Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Preparing For the Imminent Alien Invasion

I was amused to see an announcement this week that two Congresswomen were putting forward a motion to set aside the Apollo landing sites on the moon as a National Park.

If passed, the legislation requires that the National Park Service have a group responsible for managing the park within a year of passing the bill and that a draft of a plan for managing the park must be tabled within 18 months of passing the bill.

I guess we can consider the following items complete if we have time to consider such legislation:

1. The issue that 1 in 6 Americans are using food stamps to get by must have been resolved.

2. The issues in the Middle East and other areas of the world must have been taken care of.

3. Worries regarding the ever-growing cost of Obamacare must have been addressed.

4. Concerns around the solvency of social security must have been solved once and for all.

5. Concerns around the storage of nuclear waste have been taken care of.

6. The impact of GMOs on our health has been addressed to our satisfaction.

7. Employment numbers are still woefully below what they should be but that’s ok – we have embraced this as the new definition of a successful economy.

8. The fact that nuclear power plants and nuclear arsenals may someday be compromised remotely by hackers, worms or viruses have been completely addressed. 

9. Insert your own concern here.

These may seem important but there are some REALLY important things that arise from the existence of such legislation:

1. Will the park offer free admission for its first year of operation?

2. Can I write off the cost of the trip to the park?

3. Will weight-loss companies show misleading commercials, highlighting earth and moon weights, suggesting that they are responsible for the miraculous apparent weight loss (at least until you return home)?

4. Given that PayPal is now working on a solution for payments originating from space, at least I don’t have to have cash on hand when buying one of my favorite treats at the park – moon pies of course.

5. Pursuant to the previous point, what will my data roaming rate be when I complete a PayPal transaction on the moon and what foreign exchange rate will be provided by my credit card company?

6. Have we considered the aliens who, according to conspiracy theorists, live on the far side of the moon but who probably have not been consulted about the park being built in their backyard?

Yes … I’m being silly and having a bit of fun.

Well …. sort of.

What if point #6 turns out to be real, the aliens get their space knickers in a knot and they come to Earth to kick us around.

If that happens, you should make sure you have a copy of Dr. Travis Taylor’s “Alien Invasion: The Ultimate Survival Guide to the Ultimate Attack” on hand, just in case.  The book is much better than the reviewers suggest – you know how those naysayers and people in denial are. ;-)

Of course you’ll want to make sure you have the hardcopy since everyone knows that the aliens will open their invasion with an EMP, wiping out e-readers. :-)

I read the book on the recommendation of a couple of Air Force officer buddies and then I realized something.

If you don’t believe in aliens and their plans for imminent invasion and you use the book as an emergency preparedness guide for terrestrial-based challenges, you will be much better prepared for almost anything that may happen in our future (with the exception of nuclear war, biological weapon attack, mass coronal ejection, ………).

Well … you will still be better off. :-)

And if you do believe in aliens and their intentions for imminent invasion, you will have the good fortune of being able to say “See? I told you so” with a smile to your neighbours when CNN broadcasts the announcement of mandatory “physicals”. :-)

All jests aside, the bottom line is this

Preparedness and paranoia are two separate things.

Information and obsession are two separate things.

Which one of each pair do you embrace?

Why or why not?

How do you know?

As for the possibility of an imminent alien invasion and whether such an arrival would be good or bad, I have my own opinions.

But for now, I offer Mel Gibson’s musings from the movie Signs. :-)

In service and servanthood,



I wrote this in a more tongue-in-cheek fashion than I usually do.  There is method to my madness. :-)


Out of respect for conspiracy people who believe we never landed on the moon, all visitors to the park will be blindfolded in order to maintain the mystery. :-)

1 comment:

  1. You don't have to blind fold those that believe the moon shot was theater, they'll believe the trip was a fancy ride and that they never left earth ... and the moon they are on is an expensive location set. Perhaps the same one they used when they shot the moon videos back in '69