Showing posts with label mentor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mentor. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Paul Johnson–Farewell to a Perfect, Imperfect Mentor

The delicate balance of mentoring someone is not creating them in your own image, but giving them the opportunity to create themselves. - Steven Spielberg

Do the right thing, the right way, right now. – Paul Johnson

On Canadian Thanksgiving Day, October 12, 2015, I was heartbroken to learn of the passing of Paul Johnson, a leading businessman and philanthropist, in St. John’s, Newfoundland.

Paul, or PJ to those of us who knew him, was much more to me than just a businessman.  He was the first business mentor I had in my long career and as news of his death sank in, my thoughts tumbled back to the impact this man had on my Life.

As an impressionable young lad of 17 in 1983, I first entered the IT world as a programmer / analyst working for PJ on a new project he was dreaming of. He intended to build Canada’s first PC-based insurance system and I was selected to be developer (later architect) #1.  While everyone told PJ that such technology was a passing fad, the visionary that was PJ saw past the naysayers and with his usual heightened sense of vision and doggedness, he was determined to make it work.

It was an incredible undertaking.  Many younger people in the IT field today wouldn’t know what it is like to write computer systems that fit on SSSD (single-sided, single density) floppy disks with a capacity of 256K, make their own printer cables using manufacturer-provided pin-out diagrams or write a printer driver in assembler for every new printer that arrived.  But PJ was undeterred despite the unproven, immature technology and his vision of a PC-based insurance system, codenamed Automate and then Max, eventually rolled out on 8 single-sided, double-density floppies.

While PJ was at least a foot shorter than the 17-year-old that he hired, he was larger than Life.  On my first day on the job, I heard this announcement over the PA System:

Good morning to the good dependable people of Johnson Insurance.  Please observe the quiet hour between 8am and 9am and review your reminders for today’s important activities.  Thank-you.

It was Quiet Hour, PJ’s recognition of the importance of planning one’s day strategically instead of randomly executing haphazardly.  During Quiet Hour, you weren’t allowed to walk around, have meetings or use the phone.  You were supposed to sit and think, set goals for the day and plan out measurable outcomes by which you measured your day’s success.

33+ years later, I still begin my day with Quiet Hour.

To anyone who doubted the importance of Quiet Hour to PJ, one morning a temp was reading the announcement and thinking it was silly, burst out laughing several times over the PA.  I looked up over my desk in time to see PJ making a beeline from his office to the temp’s desk by the front door.

We never saw her again.

PJ’s attention to detail was staggering, often to the point of obsession.  One day I saw him walking through the office with a yardstick, measuring the distance between desks.  He found two desks that were a couple of inches further apart than they should have been and he yelled at Phyllis, his secretary (who should have been nominated for sainthood), to get Bob (the maintenance guy) there right away to close the gap.

Obsessive?

Perhaps – but the difference between being obsessive and paying attention to details is in the eye of the beholder.

About a year or so after I started working at Johnson Insurance, PJ had a massive heart attack and had open heart surgery.  Unable to leave the office behind (likely the thing that gave him the heart attack in the first place) and against doctor’s orders, he would leave his hospital room and wander down to the payphone at the end of the hall to call the office to see how things were going.

As an impressionable young man, I didn’t know if I was watching a mad man in action or a man who loved (and obsessed over) his work.  After the career I have enjoyed to-date, I now know it was the latter.

When PJ needed his secretary, Phyllis, he never left his office.  Everyone on the first floor of 95 Elizabeth Avenue was used to the command that often emanated out of the corner office:

Phyllis!

Truthfully, as a young man, I was fascinated by him, in awe of him and terrified of him.  He knew what he wanted and how to get it and as a shy young man, I wondered if the level of brashness (rudeness sometimes) that he exhibited was normal.

But as I grew “a skin”, I learned a lot more about this man.

His broad knowledge in many disparate areas of Life was staggering.  I remember looking at a painting on the wall of the office and PJ came along and noticed I was admiring it.  He told me the history of the artist, the subject of the painting and the techniques used by the artist to express certain elements.  “Pretty amazing, isn’t it?”, he asked, referring to the painting.  I couldn’t answer – I was still caught up in his explanation.

Similar experiences would be repeated many times in my career there.

He kept an architect’s desk (aka a drafting table) in his office for thinking and planning.  One day when I stopped into his office, he invited me around and showed me some of the things he was drawing.  He explained the importance of taking time away from noise and chaos to think through problems and solutions.  He didn’t have a name for the doodles he was making but he demonstrated the techniques he used when he was thinking through tough problems.

33+ years later, I am still drawing the same doodles that he taught me to draw.

We call them mind maps or cognitive maps today.

Time to move on

As is often the case when we outgrow a job, I left Johnson Insurance and went on to the big city of Toronto.  After I was there for about a year, I was thinking about PJ and wrote him a note, thanking him for what he had done for me in my career and that I was proud to have been “one of the good dependable people of Johnson Insurance”.

Imagine my surprise when a reply came back, with a heartfelt thanks for my note and with deep gratitude expressed for MY contribution to him.

As a young man who now wasn’t working for him, I was still learning lessons from him – the art of humility in success and for taking the time to thank others even during an impossible schedule.

By the early 2000’s, I had been living in the US for quite a while and found myself one weekend at a stamp show in Providence, Rhode Island.  There was a stamp dealer there selling Newfoundland covers (a sealed envelope with a Newfoundland stamp on it, mailed to one’s self on the day the stamp was issued) for $1 apiece and I bought them all.  Newfoundland had its own stamps prior to its entry into Canadian Confederation and as a Newfoundlander, I eagerly sought such things out.

When I returned home, I was examining my covers by holding them up to the light and I noticed that one had a letter in it instead of a blank sheet of paper or index card and I thought, “What the heck, I only paid a dollar for it” and carefully slit the envelope open.

It turned out that the envelope was not a cover but an undelivered piece of mail, where the writer was outlining some investment advice to a woman.  It was signed “Art Johnson, The Insurance Man.”

I called PJ’s son and asked if Art Johnson was any relation to him.  “Yes”, he replied, “Art Johnson, the insurance man.  That was my grandfather.”

What were the odds?

After all those years, PJ’s legacy was still with me.

Some years later, I was in Newfoundland and brought the letter over to PJ’s house with intention of returning it to him.  “I would like you to have it”, replied PJ and it still has a place of honor in my stamp collection.

While at his place, we talked about his then-current project, building walking trails on Signal Hill.  He was frustrated with the reception he was getting from people who were objecting to his “destruction of pristine land”.  “Jesus Christ”, he said to me in frustration, “Nobody talked about the pristine land when I took 50 dump truck loads of car wrecks out of the area at my own cost”.

Years after retirement, his energy to get things done and make a difference still ran unabated.

He Wasn’t Perfect

PJ wasn’t a perfect man.  I saw his anger run hot and uncontrolled at times.  He would shout at his first wife on the phone in ways that would shock many.  One day, one of his young sons stole a quarter from him and the event went unmentioned. One day about three months later, while walking with his family next to the duck pond at Bowring Park in St. John’s, he picked up his son and threw him headlong into the pond.  His son asked why he had done it and he replied, “That’s for stealing.”

Most of the family worked in the business and he had no issue with shaming them for poor performance in front of the rest of us.  My heart often felt sad for “the kids” who couldn’t be perfect enough in his eyes and who were reminded of it in a humiliating fashion right before our eyes

Sometimes when modeling a person, there is as much to be learned about how not to behave as there is in how to behave.

How I Remember Him

As I said, PJ wasn’t perfect.  It is said that saints became saints not because they are perfect but because of what they accomplish despite their imperfections.

I remember him as a brilliant, passionate, astute, generous man.  He was passionate about history and the preservation of it – especially Newfoundland history.  He loved Newfoundland and Labrador and did what he could to preserve it, spending more than $50 million of his own money to do so.

He was well-versed in many subjects, including of all things, restaurants, where he dabbled in high-end dining at the Woodstock Colonial Inn (once one of the top ten restaurants in Canada), the Starboard Quarter downtown on the harbor-front and a fast-food chain called The Top Ten.

He had a sense of humor, revealed one day when he showed me a t-shirt with the words “Whale Oil Beef Hooked” on it.  The shy teenager looking at it blushed profusely once he figured it out.  I laugh now.

He loved his family intensely and wanted the best for them and out of them so badly, that he often demonstrated it poorly. 

Then of course, there was the success of Johnson Insurance itself.

His business acumen and what he shared of it with me set the tone for my career.  He spent a lot of time with me when I was younger, teaching me what I wasn’t taught in school about strategy, goals, planning and execution, about persevering when others suggest you are crazy, you will fail (or both) and how sometimes one has to stride ahead of everyone else because that is what you are called to do.

He had a fire in him that came out as anger sometimes and at other times, dogged determination, unlimited kindness and absolute brilliance.

He was also a man who was recognized publicly for the amazing things he accomplished, being a member of the Order of Canada, a recipient of an honorary doctor of laws from Memorial University of Newfoundland, a member of the Order of Newfoundland and Labrador and a member of the Newfoundland and Labrador Business Hall of Fame.

In the end, he wanted the best out of everything and everyone around him and sometimes took to dragging us along until we could see what he could see.

He did so without fanfare or demand for recognition – the mark of a true gentleman who did what he did because he passionately believed it to be the right thing to do.

That is what it is to be the type of renaissance man that PJ was.

Sometimes, renaissance men wait patiently for us to catch up.

Other times they are not so patient.

In the meantime, they amaze us with their vision, touch us with their kindness and generosity, wow us with their knowledge and yes, sometimes terrify or offend us with their execution.

But when we do catch up to them, we are better for the experience, finally seeing what the renaissance man sees while learning a few things from him along the way.

To my first business mentor who died on Thanksgiving Day, I express my deepest gratitude for him and my deepest condolences to his family, especially Lois, Darroch and David.

My life personally and professionally is due in large part to the well-established businessman who took a chance on a geeky kid who hung out in the CompSci lab in college.

May you all be so fortunate and blessed to have such people in your lives.

In service and servanthood,

Harry – One of PJ’s good dependable people

PJ’s Obituary:

Johnson, Paul Jolliffe, C.M., O.N.L., LL.D.

Passed peacefully away at his home in St. John’s, Paul J. Johnson, at the age of 86. Predeceased by his first wife Joy (Clouston), his daughter Heather Johnson-Ballard, and his grand-daughter, Diana. He is survived by his wife Sally (Clouston), children: Darroch, David (Heather), Lois (Robert) Desjardins, John (Rosemary) Kuehn, and Robin (Dave) Kenny; brother, Evan (Neva); brother-in-law, Peter (Pearle) Clouston; sister-in-law, Donna Clouston; grand-children: Chris, Alexis, James, Paul, Laura, Beth, Sarah, Peter, Ben, Hannah, and Leah; Son-in-law Brock Ballard; and many other colleagues, former employees and dear friends as well as his long time secretary, Judy Rudofsky.

Paul Johnson entered the family business, Johnson Insurance in 1949, which he sold in 1997. The Johnson Family Foundation began in 1987, and created the Grand Concourse Authority in 1994. Even up to his passing on Thanksgiving Day, Mr. Johnson continually showed passion, energy, an unflinching drive for excellence, and absolute determination. Paul Johnson’s vision through the Johnson Family Foundation, the Johnson GEO CENTRE, (the only Project bearing his name), the Grand Concourse, and the Railway Coastal Museum, along with his many other contributions to St. John's and to all Newfoundland and Labrador, has left a legacy to be shared and appreciated for generations to come.

Many who had the opportunity to work with Paul Johnson will remember his prodigious spirit and unmatched generosity. His preservation of the stories of our past have become a story to be told for years. We have lost a great man and true leader, whose legacy will live on forever. When Paul Johnson was presented to Queen Elizabeth, he was introduced as a philanthropist who had donated millions of dollars, his time and efforts, working to make Newfoundland a better place, Queen Elizabeth asked “Why would you do that”, Paul Johnson replied “I am proud to be a Newfoundlander, and I want to help other Newfoundlanders to feel as proud”. Paul Johnson was a shy and private person who wished to have no “fan fare”, as such, following cremation, a private burial will be held.

Saturday, March 14, 2015

The 9 Principles of Giving (and Receiving) Advice Effectively

Wise men don't need advice. Fools won't take it. - Benjamin Franklin

For by wise guidance you can wage your war, and in abundance of counsellors there is victory. – Proverbs 24:6 (ESV)

Those of us who have been around for a bit can attest to the reality that we are often asked to provide advice on Life, work, relationships and the like whether we feel (or actually are) qualified to answer such questions.  Most of us who have been taught by Life (either at our request or against our will) eventually discover that we are often asked more questions than we ask of others when it comes to such guidance.

After a couple of very deep conversations this week, I got to wondering about the process of giving and receiving advice, the best ways to accomplish it and the  reasons for doing it.  In addition to my own conversations, as someone who spends more time than I should in coffee shops where free advice flows copiously and as an ardent observer of the human experience, I am fascinated by how advice is offered and accepted.

As I reflected today on the conversations I participate in or observe and I thought about the exchanges that went well versus the ones that failed miserably, I got to thinking that maybe a checklist of how to make the exchange more helpful might come in handy.

Here’s how my checklist would look for giving and receiving advice effectively.

For those who offer advice

  • Listen

You have been asked to offer advice.  What does the other person really need?  Why are you the person who has been solicited?  Are you  qualified or have you agreed because you like to hear your own voice?  Were you asked for advice or are you offering it without solicitation?  If not solicited, your opinion may not be relevant or welcome.  Listen carefully – solutions are often revealed early in the conversation by the person seeking advice.  And remember, even free advice is never free – do you (and they) understand the cost of offering your advice and whether your advice is accepted or rejected?  Time itself is of immeasurable value regardless of the advice offered and received.

  • Give counsel to the doubtful

Many people who seek advice actually know the answer to the questions they are asking but a level of self-doubt or hesitation has set in.  Don’t presume that just because you are being asked for help that the other person doesn’t know what they are doing or what they need.  It is possible they just need an affirmation of self-worth or value.

  • Instruct the ignorant

Ignorance comes in multiple forms and may exist as lack of knowledge, lack of understanding, lack of Life experience or plain old stupidity that needs to be corrected.  Understanding the difference is tremendously important when it comes to understanding the type of advice being offered and how it is being delivered.  If you don’t know the answer, say so.  Don’t send someone spinning in the wrong direction because your voice of authority and Life experience doesn’t have the humility to say “I don’t know” or “I can’t help you”.

  • Admonish sinners

When people screw up, you have to be direct and tell them so when asked (and sometimes, even if not asked).  Candy coating answers is likely to send a message that their mistake was minor enough that repeating it is acceptable when doing so may be fatal.

  • Comfort the afflicted

The strongest of people need support whether they admit it or not.  Words of support that lift rather than tear down are important.  Even those whom you believe have everything going perfectly in their lives need to hear and feel “the love” more than you realize.  However, don’t insist on comforting the ignorant who don’t accept advice well (or at all) while they keep coming back to your well of knowledge.

  • Forgive offenses

People make mistakes, especially the people offering advice.  It is because those who offer advice have made mistakes that their advice is so valuable.  Lecturing from a belief in self-perfection does not work and is not helpful.  That being said, repeat offenders requesting advice and offending anyway should be approached cautiously, lest they manifest as the person who claims to want help but is merely a time-waster, a dreamer not grounded in reality or an emotion / energy vampire.

  • Bear patiently, the troublesome

Nobody’s perfect, being a product of their Life experiences and genetics.  If you had their Life experiences and genetics, you would be exactly like them in behavior and potentially in result.  That being said, don’t let that be a reason to become a whipping post for someone who would rather drag you down with them than follow your advice or those who insist on asking for advice while repeatedly telling you that you are wrong.

  • Pray for them

However you do it, whether it is actual prayer, positive thinking about them or their situation, or some other way, thinking about how you feel about them will impact the quality and intention of the advice you offer.  Negative thoughts will produce negative results for both of you.

  • Listen

The conversation is over.  Did you offer the right advice, the right way for the right reason?  Was it received well?  Was it acted upon or rejected?  Was it appreciated?  How do you know?

For those who receive advice

  • Listen

You have asked to receive advice from someone. Have you asked the right person?  Do they seem to care about you or do they just want to hear themselves talk?  For those whose opinion you respect, are you really listening or are you disrespecting them and their time by dismissing or rejecting the advice they are offering because you already know you are right and wanted them to say so?  Did you ask for this advice?  If not, does it still have value and if so, do you have the humility to accept it?  Even free advice is never free – do you (and they) understand the cost of accepting or rejecting their advice?  Time itself is of immeasurable value regardless of the advice offered and received.

  • Give counsel to the doubtful

Does the person offering you advice understand that maybe you just need some moral support or encouragement or do they talk over that need with the belief that you need to be told what to do and why to do it?  Do you point this out if it happens?  How do they respond?

  • Instruct the ignorant

As someone who has asked for help, you may need guidance because you have lack of knowledge, lack of understanding, a lack of Life experience or that you made a major mistake that needs to be corrected.  Do you have the courage to admit the difference and to know which one applies to you?  Does the person helping you know which one applies?  How do both of you know?

  • Admonish sinners

If you screwed up, you need to admit it.  Pretending you haven’t or being upset with someone who cares enough about you to tell you that you have screwed up is not going to help you get back on course and may discourage them from offering help in the future.  That being said, do not accept unnecessary criticism, unfair criticism or criticism meant to diminish as opposed to correct.

  • Comfort the afflicted

One of the greatest issues with pride is that we can’t ask for help when we need it.  We need to learn that asking for help requires more strength and courage than traveling a difficult path alone but produces a much greater harvest.

  • Forgive offenses

If you have made a mistake, it will likely be pointed out and you must accept responsibility for it.  As human beings, we need to be more gentle and forgiving with ourselves as well and accept that we make mistakes.  If we are repeat offenders, however, we deserve to be punished for it (whatever punishment means) and need to understand the reasons behind such punishment.

  • Bear patiently, the troublesome

When we ask for advice, we walk a fine balance between not wanting to be too much trouble for someone while at the same time, not presuming that a request for help is a bother to others.  Do you show that you are learning from those who offer advice and do you put those lessons into practice or do you insist on wasting their time for a variety of reasons known only to you?  How do you know?  How do you demonstrate to the person offering advice that you value it and are putting it into practice?

  • Pray for them

However you do it, whether it is actual prayer, positive thinking about yourself or your situation, or some other technique. think about how you ask for advice, how you receive it, how you weigh what is appropriate, how you put good advice into practice, etc..  How you feel about yourself and the people you ask for help will impact the quality and intention of the advice you receive and how it is offered.

  • Listen

The conversation is over.  Did you  receive the right advice, the right way, for the right reason and from the right person?  How did you react to it?  Will you act upon it or reject it?  Did you show appreciation and gratitude for it?

Whenever you ask a question, whether it be offering advice or listening to it, make sure that it stands up to the scrutiny of “Why?” (why am I saying this, why am I asking this, why am I doing this, etc.) and “How do I know?”.

Because if both parties cannot answer these two questions honestly and adequately, then the advice exchange will not produce the desired result.

The Bottom Line

We must always remember that it is easier to offer advice rather than to receive it and it is always easier to solve someone else’s problems (or so we think).  We must also pay attention to the exchange when solicited for advice because we may discover that we learn more than the person who asked for the advice in the first place.

We must also remember that advice comes in many forms and sometimes the greatest advice we will ever receive doesn’t come because it was solicited or from the sources we would have expected.

Sometimes we are qualified to offer advice.

Sometimes we are not.

It is important to know the difference.

We must remember that it is always ok to ask for advice as long as we appreciate and honor those whom we ask advice from.

And finally, offering or receiving advice must be grounded in true listening and true humility.  It cannot be offered or accepted properly without both in play at all times.

When I am asked for advice, people are often surprised by my directness, that I get right to the core of a matter quickly, specifically and in its raw form and during the exchange I call things the way I see them.

Such directness is not a licence to offend, to be rude or to be insensitive although those who are used to more passive conversations or who merely seek affirmation that they were right all along tend to react with surprise (or anger) when on the receiving end of such directness.

However, when they realize what my motivation is for getting to the matter so quickly and they recognize that a heart of humility accompanies my direct, inquisitive mind, they acknowledge that my approach is refreshing and was something they needed.

Do you have a specific approach to offering or accepting advice?

Does it work?

Is it right?

How do you know?

Someone in your world needs help or advice today.

Maybe it’s you.

What are you waiting for?

In service and servanthood,

Harry

PS Outside of the principle of listening, the remaining 7 principles are from the The Spiritual Works of Mercy as listed in the Roman Catholic Daily Missal (1962 edition).

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Mentoring–The Power to Save a Life

The best way a mentor can prepare another leader is to expose him or her to other great people. - John C. Maxwell

A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops. - Henry Adams

If you think education is expensive [difficult], then try ignorance. – Derek Bok [embellishment added]

The #1206 “fiction” series continues ….


Abigail stood in rapt silence, staring in horror at the scenes being portrayed on the myriad of displays in front of her.  Rioting and violence offset by acts of courage continued unabated in cities across the nation as flashes of the best and worst of humanity passed before her eyes.

A group of men stood silently behind her, watching her intently.

“I don’t understand”, said Abigail to no one in particular.  “No one told us that this could happen.  In fact, anytime anyone mentioned this in public, they were always discredited as being fear mongers.”

“There was one who told you”, replied the tallest of the men.  “As a matter of fact, he spent the latter years of his Life alerting others to this very possibility and to helping them maximize their strengths and talents for this very scenario.  We sent him and others around the world to prepare the leaders of the future for the world that would come after this one.”

Abigail continued to stare at the displays in front of you.  “But our government said that emergency preparedness meant having food, water and medications for 2-3 days at most.  This is nothing like they ever described.”

The man stepped up beside her and observed the screens before them.  Without taking his eyes off the screens, he said “If your government had ever said you would need supplies for 6 months to a year and that you would face mind-bending scenarios of the worst type imaginable, how do you think most people would have responded?  If your government admitted that promises of military, fire crews, police or first responder help were empty promises, how would you respond to that, especially given that in the chaos you would have no means of communication to reach them or that they would be focused on taking care of their own families?  Remember that when first responders responded to incidents in the past, the response plan relied on them having a stable place to execute from.  Now consider that the entire nation is in chaos and that there is no stable place from which to execute operations.”

He continued.

“Any demands for answers in regards to emergency preparedness would have created too many panic-laden questions directed at well-intentioned planners who had no answers and so they would slough off the questions with answers like “Don’t worry about it – we will take care of it” or “We can’t tell you because it’s a national security issue”.  To deny or hide the truth was much easier for them but unfortunately produced much more difficulty for everyone else down the road.  Many people lived from day to day with the irrational hope that nothing bad would every happen in their Life but unfortunately, the day that many feared but which most ignored has arrived.”

He paused for a moment before continuing again.

“Food, water, medical supplies, shelter and the like are all important.  However, to tell people that communication, transportation and all other critical forms of infrastructure would also fail was a scenario that people could not and would not plan for and so it was never discussed.  Recognizing that 18 key infrastructures on your planet were all powered by electricity reduced your 18 critical infrastructures down to 1 and nothing was done to protect it.”

“Do you know where my children are in all of this?”, Abigail asked nervously.

“Ah yes”, replied the man, “That was another key component that governments never explained and that was the importance of how to reconnect with people who are important to you in times of complete chaos.  While we know where they are, you are unable to get to them at this time. That is why it was important that you raised them with the knowledge that if such end times ever occurred, that they knew how to survive without you.”

“And so why do you show me this?”, she asked.

The man hesitated before replying.

“Do you remember when you and Gabriel first connected?  While the meeting seemed accidental, he came to you years ago as we had sent him.  His purpose, along with the purpose of others we sent out, was to seek out those with the natural talents and strengths that you as a species would need to rise from the ashes of inevitable catastrophe.  He and others, after finding those individuals, were required to give you the extra skills you would need to lead others as well as the courage, the strength and the wisdom necessary to use those gifts.”

“Why isn’t he here now then?”, she asked the man as tears welled up in her eyes.

“He was a messenger”, replied the man, “He was not meant to participate in the next part of human evolution.  He was a messenger and a teacher and nothing more.”

Abigail’s mind tumbled confusingly back to her memories of Gabriel, their mentoring relationship that had blossomed into something else that he had said many times created complexity for his purpose.  He had been so insistent that she learn a number of leadership, strategy and communication skills and that she learn them quickly.  He also taught her how to make decisions under duress, a skill he insisted was very important.  Her heart skipped a few beats as she realized that it was almost a year since he had been killed on a humanitarian trip with a number of colleagues.

Or at least that’s what she had been told about his death.

“Do you remember what he said was more important than anything else?”, the man asked.

“Yes”, Abigail, “He was always quoting something from the Bible that he said mattered more than anything else.”

“And what was that quote?”, the man asked gently as he turned and looked at her intently.

“Ummmm”, replied Abigail, “It was this. Be on your guard. Stand firm in your faith. Be courageous. Be strong.  And all that you do, do it in love.”

“Yes”, replied the man, “All the people we sent out used the same quote.  It is from the book of First Corinthians. chapter 16, verses 13 and 14.”

Abigail said nothing, reflecting on her years with Gabriel.  In all of his fun, light-heartedness and kindness, he was a keen observer of the people around him and yet he always seemed to be carrying an unspoken burden.  Now she knew what it was.

“You have been prepared for this moment”, said the man, “Your Life skills plus the things that Gabriel taught you were for a reason.  That reason is now before you.”

“I don’t understand”, stammered Abigail.

“The world needs new leaders now, those who can lead with heart and hands.  It needs people who can inspire but can also guide from their own real Life experience.  We have worked diligently for years to make sure those leaders were in place when they were needed.”

“Do you mean me?”, asked Abigail, turning to face the man.  “I can’t help these people.”

“You can and you will”, replied the man, “That has been your purpose all along.  The world is waiting for your gifts and strengths.  What are you waiting for?”

Another smaller man stepped up and whispered to the taller man that they were almost ready for Abigail to address the nation.

The taller man raised his hand to interrupt the messenger.  “In a moment”, he commanded.

Looking at Abigail again, he said quietly but forcefully, “It is time, Abigail.  This is why you are here.  This is why Gabriel was sent to you.  It is time to fulfill your purpose.  Honor Gabriel now by answering the call that he prepared you for.”

Abigail returned his stare, swallowed hard and nodded quietly as she felt her body begin to shake in fear and apprehension.

To be continued.


© 2014 – Harry Tucker – All Rights Reserved

Background:

I have always been intrigued by the power of a mentor, whether the guidance comes in the form of knowledge, direction or just a kind word.

We all need mentors and we all mentor people every day through our words and our actions, either explicitly or implicitly.

If we understood the potential impact of who / what we learn / share from / with, then maybe, just maybe we would take the importance of mentoring more seriously.

You never know – what you learn or share may save a Life someday …. or many … soon.

In regards to the observation about infrastructure, the warning is true.  There are 18 key infrastructures that all rely on one - electricity.  It is extremely vulnerable and there is currently no plan to protect it (and us) from compromise or total loss.  If things go dark, they may stay dark for a very long time.

There are also some interesting musings, some public, about the principle of 72 (or 96) hours to anarchy, the time it takes society to degrade into total chaos should a catastrophic event occur.

I think they provide interesting food for thought.

What do you think?

Series Origin:

This series, a departure from my usual musings,  is inspired as a result of conversations with former senior advisors to multiple Presidents of the United States, senior officers in the US Military and other interesting folks as well as my own professional background as a Wall St. / Fortune 25 strategy and large-scale technology architect.

While this musing is just “fiction” and a departure from my musings on technology, strategy, politics and society, as a strategy guy, I do everything for a reason and with a measurable outcome in mind. :-)

This “fictional” musing is a continuation of the #1206 series noted here.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Your Life Story–Do You Hear What I Hear?

I remind myself every morning: Nothing I say this day will teach me anything. So if I'm going to learn, I must do it by listening. - Larry King

Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk. – Doug Larson

Some years ago, I was driving home from work when for some reason I felt strongly compelled to stop into a retirement facility in the area.  It was an odd feeling since I did not have any friend or family member in residence there but I felt it was important to stop by anyway.

After arriving at the facility, I wandered around the grounds, not really engaging with anyone while simultaneously wondering why I was there when suddenly my eyes locked with the eyes of an elderly gentleman sitting alone.

For reasons unknown to me until today, I walked over to him, introduced myself and sat beside him.  He introduced himself as Mr. Green and within minutes he began telling me his Life story.

Mr. Green had outlived his children, his wife and his siblings and was spending the final days of his Life alone at this facility.  He told me stories of growing up in a small outport in Newfoundland, of the days where he would row more than 5 miles one way every day across the harbor (and the same distance back later in the evening) to visit the woman who would later become his wife and the victories and challenges he had experienced raising his family in a small town.

The few hours I spent with him went by quickly and he thanked me for taking the time to listen to his “silly stories”.  I in turn thanked him for sharing with me the most powerful moments of his Life and then I left.

And just as I couldn’t explain at the time why I had stopped by that day, for reasons equally unknown to me, I never returned to visit Mr. Green again.

That interaction took place 30 years ago, remaining dormant and forgotten in my memory until a conversation with someone today about the importance of listening brought the events back to me as if they had happened yesterday.

The power in our story

Mr. Green thought his collection of memories were merely silly stories when in fact they were a beautiful compilation of a Life well-lived.

A Life like his.

A Life like yours.

As he told me his stories, he saw each of them as expressions of stand-alone, unrelated events.  I saw them as an unfolding tapestry of connected events, each event in his Life clearly and obviously equipping him for the next event in his Life.

In speaking to someone about his story today, they made an observation that I thought was powerful.  The observation was this:

After we have survived or experienced a significant event in our Life, is there a hint of our future that is provided to us?

Do we listen to the messages that such events present to us?

Do we see the connection between the events in our Lives?

I found this to be an emotionally stirring series of questions.  << Yes, we tough, cold, ruthless Wall St. ***holes have been known to get misty-eyed in coffee shops.  Please don’t tell anyone – we have a reputation to protect. >>

Mr. Green did not see the connection between the events nor did he see how each event equipped him with new knowledge, wisdom and growth in his character, values and morals to prepare him for the next event.

He didn’t see the importance of the lessons he had acquired through the living of his Life.

He did not understand the true value of the events he had experienced.

He did not fully comprehend the value of his Life story.

And he didn’t understand the impact of sharing his stories with a young stranger who wandered into the retirement facility that day for unknown reasons.

Unknown to me until today ……

It is true that each of us is nothing more than a collection of stories.  It is these stories that define the legacy that we leave behind when we have long-since departed this place.

Our stories represent our perception and expression of our experiences both significant and mundane.  While we are the primary author of our story, many people are brought into or forced into our lives to contribute material to our story while we are simultaneously invited or forced to contribute material to theirs, creating the collection of comedies and tragedies that form the essence of who we are.

Many of our stories are written in the public eye.

Many are written seemingly in private when we think that no one is watching.

Regardless of how we write our stories, there is someone out there who is modeling our behavior or looking up to us in some way.

In those moments, we are not just writing our story.

We are creating or providing the material by which others are writing their story as we knowingly or unknowingly participate as coauthors.

The Bottom Line

Remember when we used to take our high school yearbooks and collect the autographs of our fellow classmates, creating a permanent memory of who they were?

In a similar way, people leave indelible marks on our hearts and Spirits as we make our way through Life, adding material to our Book of Life, inviting us to contribute to theirs or one person being forced to accept the contribution of another.

And as we write our collective stories together, what matters is that we are listening to the story that our Lives are expressing about us, since we never know who is modeling our Life or looking up to us for wisdom, knowledge or inspiration.

The questions then become ….

Are you listening to your story and the impact on others?

Are you listening to the stories of others and their impact on you?

Are you listening at all?

Are you sure?

How do you know?

In service and servanthood,

Harry


Related posts:

Thursday, December 4, 2008

I Believe in You

I was reading an email from a friend last night who has incredible vision, passion and heart.  He has everything he needs to be successful - great ideas, an empowered network and a market that will continue to consume his services insatiably.

There is just one thing wrong - one thing that will delay his leap to greater impact on this earth and delay the fulfillment of his purpose.

Bob feels that no one supports the work that he is doing.  Every day he slogs away at manifesting what he believes to be his goals and his purpose.  Few people understand what he is working on as he is rather private and when he does come in contact with others, they are usually asking him for something instead of collaborating with him to manifest something that could benefit both of them as well as others.  There are many who think he should settle down to living a life as dictated by the masses but he believes his calling requires that he not live such a life.

He is losing his faith in his ability to make a difference - it's been a long ride of giving without being helped with his own purpose.

I keep telling him that he needs to make "the ask" more often, to reach out to others to help him manifest his purpose as he has helped so many others.  His response is that that is not his style, that he doesn't want to impose on anyone else. 

And so he waits for others to step up to help him.  There are many around him who know that he is waiting but they don't step up to help.

I wonder why there are so many examples of similar stalled opportunities out there, so many examples of unfulfilled purpose. 

We can all say that the person who is trying to create something owns responsibility for making the ask.  It is always easy to say that the other person is responsible.

However, just for a moment, let's pretend we have the responsibility and opportunity to make a difference.

Perhaps we feel we have nothing of value to offer to someone.

Maybe we feel that that person has it all figured out and so we leave them alone. 

Maybe we are too busy living the recklessly fast game we call Life.  We need to relax more - it's a game where no one gets out alive anyway.

Maybe we are too selfish, waiting for someone to help us FIRST or taking the position "when I have some spare time, I will help them".  How many times has spare time manifested in such situations - almost never.

Whatever, the reason, the person on the other end is wondering why no one steps up to help.

It's a lonely place for them - afraid to ask, don't know how or who to ask, too proud to ask, too humble to intrude ..... all the time frustrated that no one steps up.

I remember being in a similar place back in the mid 80's.  I was struck one day by the power of a song that I heard by Twisted Sister. 

Yes indeed, even the "big hair" bands of the 80's were capable of writing some pretty powerful poetry.

The song struck me because at the time, I was feeling pretty alone and misunderstood regarding my purpose.  The lyrics are at the bottom of this post for those who are interested.

I think that each one of us can name someone right now who has incredible passion and purpose to make a difference.  Many are incubating projects that we are aware of but in many cases, we never take the time to explore their passion. 

The scale of the difference they wish to make is irrelevant.

What is relevant are the dreams and visions of these people to make a difference - to leave a legacy.

It would be really cool and potentially profound if we could all suspend the notion of self for 24 hours.  During the next 24 hours, imagine if we reached out to those we know - family members, an associate, a child or a friend and said one thing.

I believe in you and I believe in the power of your potential and what you are doing.  How can I help you to make a difference?

Note that I didn't say "Can I help you?" which opens the door to a "no".  I said "How can I help you?" which opens the door to collaboration.

As Stanley Marcus once told Tim Sanders - "Everybody is generous during good times, but only generous people give during hard times."  Since one of the most valuable things you have to give is your time, now is a great opportunity to share your gift with others.

I wonder how many wonderful things could be manifested from just reaching out to someone and helping them realize their dreams.

Perhaps you would also unleash the power of some of your own dreams.

Yours in service and servanthood.

Harry

I Believe In You - by Twisted Sister


Why does no one seem to understand
That it's more than love I need
It's so hard to keep your faith alive
When nobody else believes

Oh I need someone there for me
Need someone who can see
Need someone to show me
Ohhhh, that they Are there to help me fight
If I fall, to set me right
Someone there to hold the light

Won't someone say
I believe in you
I believe in you
I believe in you
I believe in you

It's so hard to do it all yourself
Fighting for your dreams alone
When the toy's upon the highest shelf
A child's tears soon become stone

Oh why does no one lend a hand
Why does no one understand
Why I need to make a stand

Ohhhh,it's so hard to carry on
When all your hope is gone
All your dreams have come undone
I need to hear

I believe in you
I believe in you
I believe in you
I believe in you

Why won't someone say these words
Are they really so absurd?
Must they always go unheard?
Ohhhh, if someone needed the light
I'd be there to help them fight

If they fell, I'd set them right
And then I'd say
I believe in you
I believe in you
I believe in you
I believe in you
I believe in you
Won't someone say I believe in you
I believe in you
Won't someone say I believe in you
I need to hear I believe in you
I believe in you

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Tribute to a Mentor

My mind has been quite full these days with a number of things:

  • Gratitude for my wonderful family
  • Gratitude for an incredible number of life experiences that I wouldn't trade for anything (the good and the bad)
  • Gratitude for unlimited opportunities
  • Thoughts on making a difference in the world, in whatever way one human being can
  • Sorting through some extra "stuff" that I have allowed to enter my life.

As I was sorting through my mixed feelings of gratitude, problem solving and a little brain overload, a question came to mind:

What would Richard have done in this situation?

Richard Giordanella was someone whom I was blessed to meet in the late 90's when I was CTO of a software company I co-founded in NYC.  My business partner at the time brought Richard in to provide counsel and guidance to a bunch of us young guys from Wall Street.  Richard brought many years of business experience to the table, sharing with us the sound business practices and disciplines that we needed for success.

More than anything else, Richard brought his heart.  In the years that I knew him, whenever he applied his deep experience to a business problem, he always kept people first and foremost, making sure that everyone was aware that in the end, our decisions affected people (even ones we never met).

This is the power of a real mentor.  A real mentor is someone who not only provides guidance when needed (whether asked for or not), but leaves an indelible mark on the person he is mentoring and on those whom the mentored person impacts, profoundly changing others forever.

If you don't have a mentor, I would strongly recommend that you find one who gives as unselfishly as Richard did.  Find a mentor who gives without asking, a mentor who is committed to your personal and professional growth and one who changes your life forever.

Richard did that for me.

I last saw Richard in early winter of 2007 as he valiantly fought cancer.  I stopped by to visit him at his home on the Upper West Side of New York and arrived within minutes of him having been taken to New York Presbyterian.  I went to the hospital, spent some time with him where we shared a deep conversation about personal matters, upon which he assured me we would get together as soon as he got out.

I never saw my mentor and friend again as he succumbed to the disease a week later.

Now I sit here sorting through "stuff" and I wonder:

What would Richard say to me?

Richard would say:

With all the great experiences you have had, this "stuff" is easy.  Focus on what is important, ignore and discard the rest and keep those who are important close to your heart.

Thank you, Richard.  You are right.

One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. - Proverbs 18:24

May all of you who read my blog be so blessed with such an incredible friend and mentor.  If you don't have one, make it a priority to find one.

May you be equally blessed to be considered such a mentor by others.

Yours in service and servanthood.

Harry

 

PS   There is a Chris de Burgh song that always reminds me of Richard.  I enclose the lyrics here - it is a powerful song.

Snows of New York

I can see you now by the light of the dawn,
And the sun is rising slow,
We have talked all night, and I can't talk anymore,
But I must stay and you must go;

You have always been such a good friend to me,
Through the thunder and the rain,
And when you're feeling lost in the snows of New York,
Lift your heart and think of me;

There are those who fail, there are those who fall,
There are those who will never win,
Then there are those who fight for the things they believe,
And these are men like you and me;

In my dream we walked, you and I to the shore,
Leaving footprints by the sea,
And when there was just one set of prints in the sand,
That was when you carried me;

You have always been such a good friend to me,
Through the thunder and the rain,
And when you're feeling lost in the snows of New York,
Lift your heart and think of me;

When you're feeling lost in the snows of New York,
Lift your heart and think of me,
Lift your heart and think of me.