Love and Compassion in Action

Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive. - Dalai Lama

The purpose of human life is to serve and to show compassion and the will to help others. - Albert Schweitzer

In the middle of the largest M & A (mergers and acquisitions) deal of my career and in the early incubation stages of a Foundation designed to serve the people who serve and lift others, I found myself unable to sleep at 3:30am and began the rigor and discipline of my day.

My day always begins with Quiet Hour, a time of reflection, contemplation, meditation, prayer and planning in preparation for a busy day but this morning, I felt compelled to go somewhere I never go for Quiet Hour.

I tried to change my mind but something kept calling me to go to this place so I finally acquiesced and proceeded to a local 24-hour coffee shop.

It was filled with the usual crowd in the wee hours of the morning, truckers beginning or ending their day, young people laughing, a few people working intently on laptops …. the usual mix.

It also had two “kids” sitting there, two young people in their late teens or early twenties, slightly dirty, disheveled and looking slightly uncomfortable or lost.

My Quiet Hour began as it always does, with my books, my journal and my cup of tea spread out before me and my noise cancelling headphones playing my meditation music du jour.

As my Quiet Hour ended and I changed my music to up-tempo music to energize my day, I noticed that a couple (maybe late 30s or early 40s) were talking to the kids.  The man had an acronym on his jacket which I Googled (I’m a data guy) and I discovered that they represented a local outreach program for the homeless and for people who struggle with addictions.

I took one ear bud out of my ear and listened intently to the interaction.

I observed the gentle but persistent methods that the couple used in telling the kids about the options that were available to them, that there was no pressure or obligation and they if they wanted help, it was available to them.

The couple left and sat outside in their vehicle.

The kids discussed this back and forth as they wondered about it and dismissed it simultaneously.

Then they paused, looked at each other, shrugged, stood up in silence and went outside.

They picked up their bikes, proceeded to the couple’s vehicle and shared some words I did not hear with the woman in the passenger seat.  The woman wiped her eyes and smiled, the man got out and helped them place their bikes in the back of the vehicle and they drove off together.

Perhaps someone’s Life was changing at that moment.

As I reflected on what I had just witnessed, I looked down upon the paperwork for the sale of one company and the creation of another and I realized that I had been given the gift of emotional fuel – a reminder of why I do what I do.

It reminded me of a colleague on the other side of my then largest M & A deal who said, “Remember, we are doing this for our families and for those we serve and not for the money – that’s why we do what we do.”.  His observation changed how I finished the deal and everything I did ever after.

Just then I realized that a line from “Raise a Little Hell” by the Canadian music group Trooper was playing in my ear:

If you don't like what you see, why don't you fight it?

If you know there's something wrong, why don't you right it?

I just witnessed someone righting a wrong.

The Bottom Line

It is easy to get caught up in the trials and tribulations of our Life, whether it’s a large business deal, screaming kids, the fact that our $5 latte and $8 cupcake doesn’t quite meet our expectations (seriously), our belief that our clothing is out of date, our thought that our car is just not new enough, our complaint that the food selection at the supermarket is “not good enough” and the like.

We get caught up in a lot of things in our Lives that others can’t even dream about.  As we go about our day often ignoring the blessings and abundance all around us while simultaneously wondering how our Life should somehow be better “just because we demand it”, someone wonders if they will eat tomorrow, where they will sleep, how they will overcome an addiction ….

…. or if anyone cares at all.

The couple I watched today showed these kids that they matter.

I hope the love and compassion felt by these kids “sticks” and that they move on to create something greater in their Lives.

Experts say that sharing love, compassion and support touches specific parts of our brain and imparts important benefits upon us mentally and physically..

They also say that the same benefits are received by those who are on the receiving end of such gifts.

And equally importantly, they say that those who witness such an exchange are benefitted in the same way.

Was I “called” to be at this spot today to witness this or was it just coincidence?

It depends on what you believe.

Someone out there needs to feel love and compassion today, to be lifted when they feel no one cares for their story and their Life.

Are you willing to be that person?

Maybe you’re the person who needs it – don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Putting $10 in a donation box is one thing.

To get up, get out and serve is another – an act that could change your Life and the Life of someone else forever.

I am reminded of this quote by Bob Pierce (the founder of World Vision and Samaritan’s Purse) when he described “The Great Compassion”:

Let my heart be broken by that which breaks the heart of God.

What in the world so troubles your heart that you can’t bear for it to continue?

What are you willing to do about it?

The world and someone in it is waiting for you.

What are you waiting for?

In service and servanthood,

Harry

Things That I Wonder About

Many ideas grow better when transplanted into another mind than the one where they sprang up. – Oliver Wendell Holmes

Individually, we are one drop. Together, we are an ocean. – Ryunosuke Satoro

In between selling a large tech company and starting up a Foundation that will “help NPO’s “do good better” through fact-based decision-making and evidence-based outcome assessments” (quoting friend and colleague, Doug P.), I often have other distractions that cross my mind that I feel merit some attention.

As a long-time Wall St. strategy guy, unsolved problems are always a conundrum for me, especially when the problems are significant in impact and are far / wide reaching in society.  Problems in society affect us all at some point, even if we don’t feel the affect directly (or believe we don’t).

However, I can’t tackle all these thoughts, nor should I (no individual is tagged as the “savior” of the world).  That being said, they are worthy of thought and action and so, with the encouragement of very nice colleagues who kindly never lose patience with me when I muse about other concerns in the world, I’m going to occasionally toss some ideas out with the idea that someone else may feel inspired to own some of them.

This is not a typical blog post for me such as can be found in the #1206 series, the Abigail / Gabriel series or any general post.  It is a grab bag of thoughts that pass through my brain in the course of leading a busy Life.

If you want to own one, I would be glad to help!

A subset of my random thoughts this week:

1. How is it that the Newfoundland and Labrador Government can have as its top bureaucrat, Bern Coffey, who, while leading the bureaucratic corps of the Government, was also a lawyer representing a client who was suing a Crown Corporation of the same Government and a few years before, while a clerk of the Government Executive council, led a case against a Government health authority (details here and here)?  While officials claim they are “just finding out”, the truth is that they knew for a while.  Conflict of interest, anyone?
2. By the same token, how is it that Tzeporah Berman can serve as a member of the Alberta Government Oil and Gas advisory team while at the same time, receive compensation for campaigning AGAINST the oil and gas industry in Alberta (details here)?  Conflict of interest, round 2.
3. Premier Ball dismissed Coffey in the first scenario but Premier Notley refuses to dismiss Tzeporah in the second one.  When such appointments with obvious conflict-of-interest are knowingly made, what does this tell us about the leadership skills of the people in the respective situations?  Is it a reflection of poor execution, low intelligence, self-serving motives or an indifference to how things are perceived (or something else)?
4. Are apologies or “sharp corrective action” from politicians acceptable because we believe that someone recognized their own mistake and want it fixed or are we being played as politicians attempt to harvest political points while continuing their inappropriate behavior?  In my companies, you are fully supportive of the organization that pays you or you are not but if you are not, you work to make us better through compromise or you leave.  You can’t play for me and against me at the same time.  Why don’t we demand this of government?
5. How is it in the Newfoundland and Labrador government, a blind trust for a politician can be run by a politician’s husband, wife, daughter, son-in-law or lover?  There is nothing “arms-length” or “blind” about such a set-up.  Who do you think benefits from this arrangement?
6. How is it that Stephen Colbert can refer to the President of the United States as Vladimir Putin’s “cock holster” when a comment such as that, if directed at the previous President, would have required riot squads to be deployed (details here)?  Why is it that the “tolerant left” has no issue when insults are issued against the one that they despise but they are quick to demonstrate in the streets should there even be the possibility that one of their own might be insulted at some point in the future?  One must respect the Office of the President and if one disagrees with the President himself, Colbert’s approach is not the way to express it.  Respect earned is respect given.  Anything else leads to significant problems in society.
7. How is it that very few people care about emergency planning, regardless of the source / scale of the emergency?  Officials routinely warn of difficulties ahead, whether it be in the form of a cyber attack, a nuclear war, climate change-induced natural disasters and a plethora of other things and yet most people would be lucky if they could survive a minor inconvenience that lasted through a weekend.  We have all seen people panic-shop at supermarkets when a storm is forecast.  What if the “storm” came without warning.  I mused about this yesterday in the post Statistics: The Mathematical Theory of Ignorance.
8. How is it that US politicians can claim a triumph in the low unemployment rate when the vast majority of jobs created in recent years are part-time / low-paying jobs with little or no health benefit plans?  When more than 50% of American families have $1000 or less in the bank, over 48 million Americans are on food stamps and over 98 million Americans are not working at all, how can we champion a recovery that benefits a small minority of people?
9. Pursuant to the previous point, personal debt is growing and more than 50% of families have less than $1000 in the bank.  Where is personal freedom and empowerment for these people?
10. If people are happier than ever, why do we have a steady increase in the need for antidepressants?
11. The next time you are in Costco, a supermarket or other place filled with abundance, ask yourself when you last helped someone who couldn’t partake in such abundance.
12. It is estimated that we will work 80,000 hours in our lifetime.  1% of that (800 hours or 20 work-weeks) is a small amount to spend in planning our work Life but we don’t teach kids how to do it.  In fact, if I told someone when I was 20 that I was about to spend 5 months planning my career, I would be told I was insane (even though it’s such a small number in the grand scheme of things).  We teach kids phenomenally more than when I was in school and yet basic skills of Life strategy (including long and short term goal setting), financial strategy, respectful dialog when ideas are polar opposites and the like seem absent from the skill-set of many young people.  We seem to insist that they learn these things the hard way.  Why?  Is it because we don’t know how to either?
13. Many not-for-profits are phenomenally wasteful in how they spend their money and many people who work for them know how to steal from them as a profession but we don’t care.  Why?
14. How is it that people put little or no effort into the things that matter in society but will spend an amazing amount of time watching videos of cats, sharing pictures of their oatmeal or losing their minds over how their favorite TV series ends?

Do these things matter or am I just over-sensitive?

Should we care that these represent symptoms of a society that is not ticking over as well as claimed by politicians or do we ignore them, saving our complaints and intention for action only when we are directly affected as opposed to when our neighbor is being pummeled instead of us?

If they matter, what can we do about them?

The Bottom Line

I’m a big believer in sharing thoughts and encouraging people to dialog about things with an eye towards taking measurable action.  Good intentions and thoughts are worthless without measurable results.

However, we can’t own everything that comes before us, even when it impacts us deeply.  Some of us who work hard to make a difference in the world need others to share the responsibility, especially when many who put little into society want to reap the harvest that comes from a better world.

It’s time for more people to be concerned about society and where it’s going …

… while it’s still a going concern.

In service and servanthood,

Harry

PS:You will note that I didn't mention things like privacy, surveillance and the like.  I believe that that fight is over.  You needed to care 25 years ago to have made a difference in regards to that subject.  Do you see what waiting accomplishes?  This is also, as I noted, just a subset of the things that went through my mind this week in the 5% of my brain that I have left over from the projects that consume it.

Hope or Gloom–We Thrive and Die Together

Life doesn't make any sense without interdependence. We need each other, and the sooner we learn that, the better for us all. - Erik Erikson

In the progress of personality, first comes a declaration of independence, then a recognition of interdependence. - Henry Van Dyke

The whole idea of compassion is based on a keen awareness of the interdependence of all these living beings, which are all part of one another, and all involved in one another. - Thomas Merton

After interacting with an almost-30-year colleague, Vin, I wonder if part of the reason society has lost its way is that we have lost sight of our interdependence and our interconnectedness.

When a person intentionally drives without due care and attention, their poor habits and poor results cause our auto insurance to increase to “share the risk”.

When houses are damaged as happened in the Calgary, Alberta flood of 2013 or houses are lost as they were in the terrible fire of Fort McMurray, Alberta in 2016, everyone else’s insurance rates go up to “share the risk” of future events.

When people intentionally abuse their health and occupy a good portion of the healthcare system as a result, it ties up the bandwidth of a system with limited resources and makes it more difficult for people who suffer from accident and disease to gain access to the system.

By the same token ….

When we spread love, comfort and support, it spreads out from us in all directions and inspires / helps people who we may never meet.  People who matter to us may be helped by someone as a result.

In the same way, when we spread hatred and fear, the hatred and fear we spread reaches out and hurts people we may never meet.  People who matter to us may be hurt as a result.

For those of us in the streets serving the homeless, the hungry, the battered, the lost, the downtrodden, the depressed and other people who struggle, people who share hatred and fear mongering create additional effort for us.

It is difficult enough to help all those in society who need help – the challenges are significant.

However, when other people go out of their way to spread more fear and hatred, as Vin was doing today when I challenged his spreading of same, people like me are told, as Vin told me today, that it is none of my business.

However, it is everyone’s business.  We all live in the world that we and others create, for better or for worse.

How we treat others, through the spread of love or hatred, impacts everyone else and how others spread love or hatred eventually comes back to us.  When it comes to spreading hatred and fear, "no raindrop believes it is responsible for the flood".

If that requires a deeper explanation, then ignorance is more wide-spread than we know.

The Bottom Line

How you choose to live spreads from you, through you and around you to everyone else in the world.

How others live comes back to you at some point.

Do you prefer to spread love, comfort and support or fear, hatred and distrust?

What you choose to spread determines what you accept coming back in your direction.

How to you prefer to live?

Do you even care?

Do you care what kind of world your kids experience?

Do you care how your kids perceive you as a role model?

Because if you want the best for you, your kids, your family and your world, then you have to be your best first.

To expect anything else or to be ignorant of ignorance will create the very world that gloomers and doomers love to share.

I for one can’t and don’t accept that.

Can you?

In service and servanthood,

Harry

PS I asked Vin to explain to other colleagues how sharing gloom and doom was as valid a contribution to society as serving people in the streets or doing your best to lift people who need help.  I was told that people like him don’t need to answer such questions.

Vin told me last week that it is ok to call people you don't like "morons" and other such things.  I wonder if he would be in a problem solving mood if I called him one.  I wouldn't do that - I don't think smart people can be engaged to solve problems if one insults them first.  Unfortunately, Vin and I have to agree to disagree on this approach.

I hope he or people who matter to him are never hurt by someone else who believes the same things he does.

Interconnectedness, like reality, can’t be avoided or ignored just because we don’t like it or believe it.

The Aftermath

My request of Vin to explain how his views help make the world a better place prompted him to disconnect from me.  This is another sad aspect of our modern world - people who don't have the ability or courage to defend their opinions using facts in a respectful manner.

How do we expect to create a better world for our children if we are unable to do this?

Many people think that they "have won the argument" when they use the childish "talk to the hand", "I'm taking my toys and going home" approach.

Unfortunately the world loses when this approach is used.  Look at the torching of the Berkeley campus the other night when people allegedly promoting freedom of speech and equality for all didn't get their way and couldn't articulate their needs in a calm, respectful manner.

We must do better - the question is do we have the interest and the will to do so, no matter what it takes?

Christmas and the Gifts That Cannot be Bought - 2016 Reflections

Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it. – William Arthur Ward

You can give without loving, but you can never love without giving. - Robert Louis Stevenson

Sharing this story has become an annual tradition for me at this time of year and so, by popular demand, I share it once again (with a few minor modifications).

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Some years ago when Harry Jr. was very young, I had pulled into a Toys R Us parking lot in New Jersey on Christmas Eve to buy him more "stuff".  Even though my son had so much stuff that he rivalled Toys R Us in inventory, for some reason I felt like I had not purchased enough for him for Christmas.

Just before I stepped out of my vehicle, a story came on my favorite National Public Radio station (WNYC in New York) and something about it caught my ear.

For the next 10 minutes, I sat in silence and listened to the story.  When the story was over, I started my truck and drove out of the parking lot in silence.

I had received an important message about Christmas when I needed to hear it.  The “teacher” always appears when the student is ready and my Christmases have never been the same since.

Of the many traditions I have at Christmas, there are two that I find to be important:

1. I always listen to the story I heard on WNYC at least once.
2. I always share the story with others and encourage them to listen to it.

The story I am referring to can be found here and in the video below.

Henry Faulk–Christmas Story

Listen to the story closely and after it has moved your heart, follow your instinct and allow it to guide you in what you do next.

The Nature of Gifts

When we are young, we look forward to the gifts that Santa will bring and that family and friends will give us.

As we move into adulthood, we learn to appreciate the opportunity to give gifts to those who are important to us as well as those to whom we send gifts to anonymously.  At the same time, we are bombarded by commercials encouraging us to buy as much as we can for others and to treat ourselves as well to “small” items such as new automobiles, expensive vacations, etc.

While the ability to give and receive gifts in difficult times is a privilege, there are many gifts around us that no one could ever afford if a price tag reflecting their true value were applied to them – gifts such as but not limited to love, friendship, camaraderie, companionship and service.

And as I reflect upon my personal and professional Life and I remember the great people who have come into my Life, whether to lift me, enrich me, teach me, learn from me or test me, I realize that some of the greatest gifts that I have received in my day-to-day Life, in addition to my faith, are those people who have made me a better person.

Where would I be without those people who knowingly or unknowingly taught me, influenced me, guided me, lifted me or corrected me?

More importantly, how can I thank so many people for such valuable gifts?

In truth, it would take as long to thank them (or longer) than the years I have remaining, but I suspect for many of them, it would be gratitude enough if I took the opportunity to make sure that I do for others as others have done for me.

Difficult times are with us and before us.  As you take time during the holidays to buy tangible gifts for others, don’t forget the value of your intangible gifts.  Gifts such as love, kindness, friendship and support are much more valuable, last much longer, never break, never tarnish, never need batteries, are always the right size, are always in style and will affect far more people than the tangible ones.

And unlike many gifts that never fit, these gifts are never returned as undesired and in fact, are often returned in kind or paid forward (oftentimes in multiples of the original gift).

When we receive such intangible gifts, we know their importance and their value.

Let’s remember this when we choose to put these gifts “under the tree” of someone who could use them this holiday season or any time of the year.

As you celebrate this holiday season, please remember those who are not as fortunate as you are.  There is more than enough love to go around – we just need to make the effort to share it unconditionally.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanza, Happy EID or Merry Yule.

However you celebrate these days, cherish them.

And help others find a way to cherish them as well.

In service and servanthood, love and gratitude.  Create a great holiday experience for yourself and others, because merely having one is too passive an experience.

Harry

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Addendum: Reflections - 2016

As the year closes down, I am reminded of blessings present and absent. Growing up in a small town in Newfoundland, we were never wealthy but we were never in need. Our Christmases were always filled with abundance of happiness and love and my parents always found a way to make the holidays special.

In my Life, through the lean years and the abundant years, we have never been in need. That is, unfortunately, not the way it is for MANY people and my heart struggles with understanding how this can be in a world filled with abundance and opportunity. I'm not a feel-good person who doesn't understand the problems present in our society. I am, however, unable to accept how so few people carry the weight of helping people in need while many who are not in need do the bare minimum (or nothing) for those who struggle. It's like the statistic that 5% of eligible blood donors actually donate blood even though over 95% of people will need a blood product in their Lifetime.

Our program to help battered women and children in shelters donated over half a million dollars in gifts and clothing this Christmas to people we will never meet to show people who have been abused that they are loved and that they matter. They will never know who their donors are either. I mused about the impact of such a gift in this post from last year - Your Power to Reinvent a Life.

The guys in the office will give up Christmas at home to bring hot, freshly cooked turkey meals and toys to families in need this year.

And yet as we sit here in the office winding up a lot of complex business deals, we still struggle with one question......

Is there more that we can be doing?

The answer is yes but we need some help.

Could you be THAT person, the person who steps up and does one more thing for someone who could really use help this year? Every act of love, kindness and sharing matters.

If people put as much energy into helping others as they do in arguing over politics, complaining that their $5 latte doesn't have enough "whatever", buying someone an extra something they don't need, etc., we could change our world.

The world is waiting for you.

What are you waiting for?

Create a great holiday, no matter how you celebrate it. The moments in time matter. Cherish and savor them. Help others to experience such moments and to create great memories. It matters.

Thoughts Without Action–The World’s Greatest Threat

Vision without action is merely a dream. Action without vision just passes the time. Vision with action can change the world. - Joel A. Barker

There are risks and costs to action. But they are far less than the long range risks of comfortable inaction. - John F. Kennedy

The #1206 “fiction” series continues …

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Joe frowned as he thumb-scrolled through his Facebook feed, attempting to catch up to the barrage of information that seemed to never end.  He hit a couple of likes, shared a few posts and vainly attempted to make a comment on someone else’s post using the same hand that was holding his phone.

“Hmmmmph”, he grunted as he stared at his phone, “I never saw that before.”

He also never saw the vehicles stopped in front of him as social media occupied more of his attention than operating his vehicle at 65 miles per hour.

Fortunately, his poor attentiveness to that which really mattered produced a unplanned result that was mercifully brief

---

He awoke with a start, sitting on a chair in a softly lit room.

He looked around, dazed and confused.

“Wasn’t I just driving?”, he thought as he began to panic.

“There is no need for panic”, a Voice from nowhere and everywhere spoke gently, “You are safe here.”

“Wh ….. wh …. where am I?”, stammered Joe, his voice quivering in alarm.

“You are here to be processed”, replied the Voice, “It is my job to see that you are prepared for the next step in your journey.”

“Processed?  Journey?”, asked Joe, “Processed for what?  Where am I going?”

“Patience”, replied the Voice, “All questions will be answered in time.  One moment please.  I am reviewing your file.”

Joe waited in silence as his body shook gently.

“Now”, the Voice said, breaking the silence, “We use a weighted average to assess your contributions, with recent acts of good and evil having more weight than earlier acts because more recent acts took place when you had more knowledge.  Do you understand this?”

“Excuse me?”, asked Joe, feeling more confused than ever.

The Voice ignored the question.

“Let’s see”, the Voice said softly, “Um hum.  Um hum.  I see.  Ok, I see where to begin.”

An image appeared in front of Joe and he was startled to realize that he was looking at himself.

“You were quite a prolific social media user, Joe”, said the Voice, “You shared and liked a lot of things on it.”

“Well”, began Joe, “There are a lot of things going on in the world that need to be fixed.”

“So true”, replied the Voice, “So true.  I can tell by examining your social media participation what appears to have mattered to you.  For example …..”

The Voice paused for a moment.

Joe saw the image of himself replaced by a list of causes that he felt passionate about.

“Do you recognize these things?”, asked the Voice.

Joe scanned the list – child abuse, battered women, the impact of war on children …… he recognized every one of them.

“I do”, he replied.

“I see that you shared a lot of stories about children in war-torn countries”, the Voice said.

“Yes”, replied Joe, starting to regain his composure, “It is important that we not allow those children to suffer.”

“So true”, replied the Voice, “But you never went there or took any action to help them.”

“Well”, said Joe hesitatingly, “It’s pretty dangerous over there.”

“Yes it is”, replied the Voice, “But you can take consolation in the fact that the stories you liked on social media cheered up an orphan in a place like Syria.  In fact, I see one story here that you shared that received 100 likes.  Surely that brought comfort to the woman mourning a lost child or to the man who lost both legs to an explosive.  These people likely hung out on social medial waiting for people like you to show them that they mattered.  Your social media participation from the comfort of your home must have brought real comfort to them.”

“In fact”, continued the Voice, “It’s clear that many things that are important to you were clearly made better because of your incessant liking, sharing and comments.”

Joe sensed a touch of sarcasm but said nothing.

“You sense sarcasm”, said the Voice insightfully, “Yet I do not judge you.  If you sense sarcasm from me, it is a perception created by you judging yourself based on the facts I have presented to you.”

“Do you recognize these people?”, asked the Voice as the image in front of Joe changed again.

Joe recognized the people in the image immediately.  The image showed the members of his coffee klatch that met twice a week to discuss and argue over the problems of the world.  Many of their discussions became frustrating, heated exchanges about who was to blame for all the problems in the world and having established that, they would retreat to the safety of their homes and arm themselves with data for the next time they got together.

“A lot of blame and finger-pointing there”, observed the Voice, “Did you ever solve anything?”

“We weren’t trying to solve anything per se ….”, began Joe but the Voice interrupted him.

“Interesting”, the Voice said, “We have always believed that with problems, there are only three options.  Do you know what they are?”

“No”, said Joe quietly.

“They are quite simple”, replied the Voice, “Complain about problems and do nothing, ignore them and do nothing or take action or help others to take action to address the problems.”

“But these things are important”, expostulated Joe, “We had to discuss them ….”

The Voice cut him off again.

“I believe that of the three options I provided, only one of them accomplishes anything of merit”, the Voice observed, “Did you choose the one that actually addresses the problem?”

“Well ….. ummmmm …. no”, said Joe quietly.

“Did it ever occur to you that you were provided with Life experiences, knowledge, talent, strengths and skills to take action and not just talk about things?”, the Voice asked.

“Why are you accusing me of …..”, Joe began.

“I am not accusing you of anything”, replied the Voice as he cut Joe off again, “It is you who judge yourself.”

Joe said nothing and silence filled the room.

“How about this?”, the Voice asked and the image before Joe changed to one of of him offering a friend consolation regarding a loss his friend had experienced.

“I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers”, Joe heard himself say to his friend.

“Did you ever say a prayer for your friend?”, asked the Voice.

“No”, replied Joe, “I forgot”.

“Did you think about him after that”, asked the Voice.

Joe said nothing but shook his head silently.

“I see”, replied the Voice, “An empty offer, perhaps?  Or perhaps it was just a disingenuous, pithy comment like so many empty ones you offered to people over the years when they needed help, even if the help they needed was merely someone to listen to them for a moment.”

Joe said nothing.

“I have an offer for you”, the Voice said, “But it will depend on many others.  Let’s see if they will help you.”

The image before Joe was replaced again.  This time what appeared was very  similar to social media he was used to.  However, what he saw gave him chills.

It was a very brief story of his own Life with a request that someone step up to help him find his way home.

As he watched it, he saw a like counter ticking up, first slowly and then much quicker.

A share counter then began to tick as quickly as the like counter.

But it was the comments that struck Joe.

They started slow but quickly picked up in tempo.

Some of the comments were very supportive, comments like “We’re right there with you, Joe”, “You can do it, Joe”, “Hey Frank, check out this Joe guy and what he’s trying to do” and the like.

Some comments praised some of the things he had done in his Life.

Some comments condemned him for mistakes he had made.

Some of the comments were complete lies or misinterpretations of actual events.

“That’s quite a lot of activity”, observed the Voice.

Joe said nothing.

“And yet”, continued the Voice, “Despite all the activity being generated on your behalf, you …. are …. still …. here.”

The Voice spoke the last words slowly for emphasis.

“How do you explain this, Joe?”, the Voice asked.

Joe sat in silence as a sudden insight dawned on him.

“I didn’t actually do enough”, he said quietly,  “I thought I was doing the right thing but in fact the doing part was the one thing that I wasn’t doing.”

“Or doing enough of”, the Voice said, correcting him gently.

“I didn’t know”, Joe said quietly, “How could I have known?”

“That may be true”, conceded the Voice, “But what would happen if someone actually took an action on your behalf right now to make a difference in your Life?  Would you actually do something with that knowledge?”

Joe nodded slowly, looked down and swallowed hard, feeling his eyes tear up.

“Then find something that matters to you and do something about it”, the Voice said.

Joe looked up as the Voice seemed much more insistent than it had during their conversation but as he did so, a blinding light surrounded him.

---

“Sir, can you tell me your name?”, a voice commanded.

Joe attempted to struggle,, dazzled by the light in his eyes and feeling confused again.

“Joe”, he whispered, “My name is Joe”.

“You’re a very lucky man, Joe”, replied the paramedic as he finished examining Joe’s eyes with his penlight, “But you’re going to be ok.  I don’t know how you survived this but your guardian angel was looking over your shoulder today.  You’ve been given a second chance, my friend.  What do you think of that?”

Joe lay there in silence …. wondering …. thinking.

To be continued.

---

© 2016 – Harry Tucker – All Rights Reserved

Background

This post came to mind as I talked to someone last night about my annual Christmas project for helping battered women and their children.

We were discussing all of the people who share things on social media without doing anything, drop $5 in a Salvation Army kettle while fretting over the color of their next BMW, people who demand of others that they do something to help someone in need, people who offer pithy platitudes to people who issue the cry for help and the like.

There are many people who actually DO things to serve and help others but sadly, they are in the minority.

Too many people do too little and yet in their small efforts, somehow comfort themselves believing that they have done everything within their power.

Meanwhile they waste their potential and diminish their results (and the results of others) performing actions that produce little if any result or impact that really matters.

They is likely much more that they can do.

How about you?

Can you do more for someone today?

Could someone do more for you?

If you were given a second chance, would you be a different person?

Why wait for the second chance?

Not everyone gets one.

Some related posts to get your creative juices flowing:

• Your Power to Reinvent a Life
• Christmas and the Gifts That Cannot Be Bought

Someone is waiting for you to DO something tangible and meaningful.

It doesn’t have to be huge to be impactful.

But it has to be something.

So ….. someone IS waiting for you.

What are YOU waiting for?

Series Origin

This series, a departure from my usual musings, is inspired as a result of conversations with former senior advisors to multiple Presidents of the United States, senior officers in the US Military and other interesting folks as well as my own professional background as a Wall St. / Fortune 25 strategy advisor and large-scale technology architect.

While this musing is just “fiction” (note the quotes) and a departure from my musings on technology, strategy, politics and society, as a strategy guy, I do everything for a reason and with a measurable outcome in mind. :-)

This “fictional” musing is a continuation of the #1206 series noted here.

The Significance of the Insignificant

Coincidence is the word we use when we can't see the levers and pulleys. - Emma Bull

Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous. - Albert Einstein

In the middle of a hectic business schedule and planning out a cross-country move, I received this email yesterday from a long time friend whom I will identify as L.M.  L.M. wrote to me after reading one of my posts about 9/11 where I remembered common friends of ours, specifically Narender Nath and Eric Bennett, who were both lost on 9/11.

I am a survivor of 9/11.  I woke up that day with a terrible headache that day that made me 15 minutes late for the ferry. I watched the smoke rise from Tower 1 and stood on the deck of the Ferry and watched as the second plane flying so low we could see people in the windows fly up the length of the tower 2 and fly into the building.

Those 15 minutes saved me. I would have been in the elevator going to my assignment somewhere in a conference room on one of those floors blown out by the plane.

I was doing some strategy work for Lehman at the time through Cap.

I read what you wrote about Narender and I remember Eric's happy smile and I think we survived for them. To give them light.

I only hope we do them justice.

L.M.

Despite a hectic, complicated schedule, this email caused me to stop and reflect on my years on Wall St. as I do from time to time, remembering the great people I have been blessed to work with there.

I started telling the person sitting next to me about some of those people and I bombarded the person with funny stories.  As I told the stories, I named a specific individual and I paused.  His initials are also L.M. (curiously enough) and doesn’t know the L.M. who wrote to me.

Suddenly I felt the need to reach out to him even though I haven’t seen him in 10 years, decided to call him the next day and then realized I needed to call him now.

Caller ID on L.M.’s phone ruined my surprise call to him and we reconnected effortlessly as is often the case with people who are connected on deeper levels than one can often explain or describe.  He said something that I hear frequently when I feel compelled to call someone – “I was just thinking about you. I can’t believe you are calling me at this moment.”

Coincidence?

I don’t think so.

We caught up quickly and then he said something that struck me.

L.M. told me he had just finished a job interview with a prospective employer in N.Y. and interestingly enough, the group he was hoping to work with was being run by a well-known, highly respected man that I know well.

When I worked with L.M. over 20 years ago, the young man who is now running the group that L.M. hopes to join had joined us as a quiet, thoughtful, brilliant new addition to the IT industry.  Myself and a colleague named Bill were assigned to mentor him and as L.M. and I joked yesterday, anyone assigned to Bill and I quickly had any shyness or quietness “beat out of the them” while retaining a respectful, intelligent approach to problems and people.

And now a circle has the potential to be closed as L.M., a brilliant, sensitive, compassionate man in his own right has the opportunity to “close a circle” by working for the man I mentored so long ago.

As we discussed this odd “coincidence” yesterday, L.M. said something else that moved me deeply.  His wife had died in 1996 and he said that my support and guidance then had helped carry him and prevent him from doing something stupid.  I didn’t know my impact on him then until yesterday.

All these years later, L.M. once again found himself in a difficult place that he has an opportunity to lift himself from if he secures this opportunity with the man whom I mentored.

L.M. said to me, “That’s twice your influence has appeared in my Life when darkness was present.  This call has lifted me into the stratosphere.  There is no way this is a coincidence that I have this opportunity to work for someone you mentored and that you are calling me just as the opportunity has appeared.“

We chatted for a while and after we hung up, I sat back and reflected on what I had just experienced.

Twenty plus years ago, he was one of many clients and the man he hopes to work for was one of many colleagues.  At the time, I wasn’t thinking that my day-to-day actions would mean anything for either one of them.  After all, in the busy world that many of us live in, we often don’t realize what a powerful impact (good or bad) we are having on people until we get reminders like the one that I received yesterday.

More than twenty years later, a man whom I admire immensely has an opportunity to work with another man whom I admire immensely, two men whom I have influenced in ways that at the time seemed unimportant.

But they are important to L.M. right now.

L.M. and I talked about God’s providence versus coincidence.

If I were to calculate the probability of the “coincidences” that L.M. and I were talking about, I would no doubt come to a realization that such an event couldn’t happen.

But it did.

How do you explain that?

And so I am reminded of how profound the impact of simple actions can be and that greater things are at work in our Lives than we can understand.

By the same token, the first L.M. who started this whole process yesterday by writing a simple email to me created a profound moment for the second L.M. and myself.  I doubt the first L.M. had any idea that their email would have launched the moments that subsequently unfolded.

Coincidence?

I don’t think so.

What do you think?

It reminds me to be more in the moment because we rarely know what impact we are having and more times than not, will never know.

Unless we have reminders like the one I received yesterday.

Are you cognizant of the impact you are having as you make your way through your busy Life?

Are you sure?

How do you know?

It matters.

Create a great day for yourself and others, because merely having one is too passive an experience.

You are not just creating a great day!

You are creating the potential for a great future.

In service and servanthood,

Harry

Birthday Musings – Overwhelmed with Gratitude

If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants. – Sir Isaac Newton

I haven’t written much lately.  I’m not sick, dying, disenchanted with the world or anything else.

I’m busy participating in the creation of new worlds – new worlds for business colleagues, new worlds for investors, new worlds for people trying to escape the tyranny of abuse and violence and new worlds for my family.

It’s called living your priorities.

It’s also called answering the call that is your purpose.

I continue to watch the world with a cautious eye – my mind is overwhelmed with awe at the beauty, love and potential that exists in our world while simultaneously being overwhelmed with disappointment at the ignorance, greed and fear that is far too present also.

Light and darkness co-exist in a dance that invites each of us to choose which side we would like to participate in.

As a realistic optimist, I believe that a beautiful world becomes what we believe it is as long as we don’t forget that evil exists.

Some people call that pessimism – to acknowledge that evil exists at all.

I find that many people who accuse others of pessimism are often the most pessimistic people themselves (the same is true for many people who wave the racist flag). 

I also believe that the unlimited potential for love and beauty in the world only exists as long as we continue to fight for it.  To not fight for it is to open a door that allows us to be overrun by darkness.  To deny that evil exists is like looking at the flashing light on your dashboard and covering it up with tape so that its incessant warning doesn’t annoy you.

The same is true within the small circle that is our respective lives.

So I continue to fight for light and love.

The fight is not always broadcast in a blog and is not done for glory, awards or attention.

It's not always a gentle fight nor can I be the gentle giant all the time. Sometimes you have to get in someone's face to protect and promote what you believe is important in the world (upsetting those people can sometimes be a reward in itself).

But the fight is worth it.

And it’s necessary.

As birthday greetings flowed in today from around the world, this big macho guy, standing over 6’3” and 235 pounds, found himself overcome with the emotion of gratitude.

I posted this on Facebook today:

On this day every year when birthday greetings flow in, I am staggered and overwhelmed by the love and kindness that I receive.

People from every phase of my Life, from Kindergarten through school, through every part of my career, through my personal interests, my family.

Oh what a gift all of you are in my Life.

The great things I have accomplished in my Life are because of you.

The mistakes I have made are my own doing.

Thank you for the Blessing that is my Life.

They say that you are the company that you keep. If that is true, then I am amazing ... because of how amazing you are.

Thank you from my heart.

Our world becomes what we choose to create.

If we choose to allow it to just “be” or we wait for someone else to make the world a better place, it may not become what it could be or should be for us, our families, our friends and others who are important to us.

Would you find such a world acceptable?

I don’t.

I close every email with one of two closings, a shorter or longer one, the longer of which I will share here.

Create a great day, because merely having one is too passive an experience.

Many great people have helped me create a great Life, something I am eternally grateful for.

This in turn creates a responsibility in me to help create a great Life for others.

May you be so blessed.

And may you have the opportunity to be that blessing for others.

The world is waiting for you – your talents, your gifts, your strengths, your energy, your ideas and your love.

What are you waiting for?

In service and servanthood,

Harry

Harnessing the Power of an Abuser to Defeat Them

An abuser can seem emotionally needy. You can get caught in a trap of catering to him, trying to fill a bottomless pit. But he’s not so much needy as entitled, so no matter how much you give him, it will never be enough. He will just keep coming up with more demands because he believes his needs are your responsibility, until you feel drained down to nothing. - Lundy Bancroft

The scars from mental cruelty can be as deep and long-lasting as wounds from punches or slaps but are often not as obvious. - Lundy Bancroft

The purpose of human life is to serve, and to show compassion and the will to help others. - Albert Schweitzer

The #1206 “fiction” series continues …

---

Abigail sat in a quiet coffee shop, staring at her laptop screen.  She had endured one legal form after another for many months and still they kept coming.

“Will this thing ever end?”, she sighed to herself.

Sometimes she wondered if the system was designed to protect the people who hurt others.

“That couldn’t be true, could it?”, she thought to herself, “Maybe it was easier to give up and go back to him.  It seems less stressful than this.”

Her phone rang and she glanced at it for a moment before answering it.

She spoke to the man on the other end of the line for a few minutes but was suddenly surprised when he interrupted her, asking her what was really going on in her Life.

She hesitated a moment, wondering what to say and then said “Well, I’ve had a problem with him for about a year or so …..”

Suddenly the phone was taken out of her hand by a man who sat down across from her.

“Hello”, the man said into the phone, “My name is Gabriel.  Here is what is happening.  Abigail was emotionally and physically abused by her husband for many years and when he died, her son took over.  He has extended the abuse to …..”

Abigail waved her hands and shook her fists in anger at Gabriel as he outlined to the person on the other end of the phone about the 30+ years of abuse that Abigail had endured from her husband and now her son.

Gabriel listened for a few minutes as the voice on the other end of the call thanked him for bringing clarity to some things he had suspected for a long time.  Gabriel thanked him for listening, ended the call and passed the phone back to Abigail.

“What the hell did you do that for?”, Abigail asked, “Who the hell are you?  That’s nobody else’s business.”

Gabriel smiled at Abigail as he allowed her to release her anger against him.

When he felt she was done, he held up his hand to silence her.

“Before I answer your questions, I’d like to tell you a story”, Gabriel began.

Abigail started to protest but the look in Gabriel’s eyes silenced her.

“Good”, said Gabriel, “Blessed silence.”

He continued.

“There once was a friend of mine who was bullied incessantly in school, with some bullies accompanying him for his entire school Life, taunting him from grade 1 or 2 right up to when he graduated high school.  They did everything they could to keep him down to their level, a level filled with pain, anxiety and a desire to go nowhere in Life.”

“What happened to him?”, asked Abigail.

“Oh, he grew up and went on to quite a successful career”, replied Gabriel, “But it didn’t come without help along the way from people who helped him when he needed it the most.”

“In fact”, continued Gabriel, “They were sent to serve people and when their job was done, they left but he never forgot them.”

“What do you mean?", she asked.

“Well”, replied Gabriel, “One of them died of heart failure a year after high school.  Another, after helping her children get a good start at Life, took her own Life as the pain she had helped others overcome for years became too much for her to carry.  He still stops by to visit their burial places every year when he is in his hometown.”

“Why are you telling me this?”, asked Abigail.

“Excellent question”, replied Gabriel, “This man went on to a very successful career, far exceeding any plans he or anyone else had for him.  However, he never forgot what could have happened had the bullies of his youth been successful in destroying his belief in himself.  He also never forgot what people had done for him without any reward for themselves.  As the years went by and he became more enabled to help others, he realized that his experiences were not unique and that there were many people out there who sought to hurt or diminish others.  He believed that his career and Life experiences had prepared him to help others and so he set about to serve others and to lift them out of abusive situations.”

“Wow”, said Abigail quietly, “He must have been very bitter.”

“Not so”, replied Gabriel, “He had no patience for those who hurt others but he was always willing to find ways for people to heal themselves if they were earnest and honest about doing so.  Some years ago, he had returned home and found himself at a gas station standing next to someone who had bullied him as a child.  The person he observed was poorly dressed and had no teeth.  He introduced himself to “the bully” and instead of the bully responding harshly, the bully started speaking to him about how he was trying to turn his Life around.”

Gabriel paused but Abigail said nothing.

“My friend listened to the bully for a while before taking out a business card and offering it to him.  He told the bully that if he could help him in any way, then he should reach out to my friend.  The bully looked up at him with tears in his eyes and asked “Would you really do that for me?” to which my friend replied “Of course”.”

“They said goodbyes and went on to live their respective lives.  Two weeks later, my friend received a call telling him that “the bully” had died suddenly of a heart attack, not having reached his goal of turning his Life around.”

Abigail sat for a moment, taking in the story before saying quietly, “Life is short.”

“Yes it is”, replied Gabriel.

They sat in silence for a while.

Gabriel cleared is throat and began to speak.

“My friend has helped a lot of people overcome abuse over the years.  Do you know why he does it?”, Gabriel asked as he stared intently at Abigail.

Abigail shook her head but said nothing.

“Every time he sees someone battered or bullied”, began Gabriel, “He sees himself in their place.  He remembers how alone or afraid he felt and he thinks about what would have happened if they had been successful in diminishing his Spirit.  He doesn’t do this on purpose.  He actually can’t help it and in some strange unusual transference, he sees the person’s bullies and batterers as the ones who sought to diminish him as a child.”

Abigail swallowed hard, wondering what kind of person this was.

“He knows that his Life became what it was not only because he didn’t give up but because other people entered his Life at the right moments and lifted him in just the right ways.  They didn’t stay in his Life forever but he never forgot them and felt that to honor their gift to him, that he needed to do the same for others.”

“By the same token”, Gabriel continued, “while he has a zero tolerance policy for bullies and batterers, he never fought them head-to-head at their level because he knew this would only fuel what drives them.  He realized that his career provided much smarter, more effective ways of nullifying their negativity than direct, useless, angry confrontations.  In cases like the bully he met years later, he demonstrated that he could forgive but only if the person knew they needed to change their lives.  He did this because he knew that the man standing before him would be a great asset in helping prevent abuse of others.”

“Unfortunately that didn’t come to fruition”, said Gabriel quietly, “Life is short, as you noted.”

“When my friend sees someone else bullied or battered”, concluded Gabriel, “He simply must help them.  He feels that to not do so would not honor those people who helped him.  He also wants the battered and bullied to have a taste of the Life he has enjoyed, a Life only possible when one shakes off the yoke of intimidation, diminishment and abuse.  He sees your abuser as abusing him as a child.  Maybe it’s twisted but everyone has a motivation that is often unseen or not easily understood.”

“Wouldn’t he want to release this feeling and move on?”, asked Abigail.

“Why?”, replied Gabriel, “It provides him with a great sense of purpose beyond merely building successful companies.”

“Do you know what he would say to you?”, Gabriel asked, staring in her eyes intently.

“What?”, Abigail replied, unable to look away from his penetrating gaze.

“He would tell you to stand up for yourself and honor the divine Spirit within you.  You are worthy of so much more than an abuser wants you to believe of yourself.  You have aspirations and talents that will take you far in your Life.  Your abuser doesn’t want you to see this and in fact, wants you to see a Life constrained by their narrow view of the world and themselves.  In your weakest moments, fight the voice in your head that wants to give up and give in to the bully’s incessant pressure to diminish yourself.  If you give up, you trade away your Life, giving it to them to use in any way they see fit.  Unfortunately, they way they see it is filled with pain, hurt and diminishment for you.”

Gabriel paused for a moment.

“Forgive the expression”, he said, “But you are seen as a piece of worthless shit and will be seen and used as such until your end comes, whether that end be physical, emotional, financial or anything else.”

Abigail sat in silence, taking in the stranger’s story.

Gabriel nodded towards her cell phone.  “When you told your friend that this problem was a year in the making”, he said, “You in fact were lying not only to him but to yourself and to the Universe.  A friend asked you what was wrong and because you were embarrassed or didn’t want the world to know your secret, you diminished the problem.  Playing down a problem when the Universe sends someone to you tells the Universe you are in denial, inviting more complex, painful lessons to be imparted upon you until you are ready to accept and speak your truth.”

“When you speak your truth loudly”, continued Gabriel, “You invite the Universe to send people to you who will help you, just as my friend received help when he needed it.”

“Always speak your truth, Abigail”, said Gabriel as he stared at her intently.  “Acknowledge your truth, demand that which honors your Spirit and never allow anyone to diminish you. Help comes to those who do this.”

“And when I can’t do this?”, Abigail asked.

“In your weak moments, that’s when people like me show up in your Life”, replied Gabriel, his eyes glittering as he smiled.

He paused for a moment.

“After all", he said as he smiled, “The batterer who hurts you hurts me.”

Abigail’s eyes welled up as she realized what he had just said.

“And I really don’t want to be hurt”, replied Gabriel as he saw the truth dawning in her eyes, “I have too much living left to live.”

“So do you”, he said quietly.

Abigail’s eyes were momentarily blinded by the tears that flowed and she put her head down and wiped them.

Looking up to ask Gabriel a question, she realized ….

…. that she was alone.

To be continued.

---

© 2016 – Harry Tucker – All Rights Reserved

Background

The story you have just read is a true story.  I am sending it as a long distance dedication to "Veronica" (name changed to protect her identity - she knows who she is).

We all have “Veronica’s” around us but we may not know their story or may know it but choose not to get involved.

It matters that we get involved.  CBC Television aired a program that demonstrates what happens when we don't take the subject of domestic abuse seriously.  The story of Basil Borutski, accused of the first degree murder of three domestic partners, can be found here.

As for Gabriel’s admission, I understand his position completely.

I am Gabriel.

And while bullies like Clifford, Gilbert, Barry, Paul and other people sought to diminish me over the years, I went on to a career that was filled with blessings.  Donna, who died in her first year of university, Bonnie who took her own Life when her demons overcame her and Tim who tried to turn his Life around but was cut short before he could do so, remind me that we are called to serve and that Life is short.

While IPOs and other things fill my Life and produce the most “awards”, the greatest “rewards” come from serving others.

We are given Life context for a reason.

Seeing this reason and doing something with it matters.

I could think harsh things about the bullies early in my Life who sought to diminish me but instead, I thank them.

They propelled me in ways they hadn’t hoped for and while I didn’t always know what I wanted, I knew what I didn’t want.

I also learned what I couldn’t accept, something that drives me to serve those who feel they are unworthy or who feel the pressure of others who want them to feel this way.

I know what it means when someone doesn’t let you fall and to honor them, I can’t let others fall either.

Oftentimes, the great career we build merely exists to provide us with the tools and abilities to accomplish something totally unrelated.  I believe that our lives are directed by a Higher Authority who fills our Life with experiences with a purposeful intention that goes far beyond the mundane lives we live.

Have you ever felt this way?

Someone is waiting for you to answer this question with your own truths.

What are you waiting for?

Series Origin

This series, a departure from my usual musings, is inspired as a result of conversations with former senior advisors to multiple Presidents of the United States, senior officers in the US Military and other interesting folks as well as my own professional background as a Wall St. / Fortune 25 strategy advisor and large-scale technology architect.

While this musing is just “fiction” (note the quotes) and a departure from my musings on technology, strategy, politics and society, as a strategy guy, I do everything for a reason and with a measurable outcome in mind. :-)

This “fictional” musing is a continuation of the #1206 series noted here.

Fort McMurray - Lessons Learned and Hopefully Not Lost

Seems that we never see the fragility of our choices, actions, and their impact on others or the course of the lives of both (all) until we endure some perceived hardship. – Wesley Pierce

Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing happened. – Winston Churchill

Hope is not a strategy – Various

The Fort McMurray fire is now a week in the making and the sense of urgency and bravery required to protect the 80,000 people who lived within the town have produced a miraculous result to-date with only two lives lost (although “only” brings no comfort to the families who lost the two young people killed in a car accident during the evacuation process).

The lives of the evacuees have changed forever in ways that many of us could not fathom ….

…. and sadly ….

…. in ways that we will eventually forget as the shock passes, evacuees find new ways to live and the media moves on to another disaster.

Unless we know someone personally affected, we will move on while the lives of those who fled with just the shirt on their back will never be the same.

Many commonalities are present in such calamities.

Human resilience once again shines, with survival instincts, acts of bravery that frankly I can’t even wrap my brain around and acts of kindness that would soften the hardest heart being present.  It is a HUMAN trait (not just an Albertan or a Canadian one) to serve others when the need is dire.

Would many (or any) of us have the courage that the first responders are showing in the face of a fire that has been named “the beast”, especially knowing that many of them have lost everything they own (and one lost a daughter in the evacuation)?

Would many of us want to have to deal with the mind-bending decisions that are now being pressed upon Government officials?  Difficult decisions need to be made regarding how to pay for the disaster, how to take care of those affected, how to adjust to the economic impact and how to assure the people (both victim and observer) that the Government is doing everything they can. Most of us would melt if faced with the scale and impact of such decisions.

Then there is the inevitable looting by the ignorant minority who seek to prey on people when they have been knocked down for the moment.  Equally sad are those who are executing online scams to steal money from the masses whose hearts have been torn by the tragedy.

There are the pathetic people who cherish such disasters for political purposes, gloating openly as they witness the suffering of others.  Many climate change proponents gleefully touted karma as the reason for this fire, using the disaster as an opportunity to slam the oil and gas industry, to insult people who don’t agree with climate change, to taunt people who are better off than others, etc. 

And then there were some people from the non-governing political parties who went as far as to condemn the government for doing nothing when in fact, all levels of government were doing the best they could with what they had and knew.  Social media reveals the best and the worst of humanity.  I won’t bother to share their Twitter feeds – they don’t deserve to have their messages promoted.

Then there are those who had little to start with, barely hanging on in Life and now the little they had has been wiped out without the safety net of a good job or insurance that many of us take for granted.

But as they say, this too shall pass and we always rise above disaster (insert political rah-rah speech here).  We cry alone or with others, we stare out unseeing in shock, we reach out to others for help or to help, we thank God for our Life, we curse God for our loss, we pray to God for help to get through things or we use events like to to prove that God doesn’t exist.

Over time and after the shock has passed, our moments of weakness and vulnerability eventually transform into resolve – resolve to be stronger for each other, resolve to rebuild and resolve to move forward.

And hopefully, resolve to never allow this to happen again.

It is the latter resolve that I think becomes a point where we often let ourselves down or allow our expectations to be let down by others..

It is a sad reality that few accidents or disasters are never predicted.  We are told that we should be surprised when if we had been an informed populace, we would not have been surprised at all.

I remember my former father-in-law (a USAF colonel), telling me in the early 1990’s about the pending threat of commercial aircraft being hijacked by terrorists and flown into commercial buildings on US soil.  The warnings were contained in many briefing notes for more than one President and yet President Bush claimed to be surprised on the morning of 9/11.

I discussed this in older posts:

• If Paris Surprised You, Then You Are Part of the Problem
• 9/11, Conspiracies and Communication Failure
• National Security: Saying Everything By Saying Nothing
• The Voice of the Rebel

Meanwhile in Alberta …

The fire that decimated Slave Lake in 2011 sounded a warning bell to Albertans regarding the dangers of living in Alberta’s north, especially when many experts warned of the ever-increasing threat facing people living in the boreal forest.

A report issued the following year sounded an even larger warning bell that disaster was likely more a “when” and not an “if”.

And sadly, some observations by Alberta Opposition Leader Brian Jean in the Legislature less than a month ago that fire hazard in the Alberta north required closer attention were met with cries of fear mongering.  Brian Jean lost his home in the Fort McMurray fire but I was struck by his courage to serve others despite his loss.  Such leaders are rare – I wish we had more of them.

And given that few things are truly surprises, there is another event coming that should not surprise us but will be interesting to observe.

Once the shock has passed and everyone settles down with resolve to move forward, the opposition parties in the Alberta and Federal Governments have a difficult decision to make.

If they support the respective Governments in power and properly serve the people who need help, then they run the risk of helping the Government look good and be a lock for the next election.

If they run against Government initiatives or delay them with an intention to make the Government look bad, they have an opportunity to overturn the Government in the next election as long as they can pin the failure on the Government and not on their own evil action.  If delays or failure can be pinned on them instead, then they also run the risk of helping the Government to be re-elected.

Intertwined with this comes the difficulty for those who make up a political party, with some who exist to serve the people and some who exist to serve the Party or themselves.

It is the latter ones I am concerned about, the ones who will do their best to block Government efforts to help the people but who will do so in subtle ways so as to not appear to be serving their own needs instead of the needs of the people.  For some, the temptation that arises when one is attempting to balance serving the people versus serving one’s self will create great structural tension and torment for themselves.  For some, there is no torment … to the good or detriment of the people.  For some, the use of divisiveness amongst the people will serve as a powerful tool, turning the people against each other and the Government, suggesting that not enough is being done when the reverse is true.

And not to leave anyone out, everyone in governing parties must be careful to appear to be serving the people while not blaming disasters on previous governments as the latter strategy can cause a governing party to be thrown out of office if executed improperly. In conjunction with this, parties that once led government but who no longer do so must not protest too loudly that not enough was done to prevent such disasters as they know where blame will be redirected.

I wonder how many of those politicians (and their mindless minions) will be angered that such questions are even posed.  These people will venomously hide behind patriotic themes and messages such as “this is not the time for such things” or “we have higher priorities” while intentionally deflecting observers away from their true intentions.

The people of Fort McMurray need leaders at all levels of society who exist to serve the people, with corporate, personal or political benefit put behind them.

We need transparency from those in power as we solve the immediate concerns of the evacuees, we embrace lessons learned and we evaluate future risks.

And we need to serve those in need, now and always, with a sense of urgency that places their needs above our own.

I think we need to demand all three.

I would like to be surprised for once by a truly people-serving Government from all sides of all Legislatures and across all parties.

What do you think?

Or are you content, once the shock has warn off, to return to same-old same-old when it comes to how prepared we are at all levels of society and how well we are served by those who claim to serve us?

Holding people accountable for the future of the great people of Fort McMurray can wait until "tomorrow".

For today ….

Do what you can to serve the people of Fort McMurray.

Support everyone who lifts and serves them, including volunteers and the Government.

And honor the bravery of those who put their Life on the line tirelessly and for no reward or recognition.

Someday, your Life may be in their hands.

In service and servanthood,

Harry

Addendum – Emergency Preparedness

I have written often about the importance of emergency preparedness and how being informed can be the difference between Life and death.  Relying on government alone is insufficient and one must find a balance between preparedness and paranoia.

Some past musings about emergency preparedness include the following:

• When Emergency Preparedness Meets Reality
• Disaster: How Prepared Are We Really?
• The Game of Emergency Preparedness–Studying the Wrong Rules

In the modern information age, we never have an excuse to not be doing the best we can for ourselves, our families, our community and our nation.

Are you doing your best to be informed and prepared?

Are you sure?

How do you know?

I close with this quote from my friend, Wesley Pierce:

We really should stop perverting the wisdom that is innate in us all and look for the wisdom in our inevitable hardships, not just to lay blame for our own shortcomings.

Addendum 2 - When the Data is Embarrassing (June 9, 2017)

In a report released this week regarding the fire at Fort McMurray last year, a number of embarrassing things were revealed leading up to and during the catastrophe.  Had you asked people if they were ready to fight a fire, they would have said "yes" with great certainty.  Despite this assertion, whoever was in charge of coordinating readiness failed Fort McMurray.  The people, on the other hand, rose to the occasion as humans often do.  What are the lessons here?  Details regarding the report can be found here - Fort McMurray wildfire reaction marred by communication gaps, says report (Calgary Herald).

Women's Health - The Worthlessness of Words Without Actions

“Faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.” – James 2:17b (NKJV)

Infuse your life with action. Don't wait for it to happen. Make it happen. Make your own future. Make your own hope. Make your own love. And whatever your beliefs, honor your creator, not by passively waiting for grace to come down from upon high, but by doing what you can to make grace happen... yourself, right now, right down here on Earth. - Bradley Whitford

My blog has been pretty quiet in terms of contributions these days.  Work has consumed much of my working time with whatever is left over for family, with the time spent comprising 2 of my 3 major projects in progress.

The third project is the one that torments me the most.

I am helping a woman rise above the vicious cycle of battery and abuse.

While I can’t get into the details of the situation because of court constraints and such, I am struck by the complexity of the situation.

Take a woman who has little sense of self-worth and self-value, having been battered or abused in one form or another, including verbal, financial and physical abuse, for over 50 years.

Add to that the place where she grew up and lived, rural towns in Western Canada, where statistics show abuse to be so shockingly common that it is almost considered to be normal by both abusers and their victims.

Then add to that a system that claims to care but then throws so many barriers in place that the abused woman has no idea what’s going on.  Imagine the confusion that comes from a dozen opinions from within the system, each contradicting the others and urging her to take action while doing everything it can to slow her down. In fairness, the ONE group that has stepped up is the RCMP.  They have been extremely supportive and informative and have offered everything within their power to provide assistance.  Unfortunately, they are also constrained by the rules of the law and can only act when the law calls for them to act.

And finally, add a series of actions that, if taken against most of us, would have stirred outrage in our hearts and minds and we would have taken action immediately.  Unfortunately, a battered woman has attained a level of desensitization over many years of abuse and the things that would affront most of us are either “minor” in the eyes of the battered woman or are actually defended – “it’s not a big deal”, “he’s just having a bad day”, “someday he will change”, etc.

When all of these things collide, it creates a bewildering scenario – a voice that alternates between cries for help and cries of defense of the abuser, a system not in a hurry to do much for the battered (but has plenty of processes that appear to defend the abuser) while urging haste, an enforcement system ready to defend the safety and honor of someone but who has its hands tied ….

… and a human being left blowing in the wind, not knowing what to do from one day to the next, with her fear alternating from fear of hurting the battered by her actions (yes – this happens) to wondering if he is coming in her direction to “express unhappiness” that his actions have been exposed.

As I stood on the 12th floor of the Provincial Courthouse in Calgary on Friday, the floor where EPO (emergency protection orders) are filed, someone said something that struck me as I thought through all of this.

A representative of the court noted that she was lucky that I was helping her because in most cases, people can’t be bothered when they see the complexity of what is required or the potential danger they place themselves in when helping someone throw off an abuser.

His comment has been rattling around in my brain all weekend.

It doubly struck me because a couple of weeks ago, I was on the receiving end of an argument by a couple of women who claimed that all men are responsible regarding the problem of abuse against women - that men are either committing the abuse or they are allowing the abuse to happen.

In the argument that ensued when I tried to explain that many men work hard to defend the rights and honor of women, I was told I was wrong.

When I asked what they were doing to help abused women, they said they were being quiet for now for reasons unexplained.

Battered women don’t need us to be quiet.

They don’t just need words of support.

They don’t just need feel-good rallies in the streets and rah-rah press conferences.

They need someone to stand beside them, to convince them that they are worthy on the days when they feel that no one cares.

They need someone who cautions them against falling into old patterns and returning to the lair of the abuser.

They need someone to guide them through the minefields within the court system, a system that through its checks and balances sometimes appears to the battered woman to be placing the abuser’s rights ahead of her own or through its detailed processes, exhausts someone who is already exhausted beyond measure on levels we couldn’t comprehend.

They need someone who can show them that what they have suffered is not normal or acceptable and that they must fight for the right to be treated with dignity, respect and honor.

And they need someone to prove to them that better days are ahead, brighter days than they have likely imagined are even possible.

Because when we stand on the sidelines and read statistics, pat women on the back and say “You can do this” and walk away, spend time in feel-good rallies or spend time on social media sharing articles about abuse and the like, we may think we are doing something when we are in fact doing nothing.

The battered woman often stands alone in the courtroom or at home (wondering if the abuser is coming to get her).

And I for one can’t accept this, especially from a civilisation that claims to be at the pinnacle of its enlightenment and justice.

Why do you?

What are you willing to do about it?

Someone is waiting for you to stand up beside them and for them.

What are you waiting for?

In service and servanthood,

Harry

Addendum - What Men Think About Violence Against Women in Alberta

A study was just released outlining what men think about violence against women in Alberta. Given how many cases of violence have been brought to the attention of police and given how many incidents are never reported, I wonder about this report (including how many abusers or victims answered their questions truthfully). The report can be found here.

Thought for the day: If we put as much thinking into how the victim feels as we do in feeling outrage when we consider the abuser's offenses, I wonder if we would be more motivated to solve this heinous issue in society.

What do you think?

---

Kill or Be Killed–The Pervasiveness of Predators in Our Society

“There are enough movies, websites, books, and blogs on how to catch a man.  It’s only fair to teach a young lady how not to be caught – at least not by the wrong one” – B.D. .Foley (retired CIA operations officer), “CIA Street Smarts for Women”

He was going to hurt her so bad before he killed her so dead, and all she could think of was how hot his kiss had been in the dream and how delicate the touch of his finger was as it traced down her body.”
― Thea Harrison, “Dragon Bound”

The following story contains coarse language and sexual content that may be offensive to some readers. 

Readers offended by such language should not proceed unless one has a heart for those who fall to the sick desires of the broken and a desire to make this world a better one, safer from the predators that exist all around us.

As with all things I write, this one is written for an important purpose.

The #1206 “fiction” series continues …

---

“Anything good happening in the news?”, a voice asked.

Abigail looked up from the news magazine she had been reading.  A man stood above her, smiling affably.

“Not a whole lot”, she replied, smiling back, “The usual panic about the world coming to an end.”

“How true”, he replied, his eyes locking onto hers, “That’s why I prefer to fill my head with positive things only.”

They chatted for a while and Abigail thought he was a pretty interesting, well-read guy.  He seemed interested in her and so she never thought anything of it when she offered up her cell number with a promise to get together over coffee later.

---

A few days later, Abigail found herself with the stranger again, this time in a small coffee shop.  He had seemed pretty insistent that they meet soon and she shrugged off his insistence as something typical of any go-getter.

They chatted easily over many subjects and she left the coffee shop after a few hours, not paying attention to the warning signs that were being screamed at her.

---

The texts followed soon after and were frequent and persistent.  What started as playful texts turned into suggestive texts and soon became extremely explicit.  While this would ordinarily have turned off many women, she had been in a couple of abusive relationships in her lifetime and she saw the texts as coming from someone showing a keen interest in her.  She responded in kind and their texting turned into highly erotic conversations.

Abigail felt like someone finally cared for her.

---

Over the next couple of weeks, the simple meeting in a book store turned into a series of sexual rendezvous.  She noticed that he often brought alcohol even though she protested that she often felt out-of-control with less than a glass of it.

“Drink up”, he said when she protested, “We’re all friends here.”

Time became a blur in their relationship and Abigail found that she was losing herself inside the ever-strengthening dominant personality of her new lover.  He had asked for a loan of her trailer and she had given it to him, not realizing that such a simple act of generosity also gave him leverage over her.

Their lover’s trysts began to change over time as well.  After they had met a number of times in different hotels and at her place, he suggested over a drink in their hotel room about taking a few photos for “a little fun”.  She didn’t think there was anything wrong with that and it seemed a little exciting so she agreed.

She posed for a number of photos in various stages of undress and total undress and as she did so, he told her how hot she was.

“Look at how hard you are making me”, he said as he continued to take photos.

“It feels good to feel wanted and to know I am turning him on”, she thought.

---

A few weeks later, she found herself responding to his demand to meet at the hotel again.  As she walked into the hotel, she found herself dreading what was coming next but she could stop herself. 

“What am I doing?”, she asked herself, “He demands that I show up and I do it even thought it doesn’t feel right.”

Sometime later and after a couple of drinks of gin, he began taking pictures of her again.

“Do you know what would be really hot?”, he asked.

“What?”, Abigail asked.

“I think you would look hot if you were tied up”, he said.

“I’m not sure”, Abigail said hesitatingly.

“Don’t worry”, he replied as he retrieved some cord from a bag, “You will like it.”

Abigail soon found herself bound hand and foot.

“Mmmmmmm”, he said, “You are hot.  Look how hard you are making me.”

After taking a number of photos, he laid his phone down and reaching into his overnight bag, pulled out a cane.

He struck her across the legs with it.

“You like that, don’t you?”, he said sternly.

Abigail’s eyes watered instantly at the sting and fear filled her body.  She now feared for her Life but didn’t know what would happen if she angered him.

She nodded silently and he whipped her again.

“You’re such a naughty girl”, he said, “You want this, don’t you, bitch?”

Abigail nodded.

“Answer me”, he commanded, “You want this, don’t you?”

“Yes”, she said quietly, “I want this.”

“Louder”, he commanded.

“Yes”, she said, “I want this.”

“Yes, you do”, he said and he proceeded to cane her across her legs as she howled in pain.

As she begged him to stop, he told her that he knew she really wanted to be a “bad girl” and he was going to help her live her fantasy.

Later, he untied her and held her through the night and in the morning they parted.

She drove home in silence, her body aching from the caning and her mind numb and confused.

---

He called a few days later, demanding that they get together again.  She replied that she felt uncomfortable with her last visit.  “In fact”, she told him, “I’m feeling very uncomfortable about seeing you again.”

“Well that’s a little too bad, isn’t it?”, he asked.

“What do you mean?’, Abigail asked fearfully.

“Wellllll”, he said, drawing his words out for effect, “If you don’t want to meet me, what do I do with all of these photos of you?  It would be a shame if these photos got leaked online, maybe to your friends or your business associates or maybe to your family.”

There was silence on the line.

“I’m staying at the usual hotel”, he said confidently and hung up.

Two hours later, Abigail found herself crying uncontrollably as he whipped her mercilessly.

As the evening wore one, he held her, telling her what a good girl she was.  She heard little of what said until he suggested that he felt it was time to discuss the company that she owned and how he felt he would do a better job of running it than she did.

She left in the morning, her body feeling the sting of the previous day’s activities while her mind was numb.

---

A week later, she stared at the phone as the texts from him came in.  He was demanding to see her again and interspersed within those texts, was telling her how important it was that she consider turning control of her company over to him.  He was also asking her for money for other ventures and she stared at her phone in absolute fear.

Suddenly another text appeared from another source.

“Just reaching out to say hi and to wish you an awesome day”, the text from Gabriel read.

Without a second thought, she got in her truck and drove three hours to see Gabriel and over many tears, confessed to what she had been experiencing.

Gabriel listened in stunned silence, his heart breaking over what he was hearing while at the same time, feeling the anger surging within him.

She explained how she had met up with the guy and how he worked at a not-for-profit that promoted computer services to small towns and other not-for-profit agencies.

After Abigail had finished her story, they both sat in silence, each reflecting on what had been confessed.

Gabriel cleared his throat and spoke quietly.

“You realize that if he did this to you, it is likely that he has done or is doing this to other women”, he said.

Abigail nodded silently.

“In his professional position, he also has many opportunities to find victims”, Gabriel said, his mind churning over the problematic possibilities.

Abigail nodded again in silence.

“I have something you need to read”, Gabriel said, “Let’s meet tomorrow.”

They hugged briefly and as they walked towards the door of the coffee shop, Gabriel stopped her.

“It is important that you know that you are a divine human being worthy of everything great.”, he said, “This guy is a predator who seeks to destroy others for his own sick needs.  Do you understand this?  You are a worthy human being who must not submit yourself to such people.”

Abigail looked at him, swallowed hard and nodded.

“Say it”, Gabriel said firmly.

“I am a divine human being worthy of everything great”, Abigail said quietly.

“Good”, said Gabriel, “Keep saying that.  Block this guy and we will meet tomorrow.”

---

Gabriel and Abigail met the next day.

“Has he reached out to you?”, Gabriel asked after they had exchanged perfunctory greetings.

“Yes”, she said, “He is demanding to know why I won’t respond to him.”

“Good”, Gabriel replied, “We will take care of him.  In the meantime, I would like you to read this book.”

Abigail looked at the book he offered.

“CIA Street Smarts for Women?”, she asked.

“Spy skills to tell the prince from the predator”, said Gabriel, pointing at the tag line on the book, “The guy who wrote this used to be a CIA operations officer.  He is a great guy who is sharing the skills he learned in the CIA to help women avoid the situation you are in.”

Abigail said nothing but felt her eyes filling with hot tears.

“Don’t worry”, Gabriel said gently, “We will fix this.”

Gabriel pulled out his phone, dialled a number and waited for an answer.

The other party picked up the phone and Gabriel spoke quietly.

“Hello, Jim?”, he asked.

To be continued.

---

© 2016 – Harry Tucker – All Rights Reserved

Background

The story you just read is a true story although a description of the actual acts committed and the timeline have been shortened for brevity and taste.  I have spared the reader the psychology analysis here in order to keep the story engaging albeit disturbing. The story has been shared here with the permission of "Abigail".

The book Gabriel presented to Abigail is real.

CIA Street Smarts for Women – Spy Skills to Tell the Prince from the Predator, by B. D. Foley, is a powerful book that can equip any woman against the many predators out there.

And yes, B.D. Foley is actually a retired CIA operations officer.

If you care about your daughter, your sister, a woman who is divorced or widowed or your best friend and you sense something is wrong in their relationship or they could find themselves in trouble, honor your instinct and your love for the other person and get a copy of this book for them.

Predators don’t just exist in the world of Hollywood or in cases like the Jian Ghomeshi case currently playing out in a Canadian court.

They are everywhere as Abigail discovered.

Don’t let such a predator destroy the Life of someone who matters to you.

What happened to the predator in this case?

Go here to read more – Answering the Cry for Help.

Predators prey on the uninformed or those whose sense of self-worth is so low that they easily fall to the beguiling patter of the predator.

Predators are allowed to hone their art and create the carnage they create when the rest of us pretend they don’t exist or when we don’t do what needs to be done to prevent them from hurting others. They know how to identify their targets, how to approach them and how to ensnare them. We need to understand how they operate and find the right tools to counter their efforts.

B.D. Foley's book provides those tools.

We are either part of the problem of part of the solution.

Which one are you?

Buy the book.

It matters.

Series Origin

This series, a departure from my usual musings, is inspired as a result of conversations with former senior advisors to multiple Presidents of the United States, senior officers in the US Military and other interesting folks as well as my own professional background as a Wall St. / Fortune 25 strategy advisor and large-scale technology architect.

While this musing is just “fiction” (note the quotes) and a departure from my musings on technology, strategy, politics and society, as a strategy guy, I do everything for a reason and with a measurable outcome in mind. :-)

This “fictional” musing is a continuation of the #1206 series noted here.