Stop Being Offended and Do Something

Vision without action is merely a dream. Action without vision just passes the time. Vision with action can change the world. - Joel A. Barker

Do you want to know who you are? Don't ask. Act! Action will delineate and define you. - Thomas Jefferson

Action expresses priorities. - Mahatma Gandhi

At 6am this morning, my local Starbucks was busier than normal.  My Quiet Hour had ended and I was gearing up for another day of orchestrated chaos and the test of mettle that strains under the pressure of closing a complex business deal.

It was a typical day in any major city – people coming and going in haste, on the way to wherever, focused on whatever, as they stared straight ahead with expressionless or strained faces.

There were a couple of women passionately discussing Scripture.

And there was a homeless guy, keeping a watchful eye on his shopping cart outside.

It contains everything he has.

I hadn’t noticed him at first.  What drew my attention to him were the two women discussing Scripture.  Drinking their $5 lattes that stood beside their Michael Kors bags, they discussed how they were glad that being homeless wasn’t something that they needed to worry about.  After discussing it for a few minutes, one followed the lead of the other, bowed her head and they both said a prayer for the homeless guy before returning to their idle chatter, complaining about the lousy nail salon in the area.

Seeing him sitting there, I got up, asked him if I could buy him breakfast (to which he said yes), I asked him what he wanted and brought it back to him.  He said thank-you and proceeded to enjoy it.

It may be the only food he eats today.

As I walked past the two obviously affluent ladies, I stopped, politely interrupted them and said “Did it ever occur to either of you that perhaps instead of praying for him, that you were in fact the answer to someone else’s prayer for him?”

I don’t think they knew what to make of me and stared at me with nothing to say.

In the same coffee shop the day before (yes, my Life revolves mostly in my office, my lawyer’s office and the coffee shop these days with whatever is left over for family), I noticed a guy repairing the coffee machine.  By a strange twist of fate, whether I am in the coffee shop at 6 in the morning or 6 in the evening, he is often there at the same time and he has seen me many times.

I was joking with the barista about being too hard on the machine (to which she laughed) when he turned to me and snapped, “I see you here all the time.  Why don’t you get a job like a real man?”

He had taken an opportunity to speak his truth or what he perceived as his truth, based on the assumption that if I am there when he is there, I must be a “lazy sod” (albeit a well-dressed one) idly passing time there.

And so I took an opportunity to respectfully speak my truth back to him and when I was done, I received a mumbled apology as he stared at the floor.

My colleague was shocked by the repairman’s rude audacity but not at my response – most people get used to me over time.

The same colleague had been with me a few weeks before when two people sitting next to us spilled coffee on their table.  They concluded their business, stood up and started to walk away.

“Excuse me, sir”, I sang out, “Are you going to leave a mess like that?”

One continued out the door without looking back but the other guy looked at me, said “I thought my partner was going to do it” (even though his partner was already ahead of him and out the door), cleaned it up and thanked me for calling him on it.

It was only fair – he was, in fact, the guy who had spilled the coffee in the first place.

Meanwhile, my colleague was shocked that I had spoken up.

“Was it wrong that he was leaving a mess behind?”, I asked.

“Of course it was”, came the reply.

“Were you upset that he was leaving a mess behind?”, I asked.

“I was”, came the reply.

“So why didn’t you speak up instead of merely choosing to be offended?”, I asked.

The light came on.

People in need don’t need your prayers alone.

They also don’t need passive-aggressive discomfort with a situation.

By the same token, problems at-hand or things that bother us are not solved if we just sit there being offended or bothered by them.

If you want to fix your world, then you must be the change you wish to see.

It reminds me of the time I became aware of a woman who had been compromised by a guy who, with his twisted interest in child pornography and other bizarre needs, had managed to secure some compromising photos of her.  He used the photos and the threat of releasing them on the Web to deepen his control over her and it appeared that damaging her family or her company were next on the agenda for him.

I could have offered to say a prayer for her.

I could have given her a hug, whispering encouraging words about how I knew she would overcome this.

I could have done nothing but used it as a conversation topic with friends, waxing on about the scumbags in the world.

There are many things I could have offered or done of little value to her.

Instead, I fixed the problem as I described in the post Answering the Cry For Help.

Deeds and results, unlike words, do not lie nor do they pass the buck, allowing someone else to fix a problem (hopefully) while we focus on how offended we are.

The Bottom Line

When we choose to be offended or surprised and carry that feeling around all day without addressing it, we waste an opportunity to make a difference.  Too many of us spend time wasting brain cycles that could have been used for something else more important, more impactful or more productive.

And then there is the problem of wasting time wondering what the answers / results should be for unasked questions and actions not taken.

This morning, my business partner was surprised to see one of my thumbnails with bright, pink nail polish on it.

He looked at it several times with a light smile but said nothing although he was clearly distracted by it.

“You want to ask, don’t you?”, I said to him as I observed him.

“I do”, he said, smiling.

“Then ask”, I replied.

“Ok”, he said, “Why does the President of our company have a pink thumbnail?”

“Great question”, I replied, “Perhaps it is nice to be in touch with a softer side once in a while as we spend inordinate amounts of time being aggressive, assertive, Alpha males pretending to be kings of the universe as we make plans for our next conquest.  What do you think?”

He paused for a moment and then he smiled.

“I like it”, he replied.

“Me too”, I replied, “And besides, since when did I care what others think of what I say or do as long as what I do gets the job done and honors others?”

“I really like it”, he said.

An hour later, my small action was greeted with applause in the boardroom.

And then one of the guys at the office went out to buy a bottle of vivid, bright blue nail polish to give it a try. 

After all, blue is our corporate color.

I wonder what people on the street will think.

I don’t care.

Neither should you.

Stop being offended by the world, wasting time and energy being upset by the actions (or lack thereof) of others.

Stop leaving questions unanswered, incessantly turning them over in your mind when you could be using the gift of your intellect to solve problems for you, your family, your friends, your colleagues, your country and your planet.

Speak your truth ….

…. dare to defend it …

…. and dare to live it.

The world is waiting for you to take action.

What are you waiting for?

In service and servanthood – create a great day because merely having one is too passive an experience.

Harry

PS As I wrote this today, a great friend of mine by the name of Leonard Szymczak came to mind.  In powerful books such as The Roadmap Home: Your GPS to Inner Peace, Leonard reminds us all about the importance of living our truth – forcefully and directly but always delivered with peace, love and respect.

If only more people had the courage to do so.

Imagine what a world we could create.

Don’t wait to be asked.

Don’t spin on being offended.

Don’t waste time pondering the answers to unasked questions.

Perhaps consider the following questions I ask myself every day during my Quiet Hour?

• What do I do?
• Where do I go?
• What do I say?
• …. and to whom?
• What quality do I seek?
• What quality do I create?
• Who should I be?
• Who am I being?

Do something.

Anything.

Addendum – A Memory From a Friend

A friend contacted me after reading this post and asked if I remembered the time we were in a coffee shop where a table of women were howling with laughter - loudly and rudely.  Everyone around them stared at them, shaking their head and muttering and one person who asked them to quiet down out of respect for others was ignored.

My friend and I went over and sat at the table next to them and howled and laughed louder than they did (over nothing in particular).

The key jester at the other table addressed us sharply and told us that we were being rude.

I told her that I thought that they were being rude in drowning out everyone else in the coffee shop.  She replied that she wasn’t being rude and that she was trying to make an important point to everyone at the table.

I replied, “So am I.”

She got the message.

Oh the memories - I guess I’ve been a nuisance in public longer than I remembered.

Closing Thoughts – Some Reactions to my Thumbnail

After wearing my pink thumbnail for a day, I was intrigued and amused by people’s reactions, either communicated directly to me or from one person to another.

Some examples (with my thoughts in italics):

• It’s hot (or very hot) – ahem - thanks
• It’s cool – sounds good to me
• I wonder how kinky he is – define kinky
• He’s in touch with his feminine self – nothing wrong with that
• It’s weird – by whose definition?
• Normal men don’t do that – see previous question
• **stare** / avert eyes when noticed / repeat – passive aggressive behavior never solves anything – be assertive
• **stare** / freeze in place (as I held out money to pay for something) – is there something wrong?
• He’s probably a pedophile or some other type of sickie (from one mother to another as she moved her child closer to her) – really?
• He’s gay – wearing pink nail polish is insufficient qualification criteria
• He’s “whipped” – you clearly don’t know me very well
• **snickers / laughter** – courageous and mature

That’s a lot of character analysis derived from a single, pink thumbnail.

No one asked me anything but they came to some interesting conclusions in absence of data.

Some were titillated.

Some were impressed.

Some were frightened.

Some were insulted or offended.

And some questioned my sense of normality based on their standard.

When I see how poorly informed and easily influenced they were, based entirely on insufficient, incomplete and irrelevant data, it’s easy to see why so many people are lost personally, professionally, intellectually, emotionally, financially and relationally.

How do we fix this?

Should we?

Can we?

What happens if we don’t?

Bullying – Is Pink Shirt Day Solving Anything?

Not everyone has been a bully or the victim of bullies, but everyone has seen bullying, and seeing it, has responded to it by joining in or objecting, by laughing or keeping silent, by feeling disgusted or feeling interested. - Octavia E. Butler

The solution to putting an end to bullying is to stop it at the source but also to find out what is causing the person to behave the way that they do. - Hunter King

Today is Pink Shirt Day, the day when politicians, businessmen, schools and churches call upon everyone to wear a pink shirt to send a statement about bullying and how it must come to an end.

We are told that to do so makes a difference.

Statistics tell us a different story, that bullying, battery, cyber-bullying and other forms of intimidation (and sometimes violence) continue to grow unabated, regardless of whatever feel-good actions we take and whatever legislation we pass.

And as I reflect upon the collision between feel-good intentions and reality, I reflect upon my own Life.

I spent my entire childhood hiding from bullies.  As part of an education experiment growing up, I had some grades combined which meant that I was accepted in college at the age of 15.

So being much younger than my schoolmates (and therefore much smaller) and more gifted academically (as evidenced by school grades), this left me ripe for bullies.

My bully from grades 2 through 6 was Cliff, who verbally and physically abused me relentlessly and incessantly.  His house was between mine and my elementary school so avoiding him was rather difficult.  <<I understand that Cliff moved on to a cocaine-filled Life filled with many complexities.>>

Poor grades on Cliff’s part caused him to be in a different part of junior high school and so he was replaced by Barry who relished his role as the destroyer of worlds (at least my world).

Barry’s bad grades separated Barry and I in high school but other people were there to fill his shoes.  Paul, Steve, Stewart, Tony, Randy and others took brutality to a new level, often mock-raping me in the shower-room, holding me down and taking turns dry-humping me.  After they finished high school, they moved on to blue collar businesses and are reasonably successful by their own definition although a trail of broken marriages and such would speak differently.

Having been accepted in college at the age of 15 in a classroom of twenty-somethings and being adept in the early world of Computer Science, I became the victim of people like Dennis, Dwight and others who assumed the role of my bully du jour before poor grades caused them to drop out.

It took a lot of years to overcome their damage but I did and I was driven to create success for myself and others.  I was also driven to lift others or to lend a hand when no one else would.

Did the bullies drive me to this?  Could it be argued that what they did to me drove me to experience the blessings that I later experienced in Life and to serve the downtrodden, the oppressed and those without a voice? 

It’s possible but I’m sure there were easier ways to experience the Life I am grateful for now.

I doubt the bullies that I experienced in my early days remember or care what they did.  Statistically, many of them are creating or have created a new generation of bullies.

I wonder if they are cognizant of this or if they care.

I doubt it but who is to say for sure.

And so as I reflect upon Pink Shirt Day today and I look back upon my early days, I wonder if such a campaign would have helped me feel better back then as I suffered in silence and humiliation?

Would Pink Shirt Day have prevented the bullies from chasing me relentlessly, somehow convincing them that they were doing the wrong thing?

I doubt it.

The reason is that they were mentally broken, many of them damaged by broken fathers or other family members.  Feel-good moments rarely have an impact on those who need to be mentally rewired.

The reality is that we need more than feel-good moments to stop the ever-increasing frequency and brutality of bullying.

We need to neutralize the process that creates the bully in the first place.

To accomplish this, we need many things, not the least of which are better role-models in the worlds of business, politics, religion and in the home because this is often where bullying starts or is identified as an acceptable practice.

For example ….

I recently disconnected from a colleague of many years because he was incessantly consumed by pointing out what a mean bully Donald Trump is.  In fact, he was so consumed by proving this that he would tear layers off anyone who dared to suggest that he move on to something more productive with his Life and he spent his days on social media sharing hateful messages designed to intimidate.  Ironically, his actions were directed towards a man who didn’t know and thus didn’t care what my colleague thought, making my colleague’s actions one of futility.

When I pointed out to my colleague that I found it ironic that he was using bullying tactics to fight alleged bullying, he and his colleagues beset upon me with insults.

When I quoted one of his countrymen, Gandhi, that “we should be the change we wish to see in the world” and I asked him if he felt that he was being a good role model for his children in solving the problems of the world, the level of brutal taunting from him and people who thought like him escalated to the point where a 25-year friendship came to an end.

He missed the irony that he was modeling the very thing that he claimed to be against.  In fact, pointing this out merely made him more angry.

Reality can be a brutal teacher.

Another example ….

Many (not all) politicians who cite being bullied online or within their political party have a dark secret themselves.  Many of them are known to their colleagues and victims as brutal bullies themselves, often firing the first shot and not merely being “strong” in an act of self defense.

Ironically (or maybe not), they can dish it out ad nauseum but it serves a useful political tool to come forward and tell people that they were bullied.

The funny thing is that if you name them publicly as bullies once they leave public office, then they will hit you with a SLAPP suit, a Strategic Lawsuit Against Public Participation intended to censor, intimidate, and silence critics by burdening them with the cost of a legal defense until they abandon their criticism or opposition.  They do this under the guise of self defense to protect their reputation but the reality is that their need to bully is just manifesting in a different way (or the need exists to stifle public awareness of their true self).

Meanwhile, the easily guided (or misguided) fall prey to the politician’s call to rally the troops around their defense, only to realize later that they have been supporting an aggressor and not a victim.

So is wearing a Pink Shirt helping today?

Look at the statistics and answer the question for yourself.

The Bottom Line

Awareness of an existing problem is all fine and good and it is important to an extent.

However, anyone who is not aware of the scale and impact of bullying has likely been transported here from another planet.

It’s fine to get all stoked up by feel-good campaigns promoted by businessmen, politicians, church leaders and various not-for-profits.

But after you have felt the love and camaraderie that comes from wearing a pink shirt like everyone else, ask yourself what you need to do to stop bullying.

Ask yourself what kind of role model you are for others.

Ask yourself what you should do when you see a failed role model in action.

After all, it’s only when we get to the core of where bullies are formed and allowed to do what they do and then neutralize the bullying at the source that we will start solving the deep, complex issues created by bullies (and how the bullies were created).

It will also give us an opportunity to heal the bully, many of whom have been broken themselves by others who are broken, thereby breaking a chain of generational bully creation.

To do otherwise would be akin to feeding a diabetic Twinkies because he aches for them while simultaneously amputating his limbs one after the other.

Feel-good gestures and awareness are fine motivators but they don’t solve much.

Action does.

Are you ready to take action today?

Are you ready to move past the feel-good of wearing a specific shirt and lazily sharing a few social media posts and instead, to become a model human being, exhibiting the traits and behaviors that you want others to emulate (especially our children) and to demand the same from our leaders in business, politics, the church and other areas?

Are you ready to do what it takes to be that model where you work, where you live and in your family?

Good, because the world is waiting for you.

What are you waiting for?

In service and servanthood,

Harry

PS I’ve often engaged in conversations with people who cite the importance of feel-good actions while simultaneously dismissing the importance of follow-on action with measurable results.  When I ask them to cite the data that shows that they are solving the problem that they intend to solve, they eventually admit that there is no data and with that admission, the conversation eventually devolves into a shouting match instigated by them.

What, if anything, does this tell us?

What, if anything, does it do to help those who are in need?

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Addendum - Irony - February 22, 2017

Someone was reading this blog while attending a Calgary Hitmen game this morning.  The purpose of the game is to promote anti-bullying and pink shirts were distributed to all the kids who were in attendance.  What was ironic according to the person who texted me was that the kids were chanting in favor of fighting when some fights broke out on the ice during a game meant to promote an end towards bullying.

Ironic indeed.

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Addendum 2 - Our Veterans - February 22, 2017

Twitter user artocracy made what I thought to be a powerful observation in comparing feel-good notions like Pink Shirt Day to Veteran's / Remembrance Day when we take one day out of the entire year to honor those who have served and made the ultimate sacrifice for our freedom.  I found the observation to be a poignant one.  In that case, we leave our vets to suffer from PTSD, homelessness, starvation and everything else for most of the year but on one day, we honor their sacrifice.  Honoring them should include daily action to take care of those who have blessed us with freedom.  We instead opt for one day of easy, result-less feel-good "stuff", honoring them with parades, wearing poppies and the like while we forget them for the rest of the year. 

A sobering thought.

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Related Posts:

• The Significance of Insignificant Events (how bullies contributed to my career choices)
• After the Candlelight Vigils and Demonstrations … Then What?
• Harnessing the Power of an Abuser to Defeat Them
• Lip Service–The Solution to Everything
• Mitt Romney, Bullies and Red Herrings
• Bullying is Completely Fine ….

After the Candlelight Vigils and Demonstrations … Then What?

Action expresses priorities. - Mahatma Gandhi

Take time to deliberate; but when the time for action arrives, stop thinking and go in. - Andrew Jackson

Some years ago, a former colleague of mine set up a 10km walkathon to show women in Africa that we in the west felt their pain when it came to the fact that they had to walk 10km to get clean water.

I thought this was a great cause and so I asked what the walkathon was producing.  Was it raising money to drill a well closer to a village so that women wouldn’t have to walk as far to get clean water?  Was it raising awareness so that other people would be inspired to take action to help people get better access to clean water?

“Nope”, the coordinator replied proudly, “The sole purpose is so that the women in that village know that we stand in support of their struggle.”

“Ok”, I responded, “but you are only promoting this on Facebook with no funds raised, no large-scale media attention or anything else.  So you are counting on these women in a remote village in the most destitute, desolate part of Africa to:

1. Have electricity

2. Have Internet access

3. Have a Facebook account

4. Know that you are doing this and to go to the right place in Facebook at the right time to witness your statement of camaraderie

5. Care what an overly well-fed white guy in Canada does once to feel good, after which he climbs back into his SUV, goes home and gorges himself on more food in one meal than they will see in a week.”

Meanwhile, the women in Africa still need to walk the same distance to obtain clean water.

“But I will feel good about it”, was his response.

Well, if that’s all there is to making a difference in the world, then I have a recommendation:

Let’s all take 5 minutes tomorrow to think good thoughts or say a prayer for everyone, congratulate ourselves and God for optimizing our contribution to the world and then go about living a life focused on our own needs instead of actually fixing the things around us.

Let’s not forget to tell everyone else about how good it felt also, preferably in an awesome display of social media prowess.

Or if that’s too much effort:

Spread some feel-good or feel-bad stuff on social media (truth, respect and relevance don’t matter) from the safety of a coffee shop (or perhaps while watching the Kardashians or some other mindless thing on TV), trash people whose opinions are different than yours, “Like” a bunch of things that resonate with your personal biases and then spend the rest of the day bragging about it.

Both are equally effective techniques, aren’t they?

They are but not in the way you would like to believe.

Meanwhile …

Tonight, Calgary and other cities across Canada will be having candlelight vigils to remember the people massacred in the mosque in Quebec City on January 29, 2017.

Throughout America, people are protesting their President on the streets and spreading hysteria through social media, throwing facts, truths, collaboration, respect and an eye towards solutions out the window in an attempt to create a viral contagion of their own fear, ignorance, hatred or personal agenda. (Note: This is not to suggest that President Trump hasn't done his own share of things out of potential fear or ignorance. However, meeting fear or ignorance with same plays to the people who enjoy such tactics and NO ONE wins from the escalation that ensues).

But what will these events really produce?

Will they stop future violence?

Will they somehow cause their President to be removed from office or cause him to suddenly start seeing their way as “the right way”?

Hardly.

We are emotional beings and it is normal, natural (and sometimes healthy) to express these emotions.

However, when the expressions of grief, love, sharing, caring and outrage have been expressed, it’s time to ask what we need to do next to prevent a repeat of whatever it is we are assembling for.

Because if we are unwilling to take truth-based, respectful, goal-inspired, collaborative action, then we must be prepared to fill our days with more vigils and demonstrations as well as more angst, anger, worry and anxiety (or comfort sharing, even though such sharing will not prevent future acts of hatred).

Because emotion expressed without action taken doesn’t change reality.

Reality couldn’t care less about what you think or want.

It is created by what you do (or not do).

The Bottom Line

John F Kennedy once said, “There are risks and costs to action. But they are far less than the long range risks of comfortable inaction.”

Too many people today allow their feelings and opinions to be defined by blind, lazy, hateful sharing on social medial designed to prey upon their emotions and to manipulate them into acting on behalf of the needs and intentions of others or to diminish them, convincing them that they can’t make a difference.

Politicians also exploit such emotional tactics to recruit their minions to do their dirty work for them while the politicians smugly wait on the sidelines and harvest the result.

Meanwhile, the change that is needed remains unrealized, waiting for more people with courage to do more than give lip service to what they believe is important in standing up to ignorance, intimidation, hatred and lies with a focus on truly creating a better world.

Explore whether the inaction or hate-filled sharing of others has made a demonstrable difference and you will discover that despite all their efforts, the things that they are complaining about continue unabated (or grow in intensity,frequency and impact).  If you want specific examples, explore what things like Occupy Wall Street really accomplished.

By their example, you will discover what you need to do to really make a difference in the world.

Otherwise you are just offering lip service as others do.

And of all the shortages we have in the world, lip service is not one of them.

If you don’t have the courage to take positive action, if your words don’t inspire others to take positive action or if you prefer to spread hatred and negativity, then you are in for a long, painful, frustrating experience on Earth.

And if all you have to offer is negativity, intimidation and problem creation, it could be argued that you are contributing to what is wrong on this planet instead of the unlimited potential that collaborative, respectful, fact-filled, compassionate, passionate human beings can create.

Which group of people do you wish to belong to – the problem creators or the solution creators?

Be sure to choose wisely (as measured by your actions), otherwise your time spent on Earth not only doesn’t live up to your potential and responsibility but it will be pretty miserable also.

Is that the way you really want to live?

Is this the example you would like to establish for your children, your family, your colleagues and your friends?

Are you sure?

It’s fine to initially express emotion but then ask yourself what your actions and not your mouth (or the dark recesses of your brain)  have to say about making a measurable difference.

Create a great day because merely having one is too passive an experience and waiting for someone else to create it is too frustrating, anxiety-ridden and random in manifestation.

If you need a boost of courage, there are others who are waiting to help you.

They and the world are waiting for you.

What are you waiting for?

In service and servanthood,

Harry

Related Posts:

• Lip Service–The Solution to Everything
• Thoughts Without Action–The World’s Greatest Threat

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Addendum – Sad Realities of Respect and Results

It is an unfortunate reality that many people do not want respectful dialog and get quite upset when someone suggests that their actions of anger and hatred do not produce positive results.  For some, the mere request for respectful, fact-filled dialog produce hateful responses as the one that occurred as a comment in the blog post Facts – What a Pain in the You-Know-What.

In an interaction I had with a long-time friend a couple of weeks ago, he kept insisting on calling people he didn’t like “a moron” under the guise of demanding respectful dialog and solutions.  In my requests of him to explain how his children would view his behavior, whether or not such behavior provided a good role model for them and how he would respond if people kept calling him a moron, he kept responding with “what Donald Trump would do and what kind of role model Donald Trump is”.  Multiple requests to ignore what Donald Trump would do and to reply with what he would do and what kind of role model he offers to his kids were repeatedly deflected by himself and his colleagues.

If we wish to see change, we must be the change we wish to see (Gandhi).  Unfortunately, too many are too blind to see beyond their own hypocrisy and lack of authenticity.

Women's Health - The Worthlessness of Words Without Actions

“Faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.” – James 2:17b (NKJV)

Infuse your life with action. Don't wait for it to happen. Make it happen. Make your own future. Make your own hope. Make your own love. And whatever your beliefs, honor your creator, not by passively waiting for grace to come down from upon high, but by doing what you can to make grace happen... yourself, right now, right down here on Earth. - Bradley Whitford

My blog has been pretty quiet in terms of contributions these days.  Work has consumed much of my working time with whatever is left over for family, with the time spent comprising 2 of my 3 major projects in progress.

The third project is the one that torments me the most.

I am helping a woman rise above the vicious cycle of battery and abuse.

While I can’t get into the details of the situation because of court constraints and such, I am struck by the complexity of the situation.

Take a woman who has little sense of self-worth and self-value, having been battered or abused in one form or another, including verbal, financial and physical abuse, for over 50 years.

Add to that the place where she grew up and lived, rural towns in Western Canada, where statistics show abuse to be so shockingly common that it is almost considered to be normal by both abusers and their victims.

Then add to that a system that claims to care but then throws so many barriers in place that the abused woman has no idea what’s going on.  Imagine the confusion that comes from a dozen opinions from within the system, each contradicting the others and urging her to take action while doing everything it can to slow her down. In fairness, the ONE group that has stepped up is the RCMP.  They have been extremely supportive and informative and have offered everything within their power to provide assistance.  Unfortunately, they are also constrained by the rules of the law and can only act when the law calls for them to act.

And finally, add a series of actions that, if taken against most of us, would have stirred outrage in our hearts and minds and we would have taken action immediately.  Unfortunately, a battered woman has attained a level of desensitization over many years of abuse and the things that would affront most of us are either “minor” in the eyes of the battered woman or are actually defended – “it’s not a big deal”, “he’s just having a bad day”, “someday he will change”, etc.

When all of these things collide, it creates a bewildering scenario – a voice that alternates between cries for help and cries of defense of the abuser, a system not in a hurry to do much for the battered (but has plenty of processes that appear to defend the abuser) while urging haste, an enforcement system ready to defend the safety and honor of someone but who has its hands tied ….

… and a human being left blowing in the wind, not knowing what to do from one day to the next, with her fear alternating from fear of hurting the battered by her actions (yes – this happens) to wondering if he is coming in her direction to “express unhappiness” that his actions have been exposed.

As I stood on the 12th floor of the Provincial Courthouse in Calgary on Friday, the floor where EPO (emergency protection orders) are filed, someone said something that struck me as I thought through all of this.

A representative of the court noted that she was lucky that I was helping her because in most cases, people can’t be bothered when they see the complexity of what is required or the potential danger they place themselves in when helping someone throw off an abuser.

His comment has been rattling around in my brain all weekend.

It doubly struck me because a couple of weeks ago, I was on the receiving end of an argument by a couple of women who claimed that all men are responsible regarding the problem of abuse against women - that men are either committing the abuse or they are allowing the abuse to happen.

In the argument that ensued when I tried to explain that many men work hard to defend the rights and honor of women, I was told I was wrong.

When I asked what they were doing to help abused women, they said they were being quiet for now for reasons unexplained.

Battered women don’t need us to be quiet.

They don’t just need words of support.

They don’t just need feel-good rallies in the streets and rah-rah press conferences.

They need someone to stand beside them, to convince them that they are worthy on the days when they feel that no one cares.

They need someone who cautions them against falling into old patterns and returning to the lair of the abuser.

They need someone to guide them through the minefields within the court system, a system that through its checks and balances sometimes appears to the battered woman to be placing the abuser’s rights ahead of her own or through its detailed processes, exhausts someone who is already exhausted beyond measure on levels we couldn’t comprehend.

They need someone who can show them that what they have suffered is not normal or acceptable and that they must fight for the right to be treated with dignity, respect and honor.

And they need someone to prove to them that better days are ahead, brighter days than they have likely imagined are even possible.

Because when we stand on the sidelines and read statistics, pat women on the back and say “You can do this” and walk away, spend time in feel-good rallies or spend time on social media sharing articles about abuse and the like, we may think we are doing something when we are in fact doing nothing.

The battered woman often stands alone in the courtroom or at home (wondering if the abuser is coming to get her).

And I for one can’t accept this, especially from a civilisation that claims to be at the pinnacle of its enlightenment and justice.

Why do you?

What are you willing to do about it?

Someone is waiting for you to stand up beside them and for them.

What are you waiting for?

In service and servanthood,

Harry

Addendum - What Men Think About Violence Against Women in Alberta

A study was just released outlining what men think about violence against women in Alberta. Given how many cases of violence have been brought to the attention of police and given how many incidents are never reported, I wonder about this report (including how many abusers or victims answered their questions truthfully). The report can be found here.

Thought for the day: If we put as much thinking into how the victim feels as we do in feeling outrage when we consider the abuser's offenses, I wonder if we would be more motivated to solve this heinous issue in society.

What do you think?

---

Climate Change and the True Deception

It is our choices... that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities. - J. K. Rowling

There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them. - Denis Waitley

The #1206 “fiction” series continues …

---

Gabriel stared bleary-eyed at his laptop screen, pushed back from his desk, stretched his arms and legs and then slumped into his chair.  He had been absorbing data for months regarding something that had been nagging him and now his brain felt like it was ready to explode.

“I need a walk”, he said to nobody in particular and five minutes later, found himself walking down the street.  Instead of using the walk to relax his brain, he found himself struggling with the data he had left behind in his office.  He was so engrossed in his thoughts that he didn’t see the dark car pull up beside him.

“Excuse me, Mr. ____”, a voice called out, “A word if you might?”

Gabriel looked up, startled to hear his voice being called and looked in the direction of the voice that called out to him.

“Me?”, asked Gabriel quizzically.

“If you don’t mind”, replied the voice, its owner hidden behind a partially opened but darkened window in the back of the vehicle.

Before Gabriel could answer, the driver of the vehicle had stepped out and opened the back door.  Gabriel squinted to see inside the darkness and against his better judgement, climbed in as the driver closed the door behind him.

Gabriel noted the opulence inside as the driver positioned himself up front and the vehicle pulled away.

“Thank you, Gabriel”, said a voice from the seat facing him, the details of the owner of the voice obscured by the darkness.  “Not everyone will climb into an unknown vehicle just because they heard their name being called.”

Gabriel said nothing as he looked around the vehicle. 

“Where are we going?”, he asked tentatively.

“Not far”, replied the voice, “This vehicle affords us the opportunity to speak frankly without being seen or overheard.”

“Why would we need privacy?”, asked Gabriel, “Why would you think I would be involved with anything that requires ….”

“One step at a time”, interrupted the voice sternly and with a voice of authority, silencing Gabriel.

“That’s better”, the voice observed, “Now, tell me, how is your research around climate change coming along?”

Gabriel stood up straight with a start.

“How did you know that I ….”, began Gabriel.

“Not important”, the voice interrupted again, “How is it going?”

Gabriel paused for a moment before speaking.  “I’m frustrated”, he said quietly as he stared at the floor.

“Why are you frustrated, Gabriel?”, asked the voice.

“Well”, began Gabriel, “I hear a lot of talk about preventing climate change and a lot of debate about who caused it ….. but …. but …..”

“Yes?”, asked the voice.

“Well”, Gabriel began again, “It appears to me that people are avoiding the complexities and realities of climate change.”

“And what are those complexities, Gabriel?”, asked the voice.

Gabriel paused, frowning as he did so.  “Who the hell is this guy?”, he thought.

“Who I am is not important at the moment”, the voice said, as if reading his mind, “What are those complexities?”

Gabriel sighed, years of frustration threatening to implode his brain.  “Climate change has always been a part of the Earth’s past”, he said, “The Earth has gone through cataclysmic change many times before.”

He paused before continuing.

“As a matter of fact”, he said, “Where we are at this moment was once a tropical forest, another time it was an ocean floor and now it is considered a desert.  As recently as the mid-1800’s, the Arctic was completely ice-free.  So the people who are claiming climate change as being strictly man-made are clearly wrong.”

“Yes”, replied the voice, “And?”

Gabriel cleared his throat before continuing.

“While we may or may not be the cause of it this time, we are likely contributing to it, accelerating it or amplifying it”, replied Gabriel.

“Yes”, replied the voice, “And?”

Gabriel frowned in annoyance.  The disembodied voice seemed to be guiding him to a conclusion that both already knew.

“Well”, said Gabriel in a sigh of frustration, “We have spent over 20 years talking about how to prevent it or slow it down, who is to blame for it in the past, who should get a free pass from legislation now, how we should tax the planet with all kinds of tax schemes that in reality have nothing to do with solving anything ….. but …. but ….”

“No one is talking about how to survive it”, said Gabriel, his voice trailing off.

“Yes”, said the voice gently, “You are right.  Why do you think that is, Gabriel?”

“I don’t know”, replied Gabriel.

“You’re smarter than that”, chided the voice gently, “Think.”

“Perhaps too many people benefit from not changing things that need to be changed”, suggested Gabriel.

“Very true”, replied the voice, “And?”

Gabriel racked his brain but shrugged his shoulders in capitulation when no other thought came to mind.

“Perhaps”, offered the voice, “It’s because the politicians, government leaders and others don’t actually have a solution or worse – they either know what’s coming and don’t want to panic the people because they don’t have a solution to offer, they are using it to intimidate or control people in a global power play or they are in accountability avoidance mode.”

“Accountability avoidance mode?”, asked Gabriel.

“Yes”, replied the voice, “Most of your leaders have proven themselves unworthy, incapable or disinterested in solving the world’s problems in the areas of nuclear war, global poverty, economic model predictability and the like.  Because of their past failures in just about everything significant, they have given you something to fear, convincing you that they are working on the answer but then telling you not to expect an outcome for ten years or more.  That gives them a free pass with little accountability and responsibility in the meantime.  Meanwhile, they can portray themselves as heroes, surrounded by a rabid group of followers that labels anyone as “ignorant” or “uninformed” should someone question climate change or what our glorious heroes are doing to save us from it.”

“Would our leaders really be that devious?”, asked Gabriel, already anticipating the answer.

“Think about this”, replied the voice.  “Since when have your governments really produced effective, long lasting solutions to any problem that mattered?”

“I dunno”, Gabriel said as he shrugged.

“Exactly”, replied the voice, “Here’s an example.  Your governments have been working on the homeless problem for years, always citing a lack of resources as the reason why it hasn’t been solved before.  All the while they tell you they are working on it but if you listen closely to what they are saying, you will realize that they don’t fully understand it and as a result, they are proposing answers that can’t work.”

“Yeah”, challenged Gabriel, “So?”

“Ask yourself why, when the Syrian refugees start arriving in the hundreds of thousands, and millions in some countries, you instantly have resources allocated for education, housing, food, medical support and the like.  You are told that housing the masses is a complex problem that requires years to solve and yet nations have solved it almost over night for the refugees.  Meanwhile, the homeless still await solutions.  A solution is always available when good PR points can be harvested from it, Gabriel.”

Gabriel frowned but said nothing as his brain processed what the voice said.

“Here’s something else to consider”, continued the voice, “Some years ago, long before climate change was a buzzword in public discourse, British scientists discovered that climate change would expand the deserts of the world, diminishing the amount of land available for growing crops.  Scientists realized this and approached the government in England, pointing out that with diminished crop production, wars may develop over food availability.  When asked what should be done, the scientists replied that there were three options.  1. Learn how to grow crops more efficiently in the unaffected areas.  2. Learn how to terraform the desert areas, converting it back into fertile land. 3. Design new tactical nuclear bombs that could be used when war over food erupted.  So you could prevent a problem or react to a problem.  Which option do you think the government chose, Gabriel?”

“I’m afraid to guess”, said Gabriel.

“You know your species well, Gabriel”, the voice replied with a touch of humor, “They chose option three, to build new weapons and then called the project Lifeboat Britain.  The project, while not entirely secret any more, is known to a small group of people.  So there is an example of a government that promotes global responsibility while actually contributing to global irresponsibility, saying one thing while embarking on something completely different.”

Gabriel said nothing.

“Did you know that at a recent aviation safety conference, aviation safety officials conceded that the frequency and intensity of potentially aircraft-damaging turbulence would climb significantly.  When a reporter heard this, the reporter asked an official if this presented a potential problem for aviation safety.  The official noted that only in one or two incidents has an aircraft ever been downed by turbulence and the reporter accepted the answer.  The reporter was deceived since the official intentionally answered the question using past turbulence data and not future, more complex data which may present greater concern for air travel.”

“Why are you telling me this?”, snapped Gabriel.

“I’m trying to demonstrate the importance of asking the right questions around climate change so that your species can take more appropriate actions or actions of any value at all.”

“My species?”, asked Gabriel, feeling agitated, “I’d like to get out now.  You’re just another crazy person with crazy ideas.”

“Of course”, replied the voice calmly, “No need to be rude.”

The car pulled over at the instruction of the voice.

As Gabriel slid towards the door, the owner of the voice leaned towards him, his large, glittering eyes being the only thing visible to Gabriel.

“Before you go, Gabriel”, the voice said, “Think about this and then take your questions to City Hall tomorrow and ask yourself if you see anything but delay and obfuscation.  The sad thing is that as your species sits there buying time or delaying any kind of useful action, climate change will run right over you and potentially wipe you off the face of your planet. As you contemplate your questions, remember that politicians either don't have the answers to your problems or are unwilling to sacrifice their political careers by telling the people what it will really cost to protect them in the future and for this reason, they punt the problem to the next administration. When you are finished with City Hall, take your questions to your nation’s capital and see if they get answered there.  Ask your questions as many times as you like but be aware that the more times you ask, the more of the wrong kind of attention you will receive.”

Gabriel paused, staring at the glittery eyes as they intently stared back at him, shivered and then opened the door.  He stepped out into the blinding sunlight and closed the door behind him.  The car drove off and as it did, Gabriel realized that they must have just been driving around the block repeatedly as he was not far from where he had been picked up.

He walked back to his office, deep in thought.

---

Gabriel sat in the visitor gallery of City Hall, his hands shaking as he reviewed his questions.  The man in the car had made him angry and then afraid and now he wanted to see for himself.

“We will now hear from Mr. ____”, said the City Clerk, “Please approach the microphone, Mr. ____.”

Gabriel stood up, straightened his jacket and walked over to the microphone.  “Thank you for entertaining my questions”, he stammered as he fought to compose himself.

He took a deep breath, counted to three and then addressed the City Council.  “Using the data I have analyzed from various global climate change groups, I anticipate that significant events will take place within this city within the next few years, including storms that are more frequent and more intense than anything we have experienced in the past.  What we have typically labeled as a storm of the century in the past will happen with greater frequency moving forward.”

“Do you have a question?”, asked the Mayor.

“Yes”, said Gabriel, “What is the City doing to protect its infrastructure from increased rain, snow, wind or other elements associated with such storms.  Based on my calculations using City data, our infrastructure including water drainage, sewage disposal, electricity production and distribution and many other things will be seriously compromised or destroyed because of these storms.  What is the City doing to protect its citizens before and after these storms arrive?”

“Excellent question”, replied the Mayor, “We will soon begin a review of our needs in this area and the results will be sent back to Council for review.”

“And what happens then?”, asked Gabriel.

“When we have those results”, replied the Mayor, “We will work with our counterparts at the provincial, state and federal levels and work on a study that links our local strategies together.”

“And then?”, asked Gabriel.

The Mayor frowned before responding tersely, “We will make appropriate decisions then with the data at-hand.”

“When will the first study be completed by the City?”, asked Gabriel.

“I’m not at liberty to say at this time”, said the Mayor, nodding to the security guard standing at the door.

“Do you have a guess at timelines?”, asked Gabriel, “You guys have been travelling the world in style on our dime for over 20 years talking about this.”

“Not at this time”, replied the Mayor.

The security guard took Gabriel by the elbow and began to guide him away.  Gabriel shook him off and staring at the Mayor, asked accusingly, “Why won’t you answer my questions?”

“I did answer your questions”, the Mayor replied coolly, “Council is very transparent and will always entertain the questions and concerns of our citizens.”

Guards escorted Gabriel to the front entrance of City Hall and released him.

Gabriel straightened himself up, glowered at them as they re-entered City Hall and began walking towards the street.

As he reached the street, the familiar dark car pulled up in front of him, the window opened partially and a voice he knew spoke.  “How did it go?”, it asked.

Gabriel felt the sting of sarcasm in the question but said nothing, still embarrassed and smoldering from his City Hall eviction.

The back door of the car opened from the inside.

“Step inside, Gabriel”, the voice said, “I have an idea.”

Gabriel started to walk towards the car ….

To be continued.

---

© 2016 – Harry Tucker – All Rights Reserved

Background

I could write a background piece much longer than the post itself. When I initially contemplated adding supporting links, I realized that I would overload readers who are intelligent enough to do their own research.  However, a few thoughts that one can confirm for one’s self:

1. The Arctic was indeed ice-free in the 1800’s.  We didn’t contribute to that event nor did we contribute to other events known in our planet's past. I'm not denying climate change but rather, merely pointing out that we have proven examples where the Earth went through a cataclysmic cycle without our help or provocation.
2. It is true that we spend more time in assigning blame or coming up with half-cocked solutions without really knowing the true cause.  To find out at the last minute that we were wrong (or that we never started on a plan to survive until it was too late) is offensive to a strategy-minded, risk-mitigation-minded person such as myself.  It should be to you also.
3. Lifeboat Britain is real and is currently underway, a sad reflection regarding how we make reactive choices based on war rather than proactive, preventative choices.
4. The concerns about aviation safety in light of climate change impact are real. However, since we haven't honestly solved aviation security yet, does it really matter?
5. Laws such as Presidential Executive Directive 51 and others exist to provide some semblance of government continuity in times of disaster, including disaster from climate change. Wouldn't it be better to harden our infrastructure and the like in advance rather than wait for it to fail or do governments not have the courage to tell us the effort and cost required for such preparation (a politically costly move)?
6. How much would it cost to implement a solution? The Paris Treaty, which is not that far-reaching and doesn't solve all the issues, is estimated to cost between 12 and 16 TRILLION dollars over the next 25 years (details here). What politician is willing to sell (or try to sell) an incomplete, unproven solution to the people at that price?

If you care about the future of your family and the people that matter to you, ask your local political representative what the plan is to survive the ravages of climate change that they insist is coming.  If they say that we will prevent it, and recognizing that disruption from climate change has happened in the past without our help, ask the politician to humor you and then ask for Plan B (survival) on the off chance that we can’t prevent it.

Ask them why they believe they are right and then ask them for data to prove how they know.

And then decide what you need to do when you realize that the answer falls far short of what you expect and need.

Series Origin

This series, a departure from my usual musings, is inspired as a result of conversations with former senior advisors to multiple Presidents of the United States, senior officers in the US Military and other interesting folks as well as my own professional background as a Wall St. / Fortune 25 strategy advisor and large-scale technology architect.

While this musing is just “fiction” (note the quotes) and a departure from my musings on technology, strategy, politics and society, as a strategy guy, I do everything for a reason and with a measurable outcome in mind. :-)

This “fictional” musing is a continuation of the #1206 series noted here.

The Contagiousness of Worry

A day of worry is more exhausting than a week of work. - John Lubbock

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. - Edmund Burke

The #1206 “fiction” series continues …

---

Two men sat in a softly lit professional office, one lounging back on a small leather couch while the other sat about five or six feet from him, legs crossed and writing notes.

“And so how long has it been since you slept well?”, the psychiatrist asked.

“Well”, replied the patient, “I’d say it’s been about 20 years give or take.”

“And all because of worry?”, the psychiatrist asked, his eyes not leaving his notebook.

“For good reason”, replied the patient, “My line of work generates a lot of things that are difficult to absorb at the best of times.  Being on the inside of a large number of interesting organizations means that I am often in the know of a lot of things that I would rather not be involved with.”

“I see”, replied the psychiatrist, “And it is this that causes you worry?  What do you worry about?”

“Well”, began the patient, “I worry about a lot of stuff.”

The patient then began to explain his concerns about the world, touching on climate change, poverty, nuclear weapons, cyber security of infrastructure, the realities of the economy, the financial house of cards that the world had created, global ecology, terrorism, various health concerns attributed to technology and a number of other areas.

“That’s a lot of stuff to worry about”, said the psychologist, “Why do you think you worry about them when most people don’t care and live productive lives despite what is going on in the world?”

The patient frowned but ignored the question.

“What finally got to me”, the patient continued, “was when a lion was shot by some stupid American dentist and the whole world exploded in indignation.”

“Well”, observed the psychiatrist, “That was a pretty heinous act.”

“True”, agreed the patient, “But the hunt for lions has been conducted by the wealthy for many years and few have cared before.  Not only that, but similar hunts for other animals are routinely conducted in many countries including in the countries where the greatest outrage has sprung from and despite these realities, few have ever given a shit before.  Sure there have been a few groups that cared but the world has mostly been silent until now.  It’s almost as if the world, in oblivion to what is going on, sits around in numbed out boredom until something mundane but sensational surfaces and then they wake up for just a moment before they go back to sleep again.”

He paused as the psychiatrist listened in silence.

“Someone made an observation on social media the other day”, the patient continued, “that it was odd that people cared more for one lion than for the 24,000 children under the age of five who die daily from tainted water.  He was immediately beset upon by a number of people who pointed out that the lion was more important, the water problem had already been solved or that we can only solve one problem at a time.  The reality is that none of these things are true, all living things are equal in importance and that we can solve more than one issue at once.  However, what struck me was that despite the real and significant threats we face daily, most people don’t awaken until something relatively irrelevant or not new strikes them and only then do they explode with indignation and even then, it’s just for a moment.  Look at Haiti as the perfect example – they are still suffering years later but because the media doesn’t give them any attention, only a few people know about it.”

He paused.

“Just indignation”, he said softly, “Not action ….. just anger-laden indignation.”

The psychiatrist waited to make sure the patient was finished before speaking.  “So what are you saying people should be doing?”, he asked.

The patient’s brow furrowed as he reflected on the question.

“I think it’s important for people to not only get indignant about the lion but also where our political, military, business, financial and religious leaders are leading us.  It’s time for people to be informed about what is going on in the world, what the risks are, how our potential allows us to create a better world if we desire one and what everyone can do now to contribute to creating that better world …….”, the patient said before pausing.

“…… while there is still a world”, he added quietly.

“Have you ever considered finding another outlet for your worry?”, the psychiatrist asked, “Many of my patients find that spending more time on things like Facebook helps them to worry less.”

“In fact”, he continued, “I find that such exercises help many of my patients to stop worrying completely.”

The patient started at him intently. 

“So what you are trying to tell me”, he said, “is that by pretending that there are no problems, that we can make them go away?”

“That’s not what I said at all”, replied the psychiatrist, “What I said is that since each of us are too small to change the world, why waste time in worry when there are things available to help us forget the things we cannot change?  Why be angered or worried about the world and where it may be going?  Such pessimism is not healthy for you as you can attest to.”

“Do you believe that calling reality as it is is the same as being pessimistic?”, asked the patient, feeling anger beginning to grow in him, “A pessimist believes there is no good, an optimist believe there is no bad but a realist recognizes that there is both in the world and that acknowledging our reality is the only way to create more good and less bad.  The good within us and in our results reminds us of the importance of creating more of both but this is only possible when we acknowledge the reality of where we are, where we need to go and what we need to do.  Only the ignorant get angry when presented with reality.”

Feeling his voice starting to shake, the patient looked away in anger.

“I believe the patient should be answering my questions and not asking them if you don’t mind”, the psychiatrist said calmly.  He began writing on a pad and without looking up, said, “I’m going to give you something to help you worry less.  Come back next week and we’ll see how you are doing.”

He tore a sheet off the pad and held it out to the patient but he ignored it.  He took his laptop out of his bag, started it, opened a few things and then laid the laptop on the coffee table between them, turning the screen to face the psychiatrist.

“You asked me earlier why I worried when few others do.  The reality is that a lot of good people worry every day but there aren’t enough of us yet to attain a critical mass of knowledge or resources to change the direction of the world towards one that honors our potential.  The majority of people are numbed out or care too much about Facebook, some game that doesn’t work on their phone, or ….. or … or … a single lion.”

The psychiatrist adjusted his glasses and looked at the laptop screen in front of him.  Arranged on the screen were a number of documents and emails.

“May I?”, asked the psychiatrist.

The patient gestured for him to go ahead and the psychiatrist took the laptop and sat back in his chair.  He skimmed through a number of documents, his eyes jumping from one to another.

His head began to hurt as text and images jumped out and grabbed his attention.

The patient stood up, walked over to the psychiatrist and gently took the laptop from him.

“Now you know”, said the patient, “Keep the prescription, doctor.  I don’t want or need it.  I prefer to be worried than to be numbed out, especially if the definition of being productive is nothing more than to be oblivious to what matters.”

Placing his laptop in his backpack, he walked out the door, closing it softly behind him.

The psychiatrist said nothing, staring at the door in silence as he pursed his lips and furrowed his brow.

---

The psychiatrist tossed and turned all night, totally unable to sleep.  When the alarm blared out the start of a new day, he stared blearily at it.

“I can’t do this today”, he thought.

Reaching for his phone, he called his personal assistant.  When her voicemail answered, he spoke sleepily into it.  “Hi Mary”, he said, “I’m not feeling well today and need you to clear my calendar of all appointments”.

He paused for a moment and then continued.  “Do me a favor also and get me an appointment with Dr. Andrews as soon as possible, please.  Thanks, Mary.”

He hung up and flopped back into his bed, staring at the motivational poster on his night table:

"If destruction fails to entangle us, distraction will do its best." - Beth Moore

It had been too long since he had spoken to his own psychiatrist and now he knew he needed to.

To be continued.

---

© 2015 – Harry Tucker – All Rights Reserved

Background

Contrary to my typical backgrounder, if the ideas contained here need to be explained, I would recommend that the reader either get informed and get involved or go back to being numbed out, whichever helps them sleep at night.

Series Origin

This series, a departure from my usual musings, is inspired as a result of conversations with former senior advisors to multiple Presidents of the United States, senior officers in the US Military and other interesting folks as well as my own professional background as a Wall St. / Fortune 25 strategy and large-scale technology architect.

While this musing is just “fiction” and a departure from my musings on technology, strategy, politics and society, as a strategy guy, I do everything for a reason and with a measurable outcome in mind. :-)

This “fictional” musing is a continuation of the #1206 series noted here.

Values – More Than Lip Service

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. - Edmund Burke

Do you want to know who you are?  Don't ask.  Act!  Action will delineate and define you. - Thomas Jefferson

Action expresses priorities. - Mahatma Gandhi

When I first came to Calgary from out east a few years ago, I was often given a lecture on the importance of values – specifically of how western values trump eastern values, how Canadian values trump American values, how Calgarian values are superior to New York City values and the usual verbal diarrhea presented by people who feel insecure or inferior and therefore seek to diminish the person who makes them feel insecure.

It’s usually not worth my time to argue with such people as their poorly formed and poorly presented opinion often does not reflect the majority of people that surround them and so it is not worthy of analysis or discussion.

However, imagine my surprise today in the middle of a busy day in Calgary when my focus was suddenly interrupted by two words:

“Help me”.

I looked up to see if someone was just horsing around or if I had misheard something when the cry for help came again …. repeated …. insistent …. and with a raw edge of fear wrapped around it.

I looked around for the source of the plea and began to run towards it and as I did so, I ran past people who were not reacting to the screaming child at all.  As I ran past them, some stared, some moved out of my way and others simply looked quizzically at the mad man running towards them who said “A kid is screaming for help” as I ran towards the source of the screaming.

I pushed past several dozen people who seemed indifferent to the cry for help and I identified the source.  A ten-year-old girl was in trouble and as the first and only person on the scene, I was able to render the assistance necessary.

Shortly after, her parent arrived and we were able to bring resolution to a situation that could have been much worse.

Where I come from, when a child screams “help me” “help me” “help me” in raw terror, we react.  For all we know, a child is being taken against their will, is being attacked by a human or an animal or some other situation is unfolding that requires immediate action.

Today, a lot of people took no action at all.

As I left the scene and walked past the same people, some of them stared at me.  Others asked “what happened?” and I assured them that the girl would be ok but I didn’t stop walking.

Walking helps flush out the adrenalin and besides, I didn’t want to fall into the trap of adding “no thanks to you” or “why didn’t you do something – you were closer than I was”.

It was tempting but offered little if any value to their Life or mine.

The Bottom Line

I’m not tarring all Calgarians with the brush of “no values exist here”.  There are many great Calgarians (likely the majority) who answer the call when the word for help goes out.  We have seen many examples of this, including the flood of 2013 and other examples.

However, claiming to have superior values, having the courage to do something as a result of possessing them and actually taking action when called upon requires more than a pat on the back that comes from politicians and other public officials who proclaim that western values are unlike anyone else’s or a false sense of superiority is assumed “just because”.

I can point to several dozen people today who presented an example of the lack of values that I was told are common in “people from away” and which people in Calgary would never be known for.

Values are more than what we think, what we say or how we verbally compare ourselves to others in an effort to establish some sense of superiority.

They are not a western thing or an eastern thing.

They are not a Canadian thing or an American thing.

They are not a Calgarian thing or a New York City thing.

They are a human thing and are demonstrated in what we do when we are called to do so.

I think that events like this are a reminder that we all can and must do better when the call for help goes out.  It makes a difference and the next time a call for help is made, it might be from someone important to you.

Talking about it is easy.

Unfortunately, merely talking about it offers no value nor does it make a difference.

Let your actions speak so loudly that I can’t hear what you are saying.

What do you think?

In service and servanthood,

Harry

So I’m Inspired, Now What?

We live in a world today that has easier access to more inspiring, motivational literature than ever.  And yet, for the plethora of material that exists, it seem to me that the majority of people I know who are reading it are doing just that – they are just reading it.

Many of them seem unable or unwilling to apply it and spend years absorbing material while at the same time lamenting that they are waiting for their Life to move into high gear.

It’s almost as if they are hoping that the act of reading it alone will somehow cause the Universe to realign its rewards for them and that good things will happen.

They seem to have forgotten that at some point in the learning process, the material absorbed must be APPLIED.  Actions must be taken in order to move a Life towards a desired outcome.

As I mused about this on Facebook one day, my friend Kevin Cullis (self described as published author of "How to Start a Business: Mac Version," entrepreneur, Mac evangelist, husband, USAF Vet, readaholic, analytical, and balding) tossed out the idea that there was a blog in this.

He was right – it had been percolating inside my brain for a while, itching to get out.

With Kevin’s gentle prodding, I offer my musing on “So I’m Inspired, Now What?” as a grateful guest writer on Kevin’s blog.

In service and servanthood,

Harry

Taking Action … or Just Musing About It

Bill Hybels in his wonderful book “Holy Discontent” talks about the things that we observe in the world that burn in our soul so strongly that we feel we MUST do something about them or be consumed by this inner fire.

I’ve been struggling with a holy discontent of my own these days.

My holy discontent is around people in business who will do anything it takes to make their business successful ….. except put ego aside and take collaborative action.

My holy discontent is around people who talk about the power of relationships …. as long as the flow of information, ideas and rewards is one-way (their way).

My holy discontent is around people in the arena of serving the needs of others and who will do whatever it takes to help others …. as long as it fits within their definition of who needs help and how they should be helped (which is so narrow that nobody is being helped).

My holy discontent is around …… <<ah shucks … let’s leave it there.>>  :-)

I have received a lot of advice from people indicating that others will take care of the things that need to be fixed in the world, the things in the world aren’t as bad as people think, we just need to pray about the problems and they will go away, I should mind my own business, I should respect the processes in places (which are not producing any result), etc.

With deepest respect to all of these well-intentioned folks, I disagree with all of this and have often been criticized for standing up to excuses for not getting stuff done.

I do ask difficult questions, after all.

I have been doing a poor job of explaining to them why their explanations don’t sit right with me and then I remembered a quote from Henri Nouwen.

I couldn’t explain it any better than he and his co-authors and so I share it with you.

“Honest, direct confrontation is a true expression of compassion. As Christians, we are in the world without being of it. It is precisely this position that renders confrontation both possible and necessary. The illusion of power must be unmasked, idolatry must be undone, oppression and exploitation must be fought. This is compassion.

We cannot suffer with the poor when we are unwilling to confront those persons and systems that cause poverty. We cannot set the captives free when we do not want to confront those who carry the keys. We cannot profess solidarity with those who are oppressed when we are unwilling to confront the oppressor. Compassion without confrontation fades quickly into fruitless sentimental commiseration.

But if confrontation is to be an expression of patient action it must be humble.  Our constant temptation is to fall into self-righteous revenge or self-serving condemnation.  The danger here is that our own witness can blind us.  When confrontation is blinded by desire for attention, need for revenge or greed for power, it can easily become self-serving and cease to be compassionate.”

-Henri Nouwen et al, "Compassion: A Reflection on the Christian Life"

So.

We all have a holy discontent that burns within us.

Are we willing to do what it takes, to collaborate as much as it takes and to take action with every fiber of our being to address our holy discontent?

If so, then good for us.  We are potential role models that the rest of the world might emulate.  We create opportunity to make a difference in the world.

If we are not willing to do this ….

Then it is not a holy discontent.  It is a source of irritation for people who do get things done and who grow weary of hearing us talk about it incessantly without taking action.

If we are not willing to do this ….

We are just creating lots of noise around solutions without really creating a solution.  People, business and the world suffer as a result.

If we are not willing to do this ….

We may be allowing people to control agendas and results based on their own ego-centric reasons.  In this case, we may not be reaching our fullest potential.

If we are not willing to do this ….

It may produce frustration in us as we wonder why we are not making the impact we feel we are capable of making or why the impact we describe to others is not the one we are achieving.  This creates additional internal burdens that may further impact our ability to make a difference.

It is important that we not let this happen to us and not let it be done to us either.

We need to truly embrace our holy discontent and embrace the belief that we are willing to do whatever it takes to address it.

We know we are more than capable.

Our gifts and talents are incredible.

We each have a passion for something.  Not everyone believes this but it is true.

In a world where many people will choose to be indifferent or actively attempt to prevent us from making a difference, we may get discouraged about who can help us.

In such situations, we must remember the rule of the 4 SWs:

Some will, some won’t, so what … someone’s waiting.

People are out there waiting to help each of us.

So …..

How strong is our will to see our vision and our personal mission come to fruition and to help others realize the same within their own lives?

The answer to that question not only impacts the sense of purpose in our own lives but in fact, impacts the level of positive results that are achieved in the world.

In service and servanthood.

Harry

To see my Musings-in-a-Minute version of “Taking Action …. or Just Musing About It”, please go here.