Love and Compassion in Action

Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive. - Dalai Lama

The purpose of human life is to serve and to show compassion and the will to help others. - Albert Schweitzer

In the middle of the largest M & A (mergers and acquisitions) deal of my career and in the early incubation stages of a Foundation designed to serve the people who serve and lift others, I found myself unable to sleep at 3:30am and began the rigor and discipline of my day.

My day always begins with Quiet Hour, a time of reflection, contemplation, meditation, prayer and planning in preparation for a busy day but this morning, I felt compelled to go somewhere I never go for Quiet Hour.

I tried to change my mind but something kept calling me to go to this place so I finally acquiesced and proceeded to a local 24-hour coffee shop.

It was filled with the usual crowd in the wee hours of the morning, truckers beginning or ending their day, young people laughing, a few people working intently on laptops …. the usual mix.

It also had two “kids” sitting there, two young people in their late teens or early twenties, slightly dirty, disheveled and looking slightly uncomfortable or lost.

My Quiet Hour began as it always does, with my books, my journal and my cup of tea spread out before me and my noise cancelling headphones playing my meditation music du jour.

As my Quiet Hour ended and I changed my music to up-tempo music to energize my day, I noticed that a couple (maybe late 30s or early 40s) were talking to the kids.  The man had an acronym on his jacket which I Googled (I’m a data guy) and I discovered that they represented a local outreach program for the homeless and for people who struggle with addictions.

I took one ear bud out of my ear and listened intently to the interaction.

I observed the gentle but persistent methods that the couple used in telling the kids about the options that were available to them, that there was no pressure or obligation and they if they wanted help, it was available to them.

The couple left and sat outside in their vehicle.

The kids discussed this back and forth as they wondered about it and dismissed it simultaneously.

Then they paused, looked at each other, shrugged, stood up in silence and went outside.

They picked up their bikes, proceeded to the couple’s vehicle and shared some words I did not hear with the woman in the passenger seat.  The woman wiped her eyes and smiled, the man got out and helped them place their bikes in the back of the vehicle and they drove off together.

Perhaps someone’s Life was changing at that moment.

As I reflected on what I had just witnessed, I looked down upon the paperwork for the sale of one company and the creation of another and I realized that I had been given the gift of emotional fuel – a reminder of why I do what I do.

It reminded me of a colleague on the other side of my then largest M & A deal who said, “Remember, we are doing this for our families and for those we serve and not for the money – that’s why we do what we do.”.  His observation changed how I finished the deal and everything I did ever after.

Just then I realized that a line from “Raise a Little Hell” by the Canadian music group Trooper was playing in my ear:

If you don't like what you see, why don't you fight it?

If you know there's something wrong, why don't you right it?

I just witnessed someone righting a wrong.

The Bottom Line

It is easy to get caught up in the trials and tribulations of our Life, whether it’s a large business deal, screaming kids, the fact that our $5 latte and $8 cupcake doesn’t quite meet our expectations (seriously), our belief that our clothing is out of date, our thought that our car is just not new enough, our complaint that the food selection at the supermarket is “not good enough” and the like.

We get caught up in a lot of things in our Lives that others can’t even dream about.  As we go about our day often ignoring the blessings and abundance all around us while simultaneously wondering how our Life should somehow be better “just because we demand it”, someone wonders if they will eat tomorrow, where they will sleep, how they will overcome an addiction ….

…. or if anyone cares at all.

The couple I watched today showed these kids that they matter.

I hope the love and compassion felt by these kids “sticks” and that they move on to create something greater in their Lives.

Experts say that sharing love, compassion and support touches specific parts of our brain and imparts important benefits upon us mentally and physically..

They also say that the same benefits are received by those who are on the receiving end of such gifts.

And equally importantly, they say that those who witness such an exchange are benefitted in the same way.

Was I “called” to be at this spot today to witness this or was it just coincidence?

It depends on what you believe.

Someone out there needs to feel love and compassion today, to be lifted when they feel no one cares for their story and their Life.

Are you willing to be that person?

Maybe you’re the person who needs it – don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Putting $10 in a donation box is one thing.

To get up, get out and serve is another – an act that could change your Life and the Life of someone else forever.

I am reminded of this quote by Bob Pierce (the founder of World Vision and Samaritan’s Purse) when he described “The Great Compassion”:

Let my heart be broken by that which breaks the heart of God.

What in the world so troubles your heart that you can’t bear for it to continue?

What are you willing to do about it?

The world and someone in it is waiting for you.

What are you waiting for?

In service and servanthood,

Harry

Calgary Airport–The Power of a Smile

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. - Leo Buscaglia

A gentle word, a kind look, a good-natured smile can work wonders and accomplish miracles. - William Hazlitt

My insane personal and professional schedule brought me to Calgary Airport today and at one point, reflecting on things that I had read, written and spoken about, I found myself sitting in a nice comfy chair in Banff Hall between Starbucks and the Era kiosk.

On the other side of the security glass in front of me, electric cars whizzed back and forth, carrying a lot of people from one end of the airport to the other.  Most of the occupants were unsmiling, looking tense, exhausted, confused, distracted, angry or heavily focused on “something”.

When we are in an airport, we often forget the incredible combination of Life circumstances that have come together within one building – people on their way to or from job interviews, funerals, family reunions, vacations, meetings, successes, failures and the like.

Travel can be …. well …. exhausting, frustrating and even frightening for some.  Most of us just need to get where we’re going as fast as we can get there.

And so as I watched the electric cars zoom back and forth, I turned towards my colleague and said “someone needs to wave and smile at these people and break them out of whatever trance they’re in.”

My colleague said “sure” and as the next car went by, we waved.

The people looked at us awkwardly and one person did a half-wave.

Undeterred, when the next car went by, we waved again and some of the people waved back.

By the time we were a dozen cars into our little wave-fest, even the drivers were waving back with gusto and large smiles.

Somewhere in the love-fest that ensued, the drivers must have told the passengers to anticipate this because as the cars approached our location, the drivers and passengers began to smile and wave at us before we had a chance to wave at them first.

We had fun for quite a while before Life responsibilities drew us away.

As my colleague and I walked away, I looked over my shoulder and I could see the drivers looking for us as they drove by the now empty chairs.

My colleague and I joked that a lot of people were wondering who “the two goofs” were in the chairs, waving and smiling at people.  No doubt, in some corner of the world later tonight, someone may reflect on the difference a smile made, offered or returned and someone may share a laugh with friends or family when they arrive at their destination.

And as I thought about this, something occurred to me.

For every wave and smile I sent, I received 5-10 in return.

So maybe (and here’s a confession here – don’t tell anyone), just maybe, I suggested the wave-fest somehow knowing that I would get a lot of love in return.  After all, in the middle of my own cross-country move and large business deals, a little love never goes astray, right?

But don’t tell anyone I told you that.

After all, we tough guys have a reputation to uphold.

In service and servanthood,

Harry

PS Here’s a suggestion for Calgary Airport Authority.  Place a sign there telling people if they sit in those chairs, that it is a mandatory “wave and smile zone” for people on the other size of the glass.  You never know the impact it will have on both the giver and the recipient …. and the people who are observing both. 

It’s also a great promotion for the Calgary Airport (which has an amazing new international terminal if I may toss in a free plug for them).

I also hope that the Calgary Airport Authority reaches out to the drivers of those cars to thank them – they made a lot of people very happy today.

They may have even changed a Life.

We’ve got enough examples of hate being spread around the world these days.

Let’s find ways to spread a little love while we still can.

It matters.

Poetry in Chaos

Some time ago, while walking home after a very complex, challenge-filled day, I happened to reach for my mp3 player to shut out the noise of the world and I happened to choose Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata.

As the soothing music relaxed me, I noticed something intriguing – the chaotic traffic around me seemed to be flowing in time with the music.

The seemingly random, stressful chaos that is the typical commute in most cities had transformed itself into fluid poetry right before my eyes.

I was reminded once again as I sat and watched this poetry in motion that the difference between chaos and poetry is often merely perspective.

That’s not to suggest that everything bad or evil in the world can be transformed into something good or enjoyable merely by playing a nice piece of music.  I’m not that naive.

However, much of what we in the western world stress over doesn’t really warrant the amount of bad energy that we tend to assign to things.

Much of it depends on our perspective.

Meanwhile in the world ….

In a similar way, much of the news we see these days tends to suggest that the world has become very chaotic in its day-to-day existence and news of war, evil and greed tends to shout over news of peace, love and sharing.

Sadly (and disturbingly), in meetings I have had in recent months with various Wall St., government and military officials, it appears that they are preparing for something even worse than that which is being reported in the news. It seems that many public officials are now more in the game of public relations, keeping people positive in a world filled with challenge as what they believe to be unstoppable moves closer to reality.

Playing relaxing or positive music won’t change this, of course.  I am not one of those Pollyanna types who believes that evil vanishes just because we pretend it’s not there or because we sit in meditation thinking good thoughts.

In fact, when we pretend that evil is not there, we give it a license to grow and spread.

However, when we change our perspective about the world and focus on the beauty that exists in nature and in the human spirit, we have a greater sense of how much beauty, peace, love and sharing is around us and within our reach to amplify instead of being beaten down by the negativity that seems common around us.

It reminds us that instead of lying down and assuming that the difficulties of today or the challenges on our horizon have doomed us, we instead have many wonderful causes that are worth fighting for.

After all, the human spirit is known for overcoming adversity no matter how dark the moment may be.

It seems that oftentimes, it’s when everything is on the line is when we REALLY shine.

In a world caught in the balance between chaos and poetry, we need people to shine more than ever.

Everything that is wonderful about the human spirit and the future that we create for our children depends on it.

Are you shining today?

How do you know?

The world is waiting for your gifts.

The question is …. what are you waiting for?

In service and servanthood,

Harry

The Importance of Conversation

I was recently reminded of how seemingly unimportant conversations touch others as I sat in a Starbucks in a small town in western Canada and read the handwritten message on the plastic cup that held my iced venti latte.

The message read:

Lethbridge will miss you! – SBUX #4628

For those of you who don’t know me well, I do some of my best work in coffee shops across North America.  They give me an opportunity to stay energized on caffeine, an opportunity to concentrate in a place where my anonymity allows me to focus, a chance to get to know the city or town I am in (all the good and bad news of a city flows through the local coffee shop) and an opportunity to interact with amazing people.  I become a bit of a local fixture -- the mysterious stranger who engages in passionate conversation about any subject before disappearing as suddenly as he appeared.

I am the type of person who engages in conversation with everybody … sitting beside me on the plane, standing in the line at the supermarket, attending to my table in a restaurant and yes, hanging out at the coffee shop.  Some of my greatest friendships have started this way.

When I interact with people like this, I am given an opportunity to gain insight into what makes people happy, sad, angry, perplexed and the whole menagerie of other things we all experience daily.

I also have an opportunity to see that people today, despite all of our connectivity through texting, Facebook, Twitter and other forms of communication, still really appreciate a good ol’ honest-to-goodness face-to-face conversation.

I would almost suggest that we hunger for them more than ever.

Our world is becoming one of instant, quick, often sterile exchanges of information.  Sure we insert abbreviations like LOL (laughing out loud), ROFL (rolling on the floor laughing) and the like, but nothing beats real laughter shared in person.

I am also made aware of how many people out there hunger for someone to listen to them; someone who reaches out to a stranger and says a kind word that suggests that if they need someone to listen to, then the “ear” has just arrived.  This is not an “ear” that will judge but rather, an “ear” of a new friend who cares and who is genuinely interesting in hearing their story.

For many who need that “ear”, they are not necessarily looking for a solution.  However, sharing a burden oftentimes can help lighten someone’s load.  To know one is not alone is a powerful aid to overcoming many of today’s challenges.

In our day-to-day life, we may not be aware of the importance of such spontaneous, often short-lived conversation.  In case you are not aware of the importance of such conversations, allow me to share what a spontaneous conversation can produce.

Back in 2005, I was embroiled in a large international fraud trial in New York Supreme Court.  As key witness for the prosecution, I alternated between being perceived as everyone's best friend and everyone's worst enemy.  I had death threats against myself and my family and at one point, I was offered witness protection by the State of New York.  On a wet, windy Wednesday in August of 2005, I was driving through a small town in Newfoundland, Canada when I received a call on my cell phone from one of the parties in the case.  I wanted to concentrate on the call, so I pulled over at a place known as Topsail Beach to focus on the conversation.

For the hour that I was on the call, I could not believe how Life was so complicated and how I had allowed myself to get caught up in such a mess.  During that hour, I also noticed a lady in a red car to my left.  She was crying profusely with her head in her hands during the whole hour I was on the phone.

When I was finished with the call I started my truck and drove away,wondering what could make my day darker.  When I drove about 150 feet or so, I had a feeling that something wasn't right and so I turned around and went back to the red car.

I walked over to the driver's side and tapped on the glass.  Now you can imagine how a woman would feel in such a situation; a man measuring six-foot-three, wearing dark glasses and approaching her in a remote area.  The lady opened the window about an inch and I asked her if she was ok.  She indicated that she was fine.  I told her that from where I sat, she did not appear to be fine at all.  I also told her that however dark Life appeared to her at that moment, it was in fact filled with love for her and that if she could see that, she would find the way out of the darkness that she saw. 

She thanked me and I walked away.  As I got back to my truck, I thought "Nope, that's still not good enough".  I turned around, went back and gave her my name and phone number on a piece of paper.  I told her to call anytime and that there were lots of people out there who could help her find the light that she needed.  She thanked me again and I left.

A week later, almost to the hour, I was driving past the same spot and realized that my cell phone wasn't on.  I turned it on and it promptly told me that I had a voicemail.  I pulled over and listened to the message, a message so profound that I couldn't speak and so I silently passed the phone to my better half so she could listen to it.

It was a message left at 1:20 that morning.  It was clear by the message from the mysterious lady I had met a week earlier, that while I had been wondering why my Life was so complicated, Lynn, as the caller identified herself, was contemplating why Life was worth living.  She had been waiting for me to leave so that she could permanently end the anguish she was experiencing.

It appeared that my spontaneous act had interrupted plans that would probably have had a much darker result had I not spoken to her.

She indicated in her message that my act of compassion and kindness, the actions of a complete stranger, would stay with her forever.  When my day is difficult I replay her message to help put my day back into perspective.  My act of going over to speak to her had caused her to rethink her actions, to change her perception of the world and to see the beauty in Life.  In return, her act of calling me to thank me caused me to change my perception of my world and the importance of every interaction we have with others.

This spontaneous conversation between two strangers lasted less than five minutes.  The result of the conversation will last a lifetime.

It reminds me to of how important every conversation is.

Every conversation has the opportunity to change a life forever.

Perhaps it is someone else’s.

Perhaps it is yours.

As for the wonderful folks at the Starbucks in Lethbridge, I’ll stop in again soon to say hi.  The same goes for the great people at Coffee Matters in Paradise, Newfoundland, Canada and my favorite little places in New York, Chicago, Atlanta, Ottawa and everywhere else I have parked myself to muse upon the workings of the world.

And when I get there, perhaps I will be blessed to have a conversation with you.  If you’re shy, that’s not a problem.  I will say hi first to get us started. :-)

In service and servanthood.

Harry

For my Musings-in-a-Minute version of “The Importance of Conversation”, please click here.

Collaboration – Life Lessons From a Sandbox

Collaboration, teamwork, empowered teams ….

Buzzwords that we like to throw around, brag about, lay claim to and espouse as our personal mantra when telling others the “secret to our success”.

Collaboration was on my mind as I watched a group of kids playing in a sandbox and as I observed their behaviors, it occurred to me that it may be possible to predict tomorrow’s collaborators just by observing these young people.

Consider the following scenarios and ask yourself if they resonate within your own professional or personal circumstances.

The “Results and Fun” Group

The first group of kids I noticed were focused on the goals and appreciating each other’s contributions.  It didn’t matter how well dressed each kid was, how well spoken they were, how strong their personalities were or the quality of each contribution.  They were intent on building the sand castle and enjoying each other’s company as they did it.  They mattered to each other.  Ego wasn’t important.

Occasionally, some kids left this group, having been satisfied that his or her contribution and purpose had been satisfied.  They left quietly and the remainder of the group continued on happily, sometimes acknowledging the departure with a “see ya later”.

They also welcomed new additions to the group easily.  The newly added talent simply slipped into the production stream and the team continued without missing a beat.

Human creativity and collaboration at its best.

The “My Way is the Best Way” Group

The next group I observed were very busy in a different way.  They struggled with whose idea was best - “maybe there should be a moat around the castle” or “maybe the castle should have bigger walls”. 

During the fighting, some would start to cry and leave the group.  Some left in anger.  Some left in boredom when they realized their contribution didn’t matter.

Some stayed anyway, contributed for a bit and then suddenly kicked the castle down because they never liked it anyway – their idea was much better.

Having destroyed the results of the group, they walked to a different part of the sandbox and started an argument with another group of kids, intent on finding a group who agreed that their ideas were in fact the best.

The “My Way is the Only Way” Group of One

One kid was building castles by himself.  It didn’t take very long to figure out why.  Every time another kid showed up to help, the first kid would say “I want you to do this or that”.  When the new child would offer a new idea, it was promptly rejected.  Some kids were more stubborn than others in pressing their point of view but eventually, the stubbornness of the one kid was too much and the others left.

Sadly, he was alone the whole time I was there.  He had pushed everyone away.  I suspect it wasn’t the first time nor will it be the last.  I wonder if he felt lonely at all or was his need to be right more powerful than his need to play with others.

The “If I Wanted  Your Opinion I’d Give it to You” Group

One kid was struggling with getting his castle to stand without crumbling so he went over to another group of kids who were happily and successfully building their castle.

After much observation, he asked them why their castle didn’t fall over.  When they told him that you had to put just the right amount of water in the sand, he told them they were wrong.

After arguing with him for a minute, they ignored him and returned their focus to the task at hand.

The kid went back to his castle, got angry and stomped on it, walking away from it.  I overheard him telling his mother that the other kids wouldn’t help him fix it.  The mother didn’t help by reminding him that in this world, most people won’t help others.  The source of his programming was pretty clear.

The “Teamwork in Name Only” Group

One group of interest built a decent little sand castle and the parents were called over to admire it.  As they arrived, one kid in particular started to lay claim to the whole project – the design, the construction, the whole bit.  Some of the kids protested while others stood in silence with their heads down.  The one kid prattled on and on about “the best castle in the park that he built”.  I’m sure the hearts of the other kids sank as they listened to him – the potential for a collaborative spirit being torn out of them by one person seizing the rewards.  The long term effects, especially if this is not the first time, are varied and complex, either creating people who won’t collaborate or people who feel the need to take all the glory themselves when they get a chance.

The “Non-Creative Way is Safest” Group

This group was of particular interest to me.  There was a group of kids building a simple castle out of blocks of sand and a child came along and said “wouldn’t it be neat if ….” and made some observations.

His observations were quite creative but one kid replied “if we do that, it will fall down anyway so we won’t do it”.  The new kid offered a few suggestions as to why that wouldn’t happen and then walked away to play on the swings.

After he left, I was startled to hear one child say “it would be neat if …..” and repeated one of the other kid’s observations.  “That’s stupid”, said another kid, “nobody does it like that” and the latter with her bullying attitude carried the day.  The potential for a great castle died because the strongest personality in the group didn’t like the idea.

The “I Don’t Like Any Of Your Ways” Group

This group was the saddest group of all.  They in fact were not building anything in the sand.  However, they took delight in occasionally running through the sandbox, destroying everyone else’s work.

They had no intention of creating anything.  Maybe they felt they couldn’t.  I don’t know.  All I know is that they didn’t want anyone else to create anything either.

Looking In My Own Sandbox

As I observed this, I was both fascinated and saddened.  We are taught that we are a product of our life genetics and life experiences. 

The sandbox was in fact a microcosm of the world I have been a part of for a long time.

I started to think about the many groups I have worked with over the years and I realized I could categorize all of these people into one or more of these groups.

I have observed many successes and failures over the years.  The failures all fell into one of these groups – the leader who would not share credit but preferred the glory, the leader who delegated all the blame, the bully who crushed creativity and contribution, the leader who only liked their own ideas and nobody else’s or the leader who seemed to exist to take the wind out of the sails of others, crushing their projects and dreams without offering a contribution of his / her own.

Every one of those leaders eventually hit a brick wall in their personal or professional lives.  After alienating, driving away or ticking off so many people for years, they suddenly found themselves alone.  They may have had short-term success but long term success has proven to be elusive for them.

They missed the key ingredient that the first group I described knew all along.

The first group knew that we need each other.

That our collective ideas are stronger than single ideas.

That focusing on our result and not on our ego produces a better result.

That sharing the credit encourages us to continue to work together on new projects and assures us that others will stick around to help us with the next sand castle.

That embracing team creativity takes all of us further than if we chose to follow our own ideas only.

Collaboration creates much better potential for good memories as well.  In twenty years, you will be telling people the story of when you worked with so and so to build an incredible sand castle.  Not many people want to relive the time they scared everyone away or that they left in sadness that they didn’t appear to matter.

This brings something else to mind.

Maybe the next time a team is looking for a consultant to help them solve their collaboration problems, maybe we should pay a bunch of kids $1000 a day to allow us to sit and observe them.

They will not offer us “stuff” to please our ego or to tell us what we want to hear.  They will not offer advice influenced by their own life experiences which may be empowering or disempowering.

They will just be themselves and in doing so, place staggeringly profound lessons in front of us.

If we are open to those lessons, it may be the most authentic lessons we will ever learn, lessons that are placed in front of us with no ulterior motive.

Aren’t they the most profound lessons of all?

I wish you well with your own “sand castles”.

Yours in service and servanthood.

Harry

For my Musings-in-a-Minute version of “Collaboration – Life Lessons From a Sandbox”, please click here.