The Pitfalls of Poor Choice Selection

Destiny is not a matter of chance; it is a matter of choice. - William Jennings Bryan

We are the creative force of our life, and through our own decisions rather than our conditions, if we carefully learn to do certain things, we can accomplish those goals. - Stephen Covey

Choices are the hinges of destiny. - Edwin Markham

The #1206 “fiction” series continues …

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Abigail sighed as she climbed into bed and slid under the inviting bed comforter.  She had been straining for years to make some choices about her future and never quite seemed to make them.  Her Life was sliding away and she knew it and yet she still didn’t make the choices that she knew her Life depended on.

She reached over to her nightstand, turned the light off and buried her head under the sheets.

“What’s wrong with me?”, she thought, anticipating another long, sleepless night and yet, despite the restlessness of her mind, sleep came quickly.

Or so she thought, waking with a start.

“Trouble sleeping?”, a voice to her left asked her.

She turned towards the voice and a man was smiling at her, his eyes twinkling.

“My apologies”, he said, offering a hand, “That was rude.  My name is Gabriel.”

She shook his hand and replied, “My name is …..”

“Abigail”, Gabriel said with a smile, “Yes.  I know.”

Abigail frowned and started to ask him how he knew who she was when she was interrupted by the sound of children.

She turned to her right and realized she and the stranger were standing in a parking lot in front of a candy store.

A group of kids were running out of the store, chatting back and forth as the store owner locked the door, turned off the “open” sign and disappeared inside the store.

“Ahhhhhh, kids”, Gabriel said, chuckling.

“They are always a great source of wisdom, don’t you think?”, he asked.

She turned towards him and noticed that he was staring at her, still with a big smile on his face.

“I don’t know”, she replied, “I’ve never really thought about it before.”

Gabriel pointed to the kids.

“Take a look at these kids”, he continued, “What do you think you can learn from them?”

Abigail shrugged as she looked at the children in front of her.

Gabriel pointed at the first one.  “Take Tommy, for example”, he said, “He went into the candy store and not realizing he could choose anything he wanted, limited himself to something he didn’t like because he thought it was the only choice available to him.  He suffers from choice by limitation.”

“Or”, he said, pointing to the little girl beside Tommy, “Jenny, who got so caught up in the process of evaluating her choices became a victim of choice by indirectness and ended up being left with choosing something from what little was left after all the other kids had already made their choices.”

“Then there’s young Gerald over there”, Gabriel continued as he pointed, “who was so focused on choice by elimination, weeding out each choice by criteria that only he understands, was left with something he doesn’t like because he had accidentally rejected the better options with his excessive and unnecessary criteria.”

“I don’t understand”, Abigail said quietly as she watched the children.

“Sure you do”, replied Gabriel, “You’re choosing not to understand.  Observe.”

“Young Joel over there”, Gabriel continued, pointing to the smallest child, “didn’t make a choice at all and ended up with the last candy in the store even though he doesn’t like it, something I call the choice by default.”

“Little Vicky standing beside him had so many preconditions on what her choice should look like, something we call excessive conditional choice, that she ended up with a candy that she would gladly trade away for almost anything.  The only problem is that she has too many conditions on any trade and so she won’t find anyone who would want to trade with her.”

“Meanwhile”, continued Gabriel, “Bobby embraces choice by reaction, where he worked so hard not to choose something that someone else wanted or that would upset someone, that he chose a candy that he hated but at least he took comfort in the fact that he didn’t upset anyone.  Susan, on the other hand, using choice by consensus, asked everyone else which candy was best and ended up with a recommendation that she hated, fearing to act on her own needs and interests.”

“All of this from candy?”, Abigail, asked, “I don’t understand ….”

Gabriel silenced her by raising his hand.

“Patience”, he said, “I’m almost done.”

“Let’s see”, he said, scanning the crowd, “Who is left?”

“Ah yes”, he said with satisfaction, “Young William over there believes that orange gumdrops have magic powers and so he chose a large orange one using a process we call choice by adverse possession.  Data, while important, is ignored and thus he consistently produces poor results based on choices that don’t even make sense.”

He paused for a moment before continuing.

“And then we have one child left”, Gabriel observed quietly.

Abigail looked over the crowd of children and saw a young girl sitting on the step, sobbing with her head in her hands.

“Why is she crying?”, Abigail asked.

“She suffers from choice by excessive permutation”, Gabriel said quietly, “Otherwise known as choice by over-processing.  She is learning that when we spend too much time looking over every option incessantly or because we fear making the wrong choice, we often end up having all of our options removed from us for different reasons. In her case, she waited so long to make a choice that the store closed before she could make one and all of her options were suddenly removed.  Many times in these situations, we end up having choices made for us or as in Abigail’s case, we end up with nothing at all.”

Abigail gasped, startled by the mention of her name and as she looked more closely at the child, she gasped again.

She was looking at herself as a child.

She started to speak when she suddenly realized that Gabriel was walking towards the little girl.

He knelt down beside her, hugged her and then opened his hand to reveal a bright red gumball.

The little girl looked at him hesitatingly and he smiled back at her, nodding his head approvingly.

She took the gumball from his palm quickly, expressed a quick “thank you, mister” and ran off to join her friends.

Gabriel stood up and watched the kids run off with their candy.

Abigail walked over to Gabriel and as she reached his side, he looked at her, the smile never leaving his face.

“Not everyone gets a second chance when they make the wrong choices or in this case, no choice at all”, he said, his dark glittering eyes staring into hers.

“Do you understand what I’m telling you?”, Gabriel asked her.

“I think so”, began Abigail but she was interrupted by Gabriel’s raised hand.

“You’re thinking too much”, he said, “I can tell by the look in your eye that you’re about to embark on a deep analysis when the answer offered here is closer to the surface than you realize.  Act on it.”

Gabriel paused for a moment.

“Act on it”, he repeated, “No choice is a choice.  Delayed choices often end up becoming no choice.  No choice or an improper way of making choices will not produce the results you seek or deserve.”

Abigail said nothing for a moment, started to speak and then was interrupted by an unusual sound from behind her.

She turned towards the sound ….

…. and awoke with a start when she realized it was her alarm, beckoning her to return from the world of dreams.

She rubbed her eyes blearily, confused by her dream, and she reached over to turn off the alarm.

And then she saw it.

A shiny, bright, red gumball lay on the night table beside her cell phone.

To be continued.

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© 2017 – Harry Tucker – All Rights Reserved

Background

This post came to mind after a series of meetings this morning and listening to explanations from different team members as to why they were doing what they were doing.

It is also a long-distance dedication to V. and others who hesitate to make the choices they are called to make to maximize their potential.

Many of us avoid making the choices that really matter through one or more of the following processes (borrowed from The Path of Least Resistance and expanded upon):

1. Choice by limitation - choosing only what seems possible or reasonable
2. Choice by indirectness – focusing on the process instead of the result
3. Choice by elimination - eliminating possibilities until only one one exists
4. Choice by default - choosing to not make a choice, forcing a choice to occur by default
5. Conditional choice - imposing preconditions on choices
6. Choice by reaction – making choices designed to overcome / prevent conflict
7. Choice by consensus - following the result of an informal poll that determines what everyone else wants or recommends
8. Choice by adverse possession – choices based on a hazy metaphysical notion about the nature of the Universe
9. No choice by excessive permutation – choices limited by sensory overload, causing no choice or a choice by default
10. No choice by over-processing - taking too long to choose, devolving into choice by default (or none) – similar to no choice by excessive permutation.

Few people are direct and purposeful with their choices, whether it be in selection, execution and follow-through.

Are you one of them?

Are you sure?

How do you know?

Series Origin

This series, a departure from my usual musings, is inspired as a result of conversations with former senior advisors to multiple Presidents of the United States, senior officers in the US Military and other interesting folks as well as my own professional background as a Wall St. / Fortune 25 strategy advisor and large-scale technology architect.

While this musing is just “fiction” (note the quotes) and a departure from my musings on technology, strategy, politics and society, as a strategy guy, I do everything for a reason and with a measurable outcome in mind. :-)

This “fictional” musing is a continuation of the #1206 series noted here and is part of the Abigail / Gabriel series noted here.

The Power of the Magical Geranium

Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another. - Napoleon Hill

The #1206 “fiction” series continues …

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Abigail sat in the deserted coffee shop and idly played with her coffee cup.  She had had a full week and despite the feeling of being very busy, she somehow felt that she had accomplished very little if anything useful.

“Rough week, huh?”, asked a voice beside her.

Abigail jumped, unaware that anyone had entered the empty coffee shop.

She glanced up to see a casually dressed, clean cut man of indeterminate age smiling down at her.

“May I?”, he asked, gesturing towards the chair across the table from her.

“Oh great”, Abigail thought, “I just want to be left alone.”

Before she could turn him down, he smiled and as if reading her mind, said, “You probably prefer to be left alone” and then sat down anyway.

Abigail was too tired to protest and shrugged her shoulders in silent acquiescence.

“Rough week?”, the stranger asked again, staring at her intently but gently.

“I guess so”, replied Abigail, “It just didn’t go the way I had planned and the many things I meant to accomplish remain unfinished.”

“I see”, replied the stranger, “Were these things that you meant to accomplish or that you were meant to accomplish?”

Abigail frowned in confusion, too tired to untangle the question that the stranger asked her.

“I’m not sure what you mean”, she replied, lost in confusion and fatigue.

The stranger smiled.  “Before I answer the question, I would like to tell you a story if I may”, he said.

Without waiting for permission from Abigail, he began to tell the story.

“There was once a family who lived in poverty, with every part of their Life being a struggle.  One day, a neighbor brought a flower over to Mrs. Smith, the lady of the house, and as she gave it to her, she said, ‘This is a magical geranium.  It will change your Life.’  ‘How will it do that?’, asked Mrs. Smith to which the neighbor smiled and replied, ‘You will see.’ and she left.”

“Mrs. Smith shrugged, placed the geranium on the dining room table and went about her chores.  A little while later, she was staring at the table and realized how cluttered it looked with the beautiful red flower sitting in the center.  ‘This won’t do’, she muttered as she proceeded to clean the table.  After the table was properly cleaned, she thought it made the dining room look pretty shabby and so she cleaned the entire room.”

The stranger paused, intently watching Abigail’s reaction but she said nothing as she listened.

The stranger continued.

“After Mrs. Smith had cleaned the dining room, she felt that the kitchen was too dirty in relation to the wonderfully clean dining room and so she cleaned the kitchen until it was spotless.  Seeing that the hour was late and that dinner preparation should be under way, she thought ‘I must create a meal that is worthy of this kitchen’ and though the cupboards were very lean, she put more effort into creating the meal than she had done in her living memory.  She placed the meal on the table with her best dishes and called the family to dinner.”

“When the meal was ready, she called the family to dinner and was appalled at their state of dress.  ‘There is no way you are sitting at this table dressed like that’, she said sternly and sent them upstairs to clean up, insisting that they wear the best clothing they had.”

“A short while later, her family came back downstairs and were seated around the table.  Her husband gazed at the splendor before him and looked at his wife, seeing her beauty in a way he had never seen before.  ‘What is happening here?’, he asked as he marvelled at the clean house, the incredible meal, his beautiful wife and his wonderful children.”

“’I don’t know’, she said, ‘It all started with this magical geranium’ and she gestured towards the flower in the middle of the table.

“The family ate in wonder and the evening passed with the family engaged in more conversation than any of them could remember.  The next morning, Mr. Smith got up earlier than normal, shaved and put on his best clothing.  ‘What are you doing?’, Mrs. Smith asked.  Mr. Smith shrugged, smiled and then said, ‘Our meal last night reminded me that you and our kids are worthy of better than I have provided so I am on my way to look for a better job that honors all of you.’  He gave her a kiss on the cheek, went downstairs and left the house.  She could hear him whistling as he walked down the street towards the bus stop.  Walking downstairs into the dining room, she saw the geranium …. and she wondered.”

The stranger stopped telling his story, leaned back and waited for Abigail to comment.

“I don’t get it”, Abigail mumbled, “What does my busy week have to do with flowers?”

“Ahhhhh”, the stranger said as he smiled, “You missed the key point.  It’s more than just about flowers.  In fact, Abigail, I am suggesting that you have been the magic geranium in the lives of others.”

Abigail frowned in confusion but before she could comment, the stranger continued his thought.  He recounted different things she had done for others this week, some insignificant and some more impactful.

“How does he know this?”, she thought but before she could ask him, he looked at her and said, “That is why I asked you if your to-do list for the week was made up of things that you meant to accomplish or that you were meant to accomplish.  Sometimes it is the former but sometimes, possibly more than you realize, it is the latter.  Unfortunately, we measure the success and productivity of our week by the former while the latter is often more impactful.”

Abigail stared into the eyes of the stranger.  His gaze was deep and piercing but gentle and she felt her eyes well up as what he had said dawned on her.

She started to speak but he gently held up a hand and interrupted her.  “Don’t speak, Abigail”, he said gently, “Reflect on this for a while and then decide what it means to you.”

Abigail swallowed the lump in her throat and then, feeling a little awkward about crying in front of a stranger, stood up and told him that she needed to compose herself. 

She walked into the bathroom, splashed some water on her face and stared at herself in the mirror.  He was right – her priorities had been wrong all along.

Straightening up her clothing, she walked back out into the coffee shop.  Her brow furrowed in puzzlement when she realized that the stranger was gone.

She turned to the person behind the counter and asked, “Did the gentleman leave?”

“What gentleman?”, replied the young man, “Miss, we’ve been closed for over an hour.  I locked the door but I didn’t want to disturb you so I just left you alone.  No one has come or gone in the last hour.”

Abigail was confused and stared at the table, her head spinning as she wondered what had happened.

“How did he know what I did for others this week?”, she pondered.

As she wondered about this, something else dawned on her.

“How did he know my name?”

To be continued.

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© 2015 – Harry Tucker – All Rights Reserved

Background

The story of the magical geranium, of which I presented a very abridged version of, was a story I remember as a child.  The story was one of many in a book entitled Read Aloud Funny Stories, published in 1958.  The book can be found in used condition here.

Many people I encounter often express the results of their week in terms of how busy they were, how productive they were, etc.  As a long time Wall St’er, I do the same.

As someone who is measured by results (and who measures himself by results), I am often very self-critical in regards to what I believe I have accomplished in a day or a week.  It is a sad by-product of a modern society that believes every thing we set out to accomplish is important and urgent (referencing Stephen Covey’s works) – the notion that our sense of discernment is unable to distinguish between activity and productivity and the impact, usefulness or usefulness of either of them.

Many things we set out to do are important and some are urgent.  Our sense of discernment regarding how our to-do list is categorized is often flawed, however, and so it becomes easy to become self-critical when the result is evaluated or a result is unknown.

As this story came to mind today, I thought, “I wonder how many times we change someone’s Life and are not aware of it, thus creating a greater, more impactful result than anything we could have planned.”

Productivity and results matter in my world and likely matter in yours.

But in your day-to-day execution, especially at times when you wonder if you are getting done “what you are supposed to get done”, be gentle with yourself and ask what other things you may have accomplished – ask yourself, “Were the things that I accomplished things that I meant to accomplish or things I was meant to accomplish?”

The subtle difference makes all the difference and an honest answer may surprise you.

Many of us have had events and people come into our lives that were similar to the magical geranium that Mrs. Smith received.

Have you been someone else’s magical geranium?

Are you sure?

How do you know?

What do you need to do about it?

Series Origin

This series, a departure from my usual musings, is inspired as a result of conversations with former senior advisors to multiple Presidents of the United States, senior officers in the US Military and other interesting folks as well as my own professional background as a Wall St. / Fortune 25 strategy and large-scale technology architect.

While this musing is just “fiction” (note the quotes) and a departure from my musings on technology, strategy, politics and society, as a strategy guy, I do everything for a reason and with a measurable outcome in mind. :-)

This “fictional” musing is a continuation of the #1206 series noted here.

Courage - What the Syrian Refugee Situation Reveals About Us

Most of the change we think we see in life is due to truths being in and out of favor. - Robert Frost

It is a fool's prerogative to utter truths that no one else will speak. - Neil Gaiman

It is a very lonely life that a man leads, who becomes aware of truths before their times. - Thomas Reed

The #1206 “fiction” series continues …

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Abigail walked down the forest path in silent thought, her brain turning over the events of the week.  She was trying to make sense of things locally and globally and on some days she did better than others.

She sighed and looked up at the fall sky and wondered why God allowed all of these things to happen.

“It’s a pretty complicated world, isn’t it?”, a voice to her right asked, causing Abigail to jump with a start.

Abigail looked towards the source of the voice and found herself looking at a tall, thin man whose glittering eyes looked intently into hers.

“I’m sorry”, he said with a smile, “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“It’s ok”, said Abigail, feeling uncomfortable about standing next to a stranger while being miles from anywhere … and help if she needed it.

“Isn’t that what you were thinking?”, the stranger asked, “Wondering why the world seems so complicated.”

“Well, yes”, stammered Abigail, slightly confused by the stranger’s sudden appearance, his awareness of what she was thinking and his directness.

“Please share your thoughts”, the stranger said with a smile.

“Well”, began Abigail, “I was thinking about a local election result in Alberta.  The Party that thought it was going to win lost.  Even though they lost the general election in a big way, they still believed that they had this by-election in the bag despite accusations of dishonesty in their campaign.  A lot of people inside their party, including elected officials, executives and members of various boards complained vehemently in secret and predicted a loss but they refused to allow their concerns to be revealed in public or to have their name attached to any dissension.  Now after the election, they are still arguing and criticizing each other in secret but few have any interest in voicing their concerns or collaborating towards helping their party improve.  They even privately praise people who have the courage to point out the issues in the Party while publicly expressing discomfort about the same people.”

She paused for a moment before saying quietly, “It just doesn’t make sense.”

“It does make sense”, said the stranger, “You just answered the very question you are pondering.”

Abigail looked at him quizzically.

“Courage”, said the stranger empathically, “It takes no effort, responsibility or accountability to complain, criticize and undermine in private.  It takes great courage to voice a concern, raise an issue or dare to point out that something is wrong.  Few people have sufficient courage to do what is right when they are called to do so.  They secretly admire those who have courage while simultaneously resenting them either secretly or publicly for having the courage that they wish they had.”

Abigail listened in silence.

“It creates a strange duality within people”, continued the stranger, “They are consumed by the need for the world to be better and in fact, are consumed by their need to be a part of that change but when it is time for them to take action, they take none and resign themselves to expressing frustration to people who can’t change the problem or who don’t care enough to change it.”

The stranger looked at her intently, his eyes glittering in the soft autumn sun.

“There is a lot of that going around, Abigail”, he said, both gently and accusingly.

“What do you mean?”, asked Abigail.

“Well”, replied the stranger, “Take the situation with the Syrian refugees.  The travesties in Syria have been going on for years with hundreds of thousands of innocent men, women and children dying every year.  Many people have pointed this out but government leaders have done absolutely nothing.  For the most part, these leaders have been able to hide from the problem and contain it within the borders of Syria, not having the courage or the will to do something greater.  Now that the refugees have spilled over the border, they have become a problem that no one can hide and so world leaders are now forced to take a stand.”

He paused for a moment, frowning as he did so.

“Ironically”, he continued, “Many of these same leaders now call upon global courage to do something when in fact it was their own lack of courage that has allowed this to grow into the disaster that it has become.  When we don’t use our courage when called upon, things always get worse and in fact, sometimes they get much worse.  Have you ever noticed as well that when there are important things to be done either at home or abroad, that politicians and others throw out questions to unrelated problems which they claim are higher priority and need to be addressed right away?  Meanwhile, others rally people around demonstrations, petitions, social media “likes” and other mundane things that don’t help the situation at all nor do they help the people who are in trouble but somehow the organizers assert that the feel-good gesture has had a huge impact despite having accomplished absolutely nothing.  That’s their way of misdirecting your attention away from what really needs to be addressed and to keep you from seeing that they don’t have any answers for the things that matter.”

Abigail nodded but said nothing.

The stranger noted her agreement and continued.  “Whether it’s a political party in Alberta or an international disaster in Syria, choosing to ignore what needs to be done because one doesn’t feel that one has enough courage will cause one to need much more courage later as the problem grows in complexity.  Sometimes, unfortunately, this delay can result in problems becoming unsolvable or very dangerous or can even create new problems currently unanticipated.”

“But political leaders, even our own, are promising a lot of aid and relief now”, protested Abigail.

“True”, replied the stranger, “but much of their promises serve their gain right now.  When they could have prevented the problem but there was nothing in it for them, they ignored it.  Now they can’t ignore it and can possibly leverage it into personal gain.  Aren’t the leaders who are now promoting help in the middle of political campaigns and in need of deeds that show that they are true leaders?  Now they can spin their previous lack of courage into deeds of courageousness, humanity and leadership.  Do you not see the coincidence?”

“But how can little people like me change the world?”, asked Abigail, “I have nothing to offer and no influence.”

“That is your lack of courage and conviction talking”, replied the stranger, “But remember what I said.  A lack of courage and conviction today produces much larger problems tomorrow.  You must find a way to allow your courage to be the change you want to see while it still matters.  But first, you must make a decision to do something …. anything.  The power that comes from conviction and a decision to do something is essential.”

Abigail walked in silence for a short distance when a question dawned on her.

She turned to ask the stranger …. but he was gone.

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In a hot, sweltering room in Palmyra, not far from Damascus, a group of men crowded around a map of Europe.

The outflow of humanity spreading outwards from Syria had proven to be the perfect Trojan Horse, allowing their own operatives to comingle with the hundreds of thousands of people who were the victims of the lack of courage of world leaders.

The lack of courage in those leaders was about to be replaced by the courage within their own martyrs.

“Courage always manifests in one side or the other”, thought one of the men as he studied the map.

“One man’s cowardice becomes another man’s opportunity”, he thought as he smiled at his colleagues.

To be continued.

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© 2015 – Harry Tucker – All Rights Reserved

Background

The political party referenced in this blog post is the PC Party of Alberta, whose private conversations between members over text, social media private messaging and emails show a great deal of concern, unhappiness and unrest.

However, ask those same people to bring forth their concerns to help the Party become better and they become afraid, not wanting their comments to be shared publicly or have their name attached to them in any way.

They somehow need their Party to heal itself as if by magic while simultaneously complaining that it is taking too long.

Meanwhile, a lot of passionate, intelligent people with great ideas remain silent, condemning their Party to greater difficulty down the road.

I remember some years ago when I sat on the board for a children’s charity and it was discovered that a senior executive within that organization was up to no good, siphoning money out of the charity’s coffers for personal use, using trips on behalf of the organization to make plans for his own company, running at odds with the Canada Revenue Agency and other things.

As board members found out about his dalliances, they all came to me with basically the same message:

This really bothers me.  You should do something about this.

I asked them why I should do something about it when they had data I didn’t have and because it was affronting them.  They presented a number of excuses including “Well I’m also on the board of …….”, “I don’t want to make waves because …..”, “I don’t want to be thrown out of the organization because ….”, “I don’t want to damage the reputation of the charity” and a number of other things.

The truth was that they wanted to hedge their bets – they wanted things to be fixed but they didn’t want to go out on a limb to do so and they didn’t want to be left alone in case their effort to correct things didn’t garner support, leaving them standing by themselves and feeling foolish (at least from their perspective).

In other words – they lacked the courage to be the change they wanted and demanded to see.

By the time I had enough data to realize that the individual in question was breaking the law and recognizing my liability exposure and responsibility as a board member, I challenged the individual in a board meeting and resigned when the board refused to support me publicly (even though they pleaded with me privately to do something).

While board members privately marvelled at my so-called courage, they didn’t follow up by voting the individual out of the organization until a few months later when they realized that he really was breaking the law.  When they tried to force him out, he told them that since they had known since my resignation that he was breaking the law, he would blow the whistle on them also as accomplices unless they forked over a small fee in order to keep him quiet.

You would expect that with extortion on top of everything else, that these people would finally have had the gumption to send this guy to jail, right?

No – they paid him using the charity’s money and he used the money to start his own company, a company that still thrives.

The world is a lot like that political party and that charity.  We complain a lot to others but rarely have the courage to speak out or take appropriate action.

Why?

What do we think this will accomplish?

Will the world get better or worse when the people who are the most self-motivated are the only ones showing courage and whose actions aren’t always in the best interests of others?

Is that good enough for you?

Is that good enough for your family?

How do you know?

What are you willing to do about it?

We need to fix the problem with the Syrian refugees while not compromising our own security.

But more importantly, we need to show courage in not allowing things like this to happen in the first place.

Meanwhile, the media (both mainstream and social) will continue to tug at our heartstrings, filling our mind with travesties from places like Ethiopia, Haiti, Indonesia and Syria until they find another subject to move on to.  Despite the clamor for justice and solutions at the moment, the people in the countries just named will continue to suffer out of sight and out of mind long after our attention has moved on to the next suffering du jour.

Unfortunately, we are human and as such, likely won’t learn from the event in Syria or elsewhere until the stakes are much greater.

By then, it may be too late.

Series Origin

This series, a departure from my usual musings, is inspired as a result of conversations with former senior advisors to multiple Presidents of the United States, senior officers in the US Military and other interesting folks as well as my own professional background as a Wall St. / Fortune 25 strategy and large-scale technology architect.

While this musing is just “fiction” and a departure from my musings on technology, strategy, politics and society, as a strategy guy, I do everything for a reason and with a measurable outcome in mind. :-)

This “fictional” musing is a continuation of the #1206 series noted here.

If You Could Have One Question Answered, What Would It Be?

Decide what you want, decide what you are willing to exchange for it. Establish your priorities and go to work. - H. L. Hunt

Indeed, this life is a test. It is a test of many things - of our convictions and priorities, our faith and our faithfulness, our patience and our resilience, and in the end, our ultimate desires. - Sheri L. Dew

The #1206 “fiction” series continues …

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In restaurants, coffee shops, parks and other public places around the world, a tall, nondescript man sought out people sitting alone, walked up to them and asked each of them the same question in their native language:

May I join you?

Some said “no”, some shook their heads without saying anything but many invited the man to sit down with a gesture, a simple acknowledgement or an equivalent response.

The exchange between the man and the person sitting alone began the same way for everyone he approached, with the man smiling at the other person before saying, “My name is Gabriel.  What is yours?”

In a restaurant in New York City, the woman sitting at the table replied that her name was Abigail.

“I am pleased to meet you, Abigail”, replied Gabriel.  After exchanging some initial pleasantries, he paused, looked her intently and directly in the eye and asked, “If you had one question and one question only that you would like answered, what would it be?”

Abigail paused for a moment before answering.  “I would want to know why my child died and was taken from me”, she said, her eyes misting up as she answered.

“Interesting”, replied Gabriel, “And what would you do if you were provided with the answer?  What if I could guarantee an answer for you?”

Abigail paused for a moment, frowned in thought and then said, “That’s a good question.  I’m not sure.  I don’t even know if I would even want or like the answer.”

Gabriel nodded in acknowledgement before asking her, “What would you be willing to do or to sacrifice in order to obtain an answer to this question?  Or in other words, how badly do you want an answer at all?”

“Wow”, Abigail replied, “these are also good questions.  I don’t know the answers to those off the top of my head.”

Tears welled up in her eyes as she reflected on the questions the stranger was asking her.

“Why are you crying?”, asked Gabriel, frowning slightly in concern.

Abigail shrugged and then shook her head in silence.

Gabriel nodded slightly, accepting that his questions had probably reintroduced some painful memories for her.

After pausing for a moment, he looked at her and asked “Do you not know what you would be willing to give for an answer to your question, Abigail?”

“I have no idea”, replied Abigail.

“Perhaps this suggests that you don’t want the answer bad enough”, said Gabriel gently, “and since you therefore can’t put a value on the answer, you don’t know what you would be willing to pay to obtain it.”

“I don’t know”, replied Abigail, disagreeing with his suggestion, “Maybe the question has no answer that is worth obtaining or has no value that can be determined.”

“I disagree”, responded Gabriel, “Every question and answer has a value and a cost.  Knowing what we are willing to give up to obtain the answer is what determines the value of it and the effort required to get it.”

He paused before continuing.

“Maybe if you can’t decide what you would be willing to trade to obtain the answer, that you may have asked the wrong question”, he suggested, “I will ask you again - if you had one question and one question only that you would like answered, what would it be?”

Abigail thought deeply on the question before replying softly.  “I don’t know”, she said quietly.

“Few people know what question to ask or they are afraid to ask their question”, said Gabriel,  “However, it is curious that almost everyone I ask this question of asks a question about their past and not their future. I find that interesting.  Don’t you?”

“Why is that interesting?”, she asked.

“Well”, he replied, “it means that we have many questions about out past and few of our future.  We seem to prefer to focus on potential regrets or mistakes from our past while we either fear our future or feel that we cannot or should not ask about it for some reason.”

Abigail listened intently but said nothing.

Gabriel continued.  “If we focus on our past”, he mused, “instead of our future, how do we know that we are focusing on what matters in our lives – the things that have yet to be that will leverage the potential that is contained within us?”

“Maybe”, countered Abigail, “that all questions have no value.  How can you put value on a question like mine?”

Gabriel took the glass of water on Abigail’s table and placed it in front of her.

“How much would you pay for this glass of water?”, he asked.

“I dunno”, shrugged Abigail, “a dollar, maybe two.”

“Fair enough”, replied Gabriel, “Now imagine that this is the only glass of water for a thousand miles in any direction.  Now how much are you willing to pay for it?”

Abigail’s face lit up.  “I get it”, she said, “All questions do have an answer and the cost of obtaining the answer is commensurate with the value the answer represents to each of us.”

“Correct”, Gabriel said, smiling, “There is always an answer and there is always a price to pay for obtaining it.  How much we are willing to pay for that answer is determined by how badly we want or need it.  The question is only unanswerable if we don’t know how badly we want the answer in the first place.”

“So”, he continued, “Do you know what question you would ask now?”

“I do”, asserted Abigail.

“Good”, replied Gabriel, “Do you know what you are willing to pay for it?”

Abigail paused, sighed and then shook her head sadly.

“Until you know that”, replied Gabriel, “the answer to your question will continue to elude you.”

Gabriel stood up from the table and touched her shoulder gently.

“When you know what you are willing to pay for the answer”, he said, “I will return.”

He turned and strode out of the restaurant …. as he did in numerous restaurants, coffee shops and parks around the world … leaving millions of people reflecting on “the question”.

To be continued.

---

© 2015 – Harry Tucker – All Rights Reserved

Background

I have always been fascinated by how people make choices in their lives.  Some claim to have planned their entire Life out while others prefer to live their Life spontaneously.

Some claim the destination in Life is what matters while others claim that the journey is what matters most.

The reality is that there is no one size fits all model.

However, what is universally true is that if we don’t know what our potential represents and don’t care where we are going, then we will not use our gifts to our ultimate potential and we will have no say in the direction of our lives.  This is true whether we are twenty-something or ninety-something.

It also brings another interesting thought to mind:

What would we be willing to pay for a question whose answer is not given to us until we have paid the price for it considering that:

1. Whether or not we liked what we paid commensurate with what we received would be irrelevant.

2. It may be too late for a second question / answer.

How would you answer the question that Gabriel was asking?

What are you willing to pay to obtain an answer?

Are the question and answer important enough to meet up to your potential or is it based on the trite, the mundane and the unimportant in the grand scheme of your Life?

What do your answers tell you?

What should you do next?

How do you know?

Alternate Ending

I mused about Gabriel asking Abigail what she wanted and she would have replied that she wanted to know how much longer she would have with her partner and that she would give anything for the answer.  Gabriel would have replied that the answer was an hour, that the cost of the answer was her partner’s Life (the ultimate cost since she said “anything”) and this would have stressed Abigail to the point where she would not have spent the last hour with her partner to the best of their potential because of sadness and worry.

Maybe this is what we fear – that knowing our future would not empower us to live better lives but instead would cripple us.

Would you want to know the answer to the question?

Are you sure?

Series Origin

This series, a departure from my usual musings, is inspired as a result of conversations with former senior advisors to multiple Presidents of the United States, senior officers in the US Military and other interesting folks as well as my own professional background as a Wall St. / Fortune 25 strategy and large-scale technology architect.

While this musing is just “fiction” and a departure from my musings on technology, strategy, politics and society, as a strategy guy, I do everything for a reason and with a measurable outcome in mind. :-)

This “fictional” musing is a continuation of the #1206 series noted here.

When Your Purpose Is Closer Than You Realize

I truly believe that everything that we do and everyone that we meet is put in our path for a purpose. There are no accidents; we're all teachers - if we're willing to pay attention to the lessons we learn, trust our positive instincts and not be afraid to take risks or wait for some miracle to come knocking at our door. - Marla Gibbs

The #1206 “fiction” series continues …

---

Abigail awoke with a start, momentarily confused as she looked around.  Her cancer treatment had weakened her significantly and so she was always grateful for an opportunity to lay down and rest.  She looked around in confusion, wondering why she was no longer sleeping in her own bed.

“Do not be afraid, Abigail”, a voice spoke to her gently. 

She looked around apprehensively to determine where the voice came from but could find no obvious source.

“Do not be afraid”, the voice repeated.

“Where am I?”, stammered Abigail, slowly awakening from her slumber.

“That is difficult to answer in a way that you would understand’, replied the voice, “But you are safe and that is what matters.”

“Who are you?”, she asked, still looking around furtively.

“That is probably more difficult to answer”, replied the voice, “And is not important right now.  I am here to help you with your transition.”

“Transition to or from what?”, asked Abigail.

The voice ignored her question.

“Before you move on”, it said quietly, “I need to know what you have learned in your Lifetime.  If you could offer one observation or ask one question about your Life, what would it be?”

Abigail’s brow furrowed as she reflected on the question.

“Anything?”, she asked.

“Anything”, the voice replied.

“Well”, began Abigail, “I’ve always lived a boring Life and could never figure out what my Purpose was.  I read every book I could find, listened to all the experts, tried all the ‘magical cures’ for happiness and I still never figured out what my Purpose is.”

“What your purpose was”, corrected the voice.

“Was?”, asked Abigail quizzically.

The voice paused for a moment before replying.

“Did you ever feel that the advice of all the ‘experts’ made you feel worse?”, asked the voice.

“Why, yes”, replied Abigail, “They always made finding Purpose appear so easy and effortless that when I couldn’t accomplish it, I thought I was stupid, inferior or lacking in something that everyone else had.  When I had those thoughts, I always felt worse when I couldn’t seem to find my Purpose while everyone else claimed to have found theirs.  Even in places like social media, it seemed like everyone was living their dreams and I wasn’t”.

“Did it ever occur to you that they weren’t living a Life of Purpose either but they portrayed a story to the contrary in order to convince you or themselves that they were?”

“Why would they do that?”, asked Abigail.

“The human ego does unusual things to compensate for its insecurity”, replied the voice.

It paused for a moment before continuing.

“May I show you something?”, asked the voice.

“Yes”, said Abigail uncertainly.

An image appeared in front of her and she was transported back to when she was a young girl.  She saw herself cheering up a friend of hers who was feeling down.  She remembered Margaret well and had often wondered what happened to her elementary school friend.

“Your friend, Margaret”, said the voice, as if reading her mind, “Went on to become a doctor before going overseas to serve with Doctors Without Borders.  She once confided in a friend in medical school that it was the encouragement of a friend in elementary school who gave her the inspiration to become a doctor.”

The image was replaced by another from about 15 year ago.  Abigail observed the image with a mix of sadness and embarrassment as she remembered the scene well.  She had fallen on hard times and was begging a friend for financial assistance.  Her friend had hesitated significantly before begrudgingly helping her out.

“The lady you were asking for help from had stored up quite a nest egg in her lifetime”, observed the voice.  “Her intent was to die with it intact.  When you asked her for help, she didn’t want to help you but in helping you, something changed in her and she spent the rest of her years serving others in need.  So your moment of need became an opening to a greater Purpose for both of you.”

The image changed again to an event that had happened only last week.  She was sitting in a coffee shop, weak from her recent chemo treatment and fighting the waves of pain and nausea that had become part of her daily regimen.  She saw herself stand up slowly to leave and as she did, she turned and smiled to a sad looking young man seated at the table beside her.  He responded with a faint smile in return and she left.

“The young man you smiled to was struggling”, said the voice, “Your smile sent him a message that he mattered just when he needed it.  Where he goes from here remains to be determined but your smile saved him from an end that I don’t care to discuss at the moment.”

“I don’t understand”, replied Abigail.

“You don’t?”, asked the voice, “Perhaps you would like to see more memories.  I can replay thousands of them for you.  I have as much time as you need.”

“But I don’t understand what these things have to do with my Purpose”, she protested, “I did all of these things but so what?  I still never found my Purpose.”

“You never found your purpose, Abigail?”, asked the voice, “I am trying to tell you that you have been living it all along.  That which you sought was something you lived every day. You were just so busy looking for it outside of you that you didn’t realize that it was living in and through you every day.  The truth is that you served and lived your Purpose perfectly.”

The voice paused before continuing.

“Your call to Purpose is not based on some book you read or some inspirational speech that you hear.  Your call to Purpose swirls around you every day.  Whether or not you answer the call depends on whether you are sensitive to what is swirling around you and if you observe such things, whether you say ‘yes’ to what they call you to do.”

“You said ‘yes’ many times, Abigail”, the voice concluded.

Abigail said nothing as she reflected on what was being said to her.

“But why doesn’t someone tell us this?”, she asked.

“If we did”, replied the voice, “Then you might try to cherry pick your Life experiences, seeking to find only those things that are good, useful or comfortable.  You would definitely seek to avoid the most important experiences in Life, those which are often uncomfortable, painful or frightening.”

Abigail nodded as the truth of that statement settled inside.

A light came on in her mind and she suddenly realized that she had spent years seeking something that she was already living.

“I get it”, she said excitedly, “I think I really get it.”

She paused for a moment and then stated with emphasis, “My Life will be different from now on.”

“Well”, said the voice, “That is more true and more complex than you realize.”

“What do you mean?”, replied Abigail.

“Your Life as you know it is transitioning.  That is my purpose here – to help you with that transition.”, the voice said, “The Life you knew is no more.”

Abigail sat in silence, afraid to ask what that meant.

“Don’t worry”, the voice said, appearing to read her mind again, “This is a natural step in the journey of your soul.  The lesson you have learned here today is important and here’s why.”

Abigail listened in silence, occasionally nodding as the voice explained what was to come.

To be continued.

---

© 2015 – Harry Tucker – All Rights Reserved

Background

With this musing, I am not suggesting that we should never strive for greater things when it comes to the creation and realization of Life Purpose.  I’m also not suggesting that we accept anything but our best effort in living Life to its fullest.

However, it is a suggestion that sometimes that which we strive for is closer at hand than we realize …. including our Purpose.

And when we think that Purpose is a monumental, grandiose thing as defined by the “gurus” of our age, it oftentimes is a collection of the smaller things in Life, creating a greater world than we realize.

Reflect upon these questions today:

1. What should I do?

2. Where should I go?

3. What should I say and to whom?

What do the answers tell you to do?

Create a great day, because merely having one is too passive an experience.

Series Origin

This series, a departure from my usual musings, is inspired as a result of conversations with former senior advisors to multiple Presidents of the United States, senior officers in the US Military and other interesting folks as well as my own professional background as a Wall St. / Fortune 25 strategy and large-scale technology architect.

While this musing is just “fiction” and a departure from my musings on technology, strategy, politics and society, as a strategy guy, I do everything for a reason and with a measurable outcome in mind. :-)

This “fictional” musing is a continuation of the #1206 series noted here.