Last Chances Don’t Come With Warnings

We never really learn from the first mistake, second or third.  It only hits us when we're given the last chance.- Wiz Khalifa

Last night, I was reminded about the importance of finishing what you’ve started with a sense of urgency while you still have the time to do so.

Late last night as a small group of us stepped outside to wind down our evening, we noticed a lightning storm off in the distance.  The lightning was beautiful and approximately 4-5 miles away according to the old “one-one thousand, two-one thousand” quasi-accurate calculation of distance.

Assuming it was safe to proceed with the storm safely off to the south, we began walking when suddenly lightning struck the ground all around us with blinding light, phenomenally loud thunder and a strange, loud sizzling sound in the air.

It wasn’t just one flash but several.  I had fallen to the ground, saw it striking the ground all around us and I remember yelling “Get down, get down, get down”.

After the terrifying moment had passed, I noticed my colleague was still standing and shouting incoherently.  When I asked “Why didn’t you get down on the ground?”, their response was, “I couldn’t – I was frozen and too afraid to move.”

“You always hit the ground when this happens”, I replied, shaken and frustrated at the same time while feeling grateful having survived my third near-strike of lightning.

I later morbidly tweeted that the shareholders would have been ticked off had we been killed so close to the conclusion of a significant deal.

This morning, my colleague still wasn’t feeling 100% as we discussed how close we came to an untimely end.

It got me to thinking about close encounters in my Life.

Bear with me for a moment – there is a method to my madness:

I have survived:

• 5 aviation incidents - two RPM governance failures on takeoff, a near-miss on final approach, a structural integrity compromise during a violent storm (requiring an emergency landing) and a depressurization.  The lightning strike I encountered on a flight once is considered normal.  I mused about one of the incidents in the post The Last Hour of My Life.
• A bicycle crash that split my helmet in two when my temple hit the pavement at 25+ mph and left me with a serious concussion, a lot of cuts and abrasions and a destroyed bicycle.  I am an official member of the “Saved by the Bell” club, a designation where a Bell bike helmet was proven to have saved your Life.
• Another bicycle crash that occurred when I was clipped on the left by an SUV whose driver wasn’t paying attention to how close they were to me.
• Two near misses by tornadoes, including one that touched down half a block from where I had gone out for a walk and one that formed over me in Vulcan, Alberta and touched down a short distance later.  In the latter incident, I was so busy filming it over me that I didn't realize I was in significant danger.
• A strike by a vehicle from behind where the vehicle was carrying a piece of lumber sticking out the passenger side of the vehicle.  It was a rainy night and I was walking on the sidewalk when a voice to my left (right by my ear) yelled “look out”.  I jumped to the right, startled by the voice and at the moment, the lumber struck me across the shoulder blades, knocking me out.  A witness in a car behind the car that struck me told me later that he saw a flash of light right beside my head just before I jumped and thought I was jumping because of that.  I was informed by police that had I not jumped at that moment, the lumber would have struck me in the neck and likely killed me.  Who warned me?
• Two mini strokes, one in my teens and one in my early 20s.
• Non-Hodgkin's lymphoma (stage 4) at the age of 30.
• A near head-on collision with a large snowplow.  I had come upon a single lane cut in a 20-foot deep snow drift, stopped, saw no one coming towards me and proceeded through it.  Unbeknownst to me, a snow plow had decided to take a second run at clearing the snow and had backed up around a turn in the road in front of me in order to get some acceleration for the second run.  As I was halfway through the tunnel, he came around the turn driving straight towards me.  In a flash, I knew I could beat him to the end of the snow tunnel and so I accelerated towards him.  I cleared the tunnel just as he entered it.  I escaped but the van driving behind me took the full brunt of the head-on collision as the plow entered the snow tunnel and the driver of the van was seriously injured.  People who witnessed the accident thought I was either lucky or crazy for accelerating towards the plow.  Maybe I was both.
• I’ve been attacked 5 times in New York City, 4 times by individuals and once by a group of 4 or 5 guys.  Of the first 4 incidents, 2 of the 4 guys were unconscious before they hit the ground.  Regarding the group, myself and another colleague were held up by a gang of miscreants who demanded our wallets as we headed home from Brooklyn late one night.  When I refused, the leader (I assume it was the leader) told me that I couldn’t take all of them.  I acknowledged the truth of this but said I would at least kill the first one.  They looked uncertainly at each other and left the scene.  Steve, my colleague, asked me if I would have done that and I said “Yes – we were going to die anyway.  I gambled that I had to look crazier than they were and it worked.”
• I was stabbed by a man with a mental health issue on a subway stop in Toronto who found a new use for the metal tip of his umbrella.
• I hit a patch of black ice on a turn one night while driving 65 mph and went into a full spin (I still remember each rotation in slow motion).  I missed all the oncoming traffic, bounced off an ice wall on the opposite side of the road, crossed the road again, missed traffic in both directions, hit the wall on the original side of the highway and then came back across the traffic.  I stopped in the middle of the road, facing the wrong direction.  My car didn’t appreciate the experience but I was completely unhurt.
• I was almost struck by a vehicle while crossing a street in Calgary during a rain storm but was saved when someone else saw it developing and blew their horn to warn me.  I mused about that in my post Angels Amongst Us.
• I was the passenger in 5 different high speed accidents in my second semester of college.
• I have narrowly missed many accidents as a driver, with the vehicle in front of me or behind me being taken out by various incidents.
• I was rushed to hospital last summer with a blood pressure of 190 / 130.  Doctors were impressed that I hadn't had a stroke or heart attack.  My blood pressure is now a normal 90 / 55.
• 15 minutes before the World Trade Center bomb exploded, I was standing on the very spot that was vaporized when the blast went off.

All of these came to mind as I reflected on last night’s moment, my third near-lightning strike.  The first one came as I stood on my lawn in New Jersey and watched a distant storm coming in.  I suddenly felt “strange” as if something was inside me and at that moment, lightning struck a playground set about 50 feet from me, with the intense light and blast of thunder knocking me over.  I was later told that a “streamer” was likely coming up through me, making me a candidate for the strike had it connected with a leader coming down from the storm cloud.  Another time, I was riding on a bike trail that cut through a car wreck yard, trying to beat a storm home, when suddenly lighting began hitting the junkyard.  I lay on the ground as lightning blasted all around me like artillery fire.

The funny thing is that I live a relatively low-risk life.  I don’t sky dive, smoke, drink or intentionally put myself at risk in any way.  I eat well, exercise and take care of myself emotionally, physically, intellectually and spiritually.  I drive the speed limit and minimize my risk in business.  I’m so uptight about obeying the rules that even jay walking is something not on my “can do” list.

And despite a low-risk Life, I have dodged a lot of things that many people succumb to on their first encounter.

As I discussed this with my colleague this morning, I made several observations:

1. We’re still here so let’s not spend too much time navel gazing about it
2. Either “Someone” thinks we are not finished with our Purpose or we are very lucky – either way, we have to do something with this second chance (or whatever number I was up to, I’d lost count until I sat down to reflect on the moment).
3. The shareholders are still happy.
4. Let’s finish what we started.

The reality is that once again, we’ve been given a reminder that our time here is borrowed time – we don’t know how much we are given to start with, we don’t know how much is left and once time is burned for good or for bad, it can never be reclaimed.

How much of your time are you taking for granted?

The Bottom Line

We exist for a variety of reasons, to love, to share, to learn, to teach, to grow, to lift / serve others, to create and for some, to be a lesson to others.

Whatever our Purpose, we may not have as much time as we think to accomplish it.

In fact, today may be our last day, with our final moments coming without warning (the blog post title is a quote from Rob Hill).

Are you willing to allow your legacy, your gifts, your talents, your family, your colleagues or your sense of Purpose to be allowed to languish or remain unfulfilled because you took your time for granted?

Do you need a warning shot for motivational purposes?

Don’t wait for such a warning because it may signify your departure, with anything in-progress remaining unfinished.

I end my emails (and many meetings) with “Create a great day” or “Create a great day because merely having one is too passive an experience”.  Careful observers notice that I also always capitalize the L in Life.

I do it because I recognize that Life is a holy gift, without guarantees, and that we should create a great day because today may be our last.

Are you creating a great day right now?

In service and servanthood.

Harry

PS I am not a Nickleback fan at all but I was amused to discover that as I finished this post, their song, “If Today Was Your Last Day” is playing on the radio.

It’s just a coincidence, of course.

Isn’t it?

Waiting For Someone Else to Change the World

It's always inspiring to me to meet people who feel that they can make a difference in the world. That's their motive, that's their passion... I think that's what makes your life meaningful, that's what fills your own heart and that's what gives you purpose. - Maria Shriver

It is better to have a meaningful life and make a difference than to merely have a long life. - Bryant H. McGill

Anyone who thinks that they are too small to make a difference has never tried to fall asleep with a mosquito in the room. - Christine Todd Whitman

I always liked this story.

Two boys entered the dentist's office. One boy said, “I want a tooth taken out, I don't want any gas, and I don't want it deadened.  We're in a hurry!” The dentist said, “You're a brave young man. Which tooth is it?” The boy turned to his smaller friend and said, “Show him your tooth, Albert.”

The world is full of “volunteers” like that.

The former are anxious to have something happen to someone else or to volunteer (demand) someone else do something on their terms.

People like Albert in the story allow themselves to be volunteered even when it doesn’t serve their own purpose or opportunity for contribution.

Many are disappointed when others don’t step up and do things as they would like to see them done, all the while doing little or nothing themselves.

Others are disappointed that others are always telling them where to go and what to do.

The world would be a better place if we took greater responsibility for our contribution to it instead of demanding that others get things done on our behalf and on our terms and timelines or letting others tell us what we should be doing.

What do you think?

Be the change you want to see in the world (Gandhi) or stop complaining how others are not stepping up to your liking or always telling you what to do.

The choice is yours ….

…. and there is great power in choice.

Make the choice before it is too late to do so.

The deadline may be closer than you realize.

In service and servanthood,

Harry

2017 and Elevator “Close Door” Buttons

Some of our important choices have a time line. If we delay a decision, the opportunity is gone forever. Sometimes our doubts keep us from making a choice that involves change. Thus an opportunity may be missed. - James E. Faust

Too often in life, something happens and we blame other people for us not being happy or satisfied or fulfilled. So the point is, we all have choices, and we make the choice to accept people or situations or to not accept situations. - Tom Brady

If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice. - Neil Peart

Have you ever noticed what the most pressed button on an elevator is?  By deduction and observation of the wear around each button, we can often determine that the “door close” button is the most pressed one.

Ironically, in most elevator systems, especially high traffic ones, the “door close” button is ignored, the elevator being controlled by a master control system that determines when the door will close regardless of your intentions and desires.

Along the same lines, have you ever noticed people who enter an elevator car and press a floor that is already lit or press a floor button multiple times in rapid succession.  They somehow believe, consciously or unconsciously, that multiple presses or presses with force behind them indicate priority or perhaps a reminder in case the elevator car somehow forgot the first request for the specific floor.

Elevator Usage Note: Subsequent presses of the same button are also ignored.

Meanwhile, the “door open” button does work on your command.  However, if you hold it too long or press it too often, an alarm will sound because you have abused your privilege to tell the elevator car that you have a desire for something beyond its own intention and purpose.  Ignore the alarm and security will ask you over the intercom if you are ok.  Ignore that call and …. well … see my PS at the end of this post for an amusing story.

I am reminded of this as I entertain regulators from two countries this week.  They want to make sure that technology that my colleagues and I have crafted will not be exported to nefarious countries or parties of evil intent.  As I left the building yesterday and replayed the events of the day, the elevator ride reminded me of what is inside and outside of our control, when we make choices in alignment with intentions and what happens after our choices are made.

Later that evening, I gave a quick skim over my social media feed to see how people were preparing for 2017.

Sadly, much of it was a repeat of their 2016 intentions, their 2015 intentions, their 2010 intentions … you get the picture.  A sampling looks like this:

“This year, I will lose weight, be more fit, drink less, quit smoking, spend less time on social media, find my purpose, travel more, prepare for retirement better, cease poisonous relationships, do more for people …..”

The list is promising but sadly, disappointing, nauseating and frustrating (the latter two coming from listening to someone for the 5th, 10th or 20th year in row lecturing you how THIS year WILL be different, no matter what you say to the contrary).

Meanwhile, their thoughts, words and actions on the last day of December and the last day of the subsequent January will be the same for many of them, with the gap in between the two days representing “the New Year’s resolution” that they immerse themselves in but which inevitably loses momentum and is placed on a shelf, only to be dusted off, embraced, promoted and relived next year at the same time.

Despite the numerous research that exists proving that raw New Year’s resolutions don’t work, people go about resetting their enthusiasm for living by setting goals that are wonderful in theory but have no basis in reality because their brain is still working on flawed wiring, unsubstantiated intentions, lousy personal beliefs, absent goals and the like.  Imagine how those same people would react if they realized that constantly inventing new goals without changing their beliefs and execution was actually killing them.  (Author note: An interesting article on the science of keeping and breaking New Year's Resolutions can be found here: Popular Science: Why Your Brain Makes New Year's Resolutions Impossible to Keep.)

This phenomenon is known as the Stockdale Paradox, named after Admiral James Stockdale.  In the book Good to Great, Admiral Stockdale describes his experiences as a POW in Vietnam:

The name refers to Admiral Jim Stockdale, who was the highest-ranking United States military office in the “Hanoi Hilton” prisoner-of-war camp during the height of the Vietnam War. Tortured over twenty times during his eight-year imprisonment from 1965 to 1973, Stockdale lived out the war without any prisoner’s rights, no set release date, and no certainty as to whether he would even survive to see his family again. He shouldered the burden of command, doing everything he could to create conditions that would increase the number of prisoners who would survive unbroken, while fighting an internal war against his captors and their attempts to use the prisoners for propaganda. At one point, he beat himself with a stool and cut himself with a razor, deliberately disfiguring himself, so that he could not be put on videotape as an example of a “well-treated prisoner.” He exchanged secret intelligence information with his wife through their letters, knowing that discovery would mean more torture and perhaps death. He instituted rules that would help people to deal with torture (no one can resist torture indefinitely, so he created a step-wise system–-after x minutes, you can say certain things–-that gave the men milestones to survive toward). He instituted an elaborate internal communications system to reduce the sense of isolation that their captors tried to create, which used a five-by-five matrix of tap codes for alpha characters. (Tap-tap equals the letter a, tap-pause-tap-tap equals the letter b, tap-tap-pause-tap equals the letter f, and so forth, for twenty-five letters, c doubling in for k.) At one point, during an imposed silence, the prisoners mopped and swept the central yard using the code, swish-swashing out “We love you” to Stockdale, on the third anniversary of his being shot down. After his release, Stockdale became the first three-star officer in the history of the navy to wear both aviator wings and the Congressional Medal of Honor.
 
How on earth did he deal with it when he was actually there and did not know the end of the story?”
 
“I never lost faith in the end of the story,” he said, when I asked him. “I never doubted not only that I would get out, but also that I would prevail in the end and turn the experience into the defining event of my life, which in retrospect, I would not trade.”
 
Finally I asked, “Who didn’t make it out?”
 
“Oh, that’s easy,” he said. “The optimists.”
 
“The optimists? I don’t understand,” I said, now completely confused given what he’d said earlier.
 
“The optimists. Oh, they were the ones who said, ‘We’re going to be out by Christmas.’ And Christmas would come, and Christmas would go. Then they’d say, ‘We’re going to be out by Easter.’ And Easter would come, and Easter would go. And then Thanksgiving, and then it would be Christmas again. And they died of a broken heart. This is a very important lesson. You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end–-which you can never afford to lose–-with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.”

Too many people are preparing for 2017 in the same way they prepared for previous years, with an optimism that things will be better “just because” and without facing the realities of their situation and in some cases, their own poor execution. 

For too many people, blind optimism without addressing the realities that created their current situation are going to create more disappointment.  They are constantly reliving the Stockdale Paradox but they don’t believe it or call you a naysayer, pessimist or non-supporter because you see things more objectively than they do.

The Bottom Line

Optimism is an important part of Life.  Without it, it is difficult to move forward with any sense of hope and intention.

However, blind optimism, optimism that doesn’t address the realities of one’s present situation and execution is not optimism.

It is blind ignorance.

And while people who love to immerse themselves in blind optimism regard objective people like me as pessimists, the reality is that if you want to get somewhere new in your Life, you have to know where you stand and how you got there if you want to make any progress at all.

After all, if you want to travel to NYC, your options and the effort required to exercise your options are much different if you start off in New Jersey, California or Australia.

So as you prepare for 2017, make sure that your thoughts, words and actions are in congruence and are in fact working together to create a different year than the one you feel disappointed in.

Also make sure that they are grounded in reality of where you are.

Otherwise, you are merely banging on the buttons of an elevator and feeling frustrated that such actions are not getting you where you want to go as fast as you want to get there.

You deserve a strong 2017.

Do your thoughts, words and actions demonstrate that you believe you deserve it?

If you've always struggled with New Year's Resolutions, besides all the fluffy stuff you read every year that builds up a false euphoric orgasm of intention that fades into disappointment or abysmal failure, check out this article: Popular Science: Why Your Brain Makes New Year's Resolutions Impossible to Keep.  It matters if you care about how successful your intentions will be.

In service and servanthood – create a great 2017, because merely having one is too passive an experience.

Harry

PS In my early days on Wall St., there were two colleagues (married but not to each other) who had feelings for each other.  One day while riding in the elevator, then found themselves overwhelmed with a feeling of amorousness for each other and looking to extend their magical moment, they pressed the emergency button to stop the car.

As they engaged in a moment of passion which involved removing their clothing, they ignored reality when the security guard asked them over the intercom if they were ok.

They ignored the reality that the security guard could see them via the camera in the elevator car.

However, they couldn’t ignore reality when firemen forced the elevator door open and found them in the heat of passion.

A month or so later, I was walking by an emergency exit on the 25th floor of our building when I heard what I thought were sounds of someone in difficulty.  It turned out to be the same couple locked in the throes of passion once again.  They had jammed the door open with a small piece of wood, knowing that in a secure facility, doors for emergency exits could not be opened from the outside.  With a grunt of amusement, I kicked the little piece of wood out of the door and allowed it to close.  I’m sure the walk down 25 floors was a nice cool-down for them when they were done.

Reality doesn’t have emotion and doesn’t care what you think about it.

It just exists.

Denying it doesn’t make Life any better nor will it bend to our will just because that is what we want.

It takes a change in thought, word and action to produce the change we want and even then, the Universe / God / Fate / Whatever-You-Believe-In may have other thoughts in mind.

But accepting that is better than blind optimism, otherwise the light at the end of the tunnel may in fact be a train.

You deserve better than that.

When you acknowledge and believe that and understand what it takes to put that belief into practice, your Life will change for the better.

Otherwise you may end up proving that there is no difference between blind optimism and recklessness, especially to the objective observer.

Defining Your Purpose–The Certainty of Uncertainty

My soul can find no staircase to Heaven unless it be through Earth's loveliness. - Michelangelo

I truly believe that everything that we do and everyone that we meet is put in our path for a purpose. There are no accidents; we're all teachers - if we're willing to pay attention to the lessons we learn, trust our positive instincts and not be afraid to take risks or wait for some miracle to come knocking at our door. - Marla Gibbs

The #1206 “fiction” series continues …

---

Geri crawled into bed next to Will.  It had been a busy but fruitful, fulfilling day.  She kissed Will and snuggled lovingly into him.  Sleep came fast and easy for her …..

…. and then she awoke with a start.

She was no longer in her bed but sitting in a chair in a darkened, softly lit room empty of anything but the comfortable chair she found herself in.

She looked frantically for Will but he was nowhere to be found and for a moment, panic began to seize her.

A voice from nowhere, everywhere and within her spoke softly and gently to her.  “There is nothing to fear here, Geri”, it said kindly.

The voice paused for a moment before continuing.

“Before you move on in your journey, it is normal that your journey-to-date be reviewed.  Hopefully you will find the review to be useful”, the voice said.

Images appeared around Geri, movies floating in the air about her.  She recognized them all.  It was her Life in all of its early struggle.  One moment she was observing being bullied in school, another time she saw abuse at the hands of someone who sought to relieve his pain by pushing it on her.  She watched her younger self struggle with her career and a Life of personal difficulty.  Years of frustration, unanswered prayers and a sense of being lost in Purpose were replayed and she felt painful, all-too-familiar emotions welling up inside her as she remembered those days.

“How do you know this?”, Geri asked in bewilderment.

“This is not the time for questions”, replied the voice, “Observe.”

Geri watched the movies in silence, tears rolling down her cheeks.  Small, personal victories and moments of happiness were interspersed with long stretches of difficulty.  She relived her feelings of fear, failure and a strong sense of unworthiness that she had experienced then.

And then the movies disappeared.

Geri sat in silence, digesting what she had just watched.

“This was your Life story”, the voice said.

She cleared her throat and spoke.

“That wasn’t my whole story”, she said quietly.

“True”, replied the voice, “We spent a long time preparing you for your real story.  Sometimes, difficult things were sent your way to prepare you for your Purpose.  Other times we sent gifts to you in the form of opportunity but you resisted them, choosing the difficult path when an easier one was available.  Some lessons were necessary.  Some were voluntary on your part.  All of them were important.”

The voice paused.

“Observe”, it said.

Another movie appeared.  It showed a meeting she had had with a long time friend many years ago.  They were talking about her struggles as they had done in the past and he was encouraging her to stop being fixated on what had gone wrong in her Life. He implored her to see her difficulties as preparation for something greater and to allow herself to be guided towards her real calling instead of driving towards what she believed that calling to be.  He was reading to her from his Bible, quoting Ecclesiastes  3:1-11 and how everything mattered in its own time.  The time had come to use her talents and gifts in the way she was meant to and not in the way she thought she was supposed to, he had implored.

“I remember this meeting”, Geri said, “Hank was telling me something I already knew.”

“Perhaps”, replied the voice, “Hank, or Gabriel as we know him, was telling you something important that you had ignored for your entire adult Life.  So while you claim to have known this all along, it was your failure to take any action that kept you trapped in the Life that you hated.  Gabriel’s task when you met him that day was to get you to think differently.  Do you remember what happened after that meeting?”

“Yes”, Geri replied, “Will and I decided to trust our instinct more.  I gave up on my dreams of running a big, fancy, impactful company and we settled on a bed and breakfast that we had had our eye on for some time.  It was kind of a silly dream I guess but I always like it was something that kept calling me and so we gave in to the feeling and followed it.”

“A silly dream?”, asked the voice, “Observe.”

Movies again began to play in the air around her.  One movie showed a successful artist proudly exhibiting his art to an admiring audience in a large art gallery.  Another movie showed a couple lying on a beach, intertwined in each other as they watched the sun go down.  In another, a young man was saying goodbye to his father as he lay dying in a hospital bed.

Other movies played all around her.

“Who are these people?”, Geri asked as she watched them all in awe and bewilderment.

“The young artist stayed at your bed and breakfast when he was struggling to find his way in his vocation.”, replied the voice, “The couple were experiencing the death throes of their marriage when they decided to give it one last try by spending a romantic weekend at that same bed and breakfast.  The other young man and his father had become estranged over the years and had decided that it was important that they reconnect and they did so at your bed and breakfast shortly before his father died.”

The voice paused for a moment.

“All of these people were struggling.  Their lives changed when they met the owners of the bed and breakfast.  As their Life Journey took them through your bed and breakfast, they were transformed.”

The voice paused again before continuing.

“As were you and Will”, it said gently.

“I don’t understand”, said Geri quietly.

“We spent your entire Life preparing you for your real Purpose.  You fought us and resisted us the whole way.  When you finally acquiesced, the Purpose we had for you was allowed to come to fruition.  You wanted to serve people but you kept getting in your own way.  Impactful service was much easier to achieve and closer at hand than you realized.”

Geri sat in silence, tears once again rolling down her cheeks.

“I didn’t know”, she said quietly.

“Nor were you meant to”, replied the voice, “You would have attempted too many shortcuts had you known.  Human beings cheat if they know the answers in advance.”

“What about Will?”, she asked, “Where is he?  Can I see him?”

“He still has a small part of his Calling remaining”, replied the voice, “You will see him soon.”

There was a moment of silence.

“You once had someone important that you lost”, said the voice gently, “Tell me about her.”

Geri choked down the sobs that wanted to well up within her and she looked down at the floor.

“My mother was everything”, she said, “When she died, I felt like I had lost my champion.”

“What would you tell your mother if you could speak to her right now?”, asked the voice, “What do you think your Champion would tell you about all of the people whose lives were changed when they met you and Will at your bed and breakfast?”

Geri shook her head for a moment and then looked up to answer the question.

As she did so, she was stunned to see her mother standing in front of her.  Behind her, others stood, people that she had recognized as having helped her over the years or whom she had helped.

She opened her mouth to speak …..

To be continued.

---

© 2016 – Harry Tucker – All Rights Reserved

Background

This blog post is a long distance dedication to someone I can not identify.

Perhaps the person is you.

You know what it means.

Someone is waiting for you.

What are you waiting for?

Series Origin

This series, a departure from my usual musings, is inspired as a result of conversations with former senior advisors to multiple Presidents of the United States, senior officers in the US Military and other interesting folks as well as my own professional background as a Wall St. / Fortune 25 strategy advisor and large-scale technology architect.

While this musing is just “fiction” (note the quotes) and a departure from my musings on technology, strategy, politics and society, as a strategy guy, I do everything for a reason and with a measurable outcome in mind. :-)

This “fictional” musing is a continuation of the #1206 series noted here.

Connecting the Dots in Our Life

Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them. - Dalai Lama

The purpose of human life is to serve, and to show compassion and the will to help others. - Albert Schweitzer

I have long been fascinated with the notion of significant people / events in our lives, how they come to be, whether we choose them or they are chosen for us, how we measure their effect / influence, what their cumulative effect is, whether the order that they appear in our lives is significant, etc.

I have mused about such things many times and in many ways in my blog, including but not limited to the following popular posts:

• If You Could Have One Question Answered, What Would It Be?
• When Your Purpose Is Closer Than You Realize
• Are You Out of Time?
• The Reality of Statistical Improbability
• The Four Cardinal Virtues–Which One Are You?
• Who Defines Your Reality?
• Connecting the Dots – Valuing the Connections In Your Life

With this idea in mind, I drew a series of mind maps to express some thoughts around the significant “dots” in our lives.  I am publishing these mind maps for others to comment on, criticize or make additions to.  The content is copyright the author as noted unless otherwise indicated.

The Connect the Dots mind map series can be found on my primary site and on my mobile site.

I invite people who may have thoughts on these diagrams to email me at info@harrytucker.com and I will give them consideration for future releases.  I may consider a wiki as well if the traffic is significant.

Many thanks for your interest and to all of my many readers over the years, I say thank you from the bottom of my heart.  I am a better person for my interaction with thousands of you over the years.

In service and servanthood,

Harry

If You Could Have One Question Answered, What Would It Be?

Decide what you want, decide what you are willing to exchange for it. Establish your priorities and go to work. - H. L. Hunt

Indeed, this life is a test. It is a test of many things - of our convictions and priorities, our faith and our faithfulness, our patience and our resilience, and in the end, our ultimate desires. - Sheri L. Dew

The #1206 “fiction” series continues …

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In restaurants, coffee shops, parks and other public places around the world, a tall, nondescript man sought out people sitting alone, walked up to them and asked each of them the same question in their native language:

May I join you?

Some said “no”, some shook their heads without saying anything but many invited the man to sit down with a gesture, a simple acknowledgement or an equivalent response.

The exchange between the man and the person sitting alone began the same way for everyone he approached, with the man smiling at the other person before saying, “My name is Gabriel.  What is yours?”

In a restaurant in New York City, the woman sitting at the table replied that her name was Abigail.

“I am pleased to meet you, Abigail”, replied Gabriel.  After exchanging some initial pleasantries, he paused, looked her intently and directly in the eye and asked, “If you had one question and one question only that you would like answered, what would it be?”

Abigail paused for a moment before answering.  “I would want to know why my child died and was taken from me”, she said, her eyes misting up as she answered.

“Interesting”, replied Gabriel, “And what would you do if you were provided with the answer?  What if I could guarantee an answer for you?”

Abigail paused for a moment, frowned in thought and then said, “That’s a good question.  I’m not sure.  I don’t even know if I would even want or like the answer.”

Gabriel nodded in acknowledgement before asking her, “What would you be willing to do or to sacrifice in order to obtain an answer to this question?  Or in other words, how badly do you want an answer at all?”

“Wow”, Abigail replied, “these are also good questions.  I don’t know the answers to those off the top of my head.”

Tears welled up in her eyes as she reflected on the questions the stranger was asking her.

“Why are you crying?”, asked Gabriel, frowning slightly in concern.

Abigail shrugged and then shook her head in silence.

Gabriel nodded slightly, accepting that his questions had probably reintroduced some painful memories for her.

After pausing for a moment, he looked at her and asked “Do you not know what you would be willing to give for an answer to your question, Abigail?”

“I have no idea”, replied Abigail.

“Perhaps this suggests that you don’t want the answer bad enough”, said Gabriel gently, “and since you therefore can’t put a value on the answer, you don’t know what you would be willing to pay to obtain it.”

“I don’t know”, replied Abigail, disagreeing with his suggestion, “Maybe the question has no answer that is worth obtaining or has no value that can be determined.”

“I disagree”, responded Gabriel, “Every question and answer has a value and a cost.  Knowing what we are willing to give up to obtain the answer is what determines the value of it and the effort required to get it.”

He paused before continuing.

“Maybe if you can’t decide what you would be willing to trade to obtain the answer, that you may have asked the wrong question”, he suggested, “I will ask you again - if you had one question and one question only that you would like answered, what would it be?”

Abigail thought deeply on the question before replying softly.  “I don’t know”, she said quietly.

“Few people know what question to ask or they are afraid to ask their question”, said Gabriel,  “However, it is curious that almost everyone I ask this question of asks a question about their past and not their future. I find that interesting.  Don’t you?”

“Why is that interesting?”, she asked.

“Well”, he replied, “it means that we have many questions about out past and few of our future.  We seem to prefer to focus on potential regrets or mistakes from our past while we either fear our future or feel that we cannot or should not ask about it for some reason.”

Abigail listened intently but said nothing.

Gabriel continued.  “If we focus on our past”, he mused, “instead of our future, how do we know that we are focusing on what matters in our lives – the things that have yet to be that will leverage the potential that is contained within us?”

“Maybe”, countered Abigail, “that all questions have no value.  How can you put value on a question like mine?”

Gabriel took the glass of water on Abigail’s table and placed it in front of her.

“How much would you pay for this glass of water?”, he asked.

“I dunno”, shrugged Abigail, “a dollar, maybe two.”

“Fair enough”, replied Gabriel, “Now imagine that this is the only glass of water for a thousand miles in any direction.  Now how much are you willing to pay for it?”

Abigail’s face lit up.  “I get it”, she said, “All questions do have an answer and the cost of obtaining the answer is commensurate with the value the answer represents to each of us.”

“Correct”, Gabriel said, smiling, “There is always an answer and there is always a price to pay for obtaining it.  How much we are willing to pay for that answer is determined by how badly we want or need it.  The question is only unanswerable if we don’t know how badly we want the answer in the first place.”

“So”, he continued, “Do you know what question you would ask now?”

“I do”, asserted Abigail.

“Good”, replied Gabriel, “Do you know what you are willing to pay for it?”

Abigail paused, sighed and then shook her head sadly.

“Until you know that”, replied Gabriel, “the answer to your question will continue to elude you.”

Gabriel stood up from the table and touched her shoulder gently.

“When you know what you are willing to pay for the answer”, he said, “I will return.”

He turned and strode out of the restaurant …. as he did in numerous restaurants, coffee shops and parks around the world … leaving millions of people reflecting on “the question”.

To be continued.

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© 2015 – Harry Tucker – All Rights Reserved

Background

I have always been fascinated by how people make choices in their lives.  Some claim to have planned their entire Life out while others prefer to live their Life spontaneously.

Some claim the destination in Life is what matters while others claim that the journey is what matters most.

The reality is that there is no one size fits all model.

However, what is universally true is that if we don’t know what our potential represents and don’t care where we are going, then we will not use our gifts to our ultimate potential and we will have no say in the direction of our lives.  This is true whether we are twenty-something or ninety-something.

It also brings another interesting thought to mind:

What would we be willing to pay for a question whose answer is not given to us until we have paid the price for it considering that:

1. Whether or not we liked what we paid commensurate with what we received would be irrelevant.

2. It may be too late for a second question / answer.

How would you answer the question that Gabriel was asking?

What are you willing to pay to obtain an answer?

Are the question and answer important enough to meet up to your potential or is it based on the trite, the mundane and the unimportant in the grand scheme of your Life?

What do your answers tell you?

What should you do next?

How do you know?

Alternate Ending

I mused about Gabriel asking Abigail what she wanted and she would have replied that she wanted to know how much longer she would have with her partner and that she would give anything for the answer.  Gabriel would have replied that the answer was an hour, that the cost of the answer was her partner’s Life (the ultimate cost since she said “anything”) and this would have stressed Abigail to the point where she would not have spent the last hour with her partner to the best of their potential because of sadness and worry.

Maybe this is what we fear – that knowing our future would not empower us to live better lives but instead would cripple us.

Would you want to know the answer to the question?

Are you sure?

Series Origin

This series, a departure from my usual musings, is inspired as a result of conversations with former senior advisors to multiple Presidents of the United States, senior officers in the US Military and other interesting folks as well as my own professional background as a Wall St. / Fortune 25 strategy and large-scale technology architect.

While this musing is just “fiction” and a departure from my musings on technology, strategy, politics and society, as a strategy guy, I do everything for a reason and with a measurable outcome in mind. :-)

This “fictional” musing is a continuation of the #1206 series noted here.

Are You Out of Time?

"Live life so completely that when death comes to you like a thief in the night, there will be nothing left for him to steal." - Anonymous

"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live." - Norman Cousins

The #1206 “fiction” series continues …

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“What do you want to do today?”

The question burned in Abigail’s mind as she drove along the highway, her mind occupied by the question she had asked Gabriel before setting off for the day.  It was part of their early morning routine – making love, breakfast, shower and then the inevitable “What do you want to do today?”.  Life had given her the freedom to do whatever she pleased but she found that the city she lived in was starting to disappoint her when it came to offering “things to do” and with that, the question had become difficult for them to answer in recent weeks.

Some days it was frustrating, other days they managed to find something to do and on other days, they just couldn’t see why they were here at all.

Her brow furrowed as she reflected on this and in her moment of total concentration, she also didn’t see the semi to her right that lost control and careened across four lanes before crushing her car.

---

Abigail awoke with a start and realized that she was sitting on a plush chair in a softly lit room.  “Wasn’t I just driving on the highway?”, she thought.

“Disorientation is normal”, a gentle voice on the other side of the room said, “Please relax.”

Abigail jumped slightly on hearing the voice and realized it had come from a person sitting opposite her. Try as she might, she could not make out any features of the person, being obscured by the soft shadows that fell around the source of the voice.  She attempted to stand up and realized that she couldn’t.

“Relax”, said the voice, “You are in no danger.”

“Where am I?”, asked Abigail, “I could have sworn I was just driving my car.”

“You are safe”, replied the voice, “That is all that matters right now.  I have something to show you but first I need to ask you this.  How well do you think you have lived your Life up to this moment?  Do you believe you have lived it to your fullest potential, Abigail?”

“What do you mean?”, Abigail asked, her brow furrowed in confusion.  “How do you know my name?”

“Observe”, the voice replied, ignoring her questions.

Off to her right, an image formed, holographic in form. Abigail stared at the “movie” that played before her.

She watched a woman sobbing, her head in her hands as her children stared at her helplessly.

Then the image changed and was replaced with someone else receiving bad news about their business.  “If only I had had the courage to take action earlier”, the person in the movie said.

The image changed again and Abigail watched in horror as a man savagely beat a woman.

Once more the image changed and she saw a young person sitting in a bedroom, a gun in his hand.  The person lifted the gun towards his head …..

And suddenly the images were gone.

Abigail swallowed hard and turned back to the mystery host.  “Who are they?”, she asked.

“They were people who were waiting for you”, replied the voice, “But you never showed up.”

“What do you mean, ‘I never showed up’?”, asked Abigail.

“Well”, the voice replied, “We spent years creating just the right experiences for your Life so that you would acquire the skills, knowledge and opportunity to help them but you chose not to honor the gifts or the responsibility we provided to you.  In not honoring them, you condemned to failure those whom you had been prepared to help.”

“I have no idea what you are talking about”, Abigail said earnestly, “I don’t even know these people.”

“That is true”, replied the voice calmly, “You don’t.  However, the gifts we had provided to you were intended to be shared with others who would in turn influence others and so on until the right people got to the people you saw at just the right moment.”

Abigail sat in silence, bewildered by what the voice was telling her.

“I suspect”, continued the voice, “That perhaps you may have been waiting for just the right moment to help others or to do more for others.  Would that be a lie?”

“That’s not a lie at all”, replied Abigail, “I’ve been very busy ….”

The voice cut her off.

“So if that’s the case”, it asked, “What would you consider to be the key things you need before doing more for others?  What is the one thing that, if it occurred, would enable you to do more for others?”

Abigail paused, struggling to answer the question.

“You can’t think of anything, can you?”, asked the voice.

Abigail shook her head slowly.

“And so the question becomes ‘If not now, then when?’”, observed the voice.

“If I had known what you are telling me, then I would have done something about it”, Abigail said, resisting the message that the voice was sharing.

“Are you sure?”, asked the voice, “How do you know?  Give me one definitive piece of proof to support what you just said.  We provided the gifts, the resources, the time and the opportunity.  What else did you need?”

Abigail was silent once again.

“We set everything up perfectly”, said the voice, “All you needed to do was your part.  By choosing not to do your part, you prevented others from playing their part for others.  How does this make you feel?”

Abigail felt her eyes tear up but she remained speechless.

“Do you not pray and read your Bible every day?”, asked the voice gently.

Abigail nodded quietly.

“Then either you believe what you practice and know that you have an Advocate in your corner who would not allow you to fail in the actions you take or you don’t believe such an Advocate exists, in which case you are wasting your time with empty words imploring guidance from a non-existent source of help”, asserted the voice.

“I believe”, said Abigail.

“If you believe but don’t take action, I would posit that you are either wasting your time or the time of the Person you are praying to when you ask for support or guidance regarding actions you never take”, challenged the voice.

Abigail said nothing.

“Then what are you waiting for?”, asked the voice insistently.

“I don’t know”, mumbled Abigail.

“All of these things you endure in your Life are for a reason”, the voice said, “If there were no reason for the things you enjoy and endure, then Life would mean nothing.  What would be the point of Life if that were case?”

The voice paused for a moment before continuing.

“Think of this”, it said, “Think of your time like money in the bank.  You can go to your bank and ask for an account balance – how much you have earned, how much you have spent and how much you have left.  You can always add more money any time you want.  Time is nothing like that.  You can’t ask what your initial deposit was, you can’t add more to your time account and once you have spent it, you cannot earn more.  Once the account is empty, it is too late to do anything with it.  Do you understand?”

Abigail nodded, still saying nothing.

“You must leave in a moment”, said the voice, “But first, it is important for you to understand the gifts you have been given, to understand what they are capable of producing and to understand the importance of exercising them vigorously every day.  They will provide a means of creating outcomes you are meant to produce for yourself and others.  Does this make sense?”

“Yes it does”, replied Abigail.

“Good”, said the voice, “Observe.”

Once again, a holographic image appeared next to Abigail and she saw images of herself.  One moment she was talking to a group of people, another time she was writing to someone, another time she was serving food to the homeless and finally, with some shock, she observed herself chatting happily with the President of the US.

“All things are possible to those who believe it to be so”, noted the voice.

She shook her head, not comprehending what she was watching.

“For those to whom much has been given, much is expected”, the voice continued.

Abigail started to speak but she was interrupted.

“Wait”, ordered the voice.

The image was replaced by the image she had seen earlier, of the young person lifting the gun up to his head.  As tears flowed down his face and he mentally said goodbye to the world, his phone chirped and he saw a text message scroll across the top of the screen.  “You are a great person”, it read, “I need to give you a hug today.”  The person dropped the gun beside him and as he wept in gratitude, he picked up his phone and texted back “I would like to get a hug from you today.”

“Now you understand”, said the voice as the image faded, “Our actions, good and bad, touch thousands of people we will never know.  Now I have one question for you before you go.”

Abigail returned her attention to the direction of the voice.

“You asked Gabriel earlier today “What do you want to do today?”.  Now I ask you, Abigail,  “What do you want to do today?”

Abigail opened her mouth to speak ….

---

“Blood pressure is stabilizing, doctor”, came a voice outside of Abigail’s peripheral vision.

Abigail suddenly found herself lying on her back, staring into bright lights and surrounded by masked people.

A masked face leaned in to hers, looked deeply into her eyes, said “Hang in there, Abigail.  You’re going to be ok.  You don’t know how lucky you are today.”

Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew.

To be continued.

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© 2015 – Harry Tucker – All Rights Reserved

Background

May this serve as an inspiration and not a condemnation.

Do something for someone today ….

While you still have time …

And while they still do.

Series Origin

This series, a departure from my usual musings, is inspired as a result of conversations with former senior advisors to multiple Presidents of the United States, senior officers in the US Military and other interesting folks as well as my own professional background as a Wall St. / Fortune 25 strategy and large-scale technology architect.

While this musing is just “fiction” and a departure from my musings on technology, strategy, politics and society, as a strategy guy, I do everything for a reason and with a measurable outcome in mind. :-)

This “fictional” musing is a continuation of the #1206 series noted here.