A Better New Year’s Resolution–Be the Salt and the Light

You are the salt of the earth. But what good is salt if it has lost its flavor? Can you make it salty again? It will be thrown out and trampled underfoot as worthless.  You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father. – Matthew 5:13-16 (NLT)

There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. - Edith Wharton

I received an intriguing email from someone today who was trying to figure out what my Facebook avatar represented.  The picture that they were trying to understand is this:

As I reflected upon their email and the subsequent reply I sent, I got to thinking about the season that is upon us.

No, not the Christmas season.

I’m referring to the season of wasting time with New Year’s Resolutions.

For all the articles, blogs and the like that appear this time every year telling you how and why to make a New Year’s Resolution and how to make it stick, most of them miss a very important fact when it comes to the classic “lose weight”, “read more”, “spend more time with the family”, blah blah blah resolutions.

The fact is this:

Your New Year’s Resolution will fail unless you can neutralize or remove the subconscious programming that created the challenge or obstacle (the result of the programming) that you are trying to overcome in the first place.

It will fail because you are addressing the effect and not the cause.

The reality is that most of our bad habits or the habits we wish to improve upon are hard-wired into our subconscious through years of Life experiences and choices and so a by-product of that wiring cannot be simply undone just because we declare it so. 

It takes time and specific, targeted effort to reverse such wiring, two things that people are unwilling to invest in because of one or more of the following challenges:

• they are unaware of the difference between cause and effect and thus tackle the wrong end of the equation
• the programming is wired in more deeply than they realized
• the New Year’s Resolution is not that important (even though it feels important at the moment)
• the resolution is actually to please someone else and thus is not self-motivating enough
• we expect an easy, effortless fix for everything in our Life that needs improvement.

The reality is that that if we don’t get to the core issue in the subconscious wiring, the notion of making any resolution to address the result of the wiring is a waste of time.

However, if we are truly seeking ways to make the New Year a better one, there is one thing that is easier to accomplish than we think and is hugely impactful on ourselves and others.

I am referring to being the salt and the light in the lives of others.

Throughout our history, salt has always been used for two primary things:

1. A food preservative
2. A flavor enhancer

Canadians would argue at this time of year that its use as an ice melter is equally important but I digress.

When we choose to be “the salt” in someone’s Life, we do our best to show them how to preserve the positive essence of who they are as we lend a hand that shows that they are worth saving.

Having shown them that they are worth saving, we can then show them how Life can be rich and flavorful, a beautiful miracle that they are worthy of participating in and contributing to.

Once we have helped them rediscover their sense of value and self-worth, it is important that we help light their Path as they set out upon their new Life.  Too often in an act of drive-by feel good, we pump people full of “you are worthy”, “you are great”, blah blah blah and then we leave them in the dark, feeling like we have done a good deed while the person we thought we helped wanders aimlessly around.

Other times when people are struggling, those who mean well step forward and tell them what their Life Path should be, where it should go and how the Path should be walked.

The truth is that in most cases (not all), the person needs someone else to illuminate their Path but doesn’t need to tell them how to travel it or where it leads.  In the rare exception, some people do need help defining their Path but we should never assume this to be the case lest we insult them, damage their sense of pride and self-worth or we define a Path that works better for ourselves than for them.

The Bottom Line

When we choose to be the salt and the light, we make a choice to help others and in doing so, we also open ourselves up to being helped by others should we need it.

When we choose not to be the salt and the light, we make a conscious decision to withhold gifts that could benefit others, to deny someone else an opportunity to grow and to deny ourselves the opportunity of personal growth.

And unlike a fuzzy resolution that can’t be measured such as “I’m going to be happier this year” or the resolution that we have tried every year and failed such as “I’m going to lose 50 pounds by June”, being the salt and the light brings immediate, positive reinforcement to the person who makes such a resolution in addition to helping those who need assistance.

When it comes to rewiring your brain, such positive, immediate reinforcement has a much greater chance of sticking as a resolution than staring at the scales and wondering if you really lost 2 pounds this week or if people noticed that you were happier this week than last.

I think that being the salt and the light is not only much more gratifying and easier to accomplish, it is also much more important and impactful and for that reason, has a greater chance of being the one resolution that you actually manifest.

What do you think?

Create a great New Year for yourself and others, because merely having one is too passive an experience.

In service and servanthood,

Harry

Addendum – A Little Fun – January 1, 2015

A couple of readers sent me these photos after reading this blog post.  I couldn’t resist sharing them.

Create a great 2015!

Wasting Time On New Year’s Resolutions

Everybody sooner or later has to drop the luggage and the baggage of illusions. - Carlos Santana

Simplicity is making the journey of this life with just baggage enough. - Charles Dudley Warner

I believe that behind both the person who weighs 400 pounds and the one who weighs 85 there is a lot of baggage, and it has nothing to do with their bodies. - Kirstie Alley

Ah yes, it must be the first day of the New Year.

People have flocked to social media yet again to trumpet their intentions for the upcoming year – more money, more love, less weight, more success, more travel, more excitement, less drama, more stuff, less stuff … blah blah blah.

Expectations of success are running high in the heady days of the New Year.  The only problem is that outside of the fact that we now date documents with a ‘2014’ instead of a ‘2013’, nothing else has changed, especially the most important thing of all.

You.

Since this is the case, why should the upcoming year produce any result better than the previous year?  Outside of a warm, fuzzy feeling and the cries of “This is my year!”, nothing has changed in any substantial way for 97% of people who believe that they will win the Life lottery this year.

Maybe those people should try some of the following in order to increase the possibility of success when it comes to manifesting their dreams.

Cut the following out of your Life diet

1. Negative people.  You know the ones.  They are always complaining, undercutting others (and you behind your back), telling you your dreams don’t matter or just dragging you down.  This includes anyone … family, friends, etc.

2. Time stealers.  While similar to the previous group, they may also be the ones filling your Life with drama or using you as a stepping stone to their own dreams at the expense of your own.

3. Brain rotters.  A number of people who constantly complain that their Life is not going anywhere but are the same ones who can instantly bring you up to date on the latest Hollywood gossip, reality show or online game.

4. Vagueness.  I upset a lot of people because I insist on a sharp definition of expectations and results.  When someone asks for something vague, I demand precision which in turn creates mutual accountability and responsibility.  People who would rather avoid this are the same people who will hang a failure on you when vagueness produces the wrong result all the while telling you that you are difficult to work with because “no one else has ever asked for specifics before”.

5. Over-simplifiers. People who say “just overcome your fear” or “just go for it’, etc. without understanding your Life context and the emotional baggage that swims in your head are hindering you more than helping you.  If we could just walk away from our fears and self-limiting beliefs, wouldn’t we have done so already?

6. Everyone who needs help.  Notice that I bolded the word everyone.  We must all help as many people as we can but if we attempt to save the world at our own expense, we will eventually lose ourselves in the process.

Then add the following.

1. Positive people.  These are the people who seek to create a better world for themselves, you and everyone else.  Not everything they say or do feels comfortable but they do it because they know that the intention is to create something better.

2. Personal growth time.  Time dedicated to strengthening your emotional, spiritual, relational and physical self is essential to fuelling your way to success.  You’re intelligent enough to know what you need – you don’t need a high-priced guru to tell you what you already know.

3. Measures of growth. A means of measuring improvement and progress is important.  Affirmation that you are making progress matters, especially when the inevitable difficulty arrives that threatens to knock you off course unless you have reminders of how far you have come.

4. Examples of success. Observe and model successful people.  Nobody is exactly like you but those who have overcome obstacles have much to teach you …. if you are open to learning from them.  Don’t focus on unsuccessful people but be cognizant that they also have lessons to offer.

5. A sense of discernment.  Being able to discriminate between what matters and what doesn’t ….. matters.  Doing the right things in the right order, the right way at the right time is critical to success.

Then identify your goals

Make sure they are measurable.  If they are not, you won’t know if you actually get there or not.  You also won’t know what corrective action to take should you be temporarily knocked off course.

Then make note of your present location

Because you can’t establish a destination and a plan to getting there unless you are realistic about where you are starting from.

Then add optional components

Your personal regimen, including elements of faith (or not), meditation or anything else that matters to you needs to be established.  Don’t let others tell you what this regimen should or must be.  You know what you need – beg, borrow, steal, adapt or invent what you need to fill in the gaps.  You are unique – there is no one-size-fits-all methodology that fits you perfectly.

Then perfect ….

1. The ability to say no to losers, incessant dreamers who never get started (but tell a good story), losing opportunities and anything that will tear you down or not bring you closer to your goals.  Say it respectfully and forcefully.  If your response ticks them off, then you know that you have probably saved yourself from a larger problem down the road.

2. The ability to say yes to winners, opportunities for growth, reasonable risk and anything that creates a better world for yourself and others.  Too many people are afraid to say yes when the Universe presents them with the opportunity of a Lifetime, either because they have fear, a sense of inadequacy or some other self-limiting belief.  Start small and over time you will discover that you become audacious in your ability to embrace opportunity.

Then remember ….

Success comes with time invested, hard work, perseverance, intelligent risk taking, sharing, giving, collaborating, helping, accepting help, service to others and luck.  There is no one-size-fits-all, overnight success plan.

There will be pain.

And there will be victories.

Life is a marathon, not a sprint

What separates those who consistently experience pain from those who find victory despite pain often comes down to those who insist on running the marathon with a 200 pound stone in tow versus those who have shed as much baggage as possible.

So before you establish your great goals for 2014 and beyond, ask yourself these questions:

1. What baggage do I need to shed in order to achieve my goals, knowing that the baggage comes in many forms and has held me back in the past?

2. What positive elements can I add to my Life to give me a greater chance of achieving my goals?

3. How badly do I want my dreams to manifest into reality?

4. How do I know that the answers to the previous questions are accurate?

Because if a “lifestyle guru” doesn’t bother exploring this (ferreting out what holds you back), layering on more “stuff to do”, additional processes or “feel good” will only clutter an already full brain.  The upside (for them) is that you will make the “resolution / goal setting experts” wealthier. 

In fact, they need you to come back year over year because their success depends on your inability to produce it.

And besides, if you can answer these questions honestly, objectively and audaciously, you won’t need a guru to tell you what to do next.

Because you will already know.

Create a great 2014 for yourself and for others.  You deserve it but you must earn it and you must want it badly enough to do whatever it takes to create it.

Otherwise we will be having the same conversation next year.

In service and servanthood,

Harry

Closing out 2012

2012 has come to an end.

Some things are still fresh. We survived the Mayan Apocalypse, forcing the gloom-and-doom prophets to find a new date that spells the end of all of us.  Personally, my money is on the Furby that suddenly attains self awareness and takes over the world.

The funny thing is that from the moment we are born, we are dying – moving towards our individual end-of-days.  So an end is inevitable – move on and make the most of every day and stop worrying about “the experts” predictions.

Many things also continue to get stale over the years.

Another year has passed with politicians claiming to be working on an end to America’s fiscal problems.  In the end, they will produce yet another band-aid, leaving us to face more self-proclaimed fiscal cliffs as they work hard on personal and political agendas and not hard enough on the agenda of the American people.

War, hunger, disease, pestilence and poverty continue at a rate much higher than acceptable for such an advanced species.  The will to fix these issues remains weak amidst the critical mass of people required to make a difference.

In regards to the world’s challenges, we continue to yell and scream at each other instead of learning that listening is often more important than talking when solving complex issues.

And when it comes to talking …. the people who meet annually to discuss global warming continue to create an amazing carbon footprint of their own as they travel to the annual “global warming love fest” that produces little of value outside of a commitment to talk more.

Yup – we have a long ways to go in these areas.

And yes, people do the asinine thing of creating New Year’s Resolutions in ignorance of their past performance when it comes to making and break resolutions and in ignorance of understanding what motivates human beings to change.

But it does provide some entertainment to those around them.

But amidst all of this …..

Despite all of this, I continue to be amazed, inspired and blown away by examples of human brilliance, leadership, collaboration, ingenuity, unselfishness, generosity, perseverance and unlimited love exhibited by people who shine in a world filled with complexity.

And in a world that promises to grow more complex, such examples need to be highlighted, emulated and amplified without losing sight of the existence of evil, ignorance and greed.

The world will never be perfect.

But we have significant room for improvement.

Forget the New Year’s Resolution

Settling for New Years' Resolutions like going to the gym more, losing x pounds and the like are all wonderful ….

… and yet so mundane.

Find someone who inspires you with their contributions to the world and help them make the world a better place using your own strengths and talents.

Or better yet ….

Be one of those people who inspires others.

The world is waiting for your gifts.

What are you waiting for?

Create a great 2013 filled with health, happiness, hope, prosperity and IMPACT – however you define it.

In service and servanthood,

Harry

What Do You Stand For?

Deep within our heart and soul, many of us have something that we believe in or dream about when it comes to our potential and Life purpose.  We tell compelling, riveting stories to our friends over a coffee about how “someday I’m going to ……..”.

I’ll bet you have one of these compelling stories.

Are you living your story?

How does your dream stand up to the following questions?

1. What are you willing to do to prove your dream is possible and even necessary for you to accomplish?
2. What would you do if you discovered that the world is actually waiting for you to embrace your story and bring it to Life?
3. Do you have the courage to share your story with others in a forum other than in whispered conversations amongst a small group of friends?
4. Are you willing to expose your dream to public scrutiny, knowing that it can stand on its own merits and perhaps be stronger as a result of public scrutiny?
5. Are you willing to collaborate with others to bring your story and theirs to fruition?
6. Is your dream in alignment with your values and beliefs?
7. Will accomplishing your dream make you proud of the legacy you are leaving to others?
8. Do you realize that living your dream will inspire others?
9. How will you be remembered if you had the courage to live your dream?

It’s Tougher Than It Looks

I find that many people who have a compelling story cannot answer most of these questions with a positive answer. 

By dreaming one story but living a different one, they are not being authentic to themselves or to others

It’s like the paradox of living in today’s world, where people are encouraged to take the short, quick-hit, impatient view of getting anything they want right away (and going into debt to do it) while being encouraged to take a long term, patient view of investing for their retirement.  We put opposing principles inside someone’s head and then we act surprised when they can’t do both.

The challenge is that the longer people choose to be inauthentic to themselves and others, the lesser the chance that their story will ever see the light of day.

…. the lesser the chance that they will be able to live their Life in congruence with their perceived purpose or to even know what their purpose is.

…. the lesser the chance that their story will have an opportunity to impact the world or to inspire others.

It’s not easy, is it?

Oftentimes, being authentic is difficult or seemingly impossible to achieve consistently.

Many times we can justify why it is safer or easier to not be authentic.

The Danger of Inauthenticity

The problem is that every time we are not authentic with ourselves or others, we weaken our belief in our dreams and therefore weaken our potential.  Eventually we may believe we have no potential or purpose at all.

Try this: Ask someone WHY they think they exist on this planet or what their purpose is.  Most people cannot answer this question at all.  Can you? 

At some point, we invent another persona that has unlimited potential.  After all, we reason, “who I am is of no interest or value to others, so let me see what the populace-at-large likes and I will promote and become that person”.

I know several well known self-empowerment experts who promote to their customers that if you think, say and do as they do, you will live an empowered life like they do.

The unfortunate secret is that these “experts” are financially, emotionally, relationally and spiritually broke.

I think promoting a façade of success when you don’t have it is to promote a lie and I tell them this (which makes them angry).  When you take someone’s money to teach them these “secrets of success”, you are stealing from them because you can’t actually prove the system works.

When I explain to these “experts” that they should be honest and transparent with their customers, they tell me they cannot do that.  They even write inspiring stories about being honest and transparent and live the opposite way – the ultimate level of inauthenticity.

And success eludes them while they tell others that success overwhelms them.

Perhaps if they had the courage to be themselves and not work so hard to be someone else, then success might follow.

They fear that to reveal their true selves would be an embarrassment.

I think that having the courage to be authentic would inspire others. 

New Year’s Resolutions

This is the season for New Year’s Resolutions.

This is the time of year when most people resolve to accomplish the same list of things they resolved to accomplish last year, the year before, etc.

The primary reason most of these resolutions fall flat is that they are not hooked into what inspires the person making them and for this reason, they lose their sizzle and the person eventually falls back into the same old routine.

Perhaps if we realized that our story, as big or small as we think it is, could serve as an inspiration to others, we might be more inclined to resolve to do whatever it takes to make our story a reality.

Perhaps if we decided to embrace ourselves and our story instead of being someone else with a story designed to make other people happy or to impress them, then we would have some real things to work towards.

Maybe then we would discover our true purpose – the answer to the questions “Why am I here?” and “Why do I matter?”.

Maybe then we would have real, inspiring things to work towards that matter to ourselves at the deepest level of who we are.  Maybe then we could make tangible resolutions that would help us move towards our true self; a self that inspires others and that leaves a positive impact on others.

Now there’s a resolution worth keeping.

I know you would keep such resolutions.

So what are you waiting for?

Resolve to be true to yourself – it is the greatest gift to yourself and to others.

In service and servanthood,

Harry

For my Musings-in-a-Minute version of “What Do You Stand For?”, please click here.

Goals for the New Year? How About Your Legacy?

I’ve spent some time with my grandmother this week as she lies dying in hospital.  It is a small, rural hospital that mostly caters to the dying – those who are not dying are usually sent to the larger center in the city.

My grandmother doesn’t react to many of the things that I say to her but she appears to enjoy hearing me read from Scripture.  Her favorite, as I have discovered, is Psalm 23.  For those who ask “which one is that”, as soon as you say “The Lord is my shepherd” they often say excitedly “Hey, I know that one”.

As she rests, I take out my journal and think about her life.  She brought 12 children into the world.  She lived in a small rural town that has seen it’s boom and bust cycle now settle into the steady decline so unfortunately common in remote, rural places.  She never had much but she made do with what she had.  Her grandchildren and great-grandchildren went on to become doctors, engineers, nurses, fathers, mothers, IT experts and just about everything else under the sun.

Now here she is – alone and in her final days.  She doesn’t have time to change anything even if she wanted to.  Everything she can create has been created. 

Her legacy lives on in her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

She has made mistakes.  She has won her victories.  She has made her share of friends and enemies.

Haven’t we all?

New Year’s Resolutions

As we move from 2009 to 2010, I am receiving the typical end-of-year plethora of emails about goal setting, New Year’s resolutions and such.

Many of the people who respond to these talk about what is important to them.  This year they are finally going to lose the weight they always wanted to get rid of.  Maybe they are hoping to shrug off smoking, not saving enough money or some other thing they feel is important.

However, as I think of these things, they always seem to be “small potatoes” in comparison to the important things in life.

I think of Dr. Stephen Covey’s 4 L’s of Life, namely:

• Live
• Love
• Learn
• Legacy (as in, to leave one)

Many of the resolutions that people make don’t seem to fit into a larger picture.  For example, if you ask someone why they would quit smoking, they cite reasons such as “it is not socially acceptable”, “I will live longer” or “I will save money”.

These are all excellent reasons.  However, if one asks them the obvious next question, such as "what will you do with the longer life or additional money?”, you discover they haven’t figured out that far ahead yet.

Without that compelling “bigger picture” question in mind, many of their New Year’s resolutions will fall flat.

After all, their larger life goals remain undefined so there is no compelling reason to actually live up to the short-term resolutions and goals.

Life Legacy – What is That?

They have no idea what their Life Legacy is all about – why they are here on this planet, what can they do in the relatively brief time they are here and how will they be remembered when they are gone.  They believe it is too difficult to answer these questions and having come to that conclusion, move through their life with short-sightedness.

The interesting truth is that even if they don’t know what their legacy could or should be, the very act of living their life is producing a legacy anyway.

When they get to their end-of-days as my grandmother has, they may like the legacy they have created.

It is possible they may not.

However, if they build their life purpose and life actions around an intended legacy, they have a better chance of creating one closer to that which they desire.

Your Resolutions

So as you go through the typical year-end gyrations for what the New Year brings, ask yourself these questions:

1. How can I live a life with purpose?  Better yet, do I know what my purpose is?
2. Who can I love more and in an unconditional manner?  How can I welcome more love?
3. What can I learn in 2010 that will make me a better person?  Once I have learned it, who can I share it with?
4. What legacy am I leaving behind?  How will I be remembered?  Am I happy with this?

Our end-0f-days draws closer for each of us with each passing day. 

As you establish your resolutions, dreams and aspirations for 2010, keep the big picture of your life and your legacy in mind.

Your life, your gifts and your talents are too valuable to settle for anything less. 

I raise a toast to your legacy.  May it be everything you wish it to be and more.

I wish you all a blessed 2010 filled with abundance of life, love, learning and sharing.

In service and servanthood.

Harry

To see my Musings-in-a-Minute version of “Goals for the New Year?  How About Your Legacy?”, please click here.