

He asked nothing of anyone.  He led by example.

As I thought about Narender this morning, I was wondering if we have learned anything as a society since he died.

Greed, apathy, indifference and corruption appear to be around us more than ever.

Deception seems to be the way the game is played in many levels of society.  The model of “say one thing and do another” seems to be commonly practiced by leaders and those who are led.

Senseless wars against “this and that” appear to be the preferred model of solving anything.  We have a war against terror, a war against global warming and a war against extinction.  We appear to always be fighting what we don’t like instead of embracing the solution we should be striving for.

Headlines of failure in the housing market, the financial market and the employment market hammer us daily.

The starving, impoverished, diseased and destitute continue to cry out for help.

The media encourages us to focus on the disaster all around us under the guise of informing us.

Many of us who are hammered by the media do the best we can, all the while struggling with our need to be more authentic to ourselves and to others.

If only we could get some breathing room, we reason, then we could be more true to ourselves.

We could then shake off the negative messaging from the media and truly discover the world for its beauty and potential.

Narender looked at this challenge differently.

He didn’t wait for the breathing space in order to create authenticity within himself.

He knew that if he waited for the opportunity to be authentic with himself and with others, he would wait forever and would be incredibly frustrated as he waited.

If you were to ask Narender what he saw in the world, you would swear he lived on a different planet.  In a world allegedly filled with collapse, Narender saw growth.

In a world of war and hate, Narender saw love and nurturing.

In a world of indifference and apathy, Narender saw the opportunities that lay before those who followed their passion to make a positive impact.

Our world is what we believe it to be.

The media wants us to believe it is all coming apart.

Narender believed it to be one of unlimited opportunity for living, loving, learning and leaving a legacy.

I know you believe this also.

However, when you find yourself in the structural tension between what you believe and what you manifest, remember this:

Each of us owns the responsibility for changing our own world and subsequently the world around us.

If we wait for the world to give us the opportunity to become self-enabled to the point where we can finally start living an impactful life we will never get there.

And that makes for a pretty depressing journey of wasted, unrealized potential

Don’t let this happen to you.

As many experts say and as Narender practiced:

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

Yes, it is an overused statement.

But perhaps it is overused because we still haven’t learned the truth within it and so we need to keep hearing it.

How do you see the world today?  How badly would you like to see it in a different light?

Look around you – there are many people who are ready to collaborate with you to create that world.

Yours in service and servanthood.

Harry

PS – A guy by the name of Mike walked into the coffee shop as I was writing this.  He was wearing a yellow shirt also and so I couldn’t resist introducing myself and telling him the story of Narender and Yellow Shirt Day.  As he left, he laughed and said “maybe we can start Yellow Shirt Day where I work”.  That would be cool, Mike!

It sometimes doesn’t take much to influence someone else in a positive way.

Simple actions touch hearts and in turn influence minds.  Whose heart are you touching today?

For my Musings-in-a-Minute version, please click here.

Maximizing Our Result – Collaboration vs Ego

In my 25+ years in business I have been blessed with so many wonderful projects to participate in.

That is not to say, however, that every project that I participated in was a success.  Some were total, dismal, embarrassing failures.  As with most of us who are human, I had my part to play in the successes and failures and as most of us will admit, the greatest lessons come from the latter.

Of course, there are libraries of books that discuss “the secret of a successful project”.  There are great books on leadership, strategy, team building, processes and methodologies.  There is so much stuff on the market these days, we could spend the rest of our lives devoted to learning how to create the perfect project but never find the time to actually be involved with a project because we are too busy learning.

Over the last couple of years, I have been invited to participate in or make observation on a large number of significant-scale projects, projects on a national or international scale that hope to achieve large scale impact in a number of areas.

These projects have an interesting life cycle that I found myself musing upon this morning. 

All of the projects start with phenomenal fanfare.   The world has been waiting for us for years and we have arrived.  So we believe and shout to anyone who will listen.

The projects are staffed with enthusiastic people but not necessarily with the right blend of gifts, talents, strengths and knowledge to carry the project.  It’s kind of like the 100 meter sprinter who decides he or she will run up the side of Mount Everest.  Ahhhh – the power of enthusiasm.  Not every project can be accomplished just because WE BELIEVE.

Generous amounts of capital are infused into these projects by public and private organizations who share the enthusiasm that they too have an opportunity to change the world.  Often times they have no idea what they are investing in but they find the enthusiasm to be contagious and so common sense due diligence is circumvented.

Measures of success, critical success factors and measurable objectives are defined vaguely or intentionally left out.  After all, who needs this type of stuff when you know that the world needs what you offer and your enthusiasm and willpower can overcome any obstacle?

Execution and strategy details are not important.  The commonly offered explanation for this is that it will slow down our momentum.

For some, the details would reveal that the emperor is not wearing any clothing.  That wouldn’t be a good thing, would it?

And so the project begins.  The Big Bang has occurred, the universe that the project exists in has been created and the world waits with bated breath for a phenomenal result.  That is what our ego tells us.

Along the way, many, MANY meetings are scheduled and tons of reports and presentations are created.  The reason?  Nothing shows productivity like a lot of activity.  Who needs traction when we have tons of action?  Action implies results and results can be used to draw in additional capital if nothing else.

What about the ultimate objective?  It has kind of faded away in a haze of ego and obfuscation.  That’s ok claims our ego – we can reconstitute the objective and make corrections towards the goals at any time.

So everything is all set – the project to change the world is on its way.

It is at this point that, in my observation, project leaders and team members make a critical choice that determines how successful the project will really be, regardless of what the owners think (or hope) their impact will be.

At this point in a project, the project team has a choice to make regarding how they will maximize their result.

Do we choose to maximize our contribution and result using collaboration or do we choose to maximize our individual recognition using ego?.

Approximately 80% (Pareto rules again) of the projects I have observed come to the incorrect conclusion that every other attempt has failed or will fail because the people who are running those projects don’t have what it takes – knowledge, passion, skills, leadership abilities or some other ingredient that somehow we have a monopoly on.

Having made this decision, that 80% proceeds to reinvent the wheel, thereby condemning themselves to repeat many of the mistakes that their peers and predecessors have already made.  Oftentimes, they repeat the ultimate mistake – abject failure with no positive impact or results.

Remember the bread recipe rule that I quoted from the brilliant Gerald Weinberg in an earlier blog?

If we take the same ingredients, the same recipe and the same baker, we will always produce the same bread. 

Their ego believes that they will bake a better loaf even as they bake one identical to the disaster that others have baked.

As this happens, their ego, not willing to accept responsibility for failure, then begins to find a rational explanation for the failure.  Reasons like “so and so didn’t do their job right, the economic situation we are in today caused our capital or markets to dry up, my best person left when I needed them the most, the government passed legislation that derailed us, etc”.

Infighting begins as egos attempt to find out who is responsible for this failure.  Morale falls as the seeds of disrespect, mistrust and intentional misleading take root.

The organization or the project is dying but ego refuses to believe it and so the fighting continues until the meltdown is complete.

Meanwhile, the other 20% are asking themselves a different question:

In order to maximize my result, a result that matters more than maximizing my recognition, what organizations, people, technology, processes or anything else exist that I can leverage such that we produce the greatest result that is possible?

When one asks this question, one acknowledges a simple fact:

Not only am I not the only game in town or the smartest person on the planet, if I go it alone and a bet is made on me versus the planet, the odds-on favorite will not be me.”

We also acknowledge something else.

Not only can someone help me maximize my dream but I can help someone maximize theirs as well.

How powerful is that?

Leveraging a collaborative collection of knowledge, skills, talents and networks, a collection of people can become a phenomenal unstoppable force when the sum of those gifts is used.

When ego steps in, we use the least common denominator of all of those gifts, a very small percentage of the overall potential.

Refusing to accept a collaborative approach produces a lot of wasted resources (effort, time and money), a lot of frustration and a lot of cynicism.  We also waste a phenomenal amount of time addressing needs on this planet that are here right now and need a solution very quickly.

A touch of ego provides us with self confidence and drive.  I am not saying that we subsume our ego such that we are living doormats.

However, we need to temper the ego such that when we observe what the other person is doing and accomplishing, perhaps we need to do it with an eye towards collaboration and not using the cynical eye of competition or envy.

Maybe if we asked the question “What does this person do that I can benefit from and what can I offer to that person to help their cause?”, perhaps we can move some solutions along a little faster and with a greater impact.

Perhaps the initial question should not be an ask but an offer. 

How can I help you?

The road to success, surrounded by friends and people passionate around a common purpose, is an emotionally powerful one that not only lives with the participants forever but creates a legacy that others can duplicate and build upon.

To follow the other path, attempting to brute force one’s way without actively seeking and accepting the help of those who can make a difference simply because our ego has convinced ourselves that no one is as capable as we are, often produces lonely, frustrating, sometimes explosive, depressing failure.

While I am an optimist who looks for the best in everyone and every situation, I will say that there are some egos out there that need a failure or two to recognize the importance of collaboration.  When the lessons have been learned, those people will be the greatest champions of collaboration.

We often hear the great clichés about leaders, teams, all for one and one for all, etc.

They are great ideas.

Many a corporate rah-rah session is filled with such drivel.

However, let’s make it such that our actions speak so loudly that we can’t hear what we are saying when it comes to collaborating for success.

If we don’t, we are wasting everybody’s time – and that is one commodity that we have a limited amount of and which no known science can ever help us recover.

As Berlioz wrote - "Time is the great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all of its students.”

We have a choice of maximized, impactful legacy or a hope of maximized recognition.  What happens if the recognition is one of greed, distrust or some other attribute we would rather not be known for?

I know which choice you would make.  Let’s make it happen instead of espousing one thing while practicing another.

A lot of people are waiting for the phenomenal results you are capable of producing.

Yours in service and servanthood.

Harry

Customer Appreciation – A Gift That Makes a Difference

I was blessed today to have an opportunity to meet up with a high school friend of mine that I have not seen in 28 years.  It wasn’t a typical “long time, no see” meeting.  Christopher and I immediately got into a passionate conversation around a number of things, including what people do for others and how making a difference to those in need is a critical responsibility we all share.

I blogged about about the subject of doing the right thing for others back in February of 2008.  You can find it here if you haven’t read it before - http://harrytucker.blogspot.com/2009/02/what-matters.html.

As we talked, Christopher happened to mention how he thanks his customers.  He expressed an idea that seemed so brilliant to me that I simply had to share it.

Many of us have received the classic corporate gifts – the pretty crystal paperweight, the nice pen set, the corporate t-shirt, etc.

My better half recently pointed to a box that contains an estimated 150 corporate t-shirts that I don’t wear anymore and that I keep promising to “take care of”.

How many of us have received those nice little trinkets that ended up in a box, are given to our kids or are passed off to family and friends because we simply have too much of this stuff already.

Think of the impact on the environment to produce all of this stuff that we don’t really need or have too much of.  In the end, is it a gift that touches the heart or something that clutters an already cluttered life?

Do we really need more clutter?

Christopher has a different approach. 

He buys goats for his customers.

Now you are probably thinking “If I don’t have space for a t-shirt, what am I going to do with a goat?”

In fact, what he does is he buys goats via organizations like Plan Canada (formerly known as Foster Parent’s Plan).  These goats are delivered to needy people in developing countries and are one of many ways to give a sustainable gift to someone who needs it.

Rather than buy more “stuff” that not only doesn’t add to our life but in fact, adds more junk to an already overloaded ecosphere, he buys something that provides long-term sustainable assistance to someone in need.

One day, a client asked him “how do you know the people in need actually receive the goats you buy”.  Christopher was struck by this question and decided to find out for himself what happens when one buys a goat.

He went on a quest to ascertain if buying a goat actually results in someone receiving a goat.  He documented the journey in a movie titled “Where’s My Goat?”.

I invite you to explore Christopher’s journey here.  Click on the link for ‘Where’s My Goat?” and then select the “Watch Trailer” link.  As you watch it, think of your own way of expressing gratitude in a way that produces a positive, life-changing result for someone instead of creating more trash on the planet.

Maybe instead of buying a trinket that will get tossed into the garbage, thereby producing no positive impact on others, you might consider buying a goat for someone as Christopher does.

Perhaps your favorite way will be to help someone in need through great organizations like Samaritan’s Purse.

For some, the preferred method might be to sponsor a child through the work of World Vision.

Maybe clean water is important to you and you prefer to work with groups such as Water Missions International, a group of passionate people who specialize in providing sustainable water systems in developing countries.

Perhaps there is some other organization that you prefer to work with as you give a gift to someone else.

However you choose to express gratitude, think about ways to do it such that you feel great about it, the recipient feels appreciated and you make a REAL impact on someone who could use a helping hand. 

Not only that, when you express gratitude in this way, the Earth will thank you as well.  :-)

Doesn’t that make more sense and sound like a lot more fun than giving away another paperweight?

Let your creativity soar – whatever you come up with will be gratefully received and you will have made a REAL difference.

Now if you will excuse me, I need to figure out what to do with 150 corporate t-shirts.

Yours in service and servanthood.

Harry

Creating an “Oprah Moment”

I receive hundreds of emails every day, many from people who are soliciting me for money, ideas or something else that they are in need of.

Many of the solicitation emails are from complete strangers and most of those get deleted pretty quickly.  We can’t help everyone.

Some time ago, I received a message from a complete stranger and as I read the message, I did not experience the desire to automatically hit delete.  In fact, as I read it, something in the back of my mind told me to sit up and pay attention to this.

It wasn’t the way it was written.  It had nothing to do with the subject.  However, something in the message resonated with me and I decided to dig deeper.

The author of this email tells an incredible story.  It is a story of a woman living in Germany in the 1960’s who was in a situation of relationship battery.  She was rescued by a knight in shining armor whom she fell in love with.  Her knight, who was stationed in Germany with the US military, was transferred out of Germany and went to serve in Vietnam.  She never heard from him again.

However, she discovered that she was pregnant and gave birth to a son. 

It was her son who reached out to me.  He is now a strong family man himself who runs his own company in the US. 

He is hoping to find his father, to say thank you for being there for his mother during her time of need.  He seeks nothing other than to express gratitude for giving him life, a life that he expresses gratitude for on a regular basis.

Why did he reach out to me?

The man he seeks is Harry Tucker.  He has been reaching out to all the Harry Tuckers he can find with the hopes that he can find “the one” to whom he can express his gratitude to.

Something told me not to delete this email.  I did my own check of this person and found that his story appeared to be legitimate.

I felt a strong calling to help this man and a friendship ensued.

I think he was just as surprised to find a complete stranger who wanted to help him as I was that I felt so strongly to help him.  :-)

In the course of using my network to find the other Harry Tucker, I have become reconnected with people I haven’t spoken to in over 30 years.  I have also been connected with other incredibly passionate people who are adding to my life in so many ways as we all become gripped with the desire to find the other Harry Tucker. 

As we make progress towards finding this guy, I am witnessing something else.

I am watching love and kindness develop between a bunch of complete strangers over a story and a group of people who could just as easily mean nothing to us.

We are creating what I like to call an “Oprah moment”, the type of thing we often see on shows like Oprah where a bunch of people find their heart seized by a purpose-filled calling and they go for it for reasons they can’t explain.

Sometimes the story is the classic reunion of long-separated people that causes the viewers to cry and laugh as they watch and listen to the story of seemingly impossible odds that were overcome in order to create the Oprah moment.

Are we heading for an Oprah moment with this story?  I sure hope so.  Nothing would make me happier than to see these two men embrace and to tell their story.  All I can say for now is that the sequence of events that have transpired since this gentleman and I have connected are beyond simple coincidence.

I believe we are being guided by a Higher Authority who seems to be guiding us in an interesting direction.

The way this manifested makes me realize that there are many Oprah moments developing all around us.  In some, we are being invited to answer someone else’s call.  In others, we are hoping someone will answer ours.

In either case, there is an unlimited pool of connected, intelligent, kind, loving people waiting to help manifest these Oprah moments.

In a world where the media wants us to believe that everything is falling apart, including human values and virtues, I believe that the reverse is true.  I believe that human values and virtues are alive and well.

What stands out is what we choose to focus on.

If we believe the world is filled with hate, violence, disrespect, distrust, lack of faith and people focused on destroying everything of value, then we are right.

However, if we think that the world is filled with love, kindness, faith, respect, trust and people committed to offering a helping hand to those in need, then we are right also.

We attract and create that which we believe in and embrace.

The Universe is constantly sending us signals of potential Oprah moments.  Whether they manifest or not depends in large part to how receptive we are to these signals and whether we take action once we have received the signal.

Remember how those Oprah moments always make us feel good when we see them or read about them?

Imagine how they’ll make us feel when we are participating in one.

C’mon …. make the rest of us cry and laugh and feel good about humanity by embracing or creating one.  Let’s open ourselves to feeling the love that envelops us when our heart is seized by an Oprah moment.

Right now.

Our beautiful world has an infinite supply of potential Oprah moments.

There is at least one within each of our spheres of influence right now …..… waiting.

We need to be alert and receptive to them.

Once we are there, we just need to step up and participate in them.

Yours in service and servanthood.

Harry

Check Your Passion at the Door

I was thinking the other day of a sign I saw on a developed beach many years ago.  I don’t recall the exact verbiage on the sign but it went something like this:

Beach Rules

No ball playing

No Frisbee playing

No swimming

No picnics or food consumption

No bicycles on boardwalk

No animals permitted

Enjoy the beach – it is here for your enjoyment

I remember reading this and laughing at the irony.  However, after I laughed, I noticed that the beach was also pretty much empty.  The intention by the owner had stifled any opportunity for most people to find fulfillment and therefore they stayed away regardless of what the owners thought the beach could provide for people.  People went elsewhere where their passions around beach usage could be explored and enjoyed.

The other day I was re-reading Donald R. Keough’s “The 10 Commandments for Business Failure” and I wasn’t laughing.   As I was reading this, I was thinking about a number of groups, business units and volunteer groups, that were unable to gain traction and momentum and they were on my mind as I read the book.

For those who haven’t read this great book, the 11 commandments (yes, there are 11) that Keough believes are embraced by people intent on snatching failure from the jaws of victory are as follows:

1. Quit taking risks

2. Be inflexible

3. Isolate yourself

4. Assume infallibility

5. Play the game close to the foul line – blur moral/ethical lines

6. Don’t take time to think

7. Put all your faith in experts and outside consultants

8. Love your bureaucracy

9. Send mixed messages

10. Be afraid of the future

11. Lose your passion for work, for life

For the sake of my thoughts today, I’m going to rename number 11 to read:

11. Lose your passion - or allow someone to take it from you

After re-reading this book and digesting its wisdom yet again, I stumbled upon a short half-page article on the web by Dr. Tom Cocklereece where he focused on the 11th commandment and discussed ways that churches are choking the passion out of people to make a difference to their church.  His brief article really resonated with me.

Dr. Cocklereece posits that if you really want to fail, then lose your passion – lose your optimism that the impossible is not only possible but is probable if your passion is strong enough.

He goes on to discuss the great idea killers of our society today, including the perennial favorites “that’s good enough.”, “that’s not my job.”, “I don’t care.”, “I’m retiring soon anyway.” or the classic “we have never done it that way before.”.

Here is my favorite lately.

“Don’t rock the boat”.

It comes in many flavors but it translates into the same thing:

You represent change and change is something I fear, so I will do whatever it takes to prevent you from changing my world even if my world needs change.

OR

I would rather not change and continue to demonstrate minimal results than change and produce results.

OR

The suggestion of change represents a threat to my authority since people will discover that I am not the only source of ideas and therefore I will block your initiatives to enhance our results in order to protect my authority.

People resisting such change will discover reserves of energy that they (and you) never thought they had.  If only they had that much passion for creating more measurable, impactful results in the first place.

I think there are many times when one shouldn’t rock the boat.  For example, if a group is producing great results or results that are already meeting the expectations of the upstream or downstream people of that group, then the group should be left alone.

If the group doesn’t actually want to achieve anything, the fact that you see potential is irrelevant – they are happy and should be left alone.

If the group is outside your forte, area of influence or responsibility, then you should probably leave them alone.

If you couldn’t do any better yourself, then you should leave them alone.

However, if the group is not meeting the expectations of the mandate established for them or are violating ethical, moral or legal guidelines then they deserve to be rocked.

If you are a member of the group or a group upstream or downstream from that group and are impacted as a result of their apathy, indifference or incompetence, then the group deserves to be rocked.

If they are promoting a message or mission of “x” and are intentionally misrepresenting traction towards that mission, then they deserve to be rocked.

If they are in a mode of constantly blaming everyone and everything else for their inability to execute and some of the previous criteria apply, then they deserve to be rocked.

That’s not to say that we should be on a personal mission to be looking for people and groups who need to be shaken up.  Not only would that be be exhausting, in many situations we don’t have the right to interfere.

However, I am witnessing more and more people who are directly involved with groups plagued with apathy, indifference or incompetence, have an awareness of unethical, immoral or illegal activities within those groups or have a knowledge of significantly better ways of delivering results and yet are choosing to look the other way, even if they know that people upstream or downstream from that group are being adversely impacted.

Looking the other way would be bad enough if they looked away and forgot about it.

However, they are consumed by what they are witnessing and tell people privately about how such actions violate their psyche based on some personal standard.  Publically, they claim to have no issues or concerns. 

However, their passion for correcting things is just talk.  For some reason, their passion will not carry them towards taking action.

They do this to protect personal or business interests, appearances, reputation (fearing the “why did you allow this to go on so long” question), friendships, etc.

“I don’t want to rock the boat”, they say, all the while suggesting it is clearly important to them because they can’t stop talking about it or better – they are constantly imploring you to carry their fight for them.

My thought to them in return:

“Isn’t it better to rock the boat then watch it sink?”

Maybe rocking the boat will slosh the stagnant water out of the boat, enabling it to ride higher in the water.  Maybe some excess cargo that is weighing the boat down will get sloshed out as well.

It was expressed to me recently that I should tone down my passion for excellence and results so that I don’t offend others in a particular group.

What’s wrong with asking those people to pick up their passion for excellence and results so that I am not offended or so that the people directly affected by their actions are not disappointed or offended?

If they are offended that their track record for producing no result is being challenged, perhaps they deserve to be offended.

Don’t the users of their product or service deserve the best result possible?

Why do we accept a lackluster result as acceptable under the guise of not offending someone?

In a world of political correctness, we are often cautioned not to offend the person not producing or contributing because “everyone is doing the best they can”. 

However, sometimes we need to gently point those people in a different direction, where they can produce a better result than where they are.  They will probably be happier anyway once they are in a place where their contribution is more in line with their abilities.

As Donald Trump once said, we need to be careful that we don’t get caught up in a world where “we reward people just for showing up”.

In a world where our ethical, moral and legal guidelines are constantly being evaluated and many times being relaxed, we need to start demanding a higher standard, not accepting a lower one.

What’s wrong with asking the frequently avoided questions, to use a term I first heard my friend Steve Bannister use?

Let’s start asking more questions.

Questions about passion.

Questions about purpose.

Questions about measurable outcomes.

Questions about ethics, morals and legalities.

Questions about achieving results.

Questions about consistency between our stated intentions and our actual execution.

Let’s not ask the questions as in “you have the wrong answers and I have the right ones”.

Let’s ask them from the standpoint of “if we ask the questions together and challenge each other towards a higher standard then we will produce a better result and we will all learn from the process”.

Let’s not be afraid to ask questions.  When asked from the standpoint of maximizing results in a respectful, collaborative and knowledge-sharing way, there is nothing wrong with asking them and in fact, we should ask them.

We are not trying to figure out who is right or wrong or who is smarter.

We are trying to figure out how to produce the best result possible.

Let’s not lower our expectations to the lowest common denominator.

Let’s raise them to the highest common denominator.

Let’s raise them to the best result possible based on our collective talents and not limit them based on the talents of the weakest link.

The consumers of our products and services deserve and demand it.

The members of these groups and organizations deserve it.

The people who invest their time, talent and treasure deserve it.

We deserve it.

The Earth deserves it.

Our children deserve it.

This is not a license to bully others as some people who resist change or protect apathy like to do.  It’s a license to collaborate and seek the best result possible.

It’s a license to live to your greatest potential, love yourself and others, learn (and share knowledge) and to leave a legacy.

If you are not making progress, move on – there is someone else out there desperate for your passion.  The folks you leave behind perhaps need to learn additional lessons before your respective passions can be in congruence.

Remember the law of the 4 SWs:

• some will
• some won’t
• so what
• someone’s waiting.

As Dr. Cocklereece closed his article:

If we truly value something we will do it—not just teach or talk about it.

Be passionate!

Your passion is simmering – what do you want to do with it and how badly do you want to achieve it?

Do you know the answer?

Good – what are you waiting for – get on with it.

The emperor is not wearing any clothes.  Someone is waiting for you to cry out.  Don’t worry – once you step up and call it, you will be surrounded by many people happy to step up and support you.

If your passion already has a home and is producing results, I thank you.  You are a role model from which we can all learn.

Whether your passion flows unrestrained or is still evolving, I thank you for it - we all benefit from it when the time is right for it to manifest.

In service and servanthood.

Harry

PS A day after I posted this, I came across a quote by Zig Ziglar that I thought embodied this post perfectly.

“Don’t be a wandering generality – become a meaningful specific”.

Live passionately and on purpose.

May your purpose be seized by your passion – don’t let anyone put your fire out.

Creating A Different Kind of Noise

What a cacophony we are bombarded with these days:

• increasing issues regarding global warming
• terrorism
• the Iraq war
• the war in Afghanistan
• coming soon according to some – the war against Pakistan or some other nation that displeases us
• an energy crisis
• a health crisis
• a financial crisis
• a public wave of murder / suicides related to the financial crisis
• swine flu (just when you thought you had reached your saturation point of bad news)
• a level of political correctness so powerful that we can’s say anything that might offend anybody (which means we can say very little)
• a level of political bullying, such that if you voice specific opinions on certain subjects, you are immediately publically vilified (meanwhile we say – it’s a good thing we aren’t as ignorant to the opinions of others as they were in the 15th century).
• an increased sense of paranoia that something or someone is ready to kill us at any moment unless we relinquish our freedom in exchange for security.  Interestingly enough, the people we are relinquishing our freedom to are the people who tell us we are in trouble.
• a litany of misinformation, including the soldiers of Abu Ghraib  prison who were punished as rogues that violated the human rights of Iraqis when we now discover they were acting under orders from the top of the US administration.

Is it any wonder that our minds don’t melt from an overload of such negative information?

I think they have melted somewhat – we just haven’t figured it out yet.  Some people suggest that our minds have melted so badly that we have lost the ability to self diagnose or that we have correctly diagnosed the issues but we are too tired or afraid to do anything.

I don’t believe this to be true – I believe that our passion burns hot and deep.  Many of us just need a little help bringing this burning desire to the surface.

When I write blogs or articles that reference the need to assert our passion more, to love others more, to follow our faith more (however we define it) and to make a greater difference in the world, hundreds of people privately applaud me but most are afraid to do so in public. 

They fear repercussions from family, friends and co-workers.  Some are politicians more focused on being re-elected than doing what they know is the right thing.  As one friend noted – '”Do you realize that your thoughts are needed but not welcome in the circles of authority?”.

How unfortunate.

In a part of the world founded on encouraging an exchange of thoughts (without necessarily having to agree with them), incubating a belief in the “American Dream” (or the Canadian equivalent), being passionate about the things important to us, holding civil and corporate leaders to specific standards of morals and values, and championing rights and freedoms important to our ancestors, it seems to me that we are losing the strength or interest to assert our beliefs, our passions and most importantly, our voice. 

Some of us have become intimidated to the point where many of us (not all, thankfully) fear for our reputation if we publically follow our heart.  Meanwhile, our spirits may feel crushed by the constant bombardment of bad news and we are caught in an internal tug of war, knowing what needs to be done but being afraid to do it.

Sometimes it is difficult to see that in this onslaught of bad news there are passionate people out there making a difference in the areas where we need it most – empowering us to effect positive change for our environment, promoting the health and wellness of people around the planet, building peace within humanity and strengthening the ecological / economical future of our planet.

We should be grateful for these people.

We should find a group that aligns with what we hold to be important for ourselves and our families and join that group.

Groups like Canada’s World, World Vision, Samaritan’s Purse, Oxfam, the Clinton Foundation and others are leading the way to making a difference.

If you don’t know who to speak to, reach out to someone like me – people like me love to connect passionate people with other passionate people.

If you don’t like these organizations, don’t complain about them.  Use your energy to help them improve their offering and execution.  If you feel that you caught in a trap of excessive complaining without action, reach out to this group, A Complaint Free World.  They’ll help you get back on track.

If existing groups still don’t work for you, create a new group that makes a difference.

Whatever you do, find a way to help contribute to the needs of the world.  Don’t wait – many of the challenges on this planet are accelerating and need to be addressed sooner rather than later.

Let’s create a different kind of noise – one built around making a difference instead of focusing on how things are allegedly falling apart.  It would be great if our actions spoke so loudly, that we would not be able to hear each other speak.

Many famous writers and philosophers over the years, going back to biblical times, note that we create what we focus on.

So let’s stop focusing on the end of times and instead, focus on a world filled with people aspiring to make a difference for others.

As the great Louis B. Armstrong sang in “What a Wonderful World”:

The colors of a rainbow.....so pretty ..in the sky
Are also on the faces.....of people ..going by
I see friends shaking hands.....sayin’.. how do you do
They’re really sayin’......i love you.

I hear babies cry...... I watch them grow
They’ll learn much more.....than Ill never know
And I think to myself .....what a wonderful world

It is indeed a wonderful world.

If we really love our children and our children’s children, we’ll keep it that way.

For those who follow sports, it’s like being up three games to nothing in a best of seven series.

It’s ours to win or lose.

What side do you prefer to be on?

Yours in service and servanthood.

Harry

Embracing Each Other

I was sitting in a doctor’s office waiting room a couple of days ago and was observing some children playing.  The children were of mixed gender, race, language and potentially religious background.  Here is how their interaction went:

My name is yyy – what’s yours?

My name is zzz – let’s play.

It was as simple as that – authenticity in its purest form.  Once they had some context by which they could name each other, that was all that was important to having an authentic relationship.

As I have been consumed by authenticity lately, I have started a detailed review of my social network, the hundreds of emails I receive daily from this network, the hundreds of invites I receive to participate in events, etc.  While I am grateful for all of this, my recent focus on authenticity has caused me to examine much of this traffic in a closer manner.

Here are some exaggerated snippets:

I am an 18-year old student and life coach.  I believe my 18 years of life have been invaluable and I would like to share this supreme knowledge with you at a discounted monthly rate of $xxxx.  <<yes – some 18-year olds have lived a full live – however ……>>

I am an enlightened life guru with no job or life experience but I would like to show you how the Law of Attraction can earn tons of money for you.  <<meanwhile a background check on the person shows they are bankrupt and the only thing the Law of Attraction is helping them with is making money promoting the Law of Attraction>>

I am an expert on collaboration and believe that we all need to work together to make this world a better place for all.  By the way,  let me tell  you that so and so has a chance to steal some of our market so if we can find any way to discredit or sue him, there’s more money in it for us.  <<I’m sorry, tell me again how this is collaboration>>

I need your help promoting product xyz.  It’s not MLM of any type but you’re at the bottom, I’m at the top and if you put in 80 hours a week, I will get rich.  <<now there’s an incentive>>

How about gems like these?

I serve on the board for corporation xyz and I know the CEO is stealing money, but if I rat on her, people will not hire me for other boards because I will not be perceived as a team player.  <<meanwhile, that person gets paid to make public presentations about the need for transparency, honesty and accountability>>

“We provide a high quality product to the consumer”, quotes a senior executive of a major frozen food manufacturer to me on a plane one afternoon two years ago.  “That being said, I don’t let my kids eat it”. “Why not?”, I ask.  “Because I know what is in that stuff”, is the reply, the speaker oblivious to the disconnect of that statement from his assertion of the high quality of their product.

Authenticity.

I wonder:

• if the fear of being perceived as not being as in control as the next person causes some people to be less than authentic, since we don’t want to be perceived as weak amongst our peers.
• if the fear of expressing our real selves causes us to repackage our knowledge, beliefs and passions into something the masses will agree with (even if this is not in congruence with what is important to us).
• if the fear of appearing to be too normal causes people to elevate their status so as to be far beyond normal (ah, so you’re just an accountant; well, I am Master of the Galaxy – Well, I’m not just an accountant, I am really the Accountant Guru of the Universe – Oh yeah?  Well I am ……).
• if the fear of appearing to not be able to stay caught up (whether it be in knowledge, money, gadgets or other toys) causes us to overspend our resources while lack of authenticity with ourselves prevents us from putting the brakes on this self-destructive behavior.  Don’t forget – whoever dies with the most toys …… is dead.
• if the notion of exposing our heart, mind and spirit to others may also allow others to see our pain and our weaknesses, allowing them to see that we are in fact human.  Since this demonstrates that we are less than perfect, we present a false persona where we never fret, get angry or cry.
• if the fear of exposing others to our personal belief structure, including our belief in God (or other deity important to us), is so strong that we are ashamed to live by the values of our belief structure, fearing ridicule or fearing being ostracized from our peers, clients and others.
• if the fear of failure paralyzes us and prevents us from trying anything, forcing us to rely on someone else to solve our problems (which then creates frustration because they are not doing it fast enough for us).
• if our desire to climb to the top of whatever mountain we are climbing is so strong (probably to beat someone else climbing the same mountain), that we are willing to portray ourselves as something we are not just so that we can accomplish the journey as fast as we can.

I do notice one thing with these fears.  The more inauthentic someone is with themselves and others, the more they resist even discussing stuff like this.  They will even get quite angry!

I wonder why.

All of these fears seem to be creating a lot of baggage in our lives and puts us on an ever-increasingly slippery slope that leaves us exhausted financially, spiritually, physically and emotionally.  Analyze the events that have led up to any significant negative event in world history and somewhere along the way, you will find one or more events that perhaps have been tied to lack of authenticity.

I’m not suggesting that life is so simple that we can easily strip a lot of these layers away and expect to be as authentic as children.  If it were only that simple.

However, I am suggesting that the number of layers of obfuscation and complexity that we have added are not commensurate with the beauty and simplicity of life.

I wonder if we have made life too complicated and then, being inauthentic with ourselves and others, refuse to take any credit for this complexity.

How about a return to some base levels of authenticity?

Hi – my name is Harry.  I don’t want you to know me as a Wall Streeter, a business strategy guy, a networker, a writer, a speaker (or however else you know me).

I am a human being who believes in God, who is awash in gratitude for his family, friends and life experiences, who marvels at the things we do right in the world, weeps at the things we do poorly, marvels at the complexity and simplicity of nature, is amazed by the power of love, aspires to be more patient and wonders when we will finally realize our true gifts and purpose.

That’s all that is important.  That is the real me – the rest are man-made constructs that are not important.

That being said, perhaps that is not important either.  What is important is that I am a human being with unlimited capacity for loving and sharing.

So are you.

My name is Harry. 

What’s your name? 

Let’s play.

Yours in service and servanthood.

Harry

Proper Human Values Still Exist

Last night, I attended the memorial service for the families and victims of Cougar Helicopter Flight 491 that crashed off the coast of Newfoundland on Thursday, March 12th.  17 souls were lost and one survived, still in the hospital as I write this.  Later today, I will be attending the funeral of one of those souls, someone I went to high school with in the late 70s.

The communal expression of grief and the outpouring of love and support from the community and the nation brought me back to similar outpourings of love and support that I witnessed in September of 2001 when so many innocent people were lost and the nation rallied around the families.

For all the topsy turvy stuff going on in this world and as much as we think human values have been subsumed by greed and narcism, at times like this, I am reminded that the human values of loving, sharing, caring, generosity and helping others are alive and well.

The media is highlighting excessive levels of greed, selfishness, apathy and stupidity as the reasons why we are experiencing the crisis that is allegedly undermining every aspect of our lives.  If we use the media as the source of our definition of whether “good human values” (as each person defines them) still exist, the answer is probably no. 

The media’s constant hammering almost implies that the time has come for us to move into the mode of “every man for himself” since government, business and individuals either don’t care, don’t know how to fix it or are in it for themselves.

However, when I witness communities and a nation come together to support each other during times of stress, it is apparent to me that the media’s implied message is way off base.

Our core values are still there – our ability to reach out to others, to share grief, to share love, to help one another overcome challenge and to help each other make our way towards a better future.

It is true that sometimes it looks like those values have disappeared under the crush of life in the 21st century.

However, when we are forced to shrug off the yoke of today’s life pressure, our core values stand tall.

As we face today’s struggles together, let’s not wait for immense pressure to bring out the best in us.

Let’s work harder to show each other that the core human virtues of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness and faithfulness are alive and well.

Let’s convince the media that these virtues are worth highlighting.

If they run out of bad stories but won’t highlight the “good stuff”, maybe they won’t highlight anything at all.  In that case, we’d still be better off.

Last night, Archbishop Martin Currie closed his Homily at the memorial service with a powerful quote from Robert Frost:

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned in life: It goes on." 

It does indeed – let’s make it the best we can with the gifts we have been given.

I am grateful for all of you and the impact you have on the world.

Tag – you’re it – pass the gratitude along.

In service and servanthood.

Harry

So You're Successful - Now What?

I am amazed and staggered with the number of life coaches that promise success.  The most extreme statistic in England suggests that in the worst case scenario there is potentially one life coach for every person seeking a life coach - a one to one ratio of teacher and student.

With so many life coaches promising success and unlimited financial abundance, I can only assume that many of us are operating at the peak of our potential and are ready to engage in something more profound in our lives.

After all, unlimited houses, cars, jewelry, sailboats and vacations must get terribly boring.  Excuse me but ... do you have any Grey Poupon?

I wonder how long it will take for us to discover that life is more than a collection of "stuff".  After we have compiled a phenomenal collection of baubles, how many of us are left wondering "Is this it?  Is this what my life is all about?"

If the amount of stuff we amass is the measure of our existence, then I feel very sad for us collectively.  Many of us secretly admit that there remains an emptiness to be filled despite our abundance and despite our public message to others that we are at the peak of happiness.

I can also assume with so many empowered people running around that there are no longer issues with poverty, hunger, homelessness, disease and other challenges.

If only it were so.

So we set about embracing this cause or that one.  We embark on a mission to accomplish some great purpose or to leave a great legacy.  Many of us ignore the fact that there are other people who have the same purpose or objective.  "I am smarter than they are", we reason.  "I have more money, more connections, etc.  They don't know what they are doing but I do and can be successful where others fail.  I have greater insight than the other person. I have a greater sense of urgency than they do. They just want to steal my ideas for their own glory.   or ....   _____insert your own reason why you can't collaborate______."

Ah - the beauty of ego .... and the crippling result of "one-man- band syndrome".

Step 1 to leaving a great legacy is:

                          We need to get over ourselves. 

Individually, we aren't as smart, connected, powerful or anything else as we think we are.  If any of us believe otherwise, we are headed for some incredible disappointments.

However, we all bring incredible gifts to the table.  These gifts are amplified when combined with the gifts of others.  The combination of gifts, the old adage that 1+1 can equal 5, is a powerful concept that we seem to not take advantage of although we sure love to quote it.

"Collaboration is the only way I operate", we say and then we go on to do our own thing because we feel that the other person can't contribute to our great vision and would only hold us back or we don't trust other people, fearing that they might somehow steal our thunder.

Self-promotion seems to be the way of the 21st century.  Don't believe me?  Take a look at Twitter, LinkedIn or other powerful social media - 75% of people out there exist to share their secrets to success with you - at a cost.

What wasted opportunity.

Competition does indeed spark innovation in the right circumstances.  However, oftentimes it diminishes our result because of redundancy, unnecessary competitive undermining or failure to share information - all based on our fear that someone else might actually do something useful with the information (maybe even creating a better result than we could have).  "How dreadful that would be", cries our ego.

Some years ago when I was working on some goal setting projects in New York, I attempted to engage with a leading mentor organization to see if they would partner with me.  Their response was "no".  When I asked why, the response was "Don't you realize that if you are successful then we will be out of business?"  I responded "Isn't that the point - to be able to have a society where someday we don't have a need for such programs".  I was told that that was a magnanimous intention but they had an obligation to their employees first and the people they served second.

Very sad.  Maybe they should be totally transparent and change the mission statement on their website to read "We are focused on providing a good environment for our employees.  After they have been rewarded, any money left over goes to our programs for inner city kids".  I wonder where donations would go with such a message.

What would happen if we turned the volume of our ego down just a shade, turned the volume of our humility up just a tad and then sought out ways in which our respective purposes and objectives were so alike that we simply had to collaborate to produce the result we sought.

After all, what is more important - the result or the recognition?  If I had a choice, I would choose an amplified result and shared or no recognition over minimal result and all the glory.

How about you?  When you think of the life legacy projects that are important to you, what is most important - a phenomenal result or phenomenal recognition.  If the latter, I wish you luck - it's a lonely world out there when you go it alone.

If the former, I invite you to think about your ideal life objectives and desired result of your legacy.  Think about the strengths you bring to the table.  Think honestly about the strengths you don't have but which you need to maximize your result.  Find people with a similar purpose and with the strengths that you do not posses.  Focus on a maximized result instead of focusing on why no one else can help you get the job done.  Focusing on collaborative strengths is far more empowering and productive than focusing on the weaknesses of others (the latter process often highlighting your own weaknesses).

If you are a part of an organization that serves the needs of humanity in some way, look for ways that your organization can collaborate with others to enrich and amplify the result and the sense of fulfillment amongst the organization's team members.

You may run into a lot of resistance since many people will feel threatened that collaborating will somehow reduce the result or their ability to be recognized.  Overcoming this resistance won't be easy for you to accomplish but you will discover that it is worth the effort.

But then again, anything worthwhile in life isn't supposed to be easy, is it?

I'm not suggesting that every individual or organization is focused on themselves.  In fact, there are phenomenal people and organizations who are incredible models of unselfish collaboration as they move unwaveringly towards their objectives.

Let's find these people and organizations and use them as a standard by which we can judge our own intentions and results.

Only after that can we really claim to have done our best for others.  Prior to that, we will have done our best for ourselves and our egos with some residual positive impact on others.

The challenges of the 21st century need collaboration and maximized result stemming from that collaboration. 

What is more important to you - the reward or the result?

Yours in service and servanthood.

Harry

When the Student is Ready ....

... the teacher will appear.

So they say.

I'm sitting in a coffee shop, listening to people speak about the problems that confront the world - the economic crisis, poverty, disease, the homeless, depression in people, failing healthcare and education systems, crumbling infrastructure, global warming and whatever else they can think of that strains our confidence and faith in a positive future.

As I listen to this litany of concerns that would challenge some of the greatest optimists that have ever walked the face of the earth, I started to think about how well we apply what we have learned from the most impactful teachers and guides that have entered our respective spheres of influence.  I'm wondering what those teachers would say to us now if they were sitting at the tables around us, challenging us to apply our gifts to take on these global concerns.

From my own perspective, I'm not referring to the obvious list of teachers that come to mind:

• our parents, siblings, spouses, children or other members of our family
• God / Goddess / Allah or other supreme deity we worship
• Gandhi or any other brilliant mind that has walked the earth
• good friends who have been significant in our lives in other ways (that's a series of blogs in itself).

I'm thinking of the people we have encountered in our lives who, with no obligation to us as strangers, took the time to teach us by sharing their knowledge, life experiences and insight in a meaningful and impactful way.

We all have those teachers who arrived at pivotal points in our lives, made a long lasting impression and possibly moved on (or passed on to what follows after our time on Earth is complete).

Sometimes the lessons they taught us have had no perceived impact until we acquired enough life experiences to finally understand the lesson.

I'll share some examples from my life.  As I do so, I invite you to think of your own examples.

When I was in grades 1 to 3, Margaret R. introduced me to the love of reading and learning.  She created a joy of acquiring knowledge within me that burns strong to this day.  If a day goes by where I haven't learned something, then I try twice as hard the next day to make up for the opportunity missed.

Margaret also taught me something else.  One day when I would not stop talking, she asked me to come to the front of the class.  I was terrified - these were still the days when a nice "yardstick across the knuckles" was the common punishment for children who misbehaved.  When I quietly walked to the front of the class, she made me face the class and then informed the class that my punishment would be 5 kisses - the class deciding where the 5 kisses would be planted.

So after the enduring the tremendous embarrassment of being kissed on the forehead, the nose, the top of my head and on each cheek, I sat down quietly and was silent, my ears burning bright red with embarrassment.

It was a far worse punishment to a 7-year old than a whack across the hand.  I would have endured the whack across the hand, felt like somewhat of a hero and moved on.  To be kissed in front of my fellow classmates was dreadful.

Looking back on it as a 43-year old, I realize it was the best punishment I could have ever received.  In that simple lesson, she taught all of us that to make a point through violence was far less effective than to do so with love and humor.

The lesson is more enduring as well.  I may not have remembered the yardstick.  I do remember the love.

Some of the primers that we used back in those days had a lot of content written or edited by Emily H.  The flow of her work and the way it touched my mind and heart without being complex in nature sticks with me to this day.  Her work, which I still enjoy reading (both her new material and the material I read when I was 6, 7 or 8 years old) reminds me of the power of words to inspire, to motivate and to leave a life-long impression on the reader.

When I was in high school, I had a math teacher named Newton M.  Newton had a few simple rules - no gum chewing, no looking at your watch ("It's a lazy man who watches the clock", his voice would boom if he saw you) and if you were done with all of your work, you were to sit up straight and twiddle your thumbs.  If your thumbs got tired, you reversed direction and twiddled them in the opposite way.

Newton taught us that your culture and heritage are integral parts of who you are and that you must learn as much about your cultural history as you can.  "If you don't know where you come from", he reasoned, "how do you know where you are going?"

He also embraced the notion that respect is earned and not demanded.  While many of our school teachers at the time demanded that we respect them because of their title, he treated us like the young adults we were and we loved him for it and gave him equal respect back.  The toughest teacher in the school was one of the most loved. 

I found out after he passed away that he spent every spare dime he had on the kids whose families didn't have sufficient money for clothing, shoes or school books.  He did it without the need for recognition (in fact, he avoided it), he did it frequently and did it even when he had little to give.  He was despised by many teachers for doing it but did it for many years anyway.  This lesson of anonymous, unselfish service to those who need it (but don't request it) and against the beliefs of others who condemned him for it lives with me to this day.

Richard G. was a business associate and mentor of mine during part of my career on Wall Street.  I previously wrote about Richard back in November of 2008 - you can find this blog entry here.  Before he passed away, Richard taught me that even in the cutthroat world of business (and New York is as tough a place as any), good guys don't have to finish last.  He and Bruce P., who I had worked for a few years earlier, both lived by the same philosophy - "Take care of your people, take care of your customer and everything else takes care of itself".  Richard and Bruce also reminded me many times that successful people don't need to be callus, ruthless or cold.   To be successful, Richard and Bruce both insisted on:

• being in tune with your team members individual strengths, skills, talents, knowledge, passion and purpose
• knowing where your team members are in their life journey
• understanding how to find the best fit for each team member within the context of who they are and the needs of the organization they work for - failure to find a place where a team member fit properly was oftentimes more a failure of the leader than the team member
• knowing when to delegate and when to step in to guide (not to take control)
• living with transparency, honesty and humor
• not being afraid to ask for help or admit that a leader has made a mistake.

Richard would say that "applying these thoughts without fear can only produce positive results".  Knowing how to apply this correctly is a a gift that harvests the greatest results personally and professionally for an organization, its teams and the people and organizations they serve.  It's still the model I use when I help organizations rebuild their teams.  Jim, a friend of mine, reminded me recently that this model is not welcome in the corporate world.  He is right but I do it anyway. :-)

When I was working on some goal setting programs for inner city youth a few years back, I was extremely gung-ho to get out there and get stuff done.  I was in a hurry to make an impact, the need was great and so I reasoned that there was no time to waste.

I discovered that being in a hurry and seeing an urgent demand does not necessarily guarantee that things will happen quickly.  My belief that urgency of need guaranteed that everyone would climb on board with the same sense of urgency rapidly hit a brick wall.

At that time, Bret D. arrived in my life, bringing his business knowledge in the space, his passion for education and youth, his love for people and his life experience in the same arena I was working in.  With careful coaching, he was able to reset my expectations without quenching the fire that burned within me. 

He challenged every assumption and assertion in a manner that taught me how to refine my promotion and implementation, all the while increasing my passion instead of diminishing it.  It takes a real gift to guide someone without them feeling that they might as well give up because their initial assumptions needed strong refinement.  It also takes an incredible gift to encourage and teach without crushing the ego of the person who feels that they have it all figured out.  I had been successful in everything else, I thought - how tough could this be? :-) 

Today, I am making a transition from the business world that has provided me with incredible friendships, memories and abundance in many aspects of my life.  My Life purpose is drawing me towards a Life of deeper faith and service to humanity.  As I would expect, another teacher has arrived when I need it.

Dr. Carmel D., who is a chaplain and professor at the theology school where I have been studying theology part time for the past 8 months, brings an incredible calming presence and insightful mind to her students.  Her techniques for guiding students through a discernment process for defining a new path in Life are powerful.  Her strong faith in God and her belief that every person is important and brings God-given, God-inspired talent to Life is inspiring.  Her way of providing the student with the tools to discern for themselves how to bring their gifts to bear for the benefit of themselves and others is life-transformational.  Her relationship with her students is built on respect, love and God's purpose for each of us.

So when I think of these teachers and return my thoughts to the challenges I hear people discussing around me, a few things come to mind.

The teachers I described have taught me some significant things that have strong relevance to today's challenges and the role I can play with others in addressing these challenges:

• Know who you are and where you come from and love yourself for it.  If you can't get past this step, everything else can be very challenging and complicated.
• Loving others can help us overcome our apathy or indifference to what's going on around us - if we truly care for someone else, we know that we must help them.
• Love works better and faster than violence, distrust or dishonesty.
• Fear has no place in our life - we must push forward and expect positive results.  We live in a world conspiring to shower us with abundance - we will never partake in it if we are afraid to lift ourselves and others to share this abundance.
• Knowledge is important to solving many of the challenges before us - we must endeavor to be in a position that provides for constant learning.
• Sharing your knowledge unselfishly and in a way that moves the minds and hearts of others to action produces profound results.
• Give respect to earn respect - demanding respect for any reason is setting yourself up for some incredible disappointment.
• Give unselfishly to others and don't expect payment or recognition.
• Build your life around collaboration, honesty and transparency - it produces much more profound results and is much less complicated.
• Don't try to do everything yourself - there's lots of room to share the credit and provide for opportunities for growth in others. Besides - it's a lot more fun and more gets done when we work together with our respective gifts.
• Put your ego away - we are all equal in Life potential. 
• During times of struggle, listen to what your inner Spirit, your instinct or your faith tells you to do.  Move towards your Purpose without fear.
• Build up the confidence of others.  Breaking others down not only sets them back, but doing so brings you down as well.

In class yesterday, my classmates and I were asked what we would identify as the most impactful story or theme from the Bible.

Mine comes from 1 Corinthians 16:13-14

Stand fast in your faith.  Be brave and be strong and all that you do, do it in love.

I think this quote succinctly ties together the themes taught to me by the teachers significant in my life.  If I can live by this creed, I can proudly say that I did my best for myself and others during my time on earth.

Now it's your turn.

Think about the significant teachers in your life.  If they were with you right now, what knowledge or insight would they share with you about your life or the world we live in?

What would they see in you that needs gentle correction or refinement?

What gifts and talents within you would they praise and draw your attention to?

What action would they encourage you to take regarding challenges in your life, in the life of someone else or in the world?

What insight from them can you share with others, to continue the legacy of learning, sharing and loving?

What indeed .............

Yours in service and servanthood.

Harry